


What would happen if Morgana was less Pendragon like

by Lady_Flurryous



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, F/M, Forced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-02-10 16:16:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 131,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2031594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Flurryous/pseuds/Lady_Flurryous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brief summary: just a fiction about what Morgana could do in the episode 3x10, queen of hearts, and how it could have changed A LOT of things in the story. Originally posted on fanfiction.net, same title. Rated E because of chapter 8 (I got nervous). Warning: has a queen Morgana in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Merlin fanfiction. I do not own Merlin, it belongs to BBC, etc, etc. Warning: Mergana pairing eventually, Arwen pairing.

"Arthur, I heard what happened. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

Arthur dismissed Morgana's apologies: "This was all my fault."

Approaching him, Morgana said: "You're not to blame"

Turning to face her, in obvious distress, he added: "I can't accept that I may never see her again."

Morgana continued: "Uther has banished her. Surely you have no choice."

Disagreeing with her, Arthur spoke: "There are always choices."

In confusion, his half-sister asked: "What will you do?"

Taking a moment to answer, the prince finally said: "I'll leave with her."

Incredulous, Morgana inquired: "You're leaving Camelot? You'd give up your rights to the throne?"

Then, standing up, her half-brother answered "One day we will return to Camelot together and Guinevere will take her place on the throne, beside me."

Morgana lowered her head a little, as if absorbing choking information, lifting her head up and giving Arthur a reassuring smile.

She left the Prince's bedchamber and went directly to her room. If her brother spoke the truth (and for what reason wouldn't he? He isn't some traitorous, sneaky, annoying and bastard manservant, like some, that would lie to her for no apparent motive), then all she had to do was wait to be crowned princess of Camelot.

That would be a much smoother succession, Uther himself would proclaim her as the sole heir to the throne (my father will finally recognize me as his daughter for the whole kingdom, my claim will be undisputed), all she has to do was "wait" for his death. And there was something else (if I don't meddle, if I don't frame her as a sorceress, then at least Arthur and Gwen could have something that I cannot,  _to love and be loved, to have the happiness that was never meant for me_ , instead of death or a life of misery) that and the fact that her brother couldn't possibly go openly against her in an succession dispute in which he already began as an oath breaker, abandoning the whole of Camelot for a single woman.

Still, there was something bothering her, the inexplicable luck that her prat of a brother had when magic was involved (it didn't make any sense. How did Morgause's spell simple blow out of control and caused the castle of Fryren to crumble conveniently  **before**  it hit Arthur? And it wasn't the first time that something similar happened, the prince dealt with his fair share of magical and common foes alike and, regardless of the odds,  **always**  got back in one piece.). There could be only one explanation: someone or something with magic was helping him, keeping him safe, for some unknown reason and that could mean that incriminate Gwen of witchcraft to win Arthur's heart could backfire or worse, that obnoxious manservant could thwart her plans (guaranteeing that my maidservant takes  **my** rightful place as queen).

Indeed she had a thought decision to make, because eliminating her brother or her maidservant would make her vision  **impossible** , whereas letting them go somewhere far away in order to live their love in peace could be good for the three of them, but it'd also mean that Arthur could be back at any time and claim the throne of Camelot, in opposition to her lift of the magic ban (but would he have support from the people? Even with him abandoning his entire kingdom for one simple servant? Wouldn't they feel betrayed with such a selfish behavior? Putting his own needs above his duty with his people? Leaving them to suffer in the hands of a tyrant king that has no regards about who dies in his mad quest against magic? But they won't suffer anymore, because  **I** won't let them.  **I'** ll get Camelot free from Uther's tyranny, nobody will have to crumble in fear simple for who they are, how they were born,  **I** 'll make sure of that).

In truth, her indecision had other causes. It was probably because letting them go would mean she could forgive them completely – even if that was not their perfect scenery of a future together – and she wasn't sure if she could give them for what they had denied her. Distantly, she put a hand above her lean abdomen (my happiness, the one that was taken from me, ripped apart as I laid  **dying**  in  **his**  arms), that untold secret that could have changed the way Merlin had behaved … (perhaps he'd have talked to me, explained to me  **why**  he had to kill me. To think that until now I don't exactly know why is what hurts the most. Was it because I have magic and he thought I was the cause of all the evil that roam this land? Was it because he knew I was the source of the sleeping spell, even though at that moment I wasn't aware of it? No, I have to stop dwelling on it, being attached to the past, it is something that can  **never**  change, no matter what is done, it's a weakness that I cannot afford to have if I'm to bring magic back to this land.) Morgana shook her head as if attempting to clear her thoughts. She wasn't a weakling, she was a Priestess of the Old Religion, training to be a High Priestess like her sister, so self-pity wasn't an option and her actions couldn't be motivated by her emotions, that was what her sister have been trying to teach her for the last year and a half.

Standing in the middle of her chambers wasn't helping her came across a solution to her dilemma, so she went to the table and poured some wine to a goblet, taking a sip and then resting it atop of her vanity's surface. Then, she opened a drawer in which she kept some parchment, a quill and an ink bottle, and wrote two columns on a stray page:  _reasons to let A & G live _versus  _reasons to be disposed of then using magic_. That was it, she was going to be rational about it, follow her sister's advice, compare her options instead of deciding with the easiest way, which always involves the chance to use her magic.

Starting with the second column – because it was easier to just let her rage be filled again with the memory of their transgressions – she marked her first motive: ( _I_ )  _making me keep my pregnancy a secret from Merlin_  and continued  _which probably led him murder our children without even knowing of their existence_. While she wrote down that phrase in the paper, she began blinking tear filled eyes. Immediately, she dried her tears with the sleeves of her dress, returning to her task.  _(II) Uther's choice to throw away **any**  life in order to have a male heir, even though I was already born_, adding her third reason –  _(III) Uther never admitting my true parentage to not "threaten" Arthur's claim to the throne_  – continuing with the fourth –  _(IV) Arthur's status as legitimate heir and next in line of succession, ahead of me_.

At the moment she was already suspecting that this was an idiotic move, filling a parchment with her true motives, but it was a something that Morgause had taught her, saying it could help her make a better decision if she tried to foresee the possible outcomes of her course of action, so instead of just tossing the paper in the hearth, she'd keep inscribing in the other column.

(Ok, I have to try to write without pausing, the first thing that comes to my head)

Then she began:  _(I) because we are or used (?) to be friends; (II) because it would turn an enormous amount of people against them, at least everybody that believed in duty above happiness, that wouldn't support him if he tried to snatch my crown once Uther is dead; (III) it could have the same effect of Arthur's physical death, because he would no longer have a lawful claim to the throne; (IV) I wouldn't use my magic, hence avoiding any additional prejudice from the common folk in that subject._

That was getting interesting, that last line made her think deeper. Magic was feared in Camelot in general not only for Uther's hate on it, but for all the events that happened as a consequence of the persecution as magical folk used any means they had just to keep their lives, causing damage to a lot of unrelated people, strengthening their fear and belief that their liar of a king was protecting that against it. Remembering the use of magic, she added another reason:  _(V) the possibility that using a magical artifact backfires, probably because of Merlin_.

In writing his name her hand trembled with anger. That nosy servant, always finding a way to foil her plans, always able to hurt her somehow even with her well-built walls around her heart.

She looked at the piece of parchment again. She had one more reason to simple let life move on its own course and not interfere. Arthur's choice would certainly shock many, especially Uther, and that probably would led him to crowning her as Princess in a blink of an eye. But at the same time, the king could simple lock his son in his chambers as he exiled Gwen from the kingdom or just killed her – well, that would certainly put son against father, possibly in an challenge to death – so wherever she regarded the probable outcomes, just waiting for the day of her maidservant's departure was better than any other.

That was it. She would only observe as everything happens right in front of her eyes, Gwen and Arthur had already helped her more than any magical item or Morgause's spells had in the matter of attaining her goal as sole heir to Camelot's throne, and later sole sovereign. She just had to be patient. (Oh, now eliminating evidence of my conspiracy) Morgana proceeded in throwing the piece of paper in the fireplace, burning her list, so that her true thoughts would be kept in a secure place – her own mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC. Also, I cannot assure that the characters won't be kind of OCC.

A small crowd was reunited in front of the citadel's gate, the sound of many whispers could be heard from the townsfolk in the area. In the center of the courtyard the distinctive figures of Camelot's king, with his ward by his side, facing an clearly distraught prince – whose arm was laced with his true love, Guinevere.

Letting the rage show in his features, the King spoke:

"This is madness Arthur! How can you abdicate your place as Crown Prince for a mere servant? You're my son! You have sworn to obey me until the day of my death!  **I am your father and your King and I command you to stay here in Camelot instead of going with her!** "

It was painful for the young prince to see his father so distressed, but he couldn't do it, he wouldn't condemn himself and Gwen to a life in misery, without love. There was no other way. He'd follow his heart desire. That wasn't only a selfish reason to do so because he knew, deep inside, that if he let Guinevere go by herself, something would die inside of him, his best part would perish and he would probably become like his father – bitter, harsh, with a hardened heart that sometimes stopped him to do the right thing – not the king he wants to be, not the ruler that the people of Camelot truly deserved after all the fear, all the work just to survive year after year with the few resources they had left when all the taxes were paid. No, when his kingdom needed his heir he'd came back, with his queen by his side and possible some new heirs. That last thought could almost turn the depressive mood a little brighter, but he still hadn't answered his father, so, breathing deeply and correcting his posture, Arthur spoke:

"Father, my decision is final. I love Guinevere and I would rather die than to live a life without her by my side. So wherever she'll go, I'll follow. If you want to keep me in Camelot, then you have to accept her as my future wife."

Almost losing all his composure, Uther yelled:

" **NEVER**!".

Making no effort to hide his sadness, Arthur spoke: "Then you give me no choice. I, Arthur Pendragon, relinquish my entitlement to the throne of Camelot."

Clenching his teeth, Uther said:

"And I, Uther Pendragon, accept your resignation. Beware of this, from now on you are no longer my son! You'll have no valid claim to my throne! You're no better than a common peasant!"

Glancing one last time to his son, the king turned his back to the former prince and returned to palace, being followed by his guards and knights. Some of then gave their prince empathetic smiles meanwhile others were casting him a loathing gaze. The crowd started to disband, leaving Arthur, Gwen and Morgana nearly alone, aside from occasional passers.

Releasing a sigh, the prince spoke: "Well, it went much better than what I expected! Nobody is incarcerated or beheaded!"

Giving a soft squeeze to his hand and turning her head slightly to look at his eyes, Gwen whispered: "Arthur…"

To reassure his beloved, Arthur held her in his arms in a comforting hug, commencing a small smile to form on her lips.

Watching the touching scene, Morgana approached her former best friends and joined their embrace, holding both of them at the same time a single tear left her right eye. They stood there in the middle of the square for a few moments. Then Morgana stepped away from the lovers. She took a hand of each, they both looked at her, and so she began: "Arthur … Gwen … I don't know what to say to you …". She took a deep breath as if to make a point that their conversation was a difficult one and continued, directing her gaze to Arthur at first: "You were remarkable today. So brave, Arthur, I'm really proud of you. You didn't let Uther intimidate you and we both know that it's not an easy task. You stood your ground like a real man, in fact, like the better man that we know you are. I'm only desolated that you have to leave, both of you. Camelot will never be the same. It's going to become extremely dull". She gave a small laugh with the last sentence and kept talking, this time alternating her glance between her once friends: "and Gwen, you must beware that what you two have, the true love that you share for each other, is something really precious, I'm certain that you'll treasure and dote on it. Seriously, both of you must be cautious not to lose one another in this life.". She felt a treacherous pang in her heart as she finished that phrase, but proceeded with her speech: "Oh, now I'm babbling random things. Just promise me one thing, so that I can keep my peace of mind, promise that the two of you will be happy, please." Then she made her best " _I'm having a really painful moment_ " face and looked at them with pleading eyes.

With tears in their eyes, Arthur, holding a sob, and Gwen, not concealing her emotions and openly crying in front of her former mistress, said simultaneously: "We promise." and initiated another embrace that turned into a bear hug when the prince squeezed the ladies with a little more strength than necessary.

Escaping Arthur's death grip, regaining some air and at the same time trying, unsuccessfully, to smooth her dress with the movement of her hands, Morgana spoke: "Now, enough of sad moments. You have an endless adventure ahead of you, but not before I deliver my parting gift." She took a piece of parchment from the inside of her sleeve and gave it to her brother.

He opened it, revealing its content. It was a map, depicting the city of Camelot and its surroundings.

Confused, Arthur asked: "What is this, Morgana? Just because I lost my title doesn't mean that I suffered an age or mental regression. What are you trying to do, a treasure hunt, with map and all? How old are you, twelve?"

Sounding annoyed, she crossed her arms above her breasts and replayed: "And it's one of the biggest mysteries of the nature: how can Gwen love such an obnoxious, irritating, arrogant prat like you! It's as if an angel has fallen in love with a troll! Yes, you dollop head, that's exactly what it is. A map to my  **real**  parting gift, because, if you are capable of remember anything after all the hits that you received in that big head of yours, Uther prohibited you to take any of your possessions from the castle and extended it to me. Anyway, as I never obey him, I sneaked out in the middle of the night and left it there for you and Gwen!" She ended, obviously irritated.

"Oh … thank you, Morgana … for everything … I'll really miss you …" Arthur said and Gwen added: "Me too, you are really a good friend to us." So they hugged her again, briefly.

"Nonsense, I'm partially at fault in this whole mess. If I hadn't asked Uther to accompany me in that particular horse ride your secret would remain that way." Morgana pouted and released a sigh in order to appear frustrated in front of then.

"Well, Morgana, this is certainly not the best case scenario, but I'm relieved that Gwen and I don't have to hide our feelings for each other anymore. Indeed, the truth can set us free and regardless of everything, I'm actually happy that I can spend the rest of my life with the most comprehensible, good-hearted and astonishingly beautiful woman that I have ever met." At saying those words, Arthur directed his smiling face to Gwen, she mirrored his smile and the two shared a small brief kiss. They were really the definition of " _in love_ ".

"There is just one thing that is making me suspicious. Father's reaction lacked an enormous amount of harsh words, rage and bickering that was expected. He gave in too fast." Arthur spoke and frowned his brows.

"The reason behind it was a long conversation that I had with him previously. Knowing Uther and you very well, I knew that he would do something harsh as imprisoning you or threaten Gwen of execution if I didn't intervene and, obviously, nor I or you would let such things happen. So I simple told him that if he acted in a ruthless manner you would hate him forever and he could also count me in. Apparently, that worked, both of you are in one piece and moving."

"Then I guess that we own you another 'Thank you' for that." This time Gwen was the one speaking.

"I just did what any of you would do for me in such situation. I know you would do anything for me." Morgana said with a reassuring smile to them. Nevertheless, she saw their expression briefly change to one of guilt, which vanished as fast as it appeared. They were both smiling again as they voiced their farewells.

"Alas, this is where we part. I'll miss you, Morgana, you're like the sister that I never had." Listening to his words, she felt another sharp ache in her heart. How could he be such a prat? Striking her with the truth when he is painfully unaware of it. "But do not fret, one day we'll come back as king and queen. In that day, Camelot will be everything that we hope of it; it'll be our own piece of paradise on earth." Arthur said smiling to her.

Putting her hands in their cheeks, Morgana told them, as if whispering: "And I'll miss you". She looked at her former servant as she spoke: "Gwen, you know that I adore you with all my heart and that will never change.". Turning to face her brother, she continued: "And you, Arthur, I … don't exactly dislike you … only when you're being an arrogant, haughty, overbearing …" She was speaking with a wicked smile forming on her face, only to be interrupted by her brother. "Yes, I know you love me, the flattery isn't really necessary" he said.

"Okay, then I guess … this is goodbye. Oh, don't forget to send me news wherever you are, telling me everything!" She gave them her best impersonation of her once genuine smile. Well, in reality she was indeed joyful; she was getting her father's recognition as sole heir to the throne shortly, and her biggest threat to it was basically eloping with her meddlesome maidservant, probably taking someone else (a big eared bastard that shall not foil her humor in the future) with him. But seeing them so utterly in love and content for much longer would definitely ruin her good mood.

One last hug and more fake shed tears and Morgana, wait for it, Pendragon (for all of Albion to know, because she  **was**  a Pendragon the moment she was conceived even if that notion was distasteful for her) went back to the palace, going up the staircase that led to her king’s study.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin belongs to BBC, etc, etc.

Morgana stopped in front of the king’s study, knocking on the door. She waited for a few moments, but received no reply from Uther. Getting impatient, she decided to just turn the handle and entered the room. The king had his back turned to the entrance as he watched Camelot through the main window, with a sad look on his eyes.

The Lady coughed, gaining Uther’s attention. He rotated his head to face her and spoke:

“Ah … Morgana … you’re here. I didn’t hear you coming … nonetheless, this is a good thing. I need to talk to you” he paused, turning around completely and added, forcing a weak smile to form on his lips “here you are!”.

“Please, take a seat.” He said, pointing at a chair in front of his working desk. She complied, being closely followed by her father, that took a seat opposed to her, so theu could face each other while they talked. As they settled, Uther held both of his daughter’s hands in his own, commencing his utterance.

“Morgana, these are dark times for Camelot. Arthur chose to abandon his people, his king, his duty … everything … for that common whore!” he finished his sentence clenching his teeth.

Morgana gasped, feigning indignation, and reprimanded him:

“My lord, I know that you are distraught because Arthur deserted us, but by no means that can justify such shameful words towards Gwen.” She spoke seriously, continuing “What they have is true love! You’ve experienced it once, so you must comprehend, better than anyone, their side! And I can’t let you detract Guinevere! For the last fifteen years she has been a loyal friend! When I felt upset about my nightmares, she was the one that spent countless nights by my side, comforting me. And she has always been faithful to Arthur! She doesn’t deserve to be called of such names! In reality, she’s one of the bravest and kindest person I have ever know.”  The lady told him, frowning her forehead brows, to make her act more believable, as if that was necessary after her reprimand towards the king. The words she said could easily have come out of her mouth two years ago, but now they were just part of the character she was playing, she reassured herself, when a twinge of doubt passed through her mind.

Offering her an ashamed look, Uther said:

“I’m … sorry, Morgana. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know you were close to them, Arthur and …” he made a disgusted expression before continuing “the maid. Please, let’s not argue, we have other subjects to discuss, more important ones.” He paused briefly, making sure he had her full attention. Then, he said:

“I have something to tell you … nevertheless, first you have to promise me that, regardless of what I may confess, you’ll remain loyal to Camelot, its people and me.” He told her, gazing her with expectant eyes.

The witch let her expression be filled with confusion, even though she was smirking internally. After a few instants, she answered, almost whispering:

“My king, you are aware that I’ve always been dutiful to this kingdom, I’m certain that nothing can change that. But if it eases your mind, then, yes, I promise to do whatever is in my power to pursue Camelot’s best interests. You have my word.” She reassured him, adding to herself that it meant getting the people freed of his tyranny, bringing magic back to the realm.

Satisfied with her answer, Uther continued:

“Good. What I have to say … it isn’t easy to express …” releasing a sigh, the king said, while deviating his gaze from hers, but restoring the eye contact before speaking again:

“Morgana, I’m your father.”

She opened her mouth, gasping, covering her lips with her hands to increase her performance’s drama, doing her best shocked expression.

He waited a few moments for her to say something, anything. Concluding that she was too much surprised to speak, he kept going:

“Gorlois was fighting in the Northern Plains … he took longer than expected to return from campaign. I was … visiting his estate … by myself …” he stopped, taking a deep breath “Your mother … she was so alone … and I … I was so frustrated that Ygraine and I couldn’t conceive an heir … then your mother and I … we spent a night together … Gorlois returned right after … and your mother got pregnant …” he said, trembling his voice, avoiding her stare, until he spoke again: “The first time I saw you, you were already one year and four months old. When I looked at you, there was no denying it. I knew in my heart that you were my daughter. Your tiny nose, your chin, your eyes, your raven hair, even your temper! By God, you were so stubborn, had such a strong personality. You practically announced that you were a Pendragon with your behavior.” The king said, laughing slightly, as someone remembering a found memory. After a brief pause, he kept speaking, softly: “It was Samhain back then. We were all reunited here in Camelot. There was a feast, to mourn the deceased and celebrate Ygraine’s pregnancy. That happened only a month before Arthur’s birth …” Uther paused, recording the heartache caused by his son, but decided to ignore it and continue: Vivienne confessed to me that Gorlois was probably infertile, due to an accident he suffered at some point of his childhood. It did make sense, they were married for eight years prior your birth and, yet, had no other offspring. So, your mother and I swore secrecy to one another about your true parentage.” Doing another dramatic pause, Uther remained speaking: “When they died … I … I couldn’t bring myself to break that oath and taint the reputation of my beloved friends and wife … You must understand, Morgana … I couldn’t say the truth. I was … I was preserving their memory … even if it meant that I had to lie to you daily.” Uther said, pleading with his eyes for her comprehension. “Can you ever forgive me, my child?” He asked, squeezing her hands softly.

Looking between their hands and his eyes, the lady spoke with and unsure tone in her voice:

“I … don’t know what to say … my whole life I thought that I … and now … I need more time to process such information …” she answered him, stammering.

At that point, Uther stood up, and wrapped her in his arms, placing her head against his stomach, kissing the top of her hair too.

“I’m aware, Morgana.” He said, releasing the breath he was holding. “I’ll comply to your wishes, but first…” He released a little of his hold to look her in the eyes. “There is a delicate matter we must discuss.”

“I’ll assembly the council today, so we can arrange the ceremony of your recognition as Crown Princess of Camelot to take place at the end of this week.”

“You must go to the tailor and select a new dress. Maybe buy some jewels too.”

“Yes … my lord.” She replied, pretending to be uncertain. He responded her with a short lived smile and said:

“I knew I could count on you, Morgana. Now … if you want to be alone, you can go to your chambers, don’t mind me. I’m certain you have a lot to think about.” He told her, giving her space.

As she stood up to leave, he held her arm and said:

“Before you go, I must tell you this … there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t loved you with my whole heart, Morgana. I hope that you were able to sense it, that you have felt protected and loved by me. And I understand that maybe I’m demanding too much too hastily – even though I have deceived you for such a long time – I … expect that one day … that one day you are able to call me ‘father’ … that you can accept me as your parent.” The king spoke, holding back his tears.

She looked at him and nodded weakly, trying to simulate what would be her reaction had she discovered it when she was his lovingly ward.

Then she whispered: “Please, excuse me, my king.” And swiftly exited the room. Checking for any witness and finding none, her trademark smirk commenced to form on her lips and she thought she had excellent news to her sister.

 

* * *

 

 

For once in his life as servant in Camelot, Merlin wasn’t late for meeting his master. In fact, his best and most annoying friend was the one delayed. Since the discovery of Arthur’s and Gwen’s love for one another, Merlin’s daily life resumed in him running around the entire city, first to keep an eye at Gwen, to avoid any harm to come to her in case the king wanted to deal with her in the old fashion way, that is execution – not strictly following the law’s procedures. Secondly, to do all the work Gaius wanted him to do before his status as the physician slave, ops, apprentice was revoked. And thirdly, he had to ready almost everything for his Royal Pratness elopement, packing all the clothing we was able to smuggle before the prince’s decision was made public.  Yes, he chose to follow his destiny, go with Arthur, protect him, make him King of all Albion, convince the prat to bring magic back. Only to think about everything was already tiring. More so because he knew they had to openly defy the Lady Morgana – the one and only darkness to his light, hatred to his love – in order to achieve such things. Worse, he had to persuade basically **everyone** around him that she was evil, that her only goal was to bring misery to his half of the coin and the entirety of Camelot too. Well, at least there was a bright side. He was finally freed of the constant threat that hovered over his head for the last four, and more than a half, years. That was if his “you-can-not-call-me-friend” didn’t decide to take his live right after a “I-have-magic” bonding moment.

Yep, but Merlin without trouble following him wasn’t exactly Merlin. He was born to live such fate, attracted it the same way a strong light attracted bugs. And at his friends delay, he could also draw a patrol’s attention. How was he going to explain what he was doing, hiding behind trees, with three horses and provisions, even though his salary wasn’t enough to buy a single set of horseshoes? The king had expressly warned that anyone found helping the prince would be flogged, then imprisoned and then would have a fun time at the stocks. Of course Arthur and Gwen were aware of it, and he knew that at least Gwen wouldn’t risk his safety without a good reason – the dollop head wouldn’t admit it, but deep down he cared too –, so the waiting was making him nervous, extremely stressed if he was being true to himself.

Then, to test the resilience of his heart, the prat prince yells loudly: “MEEEEEEEEERRLLINN!!!!!”

The younger man jumps from his hiding place, exceedingly pallid, more than usual and looks at his friends’ direction, reprimanding the blonde:

“Arthur! Are you insane? What if there were guards around here? Do you wish to see my dismiss? You know that anyone caught helping you will receive severe punishment! And another thing, what took you so long? I was almost creating roots here!” Merlin said, without taking a pause to breath.

“Well, Merlin, not that it concerns you, we were retrieving Morgana’s parting gift. It was concealed, by the same reason you were here, blending so much with your surroundings, using your skinny frame to pass as a tree, that we had difficulty to find you.” Arthur replied, grinning.

“Arthur, please, Merlin was worried. I’m sorry we were late, Merlin, but it was for a good cause.” Gwen reassured her friend.

“Okay, fine, you are forgiven, Gwen. But not the prat. Not before he says he’s sorry.” The raiven haired young man answered.

“Then, Merlin, you are going to wait forever! I won’t apologize, I did nothing wrong!” he said in an arrogant tone.

“Prat! Dollop head! Clot pole!” Merlin kept saying, until he was interrupted by Gwen.

“Boys, that’s enough! We still have to distance ourselves from Camelot with at least a travel day, before the sun sets!”

Both males dropped their heads and answered, in shame: “Okay …”.

The three of them mounted their respective horse and began their journey in silence.

Nonetheless, that didn’t last. Merlin curiosity, as well as justified concern for his friends’ safety, compelled him to ask:

“So, can you tell me what was Morgana’s gift?”

Interrupting the former prince, Gwen spoke first:

“It was Arthur’s box, Merlin. Filled with gold. She had it buried, that’s why we took so long, we had to dig it up.” Gwen replied.

“That was it? Nothing more?” He was surprised for the lack of deadly items, that was unexpected of Morgana.

“Yes.” This time, Arthur answered, while Gwen looked incredulous at the blonde.

“Okay … I’ll pretend that I believe that …” Merlin said. And Arthur replied:

“Just shut up, Merlin!”

“Yes, sire, shutting up.” He said with his boyish grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally shows up! Yay! The next chapter will take a while to be posted, due to things.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to BBC.

At Camelot

Morgause waited for the guards to pass her, where she stood, hidden from their sight, and followed swiftly toward her sister’s chambers. Indeed, it was a risky maneuver, but due to recent news, it was probably harder for Morgana to sneak off during the night, considering she was now Uther’s remaining child. Knowing that this encounter would be long, as they would plan which ways would be used in order to snatch Camelot’s throne, she couldn’t afford any sort of suspicion to befall over Morgana. No, they would meet in the very castle that would soon be the home of a magical sovereign, instead of a mad, bloodthirsty, kin killer one. Therefore, she hurried her steps, reaching her destination in mere seconds, giving the door three brief knocks, in order to signalize her identity to her sister. Morgana opened the door almost immediately, rushing Morgause inside and checking the corridor to see if anyone noticed the blonde presence. Once she was certain nobody sighted her sister, the younger woman closed the door and hugged her sibling.

“Morgause!”

“Sister! I came as soon as I could. In the note, you said you had excellent news, are they the expected ones? Has Uther finally admitted your parentage?” The older woman asked.

“Yes. And there’s more. Until the end of the week, I’ll already be the Crown Princess of Camelot. Sole heir to the throne.” Morgana replied, smirking.

“That’s marvelous! The remaining obstacle between you and your throne will only be Uther himself! As predicted, he wouldn’t leave his kingdom without a legitimate heir. Now, we just need to plan his dismiss!” Her sister exclaimed.

“Yes! The sooner, the better! I’m tired of pretending to be his lovely ward, now daughter, when all I feel towards him is hate! He must die at once! Camelot needs to be freed of his terror reign!” Morgana said, gritting her teeth.

“Have patience, sister. It is not only Uther that avoids the restoration of magic. For twenty-five years, the common folk has been taught to fear it, despise it, hunt it and harm anyone that has the gift. Even before the purge, many had prejudice against magic. Don’t you think it’s strange that five kingdoms have abolished it, even though only the King of Camelot had an apparent reason to claim that magic was evil?” seeing her sister’s obviously distressed and impatient expression, Morgause continued “The answer to that question, Morgana, is that magic, due to its dark practitioners, has attained a bad image. It has been feared for a long time, prior to Uther’s unjust crusade.” The dark-haired woman was frowning her brows and forehead, almost arguing against her sister’s exposition, but decided to remain listening to her. So, Morgause kept talking:

“Morgana, fate gave us an unique opportunity! You became Uther’s heir without the necessity of using magic, or have its usage known. That’s the path the Goddess is showing us! Can’t you see? We will restore magic and the Old Religion to their rightful place, but avoiding a negative view of magic in this process. Quite the opposite, when you become Queen, your reign will exhibit, majorly, the benefits of the gift, its utilization will strengthen the image of magic as something good, that can help people, save them, instead of bringing misery and despair. If we proceed in such manners, even if Arthur comes back to reclaim the throne, he won’t have support, from neither the people nor nobility. You’ll be everyone’s savior, the beloved Queen, the representation of the Goddess herself, watching over them, protecting them, keeping them fed and safe.” 

“Morgause … I’m not sure about the part that everybody will accept magic back with arms wide open … you said it yourself, people fear it, even before Uther, and the most of the nobility share Uther’s view.” The younger woman spoke, raising her brows, as if questioning her elder reasoning.

“That’s why I said we are going to keep the usage of magic a secret for a while. Uther’s dismiss won’t be immediate, before his fall, we must get rid of his supporters. All the nobles that truly agree with him shall lose their position or be convinced of our standpoint, not necessarily by non-invasive ways.” The blonde-haired woman answered, while smiling in a devilish way.

“So … how are we going to do this? And what about Uther? How long do we have to wait for his death?” Morgana asked.

“All in its due time, sister.” Morgause replied, placing her hand on her sibling cheek and tenderly caressing her. Then, she added: “Next week you’ll have access to Camelot’s vault. You’ll be the keeper of its key. I’m sure that there are many magical artifacts that will prove useful. You’ve been here for longer, you must know of one that can be used to hide one’s true identity, right?”

“Yes, I remember of one, that is a new acquaintance. Blood crystals, I think that’s the name.” Morgana said.

“Blood crystals? Sister, that’s excellent! A single drop of blood from the subject and one can take her or his frame, clothing and voice! That’s the perfect disguise! You must bring them to me, as soon as possible!” Morgause told her.

“Right, I’ll do it when I gain access to the vaults. But what do we do about Uther?” Morgana was getting eager for a definitive response from her sister.

“As I told you, his dismiss cannot be caused by magic, at least that’s what everyone must believe. With the blood crystal we can even make something better than that. We won’t leave traces that we will be the ones provoking his final days on this earth. And that must happen by “non-magical” means.” The blond-haired woman told her.

“Hum … and I think we have the perfect opportunity just ahead of us. In one and a half month from now, a tournament will take place in Camelot. One without rules, so the knight code is invalid to the competitors, and its entrance is open, anyone can participate, well, as long they pay the fee.” Morgana said. Morgause grabbed her face with her hands and placed a kiss in her forehead, speaking:

“Sister, you’re absolutely right! That’s a great chance, we cannot miss it! Didn’t I tell you, the Goddess is giving us, Her loyal followers, the means to fulfill Her wishes! We just have to incite a competitor dumb enough to kill the King during the tournament! Oh, and you have to convince him to fight!”

“Consider it done, sister.” The dark-haired woman replied.

“Good, I knew I could count on you.” Morgause said. “Now, I must hurry and flee this place before my presence is noticed.” And then kissed Morgana on her left cheek.

“See you soon, sister. I’ll check if it’s safe to roam through the corridors.” The younger woman opened the door, searching for any sentinels, founding none. She mentally told herself that improving the castle security should be a top priority in her reign. Nodding to Morgause, the blonde left the chambers, disappearing from sight in silent steps in few instants. Tired from the events of the day, Morgana went to her bed. Sleep caught her not much time after that. She had a dreamless night, thankful to her sister’s amulet, the one that belonged to their mother.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

In a road, towards southwest.

They were going to a port. That was all Merlin knew. A tiny bit of information that he could gather from Arthur’s incessant grumble. Why was his friend such a prat? Why couldn’t he just answer a simple question, like normal people would? But no, no. He had to make everything harder for him, and include Gwen in his humorless jokes. Damn Pendragons and their twisted sense of humor, as if making others suffer constantly was a funny thing. Well, it was, as long as he wasn’t the reason they were laughing or else it included a painful or humiliating or another dreadful thing that he had to suffer. And those weren’t the reasons he was distressed. No, he knew that Morgana was plotting something, he just wasn’t sure of what was it. And Prince Prat wasn’t giving a clue about “the other thing” that came with the clot pole’s box. For all he knew, by this same time tomorrow, they could all be dead, killed by a mysterious magical thingy sent by the heartless witch to eliminate her brother, her former best friend and himself. He had to try again, so he said:

“Arthur, where are we going? Please, answer me, is not just curiosity, I must be sure that wherever we’re going, I’ll be able to send notice to my mother. During our last days in Camelot, I barely had time to breath, so I didn’t write her anything about our situation.” Merlin played the emotional card against his friend, letting his tiredness show in his voice.

“I already told you, Merlin, we’re going to a port city, called Caer Didi, in Gawant.” The blonde answered.

“Yes, but will we stay there for a while? Or will we go somewhere else? From what I understand, we can take a ship to anywhere from there, right?.” Merlin questioned him.

“Really, Merlin, if you hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t guess!” The former prince said, with sarcasm.

“Hey, I’m her only son, I have to tell her at least a place to send her letters to. And explain where we are going too.” Merlin decided to give a short answer, he was nervous, he didn’t like that they could be going somewhere really far away from Camelot and their destinies. He knew that bad things happened when they tried to run away from it. Gwen, always the good soul, spared him from an anxious await, answering:

“We’re taking a boat. We’re travelling to Galia, Merlin, but we can’t answer precisely where. When we get there, we’ll figure out.” She said, elbowing his arm lightly. “It’s our own adventure! Without time to return, nor rules”. She completed.

Oh, no! Morgana was sending them to another country, with an entire ocean and a pack of Saxons between them and Camelot! That little evil witch! He had to convince them not to go, otherwise the kingdom would be completely defenseless against Morgana’s wickedness! He told himself not to panic, to remains calm and make them see reason, that something could happen to Uther – well, it’s going to happen, his death is imminent now – and then Camelot could need his rightful king. Yep, he was using the duty card, as much as he hated it.

“But, Gwen, Arthur, that’s too far away from Camelot! What if something happens to your father?” at that phrase, Arthur glared at him, Merlin thought that if it were Morgana, he would be burning right now. He decided to ignore it and continued: “I mean your people will need you! You can’t just leave them, ruled by their own luck!” he exclaimed.

“Merlin, stop. If anything happens, they will still have Morgana. She’s almost royalty too, she’s like a sister to me, I’m sure she’ll manage while we are gone.” Arthur said. Merlin though how ironic his answer was, he was indeed right, if only he did know the truth.

“But it’s not the same thing, she could only be a regent. And she is a woman – no offense, Gwen – it’s harder for the other nobles to accept her. And there’s more, the other kingdoms might think that Camelot is weak without his Prince and attack, especially Essetir. Uther got sick for five days and they were already invading!” he tried to make his prat friend agree.

“Enough, Merlin! My whole life people have been telling me what to do. For the first time ever I can decide what I truly want, I don’t have to live to fulfill others expectations. Can you understand that? I’m finally free! I can chase my heart’s desire! I don’t think that I’m being unreasonable to do so. I won’t do it forever, eventually we’re going back home, but until then, I want to enjoy my life, have adventures, travel to different places, without a definite amount of time to return.” The blonde man replied.

“But, Arthur, what about the people …” He keep trying.

“I already told you, they have Morgana. She would never let any kind of harm befall over Camelot. You can rest assured. Seriously, what do you expect, that we came back to find the kingdom on fire?” He joked.

Merlin decided he couldn’t convince his friend. Even Gwen was on the prat’s side, she was smiling and agreeing with the nonsense that came from his mouth. It could only be one explanation, love. It blinded people, diminished their wits, and could make a babbling idiot became some sort of prince charming in the eyes of the person in love. It was a bad thing, making him remember of lost loved ones. However, the worst was how right and wrong, at the same time, Arthur could be about Morgana. Yes, she would take care of things, but not the way that both of his friends expected. She would be the one making Camelot burn, and he would have to clean her mess and his friends’ broken hearts.  
He looked again to his best friends. They were so happy. Merlin frowned. He couldn’t do this now, he couldn’t ruin such precious, and possibly rare in the near future, moment with his worries about destiny and fate. No, he would let them enjoy their love, their escape from duty for a while. He would follow them to Galia and protect them. They would eventually return and face the consequences. Nonetheless, he, Arthur and Gwen had something that Morgana didn’t, they had fate by their side, they would succeed and Arthur would be the Once and Future King, restore magic and unite all of Albion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Next, the events of episode 3x11 without our beloved Merlin!!! And Arthur and Gwen’s marriage. And other revelations!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to BBC.  
> This chapter a violent part, you are warned.

At Camelot

Five days after Arthur’s departure.

All of Camelot’s nobility was assembled at the palace main hall as the celebration of Uther’s firstborn – that was early legitimized during an announcement publicly made by the king at the castle’s courtyard – nomination as Crown Princess of Camelot. She had to pledge her loyalty to her father as her king, and assume the duty of protection over the realm.~

Morgana was kneeled, facing the king. She was wearing a brand new red dress, as the Pendragon’s color. The garment had long sleeves, covering her cleavage. It also had extra cloth around her neck, so she had a high collar. She was also wearing long earrings, necklaces and many rings. Her make-up was impeccable, her lips were painted ruby red, she had black eyeliner contouring her eyes and her silky hair was loose, her curls were faultless. She was astonishingly beautiful and many of the guests were breathless when she walked in. 

“Do you solemnly swear to govern the people of this kingdom and its dominions according to the statutes, costumes and laws established by your forebears?” Uther spoke.

“I do, sire.” Morgana replied.

“Do you promise to exercise mercy and justice in your deeds and judgments?”

“I do, my lord.”

“And do you swear allegiance to Camelot now and for as long as you shall live?” He said, lowering the scepter in his hand, so that it would be at her chin level. She grabbed it and told them loudly, so that all presents could hear.

“I, Morgana Pendragon, do pledge life and limb to your services, and to the protection of this kingdom and its peoples.”

Satisfied, the king tilted his body to grip a silver circlet placed on top of a pillow, turning again in order to be in front of his daughter.

“Now, being of age and heir apparent, from henceforth you shall be crowed Princess of Camelot.” Uther placed the circlet on top of Morgana’s head, and the crowd applauded, while she turned and lifted her chin, assuming a pompous air. Then she directed to her surroundings her best pretense of a sweet smile, later spinning to face the king again and hugging him. 

He reciprocated her affectionate gesture, letting a single tear slip through one eye. When they parted, he kissed her forehead and told her:

“I’m really proud of you now, my child.”

Morgana pretended to be moved by his actions and words, and smiled again at him, later she moved to his side and placed her arm around his own. Uther led them to their respective places at the table, clapped his hands to gather people’s attention and announced:

“Let the feast begin!”

Immediately, the musicians started to play their tunes, and the sound of chatters could be heard at the hall. 

King and Princess seated in their chairs, Morgana’s place was now at Uther’s right, where Arthur used to sit. Most of the time they were chit-chatting with the guests, drinking wine, eating and making small talk between themselves, when, after a while and a high amount of alcohol, Uther told her:

“Morgana, I have another thing to confess to you.” He said in a groggy tone of voice.

“Yes, my king?” She answered, sounding surprised.

“You were always my favorite child. I have always loved you more than that ungrateful son. You were always stronger, better in everything, whereas Arthur was always a crybaby, a weakling.” He told her, speaking with such disgust that was showing the bitterness of his heart towards his son and his decisions. Changing his expression, the king laughed a bit, continuing “And every single time, you would beat him, no matter what was the subject of your disputes. I remember that when you used to play, you’d fight to be the knight that rescued the maiden, and the villain was the loser. As you wouldn’t accept to be the damsel in distress, the two of you’d choose a random servant for that, right? The funniest part was that most of the times, you’d be the knight.” He smiled. “I guess you won more often because you didn’t give up quickly, you’d fight until you couldn’t move anymore, you had a passion that Arthur didn’t. And that’s why I always preferred you, because you were more similar to me, with your strong will. That and the fact that you were always smarter than him.” He laughed again. “He always fell victim to your pranks, whereas you were much harder to deceive, ha, ha.” At that moment he smile to himself, remembering other times, when things were easier and his children listened to him more often, or so he believed.

“The truth is that you were, by far, the best suited to be the heir. You could make the hard decisions and I’m not sure if Arthur could, in fact, it’s the opposite, he proved me that he couldn’t. He deserted his entire kingdom and family for a common woman. He was so egoistical …” at that instant, Morgana grabbed his right hand between her hands, squeezing softly and spoke:

“Please, my lord, do not speak ill of Arthur. He is my brother, he made his choices, but that didn’t make me stop loving him. And I know that you still loves him too and talking that way about him upsets you. It is a too recent wound, I don’t want to see you distressed, I think that it would be better for you not to bring the subject now, while you are still hurting too much about his decision.” His daughter said, trying to soothe him.

Placing his other hand on her cheek and stroking her face, he said:

“Yes, once more you are right, Morgana. It pains me to discuss him, I feel so … betrayed. It could only be worse if he had learned magic …”

Oh, the irony. Morgana thought.

“But, in part, I’m also glad that you are my sole heir now, that you will succeed me as Camelot’s Monarch. You are so thoughtful, so strong, so valorous, and more, much more. 

Yes, we had our disagreements in the past, however you have matured, you will be an excellent Queen, my child. You are everything that I have hoped for, my daughter. I love you so much.” He told her, with his eyes filled with tears.

For a brief period, she was touched by his words, but that swiftly vanished as she reminded that, only a short moment ago, he was saying that the worst kind of betrayal was having magic. She knew he was a manipulative scoundrel, that all his sweet words were just him ensuring that he would be safe and sound, with an heir and everything that it implies, and not left alone, without no one in this world.

If only he knew … his perfect little princess was exactly the thing that he hated the most. She would be the very cause of his dismiss and would end his tyranny, restoring magic and the Old Religion. Her only regret was that he wouldn’t be alive to see it and he would never be aware of how much she hated him. She had to play the part of his loving daughter until the very last minute, not for him, but to gain utter support from both the people and the nobility. Seriously, Morgause’s plan was draining her forces, it was so hard to keep pretending and not even being allowed to smirk once in a while, because her sister told her that she was doing it too often and people could be suspicious. It was tough, especially because she also couldn’t be part of scheming, even though she had delivered the damn blood crystal to her sibling, the High Priestess wouldn’t share any information, saying that it was better, that they couldn’t afford to be caught after everything they had already achieved, and that it would make her reactions when Uther died more credible, because, indeed, she would be surprised with how that would happen. The only thing that she did know for sure is that her “father” was bound to leave this world for good in a month and ten days, at the no rules tournament.

Recording that she was still in a conversation, Morgana replied:

“And I love you … father” She said that word sounding unsure. The king probably gave her the first true smile in those last two weeks. The corners of his mouth almost reached his ears, and he said:

“Oh, Morgana, you don’t know how you saying this makes me happy.” He looked at her eyes with a tender gaze, then held one of her hands and kissed her knuckles.

“Then, I’m glad too, father, that I could be of help in this difficult times.” She told him. 

“Oh, my daughter, you can’t even begin to imagine how much happiness you bring me.” 

She smiled at him, nodding her head. Uther wouldn’t see it coming, that made her happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere in the kingdom of Camelot

Fifteen days since the prince’s banishment

 

Morgause was disguised as a common servant at Lord Cignus’ estate. She was aware that nobody paid attention to servants anyway and it was usual for them to wake up their masters, sometimes before dawn. So she had the perfect excuse to be at Lord Cignus’ bedchamber during his sleep. She needed him to be unconscious to enchant him, in order to have his support when Morgana lifted the magic ban. Camelot’s nobility would follow their Queen’s decision without a second thought, even if it means that they couldn’t have another thought. In fact, the spell was more like a suggestion that worked better in weaker minded people, like this lord in particular. 

She was overworking herself to ensure that her sister could remain fully in charge of the realm – not exactly, she would never deny Morgause’s pleads –, without anyone defying her rule, as her younger sibling assured her that the former prince wouldn’t know about what was happening in Camelot in a long, long time. After that, if their plan went smoothly, even if he returned and claimed that he was the rightful ruler, by the time he would be back in the kingdom, all of the subject’s hearts would be won by Morgana and he would be left with no one supporting him, unable to do any harm to her reign.

For all of it to came true, she had to work hard now, conquering lord by lord, planning all uses of magic that could gather their undying loyalty and allegiance. Morgana would claim the people’s heart forever, and Morgause was sure that nobody would be able to change that later on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Camelot

A month and a half since Arthur, Gwen and Merlin left the kingdom

 

The people of Camelot was gathered to watch the tournament that had no rules, in which anyone could enter and that happened at every ten years, it has been this way for the last three hundred years. The clatter of the presents was almost deafening, everyone was talking about how the king, even though he was already advanced in years, would be competing as a regular. 

The contenders where mustered in a line at the center of the arena, awaiting for the opening. The king was definitely amongst them, which only caused the murmurs to increase.  
At the sound of trumpets, the entrance of the Princess Morgana was announced. The crowd stood up and clapped, while the competitors made silence and remained stoic. She was wearing a white gown and her hair was fastened in an ornate bun. She moved behind the stands, positioning herself in front of the main chair, standing proudly and commencing her speech: 

“It’s my pleasure to welcome you all to Camelot. This is a contest like no other. It’s open to all comers, including our current champion, the King. There are no rules. No weapons are banned. The last man standing takes the prize.” The Lady Morgana spoke, pausing after.

“Let the tournament begin!” As she said that, the audience cheered.

The first fight was won by the king, even though his daughter was hoping that he was defeated or killed. She was slightly disappointed, but keep her façade.

The second fight, a thuggish looking man – that was indeed a thug – was the victor, although he was booed for his dirty fighting style.

During the last fight of the day, an unexpected result occurred. A skinny and really young-looking competitor won the match, even though his opponent was stronger, better with his weapons, well, that outcome was kind of impossible. Especially since there was something odd with the way the stronger man’s weapon was stuck in the barrels surrounding the arena. 

A guard approached the princess and whispered in her ear:

“It is me, sister. That boy used magic to defeat his opponent. I could clearly notice it. We cannot let him progress any further or else he might be a finalist, killing the king with his gifts and strengthening magic’s prejudice and fear.” A disguised Morgause said.

“We must avoid such disastrous event at any cost. And this … had given me an idea. I’ll arrange a meeting between you and him. You’ll reassure him that magic will be restored to Camelot soon, and ask him to spread the news to other magic users, so that we can assemble them and gain their trust and love. If you do this personally, they’ll believe that everyone is important to you and will easily side with us. As you are a Pendragon, I think that many magic wielders will be suspicious of you in the beginning. And we need all we can gather, because I’m sure many other rulers will use the lift of that insane law as an excuse to conquer Camelot. Now, you must nod, to keep appearances. Meet me in the palace spare room near the library in about half an hour.”

Morgana nodded, as her sister told her to do. Half an hour later, she was at their meeting place, knocking on the door. When she heard her sister’s voice, she entered the chamber.

Morgause was standing by the competitor, a boy, side, already in her true form. The princess was glad that she could finally see her sister face again, after all this time in which they only communicated by written messages that were immediately burned after read. Her sister pointed her hand at Morgana and said to the young man:

“See, Gilli, the Crown Princess herself came. You have nothing to fear. She has magic too.” And tilted her head up so that her younger sibling would act, reinforcing her words.  
Realizing Morgause’s intentions, the princess whispered “Forbærne” and a flame appeared in her right hand palm.

Gilli stared at her with wide eyes, as if she had grew another head. Seeing his reaction, Morgana smiled genuinely, something that she hadn’t done in a long time. She then told him:

“Gilli, Uther’s reign of fear is coming to its end. I’ll bring magic back to all of Camelot, to all of Albion if that is necessary in order to guarantee that all magical folk can simple live their lives in peace, without being afraid of death only because of how they were born. No, I’ll make sure that no one else has to suffer such fate in this realm, has to hide who they are every single day, and sometimes believe, wrongly, that they are monsters.” She paused, making sure that she had his full attention, and continued: “For that to happen, we must ensure that all the negative image assigned to magic disappears. To do so, Uther’s death must occur without any suspicion that magic was involved. I understand that you are a brave young man, trying to prove yourself and do what is right, I know how that feels, better than anyone. And I can guarantee to you, I’ll lift the ban, we will be free to be ourselves.” She reached him and said the last sentence while holding his hands. Morgana was sure that he was mesmerized, she didn’t know if it was by her beauty, her words or her gifts, maybe all of them together, but she was certain that she had conquered his trust.

“Can I count on you to help me and my cause?” She asked, keeping eye contact.

He stammered before replying: “Yes, your Highness. I’ll do anything.”

“Good. I need you to withdrawn from the tournament. And there’s more, in three days, Camelot will get rid of Uther. Only after his dismiss, you are going to spread the word that Camelot’s Queen has magic, that the lift of the ban isn’t a trick to slaughter all magic wielders, that it is safe to seek assistance and a refugee here, in the citadel. All that wish to came here and assist me in this task are welcomed. That invitation is valid to you too.” She smiled to him and could almost see the adoration in his eyes. Goddess, young men were so susceptible to her suggestions – well, most of them, except for an annoying big-eared servant that she wouldn’t see anymore, if she was lucky –, it wasn’t even fun to play them. She was still holding his hands, so she squeezed them and then released him.

Morgana said: “You must go, Gilli, I’m trusting you.”

“May the Goddess guide your path, young warlock.” Morgause spoke, patting him in the back. He bowed to them and left the room, checking to see if there was a passer in the corridors.

When he closed the door, Morgana embraced Morgause, keeping her tight grip for a while, before distancing herself and talking to her elder sibling.

“Morgause, I missed you! Please, tell me that you have everything ready for that wicked man dismiss.” She said, impatiently.

“You must remain composed, sister. It is of the utmost importance that you keep your façade. We are so close now, you just have to be more patient. Two more days, that’s all it takes for the final match to take place.” The blond-haired told her, stroking her cheek.

“Fine, sister. It’s just … We are so close … I can almost taste victory, I’m anxious for our triumph.” The princess replied.

“And we will success. That is the Goddess will. I’ll ensure that the participants dumb enough to kill the king shall keep winning and can have a match with him.”

“Marvelous. And then, I’ll be finally Queen.” Morgana stated.

“Yes, sister, and we will achieve our goals. Restore the Old Religion and magic.” The elder sibling affirmed. And continued “You must go now, the king may have noticed your absence, we cannot risk anything now. I’ll remain close to you, changing my disguise from time to time.” She said that and placed a kiss on her younger sister cheek. Then she put her necklace back, turning into a nameless guard again.

Nodding, Morgana left the room, going to meet her “father”. The guard (Morgause) waited some minutes in order to go away, in order to not arise false rumors about the princess virtue. She had to collect new blood for her other crystal and pretend to be a drunken peasant that dared the contestants to strike down the king, only for “fun”. At least the joy that would come from the king’s death would be true, whereas everything else would be a lie, and the best of it, untraceable to her and Morgana.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last day of the tournament, final match

The king was evading a blow from his opponent, the thuggish looking man that fought dirty. Morgana was gripping her chair tightly, damaging it slightly where her nails sunk in the wood. That was it, Uther would die today, there was no going back now.

See sensed Morgause’s magic being released, the king tripped, the High Priestess’ spell was helped by a convenient kick below the knees, received by the king, making his balance loss more veritable.

The thug took that opportunity and stuck his double axe’s blade right at the king’s chest.

The entire audience went silent. Many weren’t believing, couldn’t believe that such a thing was happening, that their king was dead.

Morgana’s mind went completely blank. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe, she felt his pain. Acting on impulse, she jumped the fence separating the host, knights and guards from the contenders and quickly reached the place where her father stood, lying on the ground. She held him in her arms, his blood staining her white gown. She looked at his eyes, they were empty, expressionless, blank. She realized why. It was because life had left him, she was holding only a void shell of her father. She wasn’t aware of it, but she was crying intensely by then, her tears were wetting the metal of his chainmail. Only when she finally comprehended that he was gone, that her last living parent was dead, she accepted that she was indeed weeping openly due to his loss. She nor her magic couldn’t deny it, the ground trembled a little when she mourned. As her head was down, nobody could see her yellow eyes, not that the notion of hiding her magic crossed her mind at that moment.

After the chock passed, well, at least when she regained a little of her senses, she gritted her teeth, lifted her head to stare at the thug – that achieved something that many tried, but never succeeded – and, letting her anger show in her face, shouted:

“Arrest him!!! Arrest the king slayer!!”

Suddenly, as if released from an enchantment, the guards and knights finally moved and encircled the tournament’s winner. He was unarmed, as his only weapon was still stuck on the former king’s body. He was subdued by Camelot’s men and pierced through their weapons, as some of them were unable to contain their rage. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

At Caern Didi.  
Two days after Arthur’s and Gwen’s banishment

 

They were reunited in a little temple. Arthur and Gwen were looking at each other, basically mesmerized by their respective views. Watching them warmed Merlin’s heart. He could testify that if such a thing called love was something real and didn’t ended up hurting one of persons involved, them Arthur and Gwen were the prove, that it was indeed possible. They looked utterly happy, with their uncontained smiles, even at the moments that had to remain serious. Being contaminated by their joy, Merlin himself was grinning goofily.   
At the center of the temple, the priest that was in front of the couple, behind an altar, said:

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the ancient rite of hand fastening. The union of Arthur Pendragon and Guinevere Leondegrance.” He made a dramatic pause and continued:

“Is it your wish, Arthur, to become one with this woman?”

“Yes.” The former prince answered smiling.

“Is it your wish, Guinevere, to become one with this man?”

“Yes!” she replied, giggling and having trouble to stop smiling.

“Any say nay?” the priest asked. Everybody remained silent, but Arthur, Gwen and Merlin looked worriedly at their surroundings, as if not truly believing that everything was alright. As nothing happened, the priest proceed:

“As we gather here today, we’re all witness of their union.”

“With this garland, I do tie a knot and by doing so, I bind your hands and your hearts through all eternity.”

“I, Arthur Pendragon, shall not seek to change thee in any way, I shall respect thee and respect myself.”

“I, Guinevere Leondegrance, shall not seek to change thee in any way, I shall respect thee and respect myself.”

The priest continued his speech, until he spoke the final words:

“I now pronounce you to be husband and wife.”

They kissed sweetly, then Arthur grabbed Gwen by the waist, lifted her and spun both of them while their lips were still touching. The couple was giggling by the end of their kiss, and gazing at one another with such love in their expressions, that all people gathered at the temple couldn’t help but smile too.

Finally! Merlin thought to himself. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so lighthearted.

They left the temple and went for an inn nearby. They celebrated Arthur’s and Gwen’s union there, in a really simple manner, that didn’t take the brilliancy of that day for them, because that was definitely the best day of their lives. The couple had rented the best room there, using Arthur’s gold. Merlin knew they would want, in fact need, some privacy, so he excused himself and went after messengers to deliver his letters to his mother and Gaius, as well as Arthur’s and Guinevere’s respective messages to their loved ones.  
Well, the following day they had a ship to catch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a lot of time for me to finish it. Hope that you have enjoyed it.  
> Now I have suggestions of soundtracks for some moments, I think that I’ll do that again, and more often.  
> Morgana’s interactions with Uther – Because of you by Kelly Clarkson.  
> Arthur’s and Gwen’s marriage (or hand-fastening) – Exato Momento by Zé Ricardo (the song title means exact moment. There is a translation at http://www.letras.com.br/#!ze-ricardo / exato-momento / traducao-ingles)  
> Every time Morgana refers to Uther as her “father”, it is because she can’t accept him as her parent by blood. To her, Gorlois is her true father, not Uther.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, it belongs to BBC.

**Camelot**

**One day after Uther’s death**

 

Morgana was kneeled before the throne, with Geoffrey of Monmouth by her side, with the crown in his hands. The throne room was filled with people, Camelot’s nobles and commoners alike. She was wearing another red dress, also wearing an equally crimson cape bearing the Pendragon’s crest. Geoffrey commenced the ceremonial vows:

“Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the peoples of Camelot according to their respective laws and costumes?”

“I solemnly swear to do so.” She answered.

“Will you to your power cause law and justice, in mercy, to be executed in all your judgments?”

“I will.” She replied.

“Then by the sacred law vested in me, I crown you Morgana, Queen of Camelot!”

The man placed the crowd at her hair. She stood up and turned to face her subordinates. Geoffrey said:

“Long live the Queen!”

Soon after, the crowd repeated it, cheering:

“Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen! Long live the Queen!”

Morgana smiled, but it didn’t last long on her lips. She thought that once she was crowned Queen of Camelot she would be happier, but instead, having the rule of the kingdom wasn’t so fulfilling as her sister had promised her. She wasn’t exactly sad about Uther’s death, that’s what she believed in, at the same time, she wasn’t quite happy either. She didn’t know exactly how she was truly feeling about all, so she keep telling herself that it was just her brain taking time to process their victory, magic’s and the Old Religion’s triumph alike. She just had to talk to Morgause, her sister would know what to say, she always did. With all the chaos subsequent to Uther’s death, they hadn’t an opportunity to meet, and plan their next course of action. Surely, this would change tonight. Until them, her people would have to deal with her sour face, and perhaps mood, for a while.

Afterwards, a seemly endless process of handshakes, swears of loyalties, assurance of unyielding commitment to hers and Camelot’s cause took place. An high amount of nobleman, noblewoman, commoners that had some proprieties and got some kind of influence in Camelot’s decision process, the servants and poor people nodding at her and cheering from a distance, basically, everyone wanted to make sure they were on her good side. It was almost torturous, she just wanted to meet her sister as fast as she could, be by her side, where she didn’t feel vulnerable.

Gaius, seeing her distressed face and taking it as mourn over her deceased father, excused the Queen from the gathering crowd and led her to her private chambers. His actions were not much different from the times he did so because she couldn’t sleep, assaulted by her nightmares, and he was the only one capable of comforting her somehow, so she would run to the physician’s quarters.. Later on, he would conduct her back to the bedroom, placing her back into bed and kissing her in the forehead before he left.

Only this time, he wouldn’t be the one reassuring her, but she was grateful anyway, only a little, because she knew he had lied to her about her magic, well, he was the only one that could have healed her head concussion, right? So that meant he had magic too, he could have helped her, but, instead, decided to leave her in the dark. And the worst part, had probably be poisoned against her by Merlin, always the annoying lad, always making clear that he could only see her as evil, as bad, as unworthy, even though she was just fighting for the right thing, and damning the consequences, well, not exactly with this new “let’s conquer their hearts” speech sustained by Morgause.

When they finally reached her bedchambers, she spoke:

“Thank you, Gaius, for bringing me here. It was very kind of you.”

“Of course, my queen. I could sense that you were distraught at the ceremony, having, again, lost a parent. And most of the people haven’t noticed your state of mind, probably too much enthusiastic about your rulership. But I don’t think they did so on purpose, Uther was a good king, even if a severe one in some aspects, whereas you were always known for your benevolence and righteousness, so it’s only natural that they expect you to grant more privileges that the former king.” He told her, directing her a small smile, the way he used to when he comforted her as a child, saying, in fact lying right on her face, that her nightmares were only dreams.

She nodded in an affirmative way, and said:

“Yes, I understand. However, I also need some time to myself. There’s just … a lot happening right now. People expect so much of me and … I don’t know if I can be up to their expectations.” She told him, with an unsure tone of voice.

He placed a hand on one of her shoulders and said:

“We all hope that you can prove yourself, Morgana. Remember to keep the promise you made today, be just and show mercy to all of your people.” He replied to her, raising his eyebrows in a very Gaius’ way, his advising mode on.

“Sure, I will. But now I’d like to be left alone. Gaius, can you please ask a servant to bring supper to my chambers? I’m not in the mood for idly chat with the nobles. I’m sure that they can understand, as my father passed away only yesterday and my brother no longer lives in Camelot, God only knows where he is right now.” She said, not sure if she actually sounded like her old self, she was kind of off tuned in these two last days. As he nodded to her, answering her with a brief “Yes, your majesty.”, she thought it was sufficient, so she waited until he left, bowing, and entered her bedchamber – still the same that she had used her entire lifetime in Camelot –, hoping to see her sister inside, ready to give her a warm embrace and reassure her that everything was going to be alright. She must have been tired, if her sister suspected such weakness in her heart, she would be scolded instead of comforted, and she didn’t want to disappoint Morgause.

When she looked at the room, searching for any sight of her sister and finding none, Morgana felt frustrated. She was sure that Morgause would meet her today, they had to plan every move they would take in order to achieve their ultimate goal, that was bringing back magic and the Old Religion. Uncertainty passed her mind at that moment. Of course her sister would have to speak with her today, but what if she thought that Morgana wasn’t reliable enough to have knowledge of her schemes? What if her sister didn’t fully trust her, because of all the times their plots were thwarted by the big eared, goofy looking manservant? No, she wouldn’t do that, right? Right now Morgause was everything she had in this world as she was everything for her elder sister. They were on common ground and she was the Queen. Besides, Morgause hasn’t given any reasons for her distrust. She was only busy, that was the reason that she didn’t came to visit her more often, she was building the basis in which Morgana’s reign would be risen from.

Meanwhile she was lost in her thoughts, someone knocked on her door.

 _Probably is the servant, bringing dinner_. She thought, and swiftly replied:

“You may come in.”

A young servant girl entered her room, holding a tray with her supper, saying an “Your Majesty” and promptly closing the door as she stepped in. Then, she placed the tray on top of a table in Morgana’s chamber, moving her hand to her own collarbone and retrieving a necklace from around her neck. Her form shifted on the process, revealing a very satisfied Morgause instead.

Morgana released a small cry due to her astonishment. That made her sister grin and quickly shorten the distance between them, hugging her. Then, the blond-haired woman spoke:

“Sister, you are finally Queen! I’m so proud of you! And your pretense? It was on the verge of perfection!”. At that point, Morgause withdrew a little from their embrace and looked at Morgana’s face, continuing: “I almost believed that you were truly heartbroken with Uther’s dismiss. The other day on the arena, your reaction was so raw that I had shivers watching the scene!”

“Yes, you said it yourself that I had to keep the façade of the loving daughter, So I did my very best. I’m sure that nobody suspects my true allegiance.” Morgana answered.

“You were very good, very good indeed.” The High Priestess said, gripping the younger woman hands. She kept talking:

“And now, you should eat. We can’t afford to have you sick, your health is of utmost importance for pursuing our goals. Come on, seat and have dinner, I’ll update you with the current situation of our plans.”. She directed Morgana to the chair, grabbing another to be seat at the table too. When they settled in their respective places, Morgause continued:

“All of Camelot’s nobility is on own side, so the prospect of civil war is impossible right now, and will remain like that, as the only way to free some of knights of the superiority of our arguments is by magic, and we know that no magical-user in his right mind will be against our rule, that allows magic to roam free around this earth.”. Morgana listened while eating her food, nodding to her sister, so the elder woman kept going:

“Our biggest threats are the kingdoms that have forbidden magic too, the opportunistic rulers of other kingdoms – like Cenred, Odin, Alined, Caerleon –, and the very people within Camelot that are against it, and can cause rises against your rule.”

Awaiting for an affirmative answer from Morgana, to ensure she was following her line of thought, and receiving another nod as response, the High Priestess continued:

“So, in order to subjugate all those threats, we need every magical artifact that is kept inside Camelot’s vault. We need to catalogue them and use the most powerful ones in our quest. In special, the Crystal of Neahtid.”

Hearing about that particular artifact brought back memories to the younger woman. So, Morgana spoke:

“Once I have possessed that Crystal, but not for me. A group of dissident druids, led by a man named Alvaar asked my help to retrieve it from Uther’s dominion. I helped them, as a boy that I held really dear was with them.”

“Yes, you have told me that story before, remember? So you must know what uses can be given to it, at least what is common knowledge. What not everyone knows, as it isn’t something divulgated openly, is that a seer can do more than just see the past, present and future on it. Due to their familiarity with the Sight, the seers can attain their level of control and knowledge, concerning magic, of their future selves, if seeing the future through the Crystal of Neahtid.” Morgause told her, grinning in satisfaction.

Understanding the meaning of her words, Morgana said:

“And I have to use it in order to instantly becoming a fully accomplished High Priestess? That way, together we’ll be the strongest magic wielders of Albion?”

Kissing her cheek, Morgause exclaimed:

“Exactly, sister! You and I will be unstoppable! Our enemies shall tremble with fear by the mention of our names! And soon, not only we will bring magic back to Camelot but to the entirety of Albion as well, because we will conquer every kingdom in this land, maybe even other realms, detached from this land!” Morgause was grinning madly, expressing all her excitement about such prospects.

“Alright, sister, we can use the crystal anytime that you want it. So, will it be tomorrow? Will you go with me, await me here, in my chambers? Or will you openly present yourself by my side, as my official counselor?” Morgana asked, eager for an answer.

“Hum … tomorrow you’ll make the official announcement of magic’s ban lift and also about my position in your court, as chief adviser, representative of the Old Religion and your legal heir, at least, until you have children of your own.” Hearing the last sentence, Morgana flinched and tensed, feeling an uncomfortable heat in her stomach, that signalized her nervousness. Seeing her sister reaction, Morgause tried to comfort her, holding and stroking her hand, continuing her speech:

“We have already discussed this. I’m aware that you are still uncomfortable with the subject, but an heir is necessary to continue our lifetimes work, Morgana. Maybe more than one, as our future has an incredible amount of hardships ahead of us. You must face it as a duty, like many you now upheld. Not letting your emotions take over, thinking logically about it, makes things easier, trust me.” The blonde-haired woman said, with an reassuring smile.

“Fine, sister. I’ll do as you wish. I’ll prove to you that I’m capable of attaining our main goal, by your side and supporting you, like you always did with me.” Morgana replied.

“Good. Then, finish your food and go to sleep. We have an eventful day tomorrow.” Morgause told her, while caressing her sister’s hair, and added:

“I must leave now, the guards are probably wondering why a servant is taking so long in the queen’s chambers. You still have a reputation to be good to everybody, even the servant, so I don’t think that that is much unusual, but just to be sure, is better to go. You must be tired too. Goodnight, sister.” Morgause said, kissing Morgana at the top of her head, much like Gaius did before.

“Goodnight too, Morgause. Where will we meet tomorrow?” The younger one asked.

“At your study, immediately before your announcement.” She said, going in the direction of the door, while putting back the blood crystal around her neck.

“Fine, then … see you tomorrow.” Morgause nodded in response, opening the door and leaving Morgana alone.

By herself, the young witch sighted, losing her appetite, thinking in all the things she had to do in order to please her sister and the Triple Goddess.

 

 

* * *

 

Gaius opened Merlin’s second letter. His ward decided that, due to the circumstances, his best option was to follow Arthur, to keep him save, so that the Once and Future King could regain Camelot’s throne from his evil sister, at the time the former prince discovered the truth.

Again, Merlin told him about their adventures, Arthur’s and Gwen’s married life, but didn’t mention a reasonable address for him to send his replies. Apparently, Arthur wanted to “know the whole world” or at least the entirety of Galia, and kept on the road, never going to the same place more than once. Therefore, none of Camelot’s news were acknowledge by those three. They still thought that Arthur was Uther’s only heir. Gaius sighed, frustrated that there was nothing that he could do to change this situation. Not even going after them, as it was most likely that, by the time he reached Merlin’s last destination, the three of them might have already left. He could only hope that the news regarding Camelot could be heard in that foreign country. And now his duty was to keep an eye on Morgana’s activities, try to make her see reason in case things got a little too extreme and she began summarily executing innocent people, as she was already corrupted by magic at this point. Gaius sighed again, if only he hadn’t smuggled Morgause as a child, Morgana would still be the same good-hearted girl that he saw growing up. He would have helped her, containing her magic, so that she wouldn’t fall in temptation, becoming a cold-hearted priestess of the Old Religion, following a mad Goddess that only accepted a blood stained land from her followers. For the third time Gaius sighed. He missed Merlin and his boyish manners, always getting into trouble, not being able to properly control his own limbs, bumping into things … it always lightened his heart, to think about the young warlock’s goofiness. Wherever he were, Gaius hoped he would be safe and sound, and that he and Arthur could be able to prevent or terminate the evil ways that the two sisters would certainly bring to the realm.

 

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Castle Courtyard**

**The following day to Queen Morgana’s coronation**

 

 

People from all over the kingdom were reunited in the courtyard for the first public speech from their new Queen. There were murmurs, some talking about all the times that Uther’s daughter had stood her ground against her father, even before she knew he was her father. They were all talking about her bravery, how she had guts and a good heart. Even without Arthur, their beloved prince, that mostly everyone believed would be the best king that has ever seated on Camelot’s throne, they were assured that Morgana, that had grew up with their golden prince, would be just and treat the people with kindness.

She walked to the center of the balcony, wearing a white dress and her crowd on top of her head. Some people held their breaths at her sight, so beautiful, just like a benevolent goddess that had graced her worshipers with her presence. She held her right hand in order to request silence from her audience and commenced her speech:

“People of Camelot! You are gathered here because I must speak to you about the compromises I, as your Queen, assume towards each and everyone of you. During Uther’s reign, my father has unjustly persecuted those that had the gift of magic, even banishing an entire segment of Camelot’s population by ripping all rights from the Druids, and hunting them like animals. His reign was marked by fear, hate and the death of many innocents, magical and common folk alike, as his paranoia knew no limits, executing friends and foes equally. His blindness regarding magic has brought much grief to you, my citizens. How many fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers had lost their life or had to hide like criminals even though they had done nothing wrong? I ask to you, people of Camelot, is it a crime to be born with a magic? Not to choose to have it, not learn it and die sampling because of how you are born? Isn’t it the same as killing everyone that is red-haired since they have that hair color? Under the excuse that magic was evil, that it corrupt people, as if it was always a choice, when it isn’t, Uther has instilled fear, hate, suffering and misconceptions to all of you. How many of you hadn’t hidden your true opinions, or worse your true selves, in fear of the unjust law? How many of you have witnessed an unfair accusation directed to your family or friends? How many of you had seen the good that magic can do, as well as the consequences of directly affronting magic users? It is so because magic itself is not good or bad, it just is. Pretty much like a sword, it can be used to harm as it can be used to protect. The only difference is the choice made by the sorcerer or by the swordsman. By decimating the magical kin, Uther has brought to himself and to you, his people, the ones he swore to protect, the wrath of many magic users. But you must understand, they were only fighting back, for their own survival, to have the right of merely existing. If he wasn’t so blinded by his personal grief – yes, it was not your best interests he had in mind when he outlawed magic –, if he had a reasonable motive to practice that maniac policy, than we would let the magic users to keep their lives, exiling them instead of being a damn butcher. If he was fair and just as he had sworn to be, he would have pardoned everyone, not born with magic, that had promised to abandon its practice. But in his insane quest he told us all that magic was evil and that it corrupts, when his heart was the corrupt one! Let me tell you his real selfish reasons to commit such atrocities, a genocide that for many years will still scar Camelot’s people. What caused Uther to begin the Great Purge was the death of his wife, Ygraine. She couldn’t conceive him an heir, so he asked for help, magical help, from the senior High Priestess of the time, Nimueh. She warned him that in order to create a life, another was needed, that way balance would be kept in this world. She also informed him that she couldn’t control which life your be sacrificed, but he didn’t care, he wanted an male heir so badly that he would let anyone die just to have his wishes. When Arthur was born and Ygraine died he didn’t act as a true leader, assuming the responsibilities of his own actions, no, he didn’t! He blamed magic, he blamed his people, the same he had vowed to protect! He disregarded completely the previous law, by which magic was freely practiced within Camelot’s borders, sinning as a king, as a husband and as a father, disregarding an unmeasurable amount of rights, laws and lives in his mad quest to feel less guilty towards his own actions. You, people of Camelot, and all the dead due to his persecution had suffered and paid the price for one man’s grief, when he was the only one responsible for his choices and their consequences.”

Morgana made a longer pause, giving the people time to process everything she said. Briefly, she continued:

“Today, I commit myself to all of you. I’ll make amends, I’ll right the wrongdoings caused by his rule. I’ll restore Camelot’s previous law and revoke the magic’s ban, because it is a decision that lacks legitimacy. It was an insane policy established by a man blinded by grief and revenge, and it didn’t withheld justice with mercy, as Camelot’s monarch was supposed to do.”

After another dramatic pause, she kept going:

“Also, I revoke the banishment of the Old Religion as well, allowing its free profession and practice in the entirety of Camelot! In the same act, I reestablish the position of High Priestess Advisor, appointing the last High Priestess and my sister, Morgause, to that position.”

When she said that, a cloaked figured that was by her right side, near the columns, stepped closer to the Queen, putting her hood down and showing her identity as the priestess of the old religion.

“And finally, I declare my sister as my heir to the throne of Camelot, as she is my only living relative that resides in Camelot at the present. That is all!” Morgana said, with authority in her voice.

For a moment, all that could be heard was the crowd fuss, until someone decided to clap his or her hands, showing their approval to their Queens announcement. Soon, almost everyone that was present was clapping and cheering. Some nobles were applauding with goofy smiles in their faces, probably due to Morgause’s enchantments, others were doing so with admiration in their eyes. For some unknown reason, Morgana thought that they could have accepted the changes better if she had not named her sister as her heir, but that thought rapidly disappeared, being replaced by the joy that came from their acceptance and her sister’s embrace. They left the balcony, going inside the castle and preparing to search the vaults that same night.

 

 

 

* * *

 

“Sister, you must relax and concentrate. Think about the future, your future. The key to succeed in this task resides in the metallization of your goal. Establish your objective and then look at the Crystal. Keep your eyes closed for now. Tell me when you’re ready and I’ll place it in your hands.” Her elder sibling told her.

“Fine, Morgause.” Morgana replied, extending her hands in front of her. After some deep breaths, Morgana said: “I’m ready”.

The High Priestess put the Crystal of Neahtid in her sister’s hold, making sure it was safe, and told her “Open your eyes” in a soft voice.

 

Then, Morgana looked directly at the magical artifact, concentrating in her future self. Images began to form there and, as a seer, she felt she could synchronize so much with her own self that replacing herself and experiencing all physical and emotional sensation could happen. The first image to form was depicting the Isle of the Blessed at night. There was a stone altar, her sister was laying on top of it and she was standing, near her sister upper body, holding a … _dagger?_ What? What for? She was shocked when her future self craved the weapon on her sister’s heart. Then with what happened next. From the air something ripped, as if the own sky above them. From there appeared a woman that had a haunted face. _Must be the Caileach that Morgause once_ mentioned, she thought. The guardian approached her fallen future self, that went to the ground due to the strength of the magic. Morgana got near herself too, and for the first time, she noticed something different. Her bracelet, the one that she received as a gift from Morgause, the one that once belonged to their mother, was blackening. Not only that, it was attracting more black things that were attaching themselves to it. Then, the Caileach turned her face not to the seer’s future self, but to her present one, the observing one and spoke:

“Morgana Pendragon. The path that you contemplate now is no longer the path you’ll take. You changed everything when you chose love instead of hate, when you had power over your brother’s destiny. Your broke the chains of the future, changing fate itself. But you can still succumb to the temptations of power and inflict pain and misery to the land of the living if you keep wearing that bracelet of yours. It has a strong magic within it. It attracts all the suffering of those that had been persecuted for having magic, using it to fuel the justified rage towards those unfair acts, and twisting it in hate, until the point that it maddens the user, turning most of his or hers emotions in hate. It increases the desire of revenge, even if it means the complete destruction of everything that once had a meaning to the user, replacing all that was good inside of him or her for the need to avenge it. Keep looking, child and you’ll see what where it got you” As the Caileach said those words, Morgana felt extremely could inside as if finally noticing that there was something else happening with her.

The vision changed, showing the deaths caused by the enraged spirits. There were so many, so much fear. It was hard to look. It showed herself again, saying that she was happy everybody was dying. She felt sick with the future Morgana reaction or absence of empathy for those lives that her actions have reaped, so much like Uther …It scared her, think that someday she could be like him, the very man she despised with all her being. She kept observing and the image changed again. She was facing Arthur, in fact, he was confronting her. She could see the pain and betrayal in his face as he questioned her motives. Worse, she could see that her future self too was hurting with the fact that Arthur was her enemy, because he had showed her he wanted to talk, he wanted to fix things and she just dismissed him, accusing him of being just like Uther, when they both knew that he was so much different from him, such a better man. For some reason, her magic failed her, but she could still see the influence of her bracelet, contaminating her heart with more hate, with more desire for a senseless revenge.

Then, in her visions, everything went dark. At first she thought that her future self had died, and that explained the darkness. But she was wrong. A wail, that certainly didn’t come from her, made her realize that her assumptions were wrong. She was in a prison, without any source of light. She got near what she thought that was herself and connected her sensibilities. She felt powerless, hopeless, aching everywhere, hungry, humiliated, and a swelling rage, an enormous hate towards everything, everyone, Arthur, Gwen, Merlin, everyone in Camelot. They could save her, but instead had decided to abandon her and they would pay for it. It made her sick, she wanted to throw up. The worst was she couldn’t sense her magic, it was not there. The only things that apparently kept her alive where her hatred and whatever creature that kept wailing. When she thought it couldn’t get worst, as she was distancing herself, she heard the sound of stone being moved, during nighttime, so there was no actual light to illuminate her and her future self missed it so much, needed it so much, but nobody gave it to her. Instead, her captors initiated and seemly endless session of torture and rape. Morgana closed her eyes and brought her hands to her ears not to hear the things that were done to her. At that moment, she was already crying, her tears flowing through her eyes in an unstoppable way.

Then, her visions changed once more and she was in a battlefield screaming “Emrys!!!” and being thrown by the magic of an old man with long beard. He was her enemy she was sure. Against her better judgment, she got near her future self, while she was still unconscious, and again connected with her emotions. What she felt was a mixture of hate, blood thirst, madness and the current thought “Merlin is Emrys, Merlin is my doom, I must kill him, kill him, kill him!”. It was so strong that even with her passed out, the imprint of her hate kept assaulting her heart.

Once again, she was shocked. There was just too much information to deal with. Merlin had magic, but since when? She didn’t know and she didn’t want to contemplate her distorted future mind once more.

While she was still astonished with everything, the scene changed to one in which Merlin was piercing her with a sword, saying that he blamed himself for what she had become.

Then, those visions vanished, and she was back at her bedchambers with Morgause looking at her worriedly. She noticed that her head hurt, and her ears and nose were wet, with something. With her mind still blurred, Morgana passed her fingers under her nose, just above her lips, and realized that it was blood. The crimson color made her regain some senses, so, with her bloodied hand she took Morgause’s bracelet from her forearm and threw it away, with all her strength.

Morgause looked surprised with her action, and also worried. So Morgana finally spoke, gritting her teeth:

“Get out.” It sounded like a small growl from a wounded animal.

“What? Sister what’s the matter, what happened? You are bleeding, this was not supposed to happen” Morgause couldn’t complete her sentence because her sister screamed:

“Get out! I know what you did! Don’t you dare call me your sister!” she yelled at the blonde-haired woman.

Noticing the distress in her, Morgause chose to comply. She would talk to Morgana later, she would make her sister see past her rage, she was sure of it. So she walked away from her little sister, closing the door of her bedchambers.

Meanwhile, with part of her rage released, Morgana began to weep, for all the betrayals, all the hurt, all the pain, and all her wrong choices, that never happened, but would be true if she was kept under Morgause’s influence.          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking of doing an spin-off to tell all of Arthur’s, Gwen’s and Merlin’s adventures abroad. Well, Morgana is the main character in this story, so I’ll basically tell her struggles to maintain her reign over Camelot and what will happen when Arthur comes back (he will come back, it’ll only take some chapters). Also, I expect to have a kinky mergana memory in chapter 8, so please, mergana shippers, don’t quit this fanfic yet. And to Arwen shippers, sorry about not having a more detailed description on their times as a couple, and not much smut either. Also, I couldn’t think about a background music too… but I do! It's "Gollum's song" for all the suffering in her visions!


	7. Chapter 7

**At Camelot**

**Morgana’s bedchamber**

Morgana was still sobbing, she was sure she would have bloodshot eyes by now. She had trusted Morgause with her entire life. She had given her a reason to live, in fact. When the young seer had been healed from the poison and finally was awoken and aware that she had lost her unborn children, two as Morgause told her, she felt her whole world crumble. An overwhelming took her over, she didn’t want to eat, she didn’t want to sleep, hell, she didn’t want to live! Back then, she felt empty, void, without a purpose. Her sister had given her one: revenge. Avenge all her suffering, that was caused by Merlin, Uther and everyone in Camelot too, because they supported that reign of fear and hate. When she discovered her pregnancy and was left with only horrible options: flee from Camelot and have her children somewhere safe from Uther’s wrath, saving Merlin’s life in the process, but risking not having him by her side while raising the children, in fact, she wasn’t even sure how she would raise them, she didn’t know how to do that and she would need help also; or plot Uther’s death, so that Arthur would be King and would certainly bless a marriage between her and Merlin, if the later accepted to marry her. Knowing that her father would probably hunt her through all the Seven Kingdoms, as he did during the druids’ incident. After all he had done, she thought that the right thing to do was to get Camelot free of Uther, and be released from his oppression as well. So she didn’t give much thought when Morgause asked if she was with her or with Uther. In her mind, as long as the former king died, they could be true to their heart’s desire, her, Arthur, Gwen and Merlin (although she wasn’t sure if he desired to share a life with her, she didn’t know if he loved her, he probably didn’t as he was capable of poisoning her).

At that time, when she was most confused and pained, Morgause had been her only support. She stood by her side, taught her to control her magic, taught her that there was nothing to be afraid of, that she wasn’t a monster as Uther made her believe magic users were. Her sister made her feel accepted, in a way that Uther never did (maybe Arthur, Gwen and Merlin had done that once, but it wasn’t enough. Her childhood friends didn’t know about her magic and could treat her as if she was a stranger or an abomination and that scared her. And Merlin … she had trusted him completely, but he didn’t trust her. No, he lied to her, kept her in the dark about her magic and his own. Yes, he tried to help her, leading her to the druids, however he could make the difference, could reassure her himself, he could have taught her, but he was too much of a coward to do so. Hell, he was too much of a coward to even confront her directly in that damned day he poisoned her. It hurt her deeply, being certain that she was not worth the risk to him. The worst part was that their lies had cost them the life of their innocent children. If only she knew why, what had make him act like that?), made her feel loved, safe, with her she could be herself, she didn’t have to hide anymore. Morgause was the one that had to deal with her broken self, back then. She made her see that she could do much more with her life, with her gifts than just waste away at some unknown place. She gave her hope, when Morgana didn’t have anything left, except fear and unhappiness.

Now, everything seemed like a pretense, a game that her sister played, using her heart and trust, to achieve some crazy Goddess’s will. Morgause always told her that everything they have done was for the Triple Goddess, that it was all her wish and, as their followers, it was their duty to pursue those wishes.

Morgana wondered if that was how her mother thought too. Her sister told her that before marrying Gorlois their mother was an initiate in the old ways, that she had the potential to be a Senior High Priestess, the closer to the Goddess. Those priestess had the task to serve as a messenger, receiving Her intentions and spreading it to the other worshippers, even acting to effectively ensure that Her demands were obeyed.

That was what her sister believed in, that everything that happened was the Goddess’s desire. And, because of that belief, she was certain that they would succeed, that they would bring magic and the Old Religion back. Since she left Camelot in her sister’s arms, that was what her sibling has been telling her.

Morgana too was beginning to think the same way, even though sometimes she doubted her sister belief, not that she had ever expressed such doubts, no, that would disappoint Morgause. She didn’t want that, back then her sister was everything to her, so she kept trusting her sibling judgment, certainly she knew better than herself. Morgana felt like everything that she was told before was a lie, she couldn’t trust them, those people that had never really helped her.

Except, that was not true, was it? Morgause had lied to her too. She was molding her, turning her into the very monster that she feared she would become once she discovered her magic. Her sister had betrayed her the exact same way as Merlin, if not in a worse manner. Because of something else, alien to their relationship as siblings, Morgause had reached her, had showed her a path in which she didn’t have to be afraid, weak, powerless, feel like an aberrance, only to exploit her trust and manipulate her into fulfilling some crazy divinity’s agenda.

Morgana moved from her bed, abandoning the position she was previously, with her knees bent, touching her face, with her back against the bed’s headboard. She stopped in front of the mirror, looking at her appearance.

As most of the candles were extinguished, there wasn’t much light to illuminate her face. But still, she could see that she looked like a hollow shell of her previous self. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes were swollen, her nose was dripping, her expression as a whole pointed her state of mind – utter defeat.

Shaking her head, as if to clarify her thoughts, she stepped away from the mirror and went in the direction of her table. She grabbed a basin nearby – the one she generally filled with water to wash her face in the mornings she didn’t bathe – and filled it, splashing its content directly into her front.

Feeling the sensation of water drops going down her cheeks, Morgana took a deep breath, opening her mouth slightly and lifting her chin. She couldn’t trust Morgause anymore, she was Queen of Camelot, a lot of people depended on her, because her brother was only god knows where, and that was her fault. She made sure of that, hadn’t she? She wrote him, in the letter she kept inside his small chest, that he should go on adventures like those they used to read about in books and then play together. It was a fond memory, them as kids imagining they were one of those characters, that they were free to roam the world, without a kingdom, an angry or deceased father, responsibilities and duty to withhold, just the next adventure, the next undiscovered place, the unknown friends they would make on their way.  

Yes, Arthur and Gwen, her remaining friends – if she was worthy of calling them that after everything she had done to them – weren’t perfect, but at least they didn’t lie to her like almost everybody else did. They had made her omit the fact that she was pregnant to Merlin, that he was the father of their unborn children, but she knew that they meant well. When she discovered her pregnancy, Gwen was with her and the moment Gaius said that she was with child, her former maid run to Arthur and told him. Morgana thought that Guinevere had panicked, and that was why she went after the prince. It was because that every time they were in trouble Arthur was always there to help and save them.

Of course he wanted Merlin’s head, and other parts as well, but she didn’t allow him. She told him that she loved Merlin, that they were both drunk when they shared a moment together, that his manservant wasn’t at fault and probably, if someone seduced anyone there, then she was the one that took advantage of Merlin. After her explanation, her brother calmed down and made her promise she wouldn’t tell anything to his manservant until they had figured out how to better deal with the whole situation, because it risked Merlin’s life if Uther found out. She reluctantly agreed with him, it was rare for Arthur to be right about something, but she thought he was, at least back then.

And then, that fatidic day happened. Merlin poisoned her, she, Arthur, Gwen or Gaius hadn’t told him she was pregnant, so she assumed he didn’t know, right? If he did and even so didn’t hesitate in killing her, he was certainly a stranger, someone that she refused to acknowledge and, for a moment, she was scared that he could be a monster too. Shaking her head again, to clear the confusion and doubt that filled her, she took a decision: she would look again at the Crystal of Neahtid, she had to be sure of Merlin’s reasons to betray her and the true amount of influence that that devilish bracelet had over her decisions.     

She took a mental note to see her face in the mirror again, in order to search and find if there was something written there, like a message saying “betray me” or something similar that she hadn’t noticed before. Instead of doing that, she sitting against her bed’s headboard, closed her eyes, grabbed the Crystal, that she had placed on top of her bed table, took another deep breath, exhaling the air through her mouth and concentrated in the past this time. When she thought she was ready, she opened her eyes, that acquired a golden hue as images began to form and she felt she was no longer inside her own body.

 

_She could observe that she was back to Camelot, during daylight. She was in the city main street, many people were there, filling the streets. Nobody seemed to notice her, in fact some passed through her, as if she wasn’t solid anymore. In the middle of the crowd, she could notice a lanky boy with a dreamlike expression, as someone that was seeing that scene for the first time in his life and was utterly awed. He was Merlin._

_The images sped up and showed his first time meeting Gaius and the first time he was scolded for using magic openly, as well as Merlin’s promise to keep it a secret. Then, it fast forwarded again, showing the boy’s conversation with the Great Dragon and what the beast told him about his and Arthur’s destiny. Then again, time skipped, she could only guess it because the imaged blurred, but they were at the same place only this time Merlin was wearing different clothing and had a confused expression. They were talking about the druids, Merlin was looking for them. The Dragon wasn’t answering, asking what for. So Merlin said he wanted to help someone that he cared about._

That moment Morgana thought: “so at some point he genuinely cared for me?”

_The Dragon kept talking, calling her a witch, while Merlin protested, and saying that it would be better if she never knew the true extent of her powers._

“Whatever for?” Morgana thought.

_The Merlin in the past disagreed, defending her, saying she had a good heart._

Morgana was touched that at some point he did believe in her.

_The Dragon kept poisoning his mind against her, talking about things she didn’t knew, but Merlin did. Merlin shook his head and said he wouldn’t abandon her._

Her heart broke again. Abandon her was exactly what he did, and he saying that was so much ironical and bittersweet.

_The dragon denied his request and Merlin left the beast alone._

_The image blurred again, but they remained at the same place, only the beast’s position changing before Merlin spoke to him. They talked about setting the dragon free, then Merlin asked him about the Crystal of Neahtid. The dragon answered and Merlin told him that she had stolen it, back then. The beats began to laugh._

Morgana got irritated at it, not only did it manipulated Merlin against her, it was mocking her.

_Then it continued, saying she didn’t have the power to wield the crystal. Merlin told it about her helping Mordred. Then, the Dragon said that Mordred’s destiny was to kill Arthur, and saying that the ancient prophesies spoke of an alliance between herself and Mordred united in evil. It also said that Merlin had to stop it, whatever the costs._

That overly grown shady, slimy, liar lizard! He had basically told Merlin to go ahead and murderer her and Mordred, that was still a child!

_The imaged blurred one last time, they were still at the Dragon’s prison. The beast appeared to be sleeping. Merlin didn’t believe it was asleep, and questioned it. It awoke and spoke to him, saying that Camelot would come to an end that day. They argued about the beast’s release, Merlin promised for Hunith life that he would free the Dragon and it believed Merlin. Then the beast told him about the sleeping spell, saying he had to eradicate the source of Morgause’s enchantment._

As the manservant questioned about the source of the spell and the beast answered him, she could notice Merlin’s disappointment towards her and her actions. It made her uncomfortable, at that time she didn’t know she was the source. Morgause hadn’t explained anything to her, just asked her that bloody question. She wasn’t sure if she said yes to her sister because of the bracelet or due to her feeling cornered or because she believed that Camelot would only be a better place without Uther, she guessed it was everything together.

_The Dragon kept releasing its poisonous advices, saying that Merlin had to kill her._

The way Merlin said “No” was so heartbreaking that she could feel a lump in her throat.

“You said that but you did it anyway, Merlin. You took the easiest turn, you didn’t even think that I couldn’t be truly aware of everything that was happening, you didn’t give me the benefit of doubt, you condemned me without a trial, without defense, was I so irrelevant to you back then, that you just disposed of me as if I was an old torn shoe? Was that the moment that I ceased being your friend and became ‘The Evil Witch’ to you?” Morgana said aloud, even though he couldn’t answer her. She was hurt, feeling betrayed once more.

Remembering that she was supposed to observe the influence of Morgause’s bracelet in her mind, she mentalized her own memories.

_The images passed rapidly. Every time she shown confusion, regret or remorse, more black spots attached themselves in the bracelet. When that happened, she was involved in a layer of darkness that came from the object and it concentrated on her heart and head._

She remembered the Caileach’s word: “It attracts all the suffering of those that had been persecuted for having magic, using it to fuel the justified rage towards those unfair acts, and twisting it into hate, until the point that it maddens the user.”. Definitely, some of the thoughts were her own, but that they had been amplified by the bracelet’s and Morgause’s influence.

Morgana decided that she had seen enough already and wary of the effects that the Crystal had over her, as it caused her ears and nose to bleed, she decided to call it for a day. So she focused on returning to the present, to her body and did so. This time, when she opened her eyes and looked around, there was no bleeding.     

She had many decisions to make. She had an entire kingdom to rule, by herself now. With the lift of magic’s ban, other kingdoms would likely declare war against Camelot, so she had to win those wars, feed and protect her people meanwhile, restore magic too, but making sure that Morgause couldn’t influence those magic wielders into her fanatic belief. Also, she had to figure out what to do with Camelot’s nobility. Most of them were enchanted or blackmailed or other things that she didn’t know of, because her sister kept her in the dark about what she was doing, and Morgana wasn’t sure if her sibling wouldn’t turn them against her if she confronted Morgause. Her only reassurance was that her sister needed her – her more powerful future self in fact – in order to conquer all of Albion, and therefore wouldn’t try to eliminate her saying something like “It’s the Goddess wish” or “The Goddess told me it was the only way” as an excuse. The young seer knew that she had to be more powerful than Morgause to keep her throne, as her sister was namely Camelot’s only heir, even if they didn’t follow all the protocols to assure her position as a legitimate heir.

So, anyway, she had to accomplish her initial task and contact her veteran self to possess a high level of knowledge and control over her powers. The young queen sighed. Her head hurt, she didn’t want to use the Crystal again, but maybe it was the only way.

Against her better judgment, Morgana looked into the artifact and her eyes glowed gold.

 

_She was in a flowery field that had a tree in the middle, an oak tree. Seated near its roots, was a woman with a long curvy white hair. She appeared to be meditating, her eyes were closed and she had a serene expression. As young Morgana approached the elder, she was filled with a calm and peaceful sensation. Not wanting to disturb the figure, she tried to silently settle in front of the elderly woman. Apparently she wasn’t successful, because the very moment in which she touched the ground, the old woman, that by now she knew that was her older self, opened her eyes and stared at her._

_Not knowing exactly what to do and not sure if future her was aware of her presence, Morgana opted to remain in silence and wait for her older self to say something. They stood like that, facing each other for a while. Then, Morgana began to lose her patience and became stirred. Noticing her change of posture, her elder self laughed wholeheartedly, confusing the younger, and finally spoke:_

“Hello, child. I can sense that you are still an impatient young one. Guess you should be, in your present, as there are many choices to be made and many possibilities for the future. But yet, you tried to get the answers in their own pace, instead of immediately come clashing at whatever was in your way. You deserve to be praised for your prudence.” _The old said, smiling genuinely at the young._

“You noticed me?” _Morgana asked her._

“What do you take me for? An old babbling crazy witch? I have enough age to be your great grandmother, young lady.” _She chuckled, to the younger’s astonishment._

_Still confused, Morgana cleaned her throat and continued:_

“I came here so that you could teach me how to have better control over my powers and to give me the knowledge needed in order to keep Camelot safe.”

“Directly to the point, huh? Not even an ‘Oh, Morgana, you look lovely as an old lady!” or ‘White hair suits you!’ or ‘Your eyes shine like the ones of a little girl’?”

“What?” _The younger one asked incredulous._

“You heard me, I didn’t have hearing problems at such a young age!” _The elder said in a reprehensive tone that was swiftly replaced by a giggle._

“Yes, but I have many important problems to solve right now …” _she said in an unsure manner._

“And will affect their resolution if you relax just a little bit? Do you think that a gloomy Monarch is a better one?” _her elder asked, tilting her head to the side for emphasis_.

“I don’t have the time to think about it right now! There are many things to solve, please, just answer my plead!” _Morgana replied in a demanding tone._

“My, my! You already lost your composure. Such a fierce Queen.” _she said, giggling again._ “Forget the praise, child, you’re indeed me, at least my younger self. So much passion over your cause.” _She paused and smiled to her younger_ “May I ask you exactly which is it?”

“To protect Camelot’s people, magical and common alike.” _She answered raising her chin._

“Is it? After everything you’ve been through you replied so promptly. Did you even though deeply about it?” _the elder questioned her, while tilting her head from side to side._

“Can you, please, stop that? It’s difficult to keep a serious conversation while you keep acting like a damned owl!” _Morgana exclaimed._

“Who said that you have to be serious all the time?” _the old woman kept tilting her head_.

“You’re doing this on purpose! I’ve already told you that it annoys me!” _the younger said, irritated._

“So … what are you going to do about it? Force me to stop? Will you do that with everyone that irritates you?”

“No! I’m not like Uther! I don’t have a maddening need to control everything and everyone around me!” _the young said, sounding indignant._

“Is that so?”

“It is!”

_The old seer laughed loudly and continued:_

“At least you recognize that you are similar.” _Morgana tried to protest, but the elder kept talking:_

“Will it be enough? That and the will to change, to be different from him? Will it suffice?”

“I don’t know! The only thing that I can do now is try!” _Young Morgana said, trying to regain composure._

_Her older self smiled again, and spoke to her again, seriously this time:_

“Your intentions are good, Morgana. But you still have much anger residing inside of you. You are still bitter, hurt and with a hardened heart. The way you are now can lead you to many different paths. Some are of pain and suffering, others are of healing and mending, it is up to you to choose. Along the way, many questions will rise in which you must decide if you’ll solve them with hate or with love. Depending on your answer, you and those surrounding you can live in happiness or immerse in darkness.”

_Morgana kept silent, while thinking about what her elder self said._

“You see! That’s why I don’t like to be serious! You were talking so much just a few moments ago and now you have that somber look on your face and you are speechless, as if I just told you that you’re responsible for the whole world’s fate!” _the old one told her while giggling. Touching their foreheads, her elder self passed to her a wave of power and knowledge that left the younger one dizzy._

“You must discover your own truth, Morgana. What **you** really believe in. And I cannot respond that question.”

“Why not?” _a still confused younger one asked._

“Because you’d miss the best part of the journey! I don’t want to spoil the fun!” _her elder told her, grinning._ “Look at the time! You must go! I’m expecting someone else and you can’t be here when he gets here! So shoo, shoo” _she said gesturing with her hands._

_The image began to blur again while Morgana heard a final advice from her older self, while she chuckled:_

“Remember, Morgana, when you need someone to trust in, trust in yourself. And you no longer need to be afraid of sleep!”

 

 The young queen was once more in her quarters. She could feel her magic, stronger than ever, surging under her skin, while she was still dizzy. She decided to wait a little to regain her composure and think about everything her older self told her. Only for a while, after that, she would confront her sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I have more time, I’ll revise my previous chapters, they have a lot of mistakes that I probably didn’t notice because of my rusty English or the sleepy state I wrote some of then or even the autocorrector or my brain playing tricks on me. Like, last chapter I wrote “could” instead of “cold” and I swear that I thought I had written it correctly, I read “cold” there!!!!!! Maybe I need a beta-reader to avoid those mistakes … but I think it’s such a serious compromise, I know I’d establish dates and wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, thinking that I let my beta-reader down when I just don’t deliver it. So … I hope you guys have enjoyed this chapter and old crazy bat-shit Morgana. I just want assure you that she is not crazy there, just a lovely annoying old lady. Her inspiration was Yoda questioning Luke’s motives to become a Jedi. I think she didn’t even trolled Morgana enough, and some people might not even think that it was funny at all (but I do, I have a goofy sense of humor). Enough of my babbling! Next chapter is Mergana smut (finally!!) but I don’t know when I’ll write it, because life got me articles and stuff for my master to do. So basically, I have no idea of what I’m doing, ops, it wasn’t that, it was I have no idea when I’ll update again. See you next chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, it belongs to BBC  
> Warning! Contains Mergana smut scene, if you are underaged, please don’t read Merlin’s part in italic. Next chapter I’ll surely mention what happened, so please wait a bit.

**Somewhere at Gallia**

**Same timeline of Camelot**

 

_Merlin’s dream_

 

_They were at Morgana’s bedchambers, during nighttime. It was the last day of the feast dedicated to the signing of the Five Kingdoms treaty. In the following day all the visitors would return to their realms. As it was the last night of celebration, the castle servants had a lot of work to do, but, at that moment, Merlin was laughing aloud alongside her ladyship. She had helped him to successfully avoid the Prat Prince and his endless demands, so they were hiding in her room for the time being._

_While he was there, she offered some wine to him and they both had been drinking and chit-chatting, and for some unknown reason they stood up facing each other. In a drunken state they were spouting so much nonsense that it was actually funny, so they were constantly bursting into laughs from time to time, just like the one that began mere instants ago._

_“Arthur was hilarious! He was totally under a spell, thinking that he was capable of dressing himself! Can you believe that when he put his belt his shirt was stuck above it? He must have a talent to be such a clot pole, that’s the only explanation! How can a prince, someone that one day will rule an entire kingdom, not be able to put his own clothes on?” Merlin said, while grinning and laughing too. Morgana was chuckling, not that her step brother’s inability to dress himself was something new._

_“He doesn’t need to be enchanted to think he can do something he cannot. You are the one responsible for his helmets, right? Then you must know how it’s constantly necessary to stretch his helmets to fit his big head in!” She said, giggling._

_“Believe me, I know too well. And not just his helmets, his chainmail too needed to be replaced.” He approached her to whisper in her ear, barely containing his lips from grinning: “I have a suspicion that he might be pregnant. That’s the only explanation for his weight gain, mood swings and enormous appetite.”_

_Morgana laughed hard, to the point that tears were beginning to form on her eyes because of how much she was laughing. Merlin couldn’t restrain himself and joined her._

_The more they looked at each other, the more they laughed, until the point that they were no longer laughing of Merlin’s jokes or Morgana’s witty comments, there was no longer a reason for their laugh, but they continued anyway._

_During those moments, they were feeling a totally unexplained happiness, that exceed the usual glee expected from some funny keen remarks. It was turning into something different, more, as if just being in the other’s company was the only needed reason for such bliss._

_While savoring that delightful sensation, their eyes met. As they gazed at each other, their laughed died down, being replaced by genuine smiles that they couldn’t exactly contain, even if they wanted. He couldn’t quite figure out what was happening, he just felt the need to look at her, while she had an expression he couldn’t exactly recognize. He felt as if he was mesmerized not only by the  beauty of her eyes (and yes, they were beautiful, well, **she** was simply breathtaking), but by the promises that they withheld. For a moment, he could understand it. There, right in front of him, was that amazing, strong, kind, compassionate woman that wanted him, not to be her servant, loyal admirer or only a good friend. She wanted him to be something different, something more, as if she needed him to be her home, to fill her life with endless wonder, to be where she belongs. He understood that, he was mimicking her features, because, at that moment, he also felt that he needed her to be the same for him. _

_In a silent understanding, they kissed each other, both closing the gap between then with the same intent. They could sense the heat emanating from their bodies, it initiated from their rapidly beating hearts and spread all along their frame. It was so hot that they could pretty well be feverish, except that they weren’t. Merlin vaguely thought that their magic could also be part of_

_They stood there, intertwined in their arms, sharing a passionate kiss, that was barely able to refrain another outburst of laughing and their own smiles because the sensation that accompanied it was so addictive and so **good** and **right** that they felt the need to rejoice on it. It was as if they finally fit somewhere or with someone, to be more precisely; as if nothing else existed but them; as if nothing bad could ever happen; no heartache could ever reach them; as if they were finally safe and sound, and that brought an indescribable relief. Merlin felt as if his own soul was reverberating in tandem with hers._

_They broke the kiss in order to breathe, not that it was much effective, because they kept giggling nonstop in each other’s arms. Then, Morgana finally said something, after making sure that she could calm herself a bit first:_

_“Merlin, I love you.”_

_Not knowing how it was possible, Merlin’s heart beat faster when she spoke that, and he was overloaded with so much bliss that he was no longer capable of thinking straight and just kissed her again with such need, as if he could anytime awaken and discover that everything was merely a dream._

_From them on, they didn’t talk much, just giggled and grinned to one another every time their lips were apart, which wasn’t very often as they kissed with such hunger, as if they feared that the other could disappear anytime and those sensations, those feelings of belonging could be merely wishful thinking or their minds playing tricks on them._

_They touched themselves in a sweet and desperate manner, as if making sure that the other was there._

_Freya didn’t even pass through Merlin’s mind at that time and if he had remembered her, he would be able to notice that whatever it was that he felt for the druid girl palled immensely in comparison with what he was experiencing at that moment._

_Merlin’s entire attention was directed to Morgana and all the sensations that came from being around her and savoring her kisses, tracing the perfect contours of those sinful red lips with his own, sensing her silky curls between his fingers while he had grabbed a fistful of her hair, needing to touch it, and her smell. If he wasn’t already drunk, only her smell would be enough to completely inebriate him. He could taste the wine they had been drinking not long ago. Maybe all the alcohol was affecting his reasoning, but he didn’t want to think at all, every fiber of his being demanded that he focused only on her._

_The heat surrounding them was beginning to make their own clothes too hot to be inside of. So, they began to undress in a clumsily way, between heated kisses._

_Every part of their skin that was freed from their garments was almost immediately touched by the other, as if they didn’t want to miss any sensation that could come from the other._

_Once they were completely naked, Merlin forced his body apart from hers, because he wanted to admire her fully and imprint her image in his memory forever. She whimpered, missing his touch, but didn’t openly complain._

_They ogled each other’s bare frame until their eyes locked. When that happened, they could perceive more than mere lust between them, it was a genuine yearning unlike anything they had ever felt before and, at those brief instants, they could glance more than just their nudeness of clothes, they were bare of any barriers between them, they contemplated each other’s true self, even if for only a glimpse._

_Them they sensed such a strong impulse, prompting them to join their lips again and taste their mouths and tongues, that they swiftly closed the gap between them and were again intertwined in one another, touching everywhere they could access with her hands, legs, tights, mouths and other parts._

_They clumsily walked towards her four-poster bed without breaking their kisses. Morgana laid down with Merlin atop of her, placing his knees in the gap between her thighs. He caressed her arms slowing, his hands going up, smiling against her lips, just like she did with her own mouth. Separating their mouths, Merlin began placing soft kisses against her neck and jawline, while her hands roamed along his back, tracing every line of his. While he was administrating his caresses on her neck, Morgana whimpered and moaned softly, increasing his arouse. At that moment, his shaft twitched, touching her clitoris, and she gasped at the sensation._

_As two unexperienced youngsters, Merlin and Morgana had no idea of what they were doing, everything was new to them, so they tested that fresh feeling thrusting their hips against the other, causing friction between them._

_The thrill they felt was enough for make both of them gasp and keep their mouths open for a while. Then, their eyes locked again and that gleeful feeling was there again. Their lips met once more, muffling their moans, while they rubbed against each other in a frenetic rhythm._

_He could sense that there was something hot and slippery touching his shaft, and that their moans and gasp weren’t the only sounds. Where their bodies met some wet noises were heard, as well as the sound of flesh hitting flesh._

_His right hand was caressing her left breast, while his left arm he used to support his weigh above her. As it was getting harder to keep his movements, he putted his right arm too, propping himself in his elbows._

_Her left hand was placed at his chest, while her right one squeezed his left butt cheek, and she spread her legs even wider, to touch more of him._

_They kept doing this until he felt her going steady underneath him, while moaning louder and glowing her eyes gold. He could sense her magic caressing him when she achieve her orgasm, and for a moment was worried if he would have the same reaction and reveal his magic to her accidentally, so he stopped moving._

_Noticing his hesitation, Morgana kissed him deeply and in such a sweet manner that he had no doubt that she loved him. At that moment, he could completely understand just how much she loved him, and it was a lot. He felt as if utterly taken by an addictive happiness and couldn’t contain his grinning. Not only his lower regions were heated, his heart was so warm and good, that if he died then, he would go happily._

_When they broke the kiss, their eyes locked once more. He hadn’t yet reached his climax and he desperately needed to be inside of her, but he was trying to control himself, so he looked at her as if asking for permission. She nodded, while biting her lower lip, and that image make his shaft throb once again, violently._

_So, he looked to their middles, grabbed his member with his hand and positioned it at her entrance. Slowly, not to hurt her, he slid it until the very base. He groaned and provoked gasps and moans from Morgana._

_After he was completely sheathed, he paused, both to allow her time to adjust and not to spill his seeds immediately with the amazing sensation of her insides._

_He parted his lips and was assaulted by her mouth, claiming his with hunger. All their moving caused him to whimper as he concentrated not to finish right there. By then, Morgana was slowly moving her hips as he was trying to steady her._

_“Wait … Morgana.” Merlin whispered._

_“Merlin …” She said in a husky tone and nibbled his earlobe._

_He was about to climax at that point and to avoid it he used his magic._

_Feeling more confident, he tested unsheathing his member from her, and stuck it again slowly. She encouraged his movements, placing her legs around his waist._

_She moaned, making his shaft throb once more, and giggled when their eyes met._

_He then sped up his pace, making sure to test new angles to hit, listening to her response. He remembered that someone said something about a “magic button” as a female’s body part, that could make them feel even more pleasure, so he put his right hand between them and searched for it, finding her nub. When he did this, Morgana said:_

_“Yes, Merlin, there!”_

_So he guessed that he had found it._

_He kept making circular movements with his hips as she answered with moves of her own. They moved in tandem, aiming to pleasure themselves and their lover. Their moans and gasps filled the room, and he was thankful for the thick stone walls, that muffled most of the sounds._

_Their eyes met many times and every time that happened, he could feel her love for him and it made him extremely gleeful. Both of them couldn’t contain their giggles, moans, smiles and the bliss they felt._

_They kept this rhythm for a while, eventually kissing and tasting the other’s neck, licking their fingers, touching other body parts, nuzzling their heads and laughing until he felt her insides clamp around his length and he accompanied her, spilling his seed in her womb. He kissed her then, muffling their orgasmic voices, and feeling the heat of her heart against his chest._

_Then, he unplugged his shaft from her insides, noticing the blood between her legs, mixed with his semen. He was surprised, if there was blood, then it was supposed to have hurt, so he asked her:_

_“Did you feel pain, Morgana? Did I hurt you?”_

_She looked confused and said:_

_“No … I don’t think so, it was a little bit uncomfortable in the beginning, but then it only got better. You have nothing to fear, Merlin, I guess I am just too drunk to feel it now, maybe tomorrow it’ll actually hurt.” She told him, giving him a reassuring smile and kissing his lips sweetly._

_They cuddled and caressed each some more, until he fell asleep in her bed._

_Then he had another dream, one that involved Kilgarrah roasting a rabbit, sitting in a campfire with him and singing tavern songs._

_Another dream took replaced the previous, this time Arthur had ate too much, was having a stomach ache and complaining about it until ploft, another Arthur appeared and he had two prats to order him around._

 

Merlin awoke from his sleep. He had the annoying sensation that he was forgetting something important, but he couldn’t tell exactly what. He checked his companions’ bedroll, to make sure that they were ok. Arthur and Gwen were cuddling in their sleep, with the blonde spooning his wife while snoring by her side. Arthur was supposed to wake up Gwen for the second turn of watch over their camping, but apparently he couldn’t do it and for some inexplicable reason, the prat hadn’t kicked Merlin out of his own bedroll.

The young warlock guessed that Gwen didn’t let her husband wake him up to take the watch, as it was supposedly her turn, and that Arthur didn’t allowed his wife to face the chilly night alone, so they were just left unguarded. Merlin didn’t mind it, this time they were safe and no harm was done.

Fully awoken, the young dragonlord seated in a log near the camp’s fire, thinking about everything that had happened in that last month. They had left Camelot, embarked in a journey to god knows where and hadn’t found a single killer sent by Morgana. He thought that she wasn’t just going to let Arthur and Gwen go, so he had kept his guards up, waiting for the next threat … that didn’t come.

Merlin was shocked that she hadn’t attempted anything against Arthur’s and Gwen’s life in the meantime. She should probably know where they were headed (or have at least a clue), but up until that moment nobody, if he didn’t count the usual bandits in the road, had actually intended harm his friends.  

The more he thought about it, he only got more clueless regarding the witch’s true intentions. He didn’t like it, she might just be waiting to swoop over them and eliminate any remaining threats to “her” throne.

The worst part was that Merlin wasn’t sure if he was capable of protecting his friends. Ever since they left Albion, well its seas in fact, his magic has been weird, weaker, as if he was constantly surrounded by a suppressive atmosphere. It was hard to feel it underneath his skin, as if something wasn’t allowing magic to roam free.

When they first arrived in Gallia, he thought that it was only sea sickness, and his stomach was taking its time to settle again. He wrote a letter to his mother and Gaius right after he set foot on land again, so he didn’t make anything of the situation back then, he thought it was temporary, except that it wasn’t.

It was hard for him to access his powers and he didn’t know why. He had to concentrate deeper to achieve the same effect he instinctively had back at home. In fact instinctive magic wasn’t possible. He had to chant a spell in order to produce a spell with a third of its previous potency. So basically they were in a very bad situation and he was nervous every waking moment because he wasn’t sure he would be able to protect Arthur and their fate.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**At Camelot**

 

Morgana left her room, magically locking it and warding it against intruders. She had a bracelet to destroy later that same day, so she couldn’t afford anyone to swipe it from her. Cloaked against the cold, using her beautiful green one, she went to the stables and took a bunch of straw. She did a poppet and attached a strand of Morgause’s hair to it.

Then, she went to the palace’s study and asked a guard to summon her sister.

After he left, she chanted a spell, as she placed a small chain around the doll and her eyes glowed gold:

“C **lústor eallne þæs drycræftes hire sawle!** ”

The doll shined and the chains clutched to it in a tight grip. The seer hid the poppet in an intern pocket of her cloak. Not much longer, her sister entered the chamber, closing the door after her.

“You wish to speak, sister?” Morgause asked.

“Yes, Morgause.” The younger woman said in a serious tone of voice.

“I am here. Tell me what is in your mind.” Her sibling told her, while intertwining her own hands in front of her.

Morgana closed her hands in fists and spoke, with gritted teeth:

“I know what you did, Morgause! The bracelet was enchanted, but not only to heal or help me sleep! It was twisting me, turning me into the very own **MONSTER** I feared I was when I discovered my magic!” She said, raising her voice tone.

“Sister, I had to do it. I needed your undivided loyalty to our cause …” The blond-haired woman replied, being interrupted by her younger sibling that shouted:

“ **AND WHICH CAUSE IS IT? ARE YOU CERTAIN THAT IT’S TO BRING MAGIC BACK? OR THAT’S JUST AN EXCUSE TO DO A DAMNED BLOODTHIRSTY GODDESS WILL**?”

“Sister …” Morgause tried to calm her, opening her hands and separating her arms, trying to make a peaceful gesture.

“ **DON’T CALL ME THAT**!” Morgana said, wheezing and glaring at her sibling, taking a deep breath and continuing, this time without shouting, but still keeping a menacing tone:

“Real sisters care for each other, for their wellbeing. They love one another regardless of their opinion concerning some specific subject. Real siblings don’t go on turning the other into the very thing he or she fears the most.” Morgana stopped, feeling a thump in her throat before adding:

“You … you were everything to me once. Everything that I had left in this cruel world. You didn’t **need** to do that, Uther and Merlin were already able to detach my loyalties from Camelot.”

“But you wouldn’t be capable of doing what needed to be done, you’d keep an useless attachment to your brother, to your maid and to the people …” Morgause tried to reason with her.

“I would do what was right! Not your twisted version of it! But we could come to an understanding, Morgause!” The young queen said, raising her tone again.

“Morgana, I don’t follow **my** will, I follow the Goddess’s! We couldn’t came to a common ground because **I** don’t have a saying in Her wishes, **I** am only an **instrument** for Her will.” She paused briefly, changing her expression to a pleading one: “You know that, I taught you … and you too accepted to be completely devoted to Her.”

“That’s not entirely true! That day, the day you attacked Camelot with the knights of Medhir, you could have killed Uther if you just had let me die! But you didn’t, you traded your success in that mission for me!”

“Yes! And I did so partially because of my heart, but also partially due to the greatness **you** will achieve serving the Goddess!” Morgause said passionately.

“So … in the end, if you had to choose between me and the Triple Goddess you would still choose her, regardless of your own heart desire?” Morgana asked, allowing her sadness to her known.

“You already know the answer to that question, Morgana. You too have sworn the same vows that I have, you’re only not yet prepared to fully comprehend the truth.” Her sister said, trying to soothe her, and continued:

“I’m sorry for the methods that I used, but they were a necessary evil for the achievement of a greater cause.” The older woman said. She approached her sister and tried to caress her cheek, but Morgana grabbed her hand in the air and told her:

“Are you aware that by your logic **everything** that has ever happened in this land was the Goddess will? Do you comprehend that the **Great Purge** was also part of it? You said that **nothing** could ever occur contrary to **HER** wishes!” The young queen said, once more expressing her rage in her voice.

“Morgana …” Her sister tried to say, but was interrupted.

“I’m not finished! You once said that the Old Religion is all about balance to this earth, between good and evil, life and death, love and hatred, always some duality that needed to maintain its balance.” She said with gritted teeth, restraining herself not to shout, while her sister looked incredulously at her.

“But I refuse to believe in that! I refuse to accept that some crazy divinity that has **ALL** the power over **our** lives, choosing on a whim who can or can’t have everything they want, condemning and absurd number of people to a life of misery!”

Her sister keep gazing her in astonishment, as if Morgana had grew another head.

“You can’t do that, Morgana! That’s insanity! Nobody can defy the Goddess will! We can’t change our fate! We are only mortals! Listen to yourself, you’re sounding like a mad queen, clouded by your power!” Morgause tried to reason with her.

Morgana forgot she was supposed to remain at least controlled and shouted again, while crushing her sister’s hand in a tight grip:

“I MAKE MY OWN DESTINY! AND I WON’T ACCEPT A LIFE OF MISERY FOR ME OR MY PEOPLE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID SO!”  

If Morgause was feeling pain in her hand, she didn’t show, instead she chanted:

“ **Hleap on bæc**!”

As nothing happened, Morgause’s face finally betrayed the fear she was feeling. Her sister had glanced the future in the Crystal of Neahtid, worse, had gained powers that she couldn’t measure and that was backfiring. She tried once more:

“ **Hleap on bæc**!”

Morgana was smirking, that was a bad sign, her older sibling knew that, so she decided to confront her:

“What have you done?”

“I was just ensuring that you could feel the sensation of being stabbed in the back!” Her expression changed from a smirking one to an obviously enraged one as she said those words.

Regaining her composure, Morgause pulled her hand from Morgana’s death grip and asked, defiantly:

“And what will you do to me? Execute me like your filthy father would?”

“No, my true father wouldn’t do that, he was a good man, something that you can never understand.” The young queen said, raising her chin and continued:

“If I were like Uther, I’d burn you in the stake! But I’m not him! You’ll be imprisoned until I decide your fate.”

Then she swung her left hand and the study’s door opened, revealing three nervous guards too much afraid to intervene in the witch sister’s quarrel, as Morgana expected. The queen ordered:

“Guards, arrest her.”

Noticing their hesitation, she added:

“I’ll accompany her to the dungeons. She cannot do no harm, her magic is restrained.”

The guards nodded affirmatively, even letting some embarrassment for their cowardice show, and approached the High Priestess, shackling her wrists behind her back.

“Before we go, there is something I should do.” Morgana said, raising her hand to her chin and holding it, mimicking a thoughtful expression. Then she waved her hand and all her sister’s hidden weapons dropped on the floor, while Morgause glared at her for an instant, swiftly changing it for a mask of indifference.

“Now we can go!” Morgana said in a seemly cheerful tone.

 

* * *

As they reached the dungeons and she personally made sure that her sister was securely shackled in her cell, Morgana was leaving the dungeons when she was met Gaius in a corridor. He looked surprised as he spoke to her:

“Your highness, I just heard the news! You have arrested your sister!”

“Yes, Gaius. And that does concerns you because …?” she replied in an annoyed and questioning tone.

“My queen, I just desire what is best for Camelot. And arresting an Advisor in a great happening. It can be seen in a suspicious manner by the other.” He tried to be diplomatic.

“So, you were just making sure if my magic hasn’t fully corrupted me, like you believe that is what happens to people born with it! How thoughtful of you, Gaius!” she said, mocking him.

“I understand that you must be unsettled due to whatever disagreement you had with your sister, but those were not the manners that Gorlois has taught you when answering your elders.” He said, raising his eyebrow in a reprimand way.

“As I guess that lying to one’s face every single day of their existence isn’t how your parents have raised you, Gaius.” She answered bitterly.           

“My child …”

“I’m not a child! If you are so curious to know why I have quarreled with Morgause, then I’ll answer you! She just did the same thing that you and Merlin did: she betrayed me!” Morgana told him, visibly agitated.

Gaius looked shocked and promptly responded:

“But I have never betrayed you, my child. I always tried to protect you, to keep you safe and sound inside of Camelot.” He said, trying to soothe her.

“By drugging me with magic suppressors? That worked wonders!” She replied sarcastically. By then, the physician had a perplexed face when he answered:

“But how … did you know? I never told anyone and always kept my formula a secret.” He said guilty.

“I didn’t, Gaius, you just confirmed my suspicion.” She said, letting the hurt she was feeling being detected in her tone of voice.

Gaius raised his hand to his mouth as if doing so could turn back time and correct the slide of the truth.

Morgana stared at him, waiting for him to say something, anything, at least deny it, came up with a lame excuse, but she had got him off guard, she knew it. Feeling tired from all the events of the day, she decided to say:

“This is not the best place to have this conversation. Anyone can hear us and I … I have more things to ask you. I expect that you answer me truly, Gaius, that’s the least you can do to show any sort of repent for your lies.” She said in a calm tone, more so due to her fatigue.

The old man nodded to her and said:

“Please, accompany me to my quarters.” And he gestured for her to pass the corridors in the physician’s chamber direction. She did so, being closely followed by him.

When they arrived at their destination and Gaius closed the door, he pointed at a stool near the table and told her:

“Please, take a seat, my queen.” As she did so, he too settled in another stool, then spoke to her:

“Morgana, it is true that I have been giving you magic suppressors, mixed in your sleeping draughts, since you were a child. I admit it. But you must understand. I only did so in order to protect you from Uther’s persecution! Your father, Gorlois, asked me to do it! He was afraid that your dreams were visions, just like your mother’s were!”

She looked shocked with his confession, but didn’t stop him, even as he waited for a reaction from her. So, the physician decided to continue speaking:

“You were only five when you had your first vision. We didn’t know that Uther was your father by blood, at least if Gorlois knew he never told me, he pleaded my help as your father, he begged me to help you. He said he couldn’t afford to lose you, that he would do anything to protect you.”

Her eyes were starting to be filled with tears, but she didn’t make a sound. Gaius was beginning to be concerned, but kept going:

“You must understand … that time Uther drowned children that were suspected of having magic … So I gave your father’s physician the formulae and special ingredients. When Gorlois died and you came to live in Camelot I … I kept you safe, like I had promised him.”

A single tear left her right eye and Morgana rubbed her eyes to avoid crying there. She placed a finger in each eyelid, because that was the only way she knew she could contain her tears and still hold a conversation with the old man. She then told him:

“That doesn’t explain why you kept me in the dark when my magic grew strong enough to be contained by your inhibitors. No, considering you harbored a damn **warlock** in your quarters!” She said in an accusing way and heard him gasping as she wasn’t keeping eye contact.

“Morgana, who are you talking about?” He asked her, trying to keep a stoic voice.

The young queen retrieve her fingertips from her eyelids and stared at Gaius with red eyes and, with a determined expression on her face, tried to speak, but merely being able to whisper:

“Merlin.” As she said the warlock name, tears run freely through her eyes and she once more closed them and pressured them with her fingers, to avoid openly crying.

“Why?” she was capable of speak, while containing her sobs.

Gaius was heartbroken seeing her like that. He remembered her as a young child, just after she lost Gorlois. Back then, while she was grieving, she would react with rage to almost everybody’s words. She fought Uther’s commands and affections, determined to find her father again, even though she was aware that he wasn’t coming back. It was not in her nature to give up, to accept defeat. The only ones that could calm her were himself and Arthur. Back then, the young prince was a very sensible boy and was constantly scolded by Uther for that. The young Pendragon wasn’t scared by his new sibling continuous rage, shouting and flying fists, he persisted in his self-proclaimed duty to build her a new home, a safe haven. Gaius didn’t know which of them was the most stubborn one, all he knew was that in the end their golden prince prevailed and Morgana was no longer behaving like a wounded wild animal.       

Nevertheless her present grieve wasn’t something that her brother could fix or at least soothe her pain. The old man sighed. His own methods allowed such tragedy to take place. He knew she was going to confront him about everything and there was no escaping it.

She repeated her question again, this time gritting her teeth:

“Why?”

“Because I told him that he had to keep his magic a secret. Me and the Great Dragon.”

“Kilgarrah …” she whispered.

“I’m sorry, Morgana. I did what I thought it was the best. I actually believed that it would be better if you never developed your powers so that you didn’t have to hide from Uther.”

She looked at him again with her bloodshot eyes.

“That was not your decision to make. It was mine. I had the right to know the truth. Magic wasn’t my choice, Gaius, I had no control over it, I was a threat to myself and to everyone around me because I didn’t master my instinctive magic. But if you or Merlin had taught me I could have used it to help his and Arthur’s destiny – if what the dragon said was true, not just a lie to manipulate Merlin.” She said in an impressively calm tone as he was expecting her shouts or magic blasts by them.

She was making perfect sense and that only made him question even more if his decisions were the correct ones. He sighed again. He was feeling a guilt similar to the one he felt when he simply watched an uncountable amount of innocent people be condemn to death by the previous king.

“You know that Merlin poisoned me.” It was more an affirmation than a question, so he just nodded.

“And yet … yet … you …” she was wheezing for the second time that day, while her eyes were filled with tears again. It was painful to watch such a strong young woman expressing those emotions, so the old man decided to spare her the trouble and said:

“I didn’t tell him about your child. He doesn’t know, even today. It would only be cruel to him. When he had to poison you he was heartbroken to do so, but he said you didn’t give him other choice. You are aware that he only did that to save Camelot and Arthur, Morgana. He didn’t want to, he just couldn’t find another way.”

Gaius’s words struck her, especially the last sentence. Merlin too was a puppet of fate, maybe even as fanatic as her sister, the only difference was that he was in the opposite side, protecting the Pendragons. She thought that if she had told him she was with child, his children, he would have found another way, that he wouldn’t give up on her so easily. But that was the past and there was nothing she could do to change that. Brood about it wouldn’t do any good, it could only bring more misery.

So, exhausted with everything that had happened that day, Morgana only nodded to the old man’s words, stood up from her seat and went in the direction of the door.

She was halted by Gaius’s question:

“My queen, what do you intend to do now?”

She spun to look at him and said:

“To you, nothing. Camelot needs a physician and you are the only one available here, Gaius, at least for the moment. For now, I’ll tolerate your presence, as long as you avoid talking to me or treating me like a damn child!” she said the last sentence with authority in her voice.

“I … thank you, your Highness.” He bowed.

She turned again and left his quarters, going to Arthur’s bedchambers because she didn’t want to go back at hers and Uther’s always make her remember of the tyrant king. She wanted something familiar to rely on, now that the only object that somehow calmed her nerves by its mere existence was in reality her doom.

So she went to the only place that could bear a similarity to something that she once had, but lost in the way: a family or at least a sense of belonging.

She laid in her brother’s bed, like she did before when she was only ten years-old and he was nine. She fell asleep shortly, due to her fatigue.

That night she didn’t dream of visions, but a memory, a painful one, as it showed something she knew she couldn’t have. It was about when she said “I love you” to Merlin and they made love, except that she was the only one that thought that love was involved in his actions. After that night he avoided her like the plague, so the only reasonable explanation was that he just hadn’t felt the same way. So, she was left emotionally crippled as her mind replayed those scenes and, even while she slept, tears flowed through her eyes down to her face, soaking the pillow she had rested her head in.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the spells:  
> “Clústor eallne þæs drycræftes hire sawle!” – Lock all the magic of her soul!  
> “Hleap on bæc” – Flip on your back.  
> I have another suggestion of soundtrack here, at least for the final part. It is an OST from a Korean Drama, so it’s a Korean song. I don’t understand a word they say, but the melody is good and the lyrics are heartbreaking, it is called “That man” or “That woman”. If you got curious, look for the song with English lyrics. I prefer the translation of “That man”, but they are the same, it’s just that people translated it better, I guess.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, it belongs to BBC.

**At Camelot**

**Two days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

Morgana woke up, still in the white dress she wore during the previous day. When both sorceresses where accessing the Crystal of Neahtid’s power – in fact only her, which lead to the discovery of another betrayal on her list, probably the most significant of them all – none had thought about getting ready for bed, even if it was already getting late. _Maybe because witches function better after midnight_ , she thought sarcastically.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to fully awake. She was so tired last night that not even a single vision disturbed her slumber, even without any sleep-induce methods. _Oh, guess I found a permanent manner to ensure a peaceful sleep – I just have to be emotionally battered every single day. Great!_. She thought again.

Standing up, the young queen traced a plan of action for the day: first she had to get back to her chambers, even though she didn’t want it, to get ready for the day and place **that** thing in a secure place until she could think about the best way to get rid of it and its effects. Maybe she had to talk to Gaius again, and that idea got her cranky. After what she told him, run for his help at the first sign of trouble definitely showed how weak and immature she was, exactly what he had called her, a child. No, she would find a solution for her own problems, she would no longer be a dependent naïve girl, waiting for her savior to rescue her. The last time she has shown such fragility her opportunistic sister saw the perfect chance to exploit her, mold her into a mindless bloodthirsty beast, whose sole purpose in life was to seek revenge – regardless if it was a just cause or an insane, hate induced quest like Uther’s.

No, refusing to accept other’s views about herself meant that she had to face her demons, without anyone assistance. She owed it to her subjects, she owed it to all magic users, everyone that was persecuted just for how they were born. Her life wasn’t only her own, her duties came before her personal wishes. And her most important obligation was to provide a safe haven, a place where everybody could be free and unafraid of injustice, a kingdom unrestrained by believes, and punishments for disagreeing with those notions, that imprisoned its citizens into a life of misery. That’s what she thought, before she discovered her magic and the fear of persecution almost consumed every fiber of her being. Previously, she was brave, valiant, didn’t doubt herself constantly, wouldn’t think twice before helping someone in need.

 _Maybe I’m only a shadow of that girl and after everything that happened I can never go back. I guess that I’ll do what it is truly right – not what Morgause manipulated me into believing that was correct – but this time deal with the consequences, all of them. That’s probably what growing up means. That and providing happiness to those around me while dragging my bitter heart alongside._ She thought to herself.

Sighing, Morgana left her brother’s room and directed herself to her own chambers, stopping hesitantly in front of the door. She noticed that a maidservant was also there, with a tray of food and a confused expression, gazing at the queen, but apparently too afraid to actually move at all. Sighing again, the seer told the young scared looking red-haired woman:

“You must be a new servant, right? What is your name?”

The red-haired woman bowed before answering:

“Sefa, your Highness.”

Morgana smiled weakly at the other woman and continued:

“Sefa, I won’t have breakfast in my chambers. I’d like you to place that tray in another room and also prepare a bath there. When you’re finished, come back here to call me, right? I’ll pass more instructions then.”

“Yes, m’lady.” She bowed again and was already turning to leave, when she stopped and asked:

“Is there a room of your preference, your Highness?”

“No, Sefa. But I think that the third guest room shall suffice.” Morgana replied.

The servant bowed once more and left.

The queen took a deep breath and dispelled the enchantment that kept the room locked, entering and magically locking the door again. She didn’t want to be interrupted.

Her bed was a mess. There were scattered pillows, bloodstained sheets and pillows (the ones she used to stop her nasal and auricular bleeding) and perhaps a burnt mark in the mattress – fortunately nothing that actually provoked a fire.

She reckoned the room to find Morgause’s bracelet. When she located it, she went to her vanity, picked a jewel box, emptied its contents in a drawer and, taking a random scarf, enveloped the magical artifact in the cloth, placing it inside of the small box. Then, she chanted “ **Hæftinge** ” and it closed.

She wasn’t sure of what to do with it. Certainly, she needed to better inspect the spell’s depth and influence, but touching that thing wasn’t an option, yet it was necessary to determine the full extents of the bracelet’s effects. She needed another magic user, one that she could trust that task to, and preferably one that had lots of knowledge regarding magic artifacts.

The first name to come to her mind was Gaius’s, but she couldn’t exactly trust him, not after all the lies he told her. Then, she came up with an idea. Morgause was exchanging correspondence with other priests, sorcerers, healers, druids, witches and warlocks. It was plausible that at least one of those wouldn’t follow the same procedures of her sibling, nor the same believes. So maybe, she could employ their services for either know the true dimension of her sister treachery and, depending of that, commission a counter spell or something similar, that could get her totally rid from the burning rage that consumed her.

That was it. She was going to search Morgause’s possessions for every little thing that could be useful and use it to **her** own cause.

Then, Morgana started choosing a new gown for the day, along with the jewelry and make-up to match her outfit. Also, she decided to empty her cupboard, as she would move her belongings to another room, and resolving to use it as an additional container for the cursed bracelet.

So, when Sefa finally knocked on her door and Morgana dispelled the locking enchantment, opening the door, the poor young maid was presented to a war zone. Her queen’s chamber had a bloodied bed, with some burnt marks, clothing spread on top of chairs, table and vanity – which, by the way, also had its content scattered, as her ladyship kept taking things from it. The young servant – while trying to hide her shocked expression, unsuccessfully – asked her mistress:

“My lady, what happened here?”

“Oh, this?” Morgana questioned while pointing her index finger to her surroundings and continued “I’m thinking about refurnishing this room. As I must have said at some point, I no longer desire to occupy it, so we’ll have to do some changes, like moving my possessions to another chamber, the third guest room is fine for the moment.” Morgana replied with a reassuring smile that didn’t fulfill its purpose, as the young serving girl remained unsettled. Then, Sefa inquired her:

“But, your Highness, that doesn’t explain all the blood and burnt marks! Are you unwell? If that’s the case, I’ll fetch Gaius immediately to examine you, m’lady!” The red-haired woman said, almost in a single breath.

The queen touched her shoulder in a delicate manner, trying to placate the maid’s stir and told her:

“I’m touched for your concern, Sefa, but that isn’t needed. I’m fine, I can assure you.” Morgana told her, keeping eye contact. Realizing how improper was her action regarding their positions, Sefa once more was completely scared, so she lowered her head, assuming a submissive posture, and spoke to her mistress:

“Forgive me, m’lady, I, as a mere servant, am not and will never be in a position to question your actions. It is just that … m’lady, you give us all hope.” Then she spared a glance at the queen, but swiftly lowered her head again, as if she thought she was indignant of her ruler’s benevolence, and continued: “My father was born with magic and, ever since King Uther imposed the ban of magic, he has been running for his life. For as long as I can remember, we have been moving, never settling for more than a few months at a time.”

She paused briefly to inhale some air and kept going: “He was formely a druid, so he has the marks on his skin, but disagreed with their pacifist ways. He thinks that people have to fight for what they believe in, but before me, my brothers and sisters were of age, he said he wouldn’t risk the king’s wrath to befall upon us, so he kept waiting.” The serving girl spared another glance at her mistress, being more confident when she noticed that the emerald green eyes of her queen held an understanding look. So she added: “That’s why, your Highness, that when you lifted the ban all of us were overjoyed with the prospect of a Queen that would be just, merciful and good, like everybody desires. Because you exist, because you are here, to save us, our everyday lives have been filled with hope. Hope that we will live in a better place, hope that my father have the right to be who he is, without being afraid.” By then, the young maid glanced at the Morgana with tear-filled eyes.

“You no longer have reasons to fear, Sefa. I’ll restore magic to its rightful place and I’ll protect every one of my subjects. Camelot will be a place in which everybody can be free. Nevertheless, right now I need your help to move my possessions to the other room. Shall we?” Morgana said, while extending her arm to the door.

 _I’m not sure if this girl is telling me the truth or if she is an extremely talented spy/assassin sent by a neighboring kingdom. Her timing is just too much perfect, exactly when I need someone more experienced with magic she comes and present me one. If my previous experiences had taught me something is never to trust completely in a stranger, someone that you just met._ Morgana thought.

Meanwhile, the maid grabbed her mistress’s selected clothing, jewels, cosmetics and shoes, as the queen pointed at them, accompanying the seer through the corridor that led to the designed chambers, after the queen magically locked her previous bedchamber door. They chatted while on their way:

“So, Sefa, what is your father name?”

“Ruadan, m’lady.” The red-haired woman answered.

“Can you send word for him? I desire to gather all the magic wielders that long to help me build a better Camelot for us all. I think your father might be just the type of person that can assist me in this task.” Morgana said while smiling to her.

“Of course, your Highness!” Sefa squealed in joy, tried to bow and unbalanced herself in the middle of her euphoria, so Morgana grabbed her arm to prevent her from falling. A little embarrassed for her own clumsiness, but still too much happy to assume a courteous expression, Sefa continued, with a grin that almost made the corners of her lips touch her ears:

“It’s a great honor for him, for all of us! Everybody at home will be overjoyed with the wonderful news!” Morgana thought that if Sefa had her hands free she would be clapping them, so she smiled genuinely at the girl, and said:

“Fine, Sefa.” them changed her tone of voice, to a more commanding one, and added: “Now you must help me bathe and get dressed for the day. Later on, when you have gathered other servants to help you move my possessions, I will accompany you in order to pass new instructions and deal with unfinished subjects.”

Sefa bowed again and replied:

“Yes, m’lady.”

Both women arrived at their destination and the servant helped her mistress in her daily tasks.

  

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Council Chambers**

**Three hours later**

 

Morgana was dressed in a green gown, wearing her crown and many other jewels, as well as her trademark red lipstick and eyeliner, with her hair parted right in the middle and her curls cascaded freely. She was surrounded by Camelot’s noblemen and advisors. Most of the men held a silly expression on their faces, always grinning in an idiotic manner, probably due to Morgause’s spells. The only ones that didn’t act like mindless worshippers of herself were Geoffrey of Monmouth and Gaius, with the difference that the first was trembling constantly and the last was simply keeping a stoic expression.  

 _I have to evaluate whose knights and nobles will stand by my side, after I have freed them from Morgause’s control. It’s necessary for some to remain enchanted, those that would never accept magic to roam free in this land again, but the others deserve a chance to show their value – and it’s merciful, getting them rid of these silly faces._ The queen thought.

Meanwhile, Sir Leon was speaking, obviously grinning like a dork:

“My queen, we registered two riots from yesterday to this morning. They were all vile magic haters, but were all arrested and now await for your just judgment in the dungeons.” He said that, fisting his hands to convey his indignation towards the peasants.

“I’ll pass their sentences tomorrow, Leon. Today we shall discuss more important matters.” Morgana said.

“Has any word arrived from our spies? How are Cenred, Odin and Caerleon taking the news? Are any of these kings preparing for war or have already declared it against Camelot?” She asked in a stern tone of voice.

“We have received a message, from our spy in Essetir.” Leon told her, grinning. “He sent a bird, so the message got here in a short time. King Cenred was killed last night and now Lot reigns Essetir. King Lot blames our High Priestess Advisor, the lady Morgause, for the deed.” Leon gritted his teeth and closed his fist hard – to the point that Morgana thought that could draw blood if he weren’t wearing gloves – and continued: “That treacherous bastard, speaking ill of my beloved queen’s sister. If I meet him, I’ll crack his neck right away! How dare he!” He said indignant.

“Leon, calm yourself. What else did our spy inform us?” The queen questioned.

“That Lot plans to declare war to Camelot using that excuse. Apparently he had already assembled enough men to invade our kingdom – as if he already knew that we would lift the ban –, so we are expected to receive his declaration alongside with his army at our doorsteps.” The first knight replied.

Morgana was content that even if he was enchanted, Leon could keep part of his own reasoning, unlike others of her “fan club” that were almost drooling with her mere sight.

“When he openly proclaims this war against us, others will follow. So we must reinforce our garrisons, and prepare for battle in many fronts.” He said so almost sternly, but right after he spoke the last sentence, his silly grin took over again.

“What is more important, Leon, is how did he framed Morgause for Cenred’s death. Everything, from Cenred’s demise right after my coronation and lift of the ban, alongside with the fact that Lot swiftly maneuvered and reunited an entire army in a single day, is enough to estimate that this isn’t an impulsive action. It was a long-term or at least mid-term plan. We all are aware that Morgause spent most of yesterday by my side and now is imprisoned due to treachery, but she didn’t have any connection to Lot.” The queen said.

“The message doesn’t say much about the circumstances of Cenred’s death. Only that it happened later at night and that the entirety of Essetir’s court witnessed the Lady Morgause throwing a fire blast against the former king during dinner.” Leon answered.

 _One more thing to ask Morgause, nicely._ The queen thought. Keeping a stoic expression, she told them:

“Lord Cygnus, you’re the most prominent lord of the eastern borders. You must send word to the minor lords, so that they assemble the peasants at the nearby fortresses.”

Said lord replied goofily: “Yes, your Highness.”

“You also must ensure that the villages’ grain stocks are transported too. We are near Samhain, they won’t be able to survive winter without their food supply.”

“Yes, my liege.”

“Also, send word to your son, Cygnus. I want him to form a group of five brave men and send a special patrol to scout Lot’s army. They must depart tomorrow at dawn.” She said.

“Yes, my queen.” The lord replied.

“Geoffrey. I need you to gather the Purge’s records. I’ll exam them later. You must leave the books at the study. Also, I want you to register that Morgause is no longer my heir nor the High Priestess Advisor. In fact, you must change that title to Magic Advisor.” She told the scrivener. Still trembling, he complied:

“Yes, my queen.”

“Gaius, assemble any number of servant that you may require to produce healing poultices in large scale. Also, prepare medical kits for our soldiers, for them to take to campaign. The royal coffers shall pay for any materials that you need to acquire.”

“Yes, my queen.” The physician replied, raising one of his eyebrows.

“Leon, warn the other lords to enlist more soldiers for our army. Make sure that they receive a proper payment, from our coffers if needed.”

“Yes, your Highness.” He said with a silly face, but frowned and inquired her: “But how are we going to retrieve the money for that? Shall we raise the taxes? I do not think that’s wise, my queen –”

“Sir Leon, that won’t be necessary. In fact, the taxes must be lowered. The people is on the brink of starvation due to the excessive amount of tributes they pay us.” Morgana said and continued as the first knight opened his mouth to say something else:

“You mustn’t worry, Leon. I already have a solution for that matter. There’s plenty of resources in the royal coffers.” She assured him.

Almost everybody was appeased with her answer, except for Gaius and Geoffrey, the ones her sibling probably thought that were too much insignificant to actually cause any hassle in her reign.

“For now, you’re dismissed.”  She told them, finishing the meeting.

As the men were preparing to leave, Morgana halted the first knight:

“Not you, Leon. I wish to speak to you in particular.”

He nodded and approached her, as she also left her seat and looked around to make sure that no one was there, also chanting a silent spell to soundproof the council room.

 **“Béo ábródene fram ænig diht”** Morgana chanted at him.

Suddenly, Sir Leon blinked and glanced at her alarmed, finally regaining his free will.

“Lady Morgana … erh … Queen Morgana, what happened here? You have magic, not only that, you lifted the ban!”

“Yes, Leon. You were present at my speech, if my memory doesn’t fail me.” She answered a little annoyed.

“But magic is –”

“What? Evil? Tell me, Leon, do you think that the Druids, people that only wish to live in peace and actually help those in need are evil? Or do you think that a child, born with magic, deserves to be burnt in a pyre simple because of how she or he was born? Or else, do you think it is just to sentence to death every single person that merely talked to a sorcerer or served him or her a cup of mead?” She asked him, visibly irritated.

He merely denied by shaking his head. So, she proceeded:

“I just did what was right. I was born with magic and my own father would have me executed for it. So I did what any sensible person would: I put an end to this madness.”

By then, he was clearly ashamed, but still protested:

“Forgive me, my queen, but I still believe that magic is a dangerous matter. Up until now I wasn’t fully myself and I suspect that it has something to do with sorcery.”

“You were enchanted by Morgause, to obey hers and mine every whim. She also incited you to be a fierce defender of magic users and enforce our laws.” The queen answered. He was about to oppose her when she interrupted:  

“She did it to ensure that a civil war wouldn’t occur in Camelot. Everyone that she thought that had any power to influence others was dealt with. Mostly, she just enchanted them, molding their wills to obey our commands – at least that’s what she told me.”

“My lady, does that means that –”

“Yes, almost every lord is under her spell. But I bind her magic, so she can’t change the original command.”

“You must release them immediately!” He exclaimed.

“I’ll do no such a thing. Haven’t you heard me before? If I do so, I’m risking a civil war! We can’t fight internally too! In the next months, it’s possible that Camelot’s soldiers must fight in four or more fronts!”

“My lady, I’m sure that some of the lords will be upset because you restored magic and your sister enchanted them, but I’m sure that we can convince them otherwise.” He pleaded to her.

“Leon, think straight. Uther’s prejudice has been imbued in those men minds for the last twenty-four years! Do you think that because this or that kingdom has declared war to us that automatically turn their loyalty to me, as their sovereign? I’m a woman, heirless and a witch to top it all – oh, and that isn’t a self-deprecation statement, that’s technically the word to categorize me, because I was born with magic and I’m a female. Tell me, Leon, what stops then to support another king or a charismatic noble in order to depose me? It happened before, Uther claimed the throne like this!”

He looked at her startled, noticing that she was making a lot of sense. Nevertheless, he still added:

“But Arthur –”

“My brother was always bound to big gestures that didn’t solve anything. Surely, stop a harsh tax collection in public is a very popular measure, that makes everybody loves him, but in the end was ineffective. He couldn’t change Uther’s mind and the people still suffered, not that it was Arthur’s fault, the king was enchanted by that Troll lady back then.” She paused before continuing:

“What I’m doing or at least allowing, isn’t correct in the perspective of the knights code’s standards, nor in my own previous ones, but it’s necessary. To oppose effectively our external threats, we must be internally stable or else the kingdom will fall apart.”

“I’m sure that there are other ways to solve that problem, my queen. You are resorting to the very methods that made magic a fearful thing.” The commander of the troops told her.

“Leon, I don’t expect that you agree with me, nor admire, respect, like, trust or appreciate me in any way. What I demand of you is that you obey me, protect Camelot’s people – including those with magic and their families – and, at last, express your true opinions about any subject. I am not the most well versed person in the arts of war, what I do know of it comes from the books I was able to smuggle and hide from Uther’s view. Also, I don’t need another mindless follower, that’s basically what Morgause turned most of Camelot’s nobility to.” She said sincerely.

“My queen, I have sworn an oath to this kingdom. You are my sovereign, even though I don’t agree with your methods. And I won’t break my vows, I’ll protect Camelot with my whole life, you can rest assured.” Leon replied.

“Good. The content of this conversation is a private one, Leon. You mustn’t divulge it to anyone, do you understand?” She told him, sternly.

“I do, your Highness.” He opted for just answering that for the moment.

“So, now that we achieved an agreement, you are dismissed.” She said and left the council room, walking towards her older sibling quarters. She had a lot of work to do, assessing Morgause’s correspondence and later would pay her “beloved” sister a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No more Emo Morgana for now? Yeah, I think that she has a lot in her hands, got plenty of work to do. She wants to be self-sufficient (not sure if that’s the right word).   
> Meaning of the spell “Hæftinge” – fasten a lock.  
> And “Béo ábródene fram ænig diht” – be freed from any command


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.  
> This chapter is a shorter one, because it was supposedly part of the previous one – but I hadn’t finished writing it and had a considerable amount of words, so I just posted yesterday. Anyway, here it is! Trollgana and Trollgause, just the perfect siblings!

**At Camelot’s Dungeons**

**Two days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

Morgause was shackled to the prison’s walls, while seated on top of the makeshift bed inside her cell. She was facing her sister, the queen, that had her guards bring a seat for her royal backside. The High Priestess faced her younger sister directing her a death glare, whereas the young queen looked at her with a wicked grin on her face. Morgana was the first to break the silence:

“Hello, dear sister” She said the last word hissing. “How did you like your new accommodation? Does it suit you?” Morgana asked in a mocking tone.

“Do not think that whatever you have planned will work! I’m a High Priestess! My faith is unshakeable! You’re only wasting your time! I won’t bend nor will tell you a word of my purposes!” Morgause answered defiantly.

“Oh, but that’s not what is going to happen, Morgause. You’ll sing like a bird, you shall answer every single one of my questions.” The young queen smiled wickedly, because a smirk wasn’t enough to fully express her excitement.

“As I told you, I won’t bend, I won’t broke and I’ll never accept whatever belief that you exchanged our Goddesss for. You can kill me if you want, but now this: that isn’t any different from that scoundrel of a father that you had.” The blond-haired woman replied, with gritted teeth.

“And now you show your true colors! Where is all the love that you once said you felt towards me, Morgause? Did it vanished as quickly as your supposed loyalty to me?” Morgana asked.

Her sibling merely snorted, defiantly.

“As you refuse to talk to me, dear sister, I think that I should bring someone else to this conversation.” Morgana told her, while pouting and placing her index finger on top of chin, mimicking a thoughtful expression, even turning her eyes to look at the roof. Then, she fisted her right hand, hitting slightly the palm of her left one and said:

“Ah, I know exactly who could help!” So the queen retrieved the poppet she used the previous night to enclosure her sibling’s magic and spoke:

“Morgause, meet Dollgause!” The queen said, while shaking the doll to the other witch.

The High Priestess’s eyes grew wide at the sight, but she promptly recomposed herself, maintaining an enraged expression.

“That’ll never work! A poppet can’t be used to compel someone to spill his or hers secrets!” The blonde-haired woman growled.

“Oh, but you forget something, Morgause.” Morgana said while keeping a friendly tone, just to change it moments later: “I’m more powerful than you! I can easily break some of those useless magic laws!” The last sentences she spoke in an enraged tone.

“Shall we begin? Ready?” Morgana asked, sarcastically. Morgause only glared at her.

“Now, Morgause, tell me one thing: when you used me as a source for your sleeping spell, was it really harmless for those that where near me as you have told before, when you gave me the antidote?” Morgana asked, but her older sibling remained quiet, looking defiantly.

“Oh, we have to ask the other Morgause, huh? The nice one?” Morgana frowned her eyebrows in question.      

“Ok, we’ll do it your way.” Morgana told her and chanted to the doll: “ **ácwiðe mé** ”  

Morgause tried to fight the command and keep silent, but her sister’s magic was stronger than hers, so she answered instead:

“It wasn’t harmless … it was meant to cause a painful death to everyone in Camelot after a bit of time.” Morgause replied, stifling in the words she said.

“I already like this Morgause better! She doesn’t lie to me, does everything that I say and still has a lovely figure. She is even cute, with all that straw!” Morgana spoke, sarcastically and shaking the doll in front of her puffing sibling.

“Now, second and third questions: Since when was the bracelet enchanted to twist me and what were your reasons to do it?” Morgana inquired and before her sister opened her mouth to speak, she chanted at the poppet: “ **ácwiðe mé sóþe** ”

“I … it was … argh … before I challenged Arthur for the duel … at the Isle of the Blessed … I placed the enchantment and … concealed it” She replied between gasps, paused for a moment, still fighting the compelling spell and continued: “I … I did it … to gain your … undying … loyalty … as I said before!” The last sentence she yelled at her sister. Morgana wasn’t even giving her a chance to answer before commanding, nor was trusting that she would answer with the truth, even though the only real secret she kept from her was the dammed spell in the amulet!

 ** _I_** _shouldn’t have placed my hopes in you, Morgana!_ The High Priestess thought and snarled at the queen.

“Hum … so does it mean that you actually believed that I’d follow you blindly and, in the meantime, condemn to death everybody that I held dear, at least back then?” Morgana asked.

“Oh, not only I did believe, Morgana, I was right! You followed me around, all day, like a lost puppy when **I** saved you!” Morgause hissed and added, mockingly mimicking her sister’s voice: “Sister, I feel so sad, I no longer desire to live. Sister, all of them would see me burn in a stake and feel rejoiced with my death, I’m so scared! Sister, the father of my children poisoned me, forcing me to abort them, but I am unable to kill that bastard with my own hands, can you do that for me?”

Morgana, in an access of fury, slapped her sister’s face with so much strength that if her sibling wasn’t shackled to the walls, she would have fallen on top of the bed. Her lip was bleeding by then. Dizzy from the hit, Morgause shook her head to clear the fog in her mind and once more said:

“Not so different from your dear father, huh? Uther Pendragon would be proud of you.” The High Priestess said defiantly.

“You just answer my questions, Morgause, nothing more, nothing less.” The queen told her sternly.

“What is your main goal?” Morgana inquired.

“You already know! To bring magic back to this land! The restore the Old Religion to its former glory!” Morgause replied promptly.

“If I set you free, will you harm me and Camelot’s people in case I disagree with your views?” Morgana questioned her, giving her sibling a chance to spontaneously answer before she compelled her to.

“That’s an idiotic question like all your others! What do you think, Morgana? Or being a whining spoiled princess most of your life has affected your wits?” Morgause spitted at her, but Morgana’s magic diverted the spit’s trajectory to the High Priestess face.

“You give me no choice.” By then, Morgana sounded disappointed as she cast the spell:

“ **ácwiðe mé sóþe** ” And her sister was forced to answer:

“I wouldn’t think twice before stepping on all of Camelot, you included, if that meant I would fulfill my sacred duty! I obey only the Triple-Goddess! Don’t you ever think that **you,** or anything else, would **ever** stop me from pursing the achievement of the Goddess’s will!” Morgause told her, rebelliously.

“I see …” Morgana told it in a frustrated tone, but immediately changed her demeanor and continued, being sassy: “That’s it! I **do** prefer Dollgause in comparison to you!” She stood up from her seat while speaking: “Let’s go, Dollgause, if we keep ourselves too much time close to her, we’ll get her rabies! We don’t want that, do we? You still have to help me ensure that magic is freely practiced in this land!” The queen announced to the poppet while leaving the cell.

Getting desperate, Morgause pleaded:

“Wait! What will happen to me? I am the last High Priestess of the Old Religion, Morgana! Even if we cannot see eye-to-eye with each other, you can’t simple eliminate me and the knowledge I possess, because that would be a great strike against the Old Religion!”

“We’ll see this later, sister.” Morgana hissed. “For now, you can keep yourself comfortable here, in your new chambers.”

Then, the queen left the dungeons, leaving behind her sister, the last High Priestess.

 

* * *

 

**At Lord Cygnus lands**

**Dawn of the third day after Morgana’s coronation**

 

Lohengrin Cygnus was readying his horse to leave for the scouting mission. He and four loyal men and friends, Anwell, Bryce, Titus and Tuathal, were set to leave at the first ray of light, not wearing Camelot’s or his father’s coat of arms. They were supposed to pass for a normal group of travelers, not a small patrol.

As they set their possessions on their horses, an intense flash of light momentarily blinded that. When the group of men were able to see again, they noticed the Queen of Camelot herself appeared, standing still right in front of then. She was wearing a chainmail, had a sword and a shield with her, while her hair was fashioned in a bun.

For what seemed like an eternity, all five men just stood there, with their open mouths, looking at her dumbfounded.

She cleaned the dust from her armor before speaking to them:

“I’ll need a horse too. I’ll join you in this scouting mission.” And she grinned at them.

Taking several seconds to process the situation, Sir Lohengrin, remembering to whom he was addressing – even though the shock of witnessing her Highness doing magic right before their eyes was still there –, ordered a servant to ready a mare for his liege and told her:

“My Queen! I didn’t expect you here! My father sent me a bird to inform me of my assignment, but didn’t mention that you’d join us!” He said, still dizzy due to the events.

“That’s because I hadn’t told him.” She answered and approached him, until she was close enough to whisper so only he could hear: “It’s our little secret.”

“Forgive my insolence, your Highness, but is it wise to leave Camelot without its ruler and depart in such a dangerous mission?” The young lord inquired.

“Sir Lohengrin, I take a special interest in the success of your scouting operation. A failure isn’t an option and there’s more to it than merely assessing Lot’s forces. So, for the good of Camelot, I insist in accompanying your party.” She told him with a reassuring smile.

 _As if I had a choice._ Sir Lohengrin thought to himself.

“Very well, my queen. My men and I are at your disposal.” He bowed.

“Good.”

After several minutes, the servant returned with a mare for Morgana. Lohengrin helped her mount the animal, them all the others too settled themselves on their horses. By then, the queen spoke:

“Shall we go?”

The men said a “yay” in unison and followed her lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the speels:  
> “ácwiðe mé” – imperative of the verb to tell. So basically she says: tell me.  
> “ácwiðe mé sóþe” – same from above, only difference is that the last word means truly.  
> Next chapter we’ll know more! Like theories and such things, but for now, that’s all, folks! Don’t know when I’ll update. I like to surprise you! And if you could, please surprise me too, reviewing this fic!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.  
> This chapter has a lot of theorizing about a lot of stuff and maybe it can be considered offensive for some religions (or maybe I’m just being paranoid). In any case, everything that it is written here is just … fiction, it doesn’t have any religious motivation. If in any case you got offended because of this chapter, I apologize beforehand, that was certainly not my intention. I only write this fiction for fun, please don’t take what it’s written seriously.  
> Now that the warning was done, thank you all for keeping track of this fic, accompanying and reviewing it! Cookies to all of you!!! (but only electronic ones).

**_Morgana’s Dream_ **

**_Second night of her reign_ **

 

_Everything was white, as if someone had forgotten to add color to the world. She spun to see if there was something in that infinitude of pallid landscape, but all she could distinguish was that, somehow, she was stepping in a solid ground and it formed a horizontal line that was seemly endless._

_Had she died and nobody warned her? Or could everything be a dream? If it was the second option, then it was definitely different from those she was used to, the ones that always have awaken her screaming or startled, leaving her too scared to sleep again._

_While she was spinning her clothing caught her attention. It was strangely half white – similar to the dress she used during the tournament – and half black – like the rags she Saw her other self wearing when they met the Cailleach._

_As she didn’t have anything better to do, she decided to explore the place. She walked for what seemed an eternity, without finding anything. At one moment, she turned and was startled that a door suddenly materialized out of thin air. It was white, like the rest of that strange realm, but she distinguished the handle and the door’s lines. She inspected it and its contours, bypassing the object in order to discover if there was something behind it. There wasn’t, so she went back and stood in front of it. She gripped the doorknob and turned it, opening widely the door._

_She looked at a new scenario inside that entrance. It was a shore, with waves crashing on rocks and she could see that there was a small temple placed on top of a bench of land that stubbornly ventured against the sea. The sky was a bright blue, the sun shone intensely and the sounds of birds could be heard._

_She entered that new landscape, following the path that would drive her to the temple. It was a construction that had stone pillars, forming a circle, and no ceiling, just the columns and the stone floor. As she got closer, she noticed that there were people standing in the middle of it. When she recognized who they were, she ran towards them, with all the strength she could muster in her legs._

_As she finally reached her destination, she was panting. In front of her was Gorlois, her true father, holding two toddlers, one in each arm. They had raven hair, bright big eyes and their skin was extremely pale. Her eyes were immediately filled with tears when she looked at them. They were everything she desired to have back, but she knew that it was an impossible wish._

_She raised her hands to touch the babies, their cheeks, their hair, their tiny hands. By then, the tears fell down her face, freely and uncontrolled. She sobbed like a child, her teardrops blurring her vision, even though she wanted to look at their eyes, their faces, imprint them in her memory and never let go. She embraced all of them at once, being careful not to stifle their breathing – even though she vaguely thought that they probably didn’t need to breathe in the dream or the afterlife. Meanwhile, her father placed small kisses on top of her head, and she could feel his tears wetting her curls and front._

_She heard him say: “Hush, child, it’s okay. We’re here, we’re not going anywhere else.”_

_Once she calmed down a little, even if there were still tears falling through her eyes, she gazed at his dark brown eyes, the ones that could make all of her fears disappear. It was always him, he was the one that placated her when she had nightmares as a young child, the only one that truly made her feel at home._

_“I’m proud of you, Morgana.” He said and planted a kiss on top of her forehead._

_“Whatever for, Papa? All I did lately was deceive, be manipulated and hurt those that were once dear to me, those that I would offer my life for without a second thought.” She looked at his eyes with an incredulous expression._

_“I have such immense rage and bitterness inside of me … I was turning into a monster, someone that didn’t care for anyone or anything else but to restore the Old Religion, magic and the one I once called sister. Everyone else was just a bump in the middle of the path. Even my best friend … I seriously considered having her burnt to a stake, just to avoid her from snatching what I thought was rightfully mine.”_

_“Yet you didn’t do it. You chose to love and forgive what you thought they had wronged you. You opted for giving them the opportunity to be make their own decisions, to be free, you didn’t interfere in that, although you caused their discoverer by Uther.” He said while smiling to her._

_“That one choice doesn’t make up for all the terrible things I’ve done, nor the even worst that I would do. The truth is that I’m more similar to Uther that what I wanted to believe in … I’m a monster, just like he was.” She sobbed at the last sentence. The dark side of her clothing grew wider while the light side receded._

_Meanwhile, the children raised their chubby hands and stroked her face, trying to soothe her. That made her break once more, falling to her knees and hiccupping incontrollable as more tears overflowed from her eyes._

_Gorlois put them down, on the floor, and enveloped Morgana on a thigh embrace, placing her head against his chest, while he spoke:_

_“That’s not true, daughter. Having the conscience of your flaws and wrongdoings proves that you’re not him, you’ll never be.” He kissed her hair and continued: “When everything was pulling you into the darkness you chose light, even though the hatred grew in you as a decease – in part for reasons that were your own, but mostly due to other circumstances, to deception. Look at me, child.” He pleaded._

_Morgana lifted her head so that she could gaze at his eyes. When their eyes met, he said:_

_“You are not a monster, Morgana. You made mistakes because you were misguided, because you had no one else to trust, no one else gave you acceptance and the answers that you needed. You must hold only **your** responsibility for your actions, not for others.”_

_As he said that, the babies were encircled in a bright white light and suddenly were young adults, a boy and a girl, seated by her side. They both spoke, at the same time:_

_“It’s okay, Mother. You don’t need to be afraid of yourself. We’ll **always** love you. **Always**.” And each one kissed one of her cheeks. They stood up and said:_

_“Meet us again, when we are reborn. We’ll be waiting and praying for you.” So, they walked outside the temple and disappeared when they left its limits. Morgana got desperate, but before she could do anything to stop them, they had already gone._

_Sensing his daughter distress, Gorlois spoke once more:_

_“Hush, Morgana, you’ll find them again, when it’s time.” He patted her head and continued: “Now, you must listen, if you want to be whole again.” He keep looking at her eyes, waiting for her reply._

_“I … I have some questions too, Papa. There is so much that I didn’t know. Even you lied to me, asking Gaius to drug me. Is there more that you didn’t tell? Did you know that Uther was my father?” She asked, not concealing the hurt in her expression._

_“I did what I thought it was right, what I thought that would protect you, daughter. We aren’t always right, there is no guarantee that a parent won’t wrong their children, even when they try to do the best they possible can to keep them safe.” He said and held her face with both of his hands:_

_“I’m sorry, Morgana, for lying to you. I did my best, it was all that I could do then. Please, forgive me, child.” He said with a hoarse voice. She placed her right hand on top of his and caressed the back of his hand._

_“It’s fine, Papa. It didn’t even hurt me much, others were far worse than that. I forgive you.” She told him while more tears formed in her eyes._

_“When I was in the world of the living I didn’t know that we didn’t share the same blood. I only learned that when I left my shell and returned to the spiritual world.” He said that without trace of anger or any abrasive emotion._

_“You mean when you died?” She inquired._

_“Yes, daughter. Death is only another journey. One back Home. The fear that comes with it is caused by ignorance and false believes. It isn’t as if everything ceased existing with death, for the spirit is immortal. Nevertheless, a different trail must be followed. It’s only painful because of the loved ones that we leave behind, but as we return Home our soul rejoice, as we were also parted from our kin while we lived our experience on the land of the living.”_

_“That isn’t what you taught me when I was a child. Back then you professed the New Religion, as all the other knights and the king.” She asked confused._

_“Some people influence others so that they don’t know the truth, because that makes them easier to be controlled. During the times of the Great Purge and beyond, it wasn’t safe to openly follow any other religion – not that the Old Religion is flawless, either. Once more, I did what I had to do to keep you safe, that’s my reason for teaching you things **I** didn’t believe in.” He told her and paused briefly before continuing:_

_“That talk is a long one. You must ask me whatever troubles you before we proceed. I’ll answer with the truth as you deserve.” He said solemnly._

_“How can you consider me as your daughter, when you know that you haven’t fathered me?” She asked even though she was afraid of his answer._

_“Morgana, blood is only a detail, that isn’t want truly bond us together. I loved you when you were still in your mother’s womb. When I met you for the first time, that love only grew stronger. You became the center of my world, the light of my life. That can never change and it will never change, no matter how many eons pass. We’ll always have this connection, because it is even prior to the life we shared. In other lives you were my daughter too, by blood back then, so it’s impossible for me not to love you.” He said it with furrowed brows, not expecting that she would make such question._

_Her tears were falling again and he once more embraced her, but this time he repositioned her so that she would be in a position similar to a baby held in an adult’s arms. He rocked her for a while and said:_

_“There is so much pain in your heart. So much hurt. You must let it go. It’s okay, you’re safe now, you can be yourself, nobody will judge you here.”_

_She cried again in his arms, gasping for air sometimes, when her sobs were preventing the air from passing through her nostrils and lungs._

_When she could form words once more, while still nestled on his chest, she asked:_

_“Did you loved my mother? Even with her indiscretions? You weren’t Morgause’s father either. Did you know that?”_

_“Yes, I did, Morgana. With all my heart.” Gorlois answered and smiled, remembering a found memory._

_“Before we married, your mother was an initiate in the ways of the Old Religion. She was very talented, she was born with magic, and had the potential to be the Head of the Nine, the Senior High Priestess. We were friends during our childhood and parted ways when she joined the order. When we met again, a very strong love blossomed between us. Her tutor, one of the Nine, told us that we had a choice: live that love, but beware that dire consequences would follow that decision, or Vivienne would keep her duty and vows, and our suffering would be restrained to a lost unlived love.”_

_He said those last sentences with a dreamy expression._

_“We chose to be together, even though it would be painful. A month before we were married, I was sent to war and spent two years in the battlefields. While I was away, she was still influenced by the priestess. They Saw that Morgause would be born with strong magic abilities and, as I was away and was infertile, they commanded Vivienne to conceive her with my father. I think the rest you already know, Morgause was proclaimed dead and smuggled out of Camelot to be raised in the old ways.”_

_He paused again, looking at her face to distinguish her reactions. She made an astonished face, and asked:_

_“So Morgause is your sister? And why had they kept mother under their commands? Hadn’t she chosen to be with you?”_

_“Yes, she is my sister, as she still is yours.” He replied, smiled and continued: “Even though she was no longer a priestess, your mother was still devoted to the Old Religion and that meant that she had to obey the express orders of the High Priestesses.”_

_Then, Morgana looked at her father with pity in her eyes. She knew what it was not to have control over or a say regarding the actions of those she loved._

_“Don’t pity me, child. I was aware of Morgause existence, but didn’t tell anyone else because we had a reputation to maintain. At first, I felt hurt that Vivienne had my own father give her a child, but in time, I could forgive it. Me, Vivienne and Ygraine used to visit Morgause before the Purge.” He smiled as he remembered their time spent together._

_“That was a secret that we kept from Uther. He never understood how I could continue to love your mother after that episode, but at least, while I was around, he acted as if he respected me.”_

_“Then, time went by and after eight years your mother and I couldn’t conceive a child. When she got pregnant of you, I thought that a miracle had happened. I was never happier, I had all the future ahead of me and it seemed that nothing could go possible wrong again. You were born and I thought that we could be happy forever.” He paused and smiled at her again._

_“But that didn’t last.” Morgana said with sadness._

_“No, it didn’t. When Ygraine died and Uther commenced the Great Purge, Vivienne was one of the first accused of sorcery. She was known for her gifts, she had an extraordinary ability to use healing spells, she even accompanied the queen’s labor, but was incapable of saving her life.” He let the sadness be perceived in his voice and continued:_

_“She was arrested and condemned to burn in a pyre. I begged Uther to release her, but he didn’t listen to my pleas. So I met Vivienne at her cell, before the execution and pleaded for her to flee with you and me. She said she wouldn’t do it, she refused to live a life in fear and drag us together. She said she was guilty enough for Morgause. So, instead, she made me promise her that I would raise and protect you in the best way that I could, that I wouldn’t expose you to the fear of persecution. That was what I did.”_

_Morgana looked into his eyes and sensed the resignation of her father. She didn’t want to believe that he had actually given up her mother and followed Uther’s every whim._

_“Why father did you accepted? Why didn’t you fight back? Why did you kept being friends with the man that killed your wife?” She asked skeptically._

_“Because I still had much to lose. My world was already crumbling, but if I was caught fighting or opposing Uther, you wouldn’t have no one else or worst, you would be raised solely by Uther – not that I knew back then. I couldn’t risk that and I had promised your mother. I wouldn’t break my promises. You were the only thing I had left in my life.” He said and kissed her forehead._

_“But … in the end … I was still left alone, without you, when you died. And I had to live with Uther as his ward, even though I was his daughter.” She nuzzled her head in his chest again and said: “It was awful. It was nothing like home and I missed you so much. In the beginning only Arthur and Gaius could put up with me. Then Gwen came and I got more used to Uther, but It was never the same.” She told him while her pouting was hidden from view as she pressed her face against his torso._

_“I know, Morgana. But that was the choice that I made. The past cannot be changed, we can only continue to move on and try to be better persons. Many times we don’t have control over our circumstances. What is left to do is live, not give up, because one day things will get better if you give our very best.” He kissed her hair again._

_She moved her head once more to gaze at his eyes and said:_

_“It’s okay, Papa. I understand.” She paused briefly and continued: “But I still don’t know what to make of it all. Why do our lives have so much misery? Why did Uther succeeded in destroying an enormous amount of lives in his way? Why did I even cared for him, when all he slaughtered so many innocent lives and ruined entire families, cities, realms?”_

_“It was fate, my child. Some believes call it karma, but in the end is all the same. The truth is that we are spiritual beings living a material existence. We do so in order to learn lessons, so that we can return for the unconditional love or paradise or whatever you want to call it.” He said._

_“Is someone’s fate settled before they are born and it cannot be changed? I met my older self and she told me that I would have to choose many times between love and hate and depending on my choices, I could bring happiness or destruction to myself and those around me.” She inquired._

_“Fate is like a plan, one that is made before the soul is linked to a physical body. In that project for a lifetime, the spirit chooses which lessons he wants to learn. But it is possible to reject such plans. As we live in a world of duality, in which positivity and negativity coexist, many of those lessons are painful ones, but they are all chosen with our free will as spirits. We do so in order to fix previous mistakes, to understand how someone that we have wronged felt or to learn how to love ourselves and the others unconditionally.”_

_“So we all ask to be miserable?” She questioned him._

_“No, Morgana. Being miserable, feeling as a victim is also a choice. Confronted with an adversity one can either mourn one’s misadventures, feel sorry for oneself and be defeated immediately, or one can choose to overcome the challenge, do one’s best and be at peace if didn’t succeeded.” He replied._

_“So what am I supposed to do? Say to my enemies ‘Hello, I’m Morgana Pendragon. Nice to meet you. If you want, you can strike me with all that you have and when you do, I’ll gladly accept it, because I deserve it, but I will not fall until your are satisfied with the beating.’? How can that be a good thing?” She asked incredulous._

_“That’s not it, Morgana. First of all, there isn’t a well-defined concept of good or evil. Something that is good for some can be considered evil for others. Imagine two different kingdoms fighting a war when both have just motives. Let’s say that a dry occurred and they only have water supply for one of the realms, not both, and that water is located in their borders. If a general of one kingdom ensure the victory of his people with an well-planned and executed strategy, he’ll be seen as a savior for his people whereas for the other people we’ll be their executioner. So, as I said, what is good or evil depends of the personal opinions of the interlocutor.” He looked at her._

_“Another thing is that you don’t have enemies. You merely have adversaries during your time among the living. Everyone comes from the same source of creation, so it is impossible to hate someone for all eternity. You can have quarrels that come from your interactions, those disaffections can remain for many lives, but one day you must forgive and accept each other, because we all come from the Font and will return to It someday.” He told her._

_“But that still doesn’t explain what I’m supposed to do. Am I to fight them or not? Doesn’t it mean that I’ll bring suffering too? And what am I supposed to do with all the rage that I feel?” She inquired before adding snickering and turning serious again: “It won’t easily go away and I’m sure that some of my actions will be based on it.”_

_“I told you that our world is one of duality. Good and evil, love and hate, light and darkness, and many others that in fact are a representation of positivity and negativity.” He told her, pausing briefly. She nodded and he added:_

_“Every time you forgive, heal, love, accept, show kindness and compassion, your actions are positive, meanwhile when you keep a grudge, hurt, hate, reject, offend and condemn, your actions are negative. You must understand that when your adversaries attack you, in order to keep those around you safe, you must strike back, but the force that you’ll use must be the one needed to stop the treat, neither more nor less.” She nodded once more and he kept talking:_

_“When you planned your fate you did so together with others. As an enormous plan that could affect the very directions taken by the entire world, there were many paths to be taken in which some things were settled – as Gwen’s and Arthur’s relationship – and others weren’t. As a group, you all chose to believe that unconditional love would triumph and that you’d all build a world of love, magic, freedom and acceptance.” He paused once more as she looked at him expectantly. Gorlois proceeded saying:_

_“But other forces were interfering with that fate. Those that desired the pursuit of their own selfish goals. The Great Dragon Kilgarrah, the one that speaks as the Triple Goddess to Morgause are only examples.”_

_“As you fell under their influence, the world’s destiny was being defined as one without magic, settling a reality that suffocated it, tamed it and imprisoned the people, so they believe that they are most of the time powerless in front of the adversities or those that detain command and power.”_

_“Based on fear and ignorance, they were rebuilding the fabric of reality, setting in stone their truths and preventing those that could be a treat to gain notoriety, to explain that there is more in life than blind obedience, that is possible to provide for everyone’s needs, that it doesn’t diminishes the ruler’s authority.” He said solemnly._

_“They are almost succeeding, Morgana. The known world is almost completely devoid of magic. Eire and Albion are the remaining realms in which it can still roam freely. Everywhere else magic is so oppressed that it’s extremely hard to practice.”_

_“Who are they, father?” Morgana asked._

_“They answer by many names, but in short, they are those that fear magic and what it is. Those that demonize it in order to stop others from practicing it and changing their artificially made reality. Those are your most dangerous adversaries.”_

_By then, Morgana finally seated facing Gorlois, withdrawing from his embrace and inquired him:_

_“Why is that, father and what exactly is magic? During my time with Morgause she told me it was life itself. What is the truth?”_

_“Those that seek to eliminate magic do so because they want control over other’s lives, they want the power that comes from it.” He replied the first question, paused and continued:_

_“Understanding magic as life itself isn’t wrong. Life creates many things and can also destroy. But I believe that magic is a creative power, has the essence of life in it, and can alter the presented reality according to its wielder desires. It is a gift learned in many incarnations, the stronger users are those that lived many lives in which they nurtured such abilities.” He told her._

_“You said you believe, not that it is the truth.” Morgana pointed._

_“Yes and many share this belief. You must also understand that another’s truth might not be yours, even something that is true to you now might not be in ten years. You must search for your own truth, child.”_

_“That also applies to religious beliefs? Isn’t there even a common point? How can you tell what is right or wrong?” She asked, sounding confused._

_“You must understand that there are many paths to be taken – those can be understood as the many religions. As long as they led to unconditional love, they are neither right nor wrong, the one that you choose is just the option that best suits you.”_

_She nodded and he continued:_

_“Nevertheless, they can be used to plant fear and ignorance in the minds of their followers. That leads to hate and aggression, meaning that they bring negativity to those that believe in it, imprisoning them in misery, because none can actually be happy diminishing his equal or hurting others unjustly. At some point, they will feel the hollow in their souls as their behaviors are no longer consistent with their peace of mind.”_

_“So what about the Old Religion?” She questioned._

_“The Old Religion also dictated a reality in which magic could be practiced. But as a creative power that can change any rules if you actually believe it – not with your mind, but with your heart – the strongest magic **can** modify its norms and dogmas. What you’ve known of the Old Religion is only a dissident practice, because Morgause was led to believe in someone that eluded her, posing as the Triple Goddess. If you desire to know more about that religion you should ask the Druids, the Catha and the Disir.” He replied._

_“Fine, father, I will. But what about the New one?”_

_“What they profess as the New Religion is a distortion of its initial inspiration. It uses of fear and ignorance to prevail over others, denying the very existence of magic.” He said._

_“So, Am I supposed to allow it, at least here in Camelot?” Morgana asked._

_“You are the ruler of Camelot, daughter. You must find your own answers. What I can tell you is that if you want to show acceptance and hope, then letting them choose their own faith is required. Everybody must find the truth that better suits them.” Gorlois replied._

_“I understand, father. I was once asked which was my cause and I answered that it was to protect all of Camelot. After today, I’m sure that it isn’t just that. With everything said I think that it must be to bring hope of a better place to live, in which everyone can be free as long as they respect the others and bear the responsibility of their own actions.” At the final sentence she dropped her eyes to the floor, feeling shame because although she saying such words she hadn’t made any amends for her wrongdoings. The sentinel that she killed, those that died due to her help during Cenred’s invasion, the many times that she tried to have Arthur killed, the nobles that she had enchanted (even though she had to do it), her helping Morgause and Alvaar, and finally, but not less relevant, her participation in Uther’s death._

_Sensing her distress, Gorlois gently grabbed her face and lifted her head, so that they could keep eye contact, telling her:_

_“I already told you Morgana. It wasn’t all your fault. You cannot condemn yourself completely for that, neither can you assume that you’re unworthy based on your past mistakes. You regret those decisions, if they bother you so much, then you must make amends. Visit those that suffered due to your actions and appease their pain. You may not be able to utterly fix what is broken, but you can make them functional again.” He then kissed her forehead once more before he spoke:_

_“Look at your dress, Morgana.”_

_She complied and noticed that it was mostly white._

_“When you first entered this place and let your emotions flow, it held a different color. You were so immersed in your pain and later on in your questions and my answers that you didn’t realize that it had changed, right?”_

_“Yes, father.” She smiled genuinely at him. Patting her hair, he added:_

_“As you stopped and listened your heart was filled with love, and it made the hate recede. But it is still there. As you entered this dream, in that white room, the bracelet’s influences were undone so, from now on, every negative emotion that you feel will be your own.” He told her. She furrowed her browns and asked:_

_“Why? If you had such power why not just that everything away, father?”_

_“I’m your guide for now, Morgana. I can point you which ways you can possible take, not decide for you what to do. As anyone else you must choose everyday between positivity and negativity, you must learn with your flaws in order to become a better person, that can easily connect with unconditional love.” He told her._

_“So I must find my own way.” She said as an affirmation._

_“Yes, Morgana. But you are not alone in this journey. You have people that love you, you just have to learn how to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted again. It’ll be hard and you’ll face many dreads, but you must have faith, in yourself, in those that are worth it and in the Universe.”_

_She looked confused again, nevertheless decided to be silent._

_“Use your magic whenever you need. Don’t be afraid of it. Also, with time you’ll perceive its full extents. For now that’s all for this encounter. Remember to listen to your heart and those suggestions that seemly come out of nowhere. Don’t trust them if they are an imposition or a prompt and unchangeable answer. If they come as an advice, a choice to be made, then you can rest assure that means that we, your guides, are talking to you.” He said smiling_

_“Look for the Druids tomorrow, for Iseldir. They are in Essetir, ask for their help and tell them what your cause is. Now you must face the day and ensure that magic can survive.” He kissed her forehead once more and the images began to blur._

 

* * *

 

 

Morgana awoke in her new bedchambers, before dawn. She had enchanted a lace and tied it at her arm so that it would waken her when it was time to join Camelot’s undercover patrol. She had decided to go long before her dream, but now she had even more reasons to do so.

Everything that her father told her was still resounding in her head. She had gathered all of Morgause’s correspondence and discovered that at her sibling had contacted at least ten notorious magic users, so she would ask them about their views regarding magic, comparing their answers with what he told her.

With a redefined purpose, Morgana got ready for her journey, grabbing food and water, as well as asking Sefa to deliver a note for Leon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No magic spells this time, just a bunch of theories and such. More dreams will come and Gorlois will appear again. Next chapter follows Morgana and her patrol.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.  
> It’s always nice to read what you’re thinking about the fic so far, and until now no one cussed, so I guess I’m really happy about it (even if I had explored a theme that is delicate and I know it, so I ask for forgiveness if someone felt offended with the last chapter). Anyway, as I hadn’t replied to any review last chapter, I’ll do it now (I think I was just too much anxious, expecting to hide behind a wall to protect myself from internet rage).

**Border between Essetir and Camelot**

**Three days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

They were in a route, at the edge of the forest of Ascetir. The Queen was leading the group, riding in the furthermost position in front of the men, that rode in pairs, as the path was narrow.

“Do you think is wise to bring the … Queen … along, Lohengrin?” Titus asked his friend.

“No, I don’t, Titus. But we are cannot go against her orders! She is our liege, even though she is a sorceress.” Lohengrin whispered, so that his ruler wouldn’t listen.

“Are you fine with that? I mean, she being a sorceress? Didn’t we grow up listening stories about the evils that sorcery inflicts on this land? Wasn’t your father one of the most trustful lord of King Uther because they shared the same notions about it? How can he accept her rule without question?” Titus asked his dark brow-haired friend.

“Look, Titus, I don’t know! One day he was professing his hate towards sorcery and the other he simply woke up and said that we shouldn’t persecute magic users, even if we had to ignore the king’s orders.” Lohengrin answered to his raven-haired friend.

“Don’t you think that’s strange? I mean, we know that she is a witch, she could’ve enchanted him. Don’t you want to break the spell and release your father?” Titus asked once more.

“And then what? We are in the middle of a war! Prince Arthur is only God knows where! If we don’t have a proper leader, we’re easy prey for all the other kingdoms!” Lohengrin raised his voice when talking to his friend, but then corrected his mistake, whispering once more: “I might not be comfortable with our current situation, but at least, as I presume, I think our queen will strike Lot down with her sorcery and, right now, I don’t think it’s wise to antagonize her. She might hex us for our entire lives, if we keep living at all!” he groaned.

Both glanced at Morgana in order to determine if she had overheard their not so silent conversation, as she made no apparent moves to turn them into frogs, the two men eased the tension in their shoulders.

Meanwhile, the other men, Anwell, Bryce and Tuathal, respectively a blonde, a red-headed and a bald men, were glancing at their friends. Anwell, as a young man that had joined Lord Cygnus troops not more than a year ago, but showed great talent for fighting, was looking anxious at Titus and his lord; while Bryce, a more seasoned man that already had a beard, wife and three children waited patiently for the discussion to end, because he knew that some rulers could interpret that banter as treason and have their heads for that, but he was also aware that the young lord was a cautious man and would stop Titus inquiries; and, in the meantime, Tuathal, a muscular and tall soldier, directed an unamused face towards his two friends, though he lost his interest when he noticed that they had stopped arguing and changed his focus to their surroundings.

Suddenly, the queen halted her mare and raised her hand so that her companions would stop too. They all complied, staying close to her. She moved her other hand from the reins, fisting both hands and motioning them to her front while eight men flew from the woods and fell in the middle of their path, in a pile. Two were still holding a blowpipe in their hands, while the others lost whatever they possessed when her magic grabbed them. All of them were too dizzy or shocked to even try to fight back.

“Bandits!” Sir Lohengrin said, gritting his teeth and unsheathing his sword. His action was copied by the others, while Morgana kept a calm demeanor and spoke:

“There is no need for a fight, gentleman. Only two of them aren’t unconscious, there is no way they’ll resist, right, folks?” She inclined herself in the thugs direction while asking. Noticing their predicament, the bandits just shook their heads negatively.

“Good. Lohengrin, you and your men must tie them up.” She turned her head and looked at her companions, that still held their mouths slightly open due to her magic display, except for the young noble, so she decided to add: “Please” and smiled gently, trying to calm their nerves.

As if out of a trance, the four soldiers jumped out of their horses and grabbed ropes, while the knight approached his queen and asked her:

“My lady, how did you knew that those bandits were hidden in the woods?” He inquired.

Looking attentively at their surrounds and making sure that the bandits were listening, she spoke:

“It is because I’m a Seer, Sir. I Saw our lovely encounter before it happened, so I prepared my warmest greetings to our guests!” She answered grinning and added: “You should help your men tie the unconscious ones to trees and bring the others to me. I desire to have a friendly chat with them.” She told him.

After he inspected her expression to be sure that she was being serious and composing his demeanor again, he replied: “As you command.”

The young noble also jumped off his horse and helped his underlings and friends. As he restrained the awoken bandits and drove them to his queen, she told them:

“Good men, I wish to ask you some questions: have you seen a group of Druids roaming through these woods?”

One of the thugs was trembling at her sight whereas the other glared at her, defiantly. The rebelling one spoke:

“I don’t banter with witches nor Druids! Why don’t you ask to one of your demon helpers? Isn’t your kind close to the devil, witch whore?”

 _Oh, I totally forgot that I could’ve just scried their location using the Crystal of Neahtid._ Morgana thought. By then it was already too late, so she would have to find them by the normal means and shut up the rude thug.

“Watch your tongue or I’ll have it cut off!” Lohengrin threatened, already unsheathing his sword to make his point. The bandit glanced at him uneasy, but kept a defiant front. The other outlaw couldn’t keep it to himself, being too afraid of Morgana, and answered: “We spotted Druids near caves by the east, our boss told us not to mess with them, because of their magic.”

Morgana decided to keep a conversation with the one more willing to answer her questions, so she told him:

“Thank you for telling me politely.” And she even gave him a little smile, which seemed to calm his nerves as his trembling decreased.

The other thug hissed at his comrade and shifted in his bonds, what urged Lohengrin to point his sword at him. That movement made the cussing man to stop, but he kept a death glare at Morgana and her companions.

The seer chanted at the rude thug: “ **Swefn** ”. He fell asleep instantly.

“Now, my second question: “Have you spotted King Lot’s army gathering around here?” The seer asked the friendly thug. He trembled again, seeing that his companion had just being bewitched, but concluded that it would be better not to keep the witch waiting:

“No, milady, I didn’t.” When he said so, he was more relaxed, even in his predicaments, and seemed to think hard to remember something before he spoke again: “But I think our boss might know about them. He had an agreement with King Cenred and I think he does too with King Lot, as they exchange favors. I can lead the way for you, lady witch.” He said those last words tying to bow and sound polite.

_Have I gained his trust by praising him or is it just a trap settled for us? I don’t think that it makes too much difference, I can easily strike down a group of bandits.”_

 “If you may point us the way, good man, we shall follow you. I desire to have a word with that boss of yours. Judging by your tools, I assume he is a slave trader, am I right?”

“Yes, lady witch, he is.” And hesitated before continuing: “By helping you I can keep my life, right? You won’t turn me into a toad if I do as you say, huh?”

Furrowing her eyebrows, she replied:

“Of course I won’t kill nor curse you. I even gave your grumpy friend just a nap for his insults. Rest assure, young man, if you do as I say, you’ll be freed by the end of the day.”  

 That seemed to appease him, so he nodded to her.

“Titus, is that your name?” Morgana asked and the raven-haired man said “Yay” so she continued:

“Tie the grumpy one alongside the others and place our guide on your horse, please. You’ll ride together.”

He nodded and obeyed her command, tying the sleeping thug and mounting the other one on his ride. Then, Titus began to lead the companions through the road, as the bandit pointed the way.

Lohengrin approached the queen and whispered by her side, so no one could hear them: “My queen, why did you let that thug insult you and didn’t defend your honor?” he questioned her.

“Sir Lohengrin, if I kill everyone that has ever or will tell offensive things to me, then Camelot’s executioner won’t have a day off.” She looked at him, unamused. That surprised the young lord, as in his mind magic corrupted those that had it, turning them into beings that were unable of compassion or forgiveness.

“But … even as a noble, wasn’t your pride hurt when he called you a … promiscuous woman?” He asked her, incredulous.

“Being offended and replying with anger is an option, Sir. Letting such petty man unsettle my emotions and make me question my self-worth is a stupid choice. Even if I had to keep face as a monarch, you promptly defended my honor, Sir Lohengrin, so hexing him or avenging my uprightness by killing him was an extreme act for a too small offense. That would only reinforce the belief that magic twists their wielders and turns them into monsters.” She answered him, as he keep staring at her, with his mouth opened, as if she had grew another head.

For him, her response was totally unexpected. The more he heard of her reasoning and witnessed from her actions, the more he doubted his own beliefs that all sorcerers were evil, but again, he couldn’t be completely sure, as she probably had enchanted his father and could have cast a spell on him too.

Regaining his demeanor, the young lord nodded affirmatively at her and remained silent for the rest of the path.

  

* * *

 

 

 As they reached the bandits’ lair, Morgana cast an area sleeping spell and all of the thugs fell, in a symphony of ‘thuds’. The friendly outlaw pointed who was his boss as well as told them how to open the wells in which they kept the prisoners in. Thanking him, the queen told him:

“Good man, you can either remain here as a slave-trader or you can begin anew. I heard that in Camelot the new queen is accepting anyone in her realm, providing food, shelter and a decent work. If you are tired from this life, you can go there.”

“I … I’m thankful for the advice, lady witch, but I don’t think that Camelot is a safe place to be at the moment. Bringing magic back was a rushed decision taken by the queen, for its hatred is spread along the five kingdoms and sorcery is feared by the Saxons, Jutes and Angles too.” And hesitantly, he added: “I hope that you find the Druids and discover more informations about Lot’s army. I’ll abandon this life, but will go home” And smiled at her in the end.

Once more, Sir Lohengrin whispered to her:

“Is it wise to let him go just like that? Doesn’t he knows too much? What if Lot captures him?”

“Sir, there’s nothing to worry about. All the others may know is that I asked them about the Druids, so that means he is the only one that remembers what we wanted. He and his leader, I guess. Once I finish asking about his involvement with Lot, then I’ll erase his memory. As I leave for the Druids, you shall release the prisoners and spread the news: anyone that desires to begin anew has a place at Camelot.” Morgana told him.

“But, what if he was lying? What if it was only a trick to let him go? What if he goes straight to Lot and tell him everything?” The young nobleman asked.

“I could sense that he wasn’t lying, by his aura.” She pointed as if that was the most normal explanation in the entire world.

Obviously, Sir Lohengrin was eying her suspiciously, not sure if she was being serious at all or just eccentric.

Sensing his confusion, she elaborated:

“A person’s aura is the field of energy that surrounds someone all the time. It changes according to one’s emotional state. Only those with a developed Sight can discern a person’s aura. By reading his, I noticed that he was telling the truth, so I believed him.” She said, nonchalantly. Right after that, ignoring his confusion.

The queen questioned the bandit’s leader, making a poppet of him, so he wouldn’t lie and making it easier to cast a spell to erase his memories of their encounter. She discovered that Essetir’s king had mentioned something about selling Camelot’s peasants for the slave-trader and that a large part of the army would cross the Forest of Ascetir, heading to the city of Camelot.

Satisfied with the answers, she put the thug boss to sleep and turned to the knight:

“You have prisoners to free, Lohengrin. Don’t forget to pass my message. Also, keep your scouting mission, as well as appoint one of your soldiers to show the way to Camelot, only for those that desire to go there.”

As if awoken from his stupor, the knight inquired her again:

“Once more I have to ask you, your Highness: is it wise to accept all sort of people in Camelot at this moment? Even that thug knows that war awaits us, and opening our borders to strangers is almost an invitation for assassins! Don’t you fear for your life?” He asked incredulous.

“I have nothing to fear, Lohengrin. I already told you, I’m a Seer. I have visions of the future, I know what will happen. What I cannot do is condemn everyone to keep living a harsh life – many don’t even choose where they are nor are free to be where they wanted to be – because some might attempt to kill me. If I do this, then I’ll be depriving countless people to have a real chance to actually belong in this life. That I cannot do.” She replied.

“I don’t understand your reasoning, my queen. You have no obligation towards them, nor anyone else that isn’t your subject! Why risk yourself for those them?” He couldn’t comprehend her way of thinking.

“Because someone can only be called a true ruler if he or she acts based on her people’s best interests. And my people isn’t only those with magic or those from Camelot. Once, the borders weren’t there, there was only the people of Albion. I still believe in this and I know that protecting Camelot alone won’t be enough. Due to my choices, many will wage war against us, and the only option shall be conquer them.”

She said, pausing once to decipher his expression regarding her motivations. Seeing that the young lord was beginning to understand her reasons, she proceeded:

“But only using force won’t be enough. If I only do this, those that we defeat will fight everyday against our domain. So the only possible route is to conquer their hearts instead. Do you understand now, why we must accept everyone?” She asked him.

“Yes, I do, my queen. Please, forgive me for my impertinence. I shouldn’t have questioned your decisions.” He bowed, apologetic.

“It’s fine, Lohengrin. You were just trying to protect Camelot’s best interests.” She reassured him, smiling gently at him, and for a moment the knight just gazed at her jade eyes in awe.

Promptly remembering what he was supposed to do, he bowed once more and said:

“If you excuse me, my liege, I shall do as you commanded.”

He turned to obey her orders, but spun again to face her and asked:

“Will you go alone to meet the Druids? Isn’t it dangerous, my lady?”

“As you could witness with your own eyes, I can take care of myself, Sir Lohengrin.”

“Yes, my queen. Forgive me once more for questioning you.”

“I can sense that you are concerned for my wellbeing, Sir. I take no offense for this.” She casually told him and added: “I must depart now. I assume your mare knows her way back home, am I right?”

“Yes, she does.” He answered.

“So, after I finish my business with the Druids, I shall release her or ask for one of them to return the animal to you. If for some reason she isn’t delivered safe and sound, Camelot’s coffers will repay you for her.” So, she told her farewells to the group of men and headed to the indicated location of the Druids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the spells:  
> Swefn – sleep (imperative).


	14. Chapter 14

**At the Druids’ cave**

**Three days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

Queen Morgana dismounted her horse, tying the animal to a nearby tree. She entered the humid cave and chanted a spell – “ **Léoht** ” – and a small blue orb of light appeared at her palm.

The cave had signs of being inhabited, but no one was at sight. Deciding that it’d be easier to gain their trust with she stated who she was first, she spoke:

“I’m Morgana Pendragon, Queen of Camelot. I seek the elder druid and desire to parley with him.”  After a brief pause, she added: “I come in peace. I don’t wish to harm anyone.” And she unsheathed her sword, sticking its edge at the ground.

For a moment, everything was quiet. Then, one by one, druids came out of their hiding place and a man with grey hair spoke:

“I’m Iseldir, Druid elder, and I already know what you seek. You desire the Cup of Life, don’t you, Pendragon queen?”

 _So, that’s what father sent me here for, well at least partially. The power of life and death – wait how do I know that? Oh, probably by the same way I’m conveniently educated about everything else, old owl Morgana._ Morgana thought.

“It’s not the only thing that I wish to discuss and bring back to Camelot with me. You may be aware that Camelot’s magic ban has been lifted.” As she said that, some of the presents gasped and muttered to one another.

She decided to ignore and kept going:

“Everyone that desires to live in my kingdom and practice magic freely is welcomed, in fact we cherish every magic wielder, because the land and its people has many needs, that could be easily provided with magic.” She paused briefly and then addressed their elder:

“Iseldir, it is an honor to meet you. As leaders, we must discuss important subjects privately. I have many favors to ask of you and your people.”

“To us, Druids, everyone is equal, the elders don’t keep secrets from our people. If you wish to speak with me, you can do it right here and now.”

“Very well, I want your help in order to make Camelot safe for magic and common folk alike. For that, I need the Cup of Life and every other magical artifact in your possession, as well as direct assistance in the wars that will come upon the land.” She stated, as a matter of fact.

“Before I, as Elder, give you our answer, answer me this: for what cause are you fighting for?” He inquired.

“I desire to bring freedom to this land. But freedom with responsibility. I wish that everyone can be free to seek their heart’s desires, without hurting others in the process, having or not the gift of magic. For that to happen, I must struggle to mold our land so that it can be one in which they can be free; and being so means that nobody fools anybody so that they make wrong choices; that no one prohibits another of loving who they love; that none can demand from another blind obedience, one that usurps one’s right over one’s own life choices; nor will condemn to death someone for being born in a way. That’s what I believe that means to be free.”   

“If what you say is the truth, does it means that you’ll ask of us to fight for this freedom?” He raised his eyebrows as he questioned her.

“No, I merely wish that you, the Druids, help me by placing wards at the Camelot’s villages along the border with Essetir. Later, I want your help to discuss how magic shall be regulated within my reign. As it is a subject that concerns all magic users, it isn’t correct of me to impose you all my views about it.” She answered promptly.

“You seek to establish many changes, Morgana Pendragon. How can we be sure you won’t lose track of your goals when you have all of Albion at your feet?”

“I don’t desire to conquer all the land of Albion. I just wish for peace and a safe haven in Camelot. If I can avoid it, I won’t wage war against the neighbor kingdoms, but I’m not allowed to let them take my realm by force, nor destroy everything that I’ve been working for. I want a place of acceptance and I shall defend it with all my strength. As for power, I’m sure you must have felt my magic surging everywhere. If I wanted, I could eliminate of my ‘enemies’ with it, kill everyone that opposes me, nevertheless I don’t. Isn’t that proof enough?.” She inquired.

“You haven’t had the time to do so. All we know is that the ancient prophecies state that it’s your fate to bring darkness to this land, to fight against the once and future king.”

“Is there only one fate? Only one prophecy? For what I have experienced, the future has many opportunities, nothing is set in stone. Maybe some fates seem stronger than others, more likely to happen, but even those can fail.”

“You speak with a wisdom that isn’t only yours, is it?”

“I was advised by someone really dear to me. Someone that pushed me off an unending abyss that I was lured into falling.”

“Is it so? Then, you won’t mind answering a question: what is magic?”

“I believe that magic is a creative power that has the essence of life in it, and can alter the presented reality according to its wielder’s desires. Some call it life itself, others call it the demon’s work, to me magic just is. It can be used for good of for the bad, but as any power, the difference resides in what it’s wielder do with that choice.”

“You even respond more than what was asked. Why so?”

“So that you can understand that I tell the truth. The prophecies may tell about my powers or my allegiances, but they never describe how that future comes to pass, I suppose?” She raised her eyebrows waiting for his reply. He merely shook his head negatively, so she proceeded:

“By fear, ignorance, pain and betrayal. That’s what I’ll use my magic to fight against.” She paused, continuing right after:

“Some may perceive my actions as evil, as they lose wars, men and riches clashing with my kingdom, others may see my doings as good, as they are able to live and openly be just who they are. I cannot promise I won’t take lives in my quest, nor that I’ll eradicate all the pain and suffering in this land, but every day I’ll try. For all of this to succeed, I need your assistance, especially by teaching healing magic, placing wards and spreading the words of Camelot’s new goal.”

“I’m impressed, Queen Morgana. But still, I have one last question: for what do you seek the Cup of Life?”

“To make sure that those that make of Camelot their home won’t starve. I’m aware that if you use pixie dust along with water in it, the mixture can restore burnt, poisoned and depredated fields. Those that wage war against my realm will destroy our crops and I can’t be at all places at once to protect the land. Also, having the Cup will save many lives, as using pixie dust can heal everyone that isn’t dead yet.”

“It is a fine answer. But what about its other ability?”

“As I told you, my intention is for my people to be free. I won’t imprison them in a life as mindless ghouls, even if that could provide me an immortal army.” She said, raising her chin. By then she was getting irritated that everyone seemed to distrust her, but kept a stoic expression, her chin lifting being the only indication of her agitation.

“So you show that you come here with good intentions. You haven’t threatened any of our members, you haven’t left any question unanswered. For now, I can’t conceive any reasons not to do as you ask.” He them tilted his head to hear the mind whispers of the rest of the community, and all of them seemed to agree with him. A contagious enthusiasm took over most of the druids, for it had been a long time since the liberty to practice magic without fear of persecution could be achieved. Their last big surprise and source of hope had been Emrys, at least when they discovered that he was incarnated again.

Morgana heard their conversation, not that she could help with it, there were so many voices at once that she was amazed how they could even get a consensus over anything, but they did. They decided to help her restoring magic and protecting Camelot. By then, the kingdom had become a promised land for all Druids, surely many would spread the good news to other groups and that thought made Morgana almost let a smile split through her stoic expression, almost.             

Finally, when he achieved unanimity – which didn’t take long – Iseldir required silence in their mind speech, and voiced their decision to Morgana:

“We’ve chosen to give you a vote of faith.” After he said that, a young boy walked in his direction, holding something enveloped in a piece of cloth. Iseldir proceeded: “Here is the Cup of Live, use it wisely.”

“I will.” The queen bowed as she took the artifact.

All the druids bowed to her too and for a moment she was confused, even frowning, but swiftly unwrinkled her forehead to remain impassive. As she didn’t inquired them about that action, Iseldir spoke:

“Please, Queen Morgana Pendragon, tell us where we must find your supporters to assist Camelot’s people.”

“At Lord Cygnus estate, that is west from here, half a day journey on foot, it’s faster if by horseback, but I assume that you don’t have enough horses with you.”

“No, we do not.”

She nodded and said:

“If any of you has trouble walking, there’s a horse outside that belongs to Cygnus. I was supposed to send her back, I thought of using magic to assure its safe return, but I assume that it could benefit you both if you shared the same path.”

“Certainly this is no coincidence. One of our older ones is having difficulties to move her legs, your help is providential.” He told her.

She nodded and was saying her farewells when Iseldir asked one more question:

“Where shall we gather to discuss magic’s future?”

“Right after Camelot isn’t threatened by Essetir’s forces.” The queen replied.

“Seems reasonable, we shall wait for further instructions at Cygnus’s estate.”

 “Then, farewell Iseldir. Until we meet again.” She extended her hand

He took it in a handshake.

“Until we meet again, Morgana Pendragon.”     

She left the cave and chanted:

“ **Astýre mé þurfan íc gáde to áfæran**!”

And she disappeared in a bright flash of light.

 

* * *

 

 

**Back at Camelot**

**Throne Room**

 

Many peasants were kneeling in front of the throne. The majority was shackled, whereas some were tied with ropes, as there weren’t enough manacles for them all.

The queen was seated at the throne, wearing the crown and a purple gown, made of velvet, as well as many jewelry, and had her hair fashioned in an intricate fashion, with hairclips similar to small butterflies.

Her voice was regal when she spoke:

“Which one of you calls himself the leader? Whom might I address to know your complaints?” Morgana inquired the crowd.

A bald and bearded man, wearing plain leather trousers, gray wool shirt, battered boots and with his face dirtied – partially due to the night in prison, part caused by the confusion that ensued when the guards began arresting those there were rioting in the middle of the square – stood up and spoke, showing his yellowed teeth:

“I am. I am the one that started to gather those unhappy with your reign, **your highness**.” He said the last two words with obvious scorn on his tone of voice. She remained indifferent, so he kept going:

“You don’t even wait for your father’s corpse to lose its warmth! You scorn and destroy his lifetime work! You join your devil’s spawn of a sister to bring sorcery to this God aligned realm! You commit heresy and expect us to sit and do nothing? You may have lured the nobles and the knights using their lust against them, bedding every single one so that they obey your every whim, but you won’t fool us, **DEVIL’S WHORE**!” He then spit in her direction, but as it was too much afar from Morgana, so no actual harm was done.

The distinctive sound of many sword being unsheathed was heard across the room. The queen raised a hand to stop her many knights to perpetually shut up her offender. So, she replied to his trashing:

“If I were to maintain Uther’s work, all of you would have lost your heads by now, for treason against the crown.” She told, without anger in her voice, just stating it calmly. Some of the arrested civilians gulped, knowing that she was right and unable to truly discern if she as fierce as the previous king.

“But I’m not him. In fact I pity you, because you are a prisoner of your own ignorance and irrational fear.” She leaned forward in her seat, studying the man’s expression. He was still defiantly, but certainly part of his bravery was no longer there as he contemplated the thought of imminent death or something even worse, as she was a witch and they don’t have hearts, they are unable to forgive, at least in his ignorant mind.

“Though, I cannot allow you or your … friends … to go unpunished for your transgression.” She told them, pausing before continuing:

“Camelot’s law states that there are different penalties for rioting, depending on the reason for it. In this case, you rebel against your monarch for an inherent characteristic and a higher law. The penalty for that is death.” She raised her fist to support her chin on it, still calm. The crowd gasped, surprised. Certainly, they didn’t expect to be condemned to death, they were so many, just fighting for what was right. By then, the bald man’s face fell and he was obviously not prepared to face those consequences and worse, drag an uncountable number of citizens along.

“But …” As Morgana said that, half of the room held their breaths, waiting for her judgment. She continued: “Camelot’s most ancient law states that its ruler can utilize equity to pass a judgment. As they used to say ‘ _ex aequo_ ’”

Those that were holding their breathe exhaled in relief, but their “leader” wasn’t so reassured. The queen raised her chin, lacing her fingers on top of her lap and told them:

“So, as your ruler, I sentence you to be set free under the condition of never again revolting against magic’s liberation law, nor harming another magic user, physically or verbally, and if you commit any of those offenses, your penalty shall be to watch the death of all those that are dear to you. And if you don’t have anyone that you love, you’ll be sentenced to life in prison until you understand the value of life and freedom.”

Many nobles clapped their hands at awe directed to their queen. Part of the mass of rioters was shocked with that sentence, but most of them were reluctantly glad for keeping their lives. She was right, if they had rebelled against Uther, by then their heads would adorn the city walls, not that those with sorcery could be considered humans. At least, their queen wasn’t as bad as she could have been, harsh, indeed, but still merciful. The soldiers took the prisoners outside as Morgana ordered then to wait for Geoffrey of Mormont, so that the old scrivener could gather the final informations about the peasant’s parentage that wasn’t collected the previous night.

In the throne room, Morgana discussed more state affairs with her advisors.     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of spells:  
> “Léoht” – light   
> Astýre mé þurfan íc gáde to áfæran – guide me to where I desire to go  
> Other expressions in foreign language: “ex aequo” – According to equity  
> Guess I’ll try to correct the previous chapters’ grammar the next time I publish a new chapter, but that isn’t certain. Next chapter, more scrying and possible a battle. And maybe do a longer chapter too.


	15. Chapter 15

**At Camelot**

**The queen’s study**

**Third day after Morgana’s Coronation – Nighttime**

 

Morgana was reading Morgause’s correspondence again, while taking notes on a logbook about the magic users that her sibling had contacted, their answers, their origin and how powerful they were – that last information was taken from her sister’s personal journal. She had to keep track of them and know beforehanded who she could not exactly trust, but designate to discuss magic’s future on her kingdom.

Counting the possible members of magic’s governmental rules first council, she had reached a number of ten persons, as herself, Iseldir and Gaius weren’t included at first and not all the sorcerers that Morgause had written to.

In another book, she was tracing her proposal for such meeting, as she had enchanted a feather to write down her ideas. After she was done with it, she would look inside the Crystal of Neahtid again, to see if Lot’s troops had changed their marching route.

She was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. Stooping her activities and resting the feathers on the quill, she said: “Enter”.

Sir Leon opened the door, bowing and saying “Your Highness”, entering the room and closing the door, speaking: “My queen, I desire to have a word with you.”

“You may speak, Sir Leon.” She promptly replied.

“A bird came from Lord Cygnus’s estate, with information about Lot’s army. Here.” He retrieved a letter from inside his cape, where he had kept it was a mystery for the queen, as those knight capes had no internal pocket, or so she thought. She took it from his hand and read it. The scouts had discovered a little less than what she had seen through the Crystal, but it was good enough. At least she could keep its existence a secret – well, only for the time she kept Morgause in prison, she guessed.

Clearing his throat to gain her attention, Leon asked:

“So, what are the news? How many men are we fighting?”

“35,000” She answered nonchalantly.

“What?! They have 15,000 more than last time Cenred invaded! How did Lot gathered that a number in such a short amount of time?” Leon questioned.

“Probably mercenaries, I think he called some of his Saxon friends, but that isn’t what truly concern me. It’s how he disguised someone to look like Morgause.”

“How are you so certain that it wasn’t your sister that killed Cenred, my queen?”

“Because prior to her imprisonment, she confided in me that her plan was to change how the common folk saw magic. Assassinating a monarch with such an obvious display wouldn’t be coherent with her goals, so it wasn’t her. But, obviously, whoever did this has the gift and is against us, sided with Lot.” She explained.

“Oh, I see.” He replied and paused a bit, clearing his throat again before proceeding: “My queen, about magic … when will you release the other nobles from your sister’s enchantment?” He inquired.

“Leon, I’ve already told you that if I do so, we can face civil war.” She replied, to which he seemed disappointed, so she added, as she had thought of doing before: “But if it disturbs you so much, take this, it’s a list of all the enchanted nobles. You must know most of them, I want you to do a report, analyzing which are most susceptible to support Camelot’s new laws. I promise you that’ll consider their fate as promptly as I can.”

“Yes, my queen.” He bowed again, satisfied with her answer, for now.

“And … what about your brother? Will you search for him? I’m sure that his presence would bring more political stability to the realm. He’s one of the best swordsman in all of Albion.”

“Leon, for now we must focus on this offensive. Other subjects shall be dealt later, alright? We must discuss our defensive strategy for the time being.”

“Yes, my liege.” The knight replied.

“Letting them roam free through Camelot will cause too much damage. An army this large won’t let the villages nor the smaller fortresses unharmed. Even if the citadel can resist a prolonged siege, the rest of the realm will burn by the time we gain a definitive victory against Lot.” She stated.

“Yes, my queen, but our numbers cannot compare with his, at least not the ones we have assembled near the city or close to the borders. Calling all our armies will take too much time and leave the other borders unprotected. It will be the same as an invitation for Caerleon to swoop in and plunder the western land.” He told her.

“We don’t need more men, Sir Leon. Their army will march through the Forest of Ascetir. He’ll take the fasted and shortest path, Lot desires to catch us unprepared. We’ll ambush them there.” She spoke, stoically.

“But my liege, even with the tree’s cover, I’m not sure if we can manage to strike such a large army at once. For that to happen, we’d have to keep hidden there for days, not to count that that maneuver isn’t our soldier’s strongest point –” He was interrupted by Morgana, that said:

“They don’t need to have much proficiency in blending with the forest, nor it’s necessary to confront every single man of  Lot’s army. We just need a convenient mist to conceal us and strike the commanders, the highest ranked knights and King Lot himself. After that, a joined display of magic and well positioned archers shall deal with the stray soldiers.”

It innerved him, how she was able to speak about those life and death subjects without a single ounce of any feeling in her blank expression. Uther demonstrated rage whenever Camelot’s enemies were brought up, but Morgana didn’t. It was as if her strategy was never to show how she truly felt, as if it would make her indecipherable, to friend and foe alike. Or she just acted like that because she didn’t trust him? Well, Leon couldn’t tell if **she** was trustworthy, so he thought that the feeling was mutual.

“Leon, you must go to every tanner in the lower city tomorrow. Buy any leather they have and commission from them leather straps, half for attach to a regular soldier’s arm and half to be able to confection googles, in a size sufficient to fit most of our soldier’s heads. Also, go to the glassmaker and commission a mold for googles, with holes for fastening the straps and plenty of melted sand. They must deliver the required items until the following day, in fact the glassmaker must do so tomorrow morning. When you have gathered what I request, send word for me immediately, at the man’s shop if a change in temperature might affect the quality of the glass made.” She told him.

“Yes, your Highness.” He promptly replied.

“Their payment shall come from the royal coffers, when they finish the job.” She added.

“Queen Morgana, if I might ask, your spending with non-military expenses is significantly higher than King Uther’s, yet you have decreased our taxes rates. How can this possible be maintained?” He questioned.

“I have my secrets, Leon. For the time being, it’s better, for your safety also, that you don’t know much about how things really work. It’s already a big risk to tell you about our military strategy for now, not that it shall remain a secret for long. What I mean is that I’m protecting you doing this. Or else, you’d be a target for Camelot’s enemies.” At the end she smiled weakly, he wasn’t sure whatever for, as he wasn’t one of her mindless worshippers. Knowing that the best course of action for now would be complying to her requests and later investigating the better solution to all this “queen-morgana-bringing-back-magic-while-her-brother-was-banished” dilemma later, he simple answered:

“As you wish, my queen” And bowed once more, adding: “If you don’t have another request, I won’t take more of your time and leave, if you desire.”

“That’ll be all, Sir Leon. You may go.” She replied, with a commanding tone, that changed to a softer one when she continued: “Have a good night.”

He was surprised when he for a moment glimpsed her old self in that sentence and blushed a bit, like a teenager would. He was beginning to think that all that was left of her, since the king’s death, was this cold persona with a beautiful speech of acceptance while her methods were rotten ones, so to show him – someone she stated clearly that she’s have no qualms to show her worst side as she knew he’d do anything to protect the kingdom – such gentleness was completely unnecessary. So, maybe, he was wrong, maybe magic itself didn’t corrupt people. And certainly, having a powerful sorceress – well, for her confidence she must be exceptionally strong with her magic – at their side couldn’t harm.

As he closed the door, he bowed again, and replied: “To you too, my queen.”

She nodded and he left her alone, inside the study, going to his own manor within the citadel.

 

* * *

Another knock on her study’s door and she answered again with an “enter”. Gaius came in the chamber, closing its door behind him. He then bowed and spoke:

“You’ve summoned me, my queen. I’m here.”

“Yes, Gaius, I need to know if you are close to finish your tasks.” She told him, without moving her sight from the book she was reading, that seemed to be a journal in fact.

“The work is made with a good rhythm, as you’ve send so many servants to help me. I believe that the day after tomorrow all the poultices shall be ready, and the kits will be ready to be distributed tomorrow at this time.”

“Good.” She replied, without looking at him.

“Is that all, my queen?”

“No, Gaius.” This time she lifted her head to stablish eye contact. “I’m aware that you’re fond of a healer called Alice. I remember that you were arrested while taking the blame for her attempt of murder against Uther.”

“That is true, my queen.”

“Morgause has contacted her and Alice has send a letter answering my sibling’s request. She is to arrive in Camelot tomorrow.” Morgana told him.

Gaius smiled, but soon changed his expression, not knowing what Morgana would want Alice to do. He wasn’t sure if she was evil or not, but one thing was certain: she wouldn’t easily give up being queen just for Arthur’s sake, so the Once and Future King destiny, with magic being freed, could possibly not come true due to her. At the same time, the young seer had professed a desire to protect Camelot and the magical folk, even restoring magic, the only question left unanswered was at what cost.

Ignoring Gaius’s reactions, the queen proceeded:

“She’ll stay with you, in your quarters. After we win the first battle against Lot, I want you both to take part in a council, one that will discuss magic’s future here in Camelot.” She stated.

The old man was taken by surprise with her last remark. Two days ago she didn’t even want to talk to him and now she’d listen to his advice? Was this some sort of trick? So, the physician spoke:

“I don’t understand, my queen. I thought you didn’t want to hear whatever I’d say and now –” He was interrupted by her:

“It’s not like I have forgiven you, Gaius. You lied to me my entire life, but we don’t know what Uther would do if he had found out I had magic. He could have drowned me or burnt me or chopped my head off, for all we know his hate for magic knew no limits.” She paused, sighing before saying: “So, in part I’m thankful to you, for keeping me safe.” He was beginning to smile at her recognition that his actions haven’t only harmed her, when she added:

“But you keeping secrets have caused me more pain that I can possible forgive. Yet, I still have a duty to fulfill, both to Camelot and to all magic users in Albion.” By then, the little joy he had felt for her previous words had vanished.

“You are a reasonable man, to the point that your prudence turns into cowardice at some occasions. I know it, I have read the Great Purge records. Tell me, Gaius, how many magic wielders had turned to dark magic once they began to be slaughtered like cattle?” The last sentence wasn’t impassive as her previous ones, she let a little bit of her rage show at it.

He lowered his head, felling guilty again. By aiding Uther, in order to save his own skin, in fact to help Alice’s escape, he had let many lose their lives due to the king’s mournful quest. He knew that if he were in their shoes, he’d probably use any means he possible had to survive. So, in the end, even though he knew dark magic was a terrible thing, caused an unjustly high amount of pain to the sorcerer’s victims, he didn’t utterly blame those that had used it to escape persecution. He was aware that some of them were led to believe they were invincible, that other’s lives were unimportant, that the power that came from magic corrupted them, as it has been for many years prior to magic’s ban, but he also knew that they were only trying to be allowed to live. Classifying everyone that were adept of the dark art as evil, or those that threatened Uther’s reign as well, was what truly let him sleep at night. He also had sacrificed his happiness because of the Dragon’s words. Kilgharrah had told him about the Once and Future King prophecy too, and that he also had to help that destiny to come true. So everything that stood in the way of that fate, he immediately considered evil, even if it meant that he’d have to harm or incite the harm of a little girl that he watched grow and become a brave young woman, only to be left bitter in a throne that didn’t belong to her.

Noticing that he was lost on his own thoughts, Morgana waited for him to look at her again, letting him not answer her previous question, she sighed and continued:

“As a ruler I cannot let my emotions dictate all of my actions. Yes, I still dislike you, but if I want magic to succeed and be openly practiced, I need your help in stablishing some rules, so its usage doesn’t turn into something out of control, so that the power hungry people don’t have the instruments to harm those that are against them or simply had the bad luck to irritate them.” She was with her stoic expression again.

Gaius was confused by then, frowning. How could Morgana change so much in merely two days? Was it the shock of discovering that she was always being manipulated or lied to? Or was it all an act, to gain his trust so that it’d be easier to get rid of him later? How much did she actually know?

“I don’t expect you to believe me, but even though my speech at the first day was mostly Morgause’s words, I do desire to reestablish magic with peace. In order to do so, all magic users must be responsible for their actions, if they harm someone, they shall be punished, not by death, of course. Other course of action is not to allow those that would obviously be destructive to themselves and to others to learn dark magic.”

She was actually sounding as a good and just monarch, that cared for the wellbeing of **all** of her subjects, but he was still unsure. The only way to actually assess her true intentions would be to take part of this meeting and wait to see if she’d follow the consensual guidelines for magic, or if she’d just do as she wanted, like her father before her.

“Can I count on you, Gaius, to be one of Camelot’s emissaries?” She asked, not sh owing if she was anxiously waiting for his answer.

“Yes, my queen, I’ll take part on it.”

“Good” was her reply. Lately, that seemed to be the only praise that she knew of. She added:

“After this battle, I want you and Alice to train inexperienced magic users, basically on healing spells, minor stunning ones, wards and scrying.”

The old man lifted one of his eyebrows and asked her:

“Whatever for, your Highness?”

For a moment her rebellious part was tempted to say ‘none of your business’, but she knew that doing that would only prove it to him that she was merely a troublesome child, playing of being queen, so, instead, she answered:

“To ensure magic’s presence and Camelot’s crown too, in every corner of this land. If we have sorcerers and sorceresses with such abilities in the countryside, many deaths can be avoided by simple healing spells. It’s for the general welfare.”

He seemed satisfied with her answer. Also, he’d be the one, together with Alice, to educate those magic users and limiting their knowledge wasn’t an unreasonable request, as it was too soon to judge the character of everyone that had magic in Camelot, not counting the refugees that would come to the realm once the news were spread.

“I understand, my queen.” He replied, bowing and excusing himself out of the study.

When he closed the door, Morgana sighed, taking another look at her logbook. She had finished her planning, so she’d add another entry in her personal journal, the one she had enchanted to seem blank to anyone that wasn’t her.

She wrote down the events of the day, going to the border, finding and talking to the Druids, her judgment concerning the peasant’s riots, then her conversations with Gaius and Leon, and also her plans concerning the general tracings of the kingdom she wanted to build. It included the creation of magic schools, the development of technologies that used both science and magic, everything to turn Camelot in a really prosper realm, and, of course, new means to defend her people against invasions. As she thought about everything and her enchanted feather wrote everything down, the queen placed her objects in their respective place, she went back to her chamber. She had finally thought about what to do with Morgause, but first, she’d ask her father about it, so she got ready to bed, using her magic to undress herself, brush her hair and put her nightgown for that evening, falling asleep right after she closed her eyes.

 

* * *

         

_Morgana’s dream_

 

_She was back at the small temple, this time she was already in its center, wearing a grey tunic. Her father was waiting for her, smiling and wearing a white tunic. She hugged him right away, feeling relieved that their previous encounter wouldn’t be their last. He seemed to sense her thoughts, because he promptly parted their embrace to look at her face, tenderly placing his hands on her jaws and making her gaze at him._

_“Morgana, calm down. I won’t go anywhere.” His voice was gently, trying to sooth her anxiety._

_“I wasn’t sure, Papa, I feared I’d never see you again.”_

_“I wouldn’t break another promise to you, my child.” He said tenderly._

_“I know, father, it’s just … today was a tough day. I’m not sure if I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, I don’t know if I’m too harsh or too soft.” She said, frowning._

_“You have to trust in yourself, Morgana. You have a good heart. I know that you did your best and that’s what counts. You don’t need my approval, you need to be able to live with your conscience by the end of the day” He replied, smiling encouragingly to her._

_She nuzzled her head at his chest and asked:_

_“But I can still have you comfort me by the end of the day?”_

_He giggled and answered: “Of course, daughter.” Then, he placed a kiss at her hair._

_She distanced herself from him, so that they could talk, and said:_

_“I retrieved the Cup or Life from the Druids. But I think that wasn’t all the knowledge I should seek from them, right?”_

_“Indeed, I wanted you to ask them about their view concerning the Old Religion and more.” He replied. He paused and caressed one of her cheeks while speaking:_

_“I want you to hear the different opinions about it before condemning something as evil. You must know that the religion you choose is merely the path to find your own spirituality and your connection to the Source of all creation.”_

_“But there is more, isn’t it?” Morgana asked._

_“Yes, you’ll have to follow many principles of the Old Religion, as well as practice many rites, to ensure that magic is restored to Albion. You’ll have to formally declare your belief in their precepts.” Gorlois told her._

_“But doing so I’ll acquire a lot of rejection to my rule.”_

_“Morgana, you can’t possible please everyone. The best you can do is let people free to choose their faith and how they will react to those that don’t share the same belief. What you cannot do is force then to follow this or that religion.” Her father told her._

_“I understand.” She paused briefly before continuing: “Nevertheless, I came here to ask you for an advice. I want your opinion about Morgause’s fate. I’m thinking of making her choose between a perpetual pact or death with she doesn’t agree.” Her father furrowed his brows hearing her, but nodded, knowing that those were probably the best options for Morgana. He spoke, nonetheless:_

_“You should also ask the Disir court. Morgause’s fate should be decided by them. They know everything that happens, but are only allowed to speak about the case they’re judging.”_

_“But they are aligned with the Old Religion, what if they share the same belief as her?” She inquired._

_“They don’t Morgana, and I think that their decision won’t be much different from yours. But the repercussions of you passing judgment on a High Priestess can somehow be negative to your cause.” He added._

_“Fine, father, I’ll do as you say.”_

_And for the rest of the dream, she enjoyed her time with her long lost father, trying to make her heart a little more lighter than it was then._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like everyone is paranoiac in my story, people just won’t easily believe in others, always being suspicious.   
> Anyway, no spells today due to my laziness, ha ha. One thing that I really like write and I think is canon, it’s how Morgana is at the same time that badass muthefackkaaa and that fragile scared little girl. It makes her one of the most relatable character in a series – even if she is became a bloodthirsty vengeance moved lady. I like how she’s both strong and weak, but mostly suck up her frail side and fight till her last breathe for what she wants. That can be seen as obsessive behavior, but surely that is one of the things that makes her stand out. Also, I was reading some personality analysis, the MENTI model, together with a post on Tumblr saying that Morgana is an ENFP personality believing in the wrong cause. Basically, those people think and act like heroes do, defending big causes and also gaining a lot of followers in the way. She is kind of that at the first two seasons and them Merlin poisons her and … well, you already know. What she believes is the right think isn’t completely. I think everybody was expecting magic to be brought back and the one that was actually closer to do so was Morgana, that’s the truth. Of course that at that point she didn’t care about who was going to die, how many soldiers, civilians, animals, once friends and loved ones (with the exception of Aithusa and Mordred) would die for that. I blame Uther, Morgause and Merlin for what she became, but, obviously, it was still her choice to keep doing what her sister wanted of her (if we assume that she wasn’t actually brainwashed by Morgause or else it was really impossible for her to change her actions).


	16. Chapter 16

**Forest of Ascetir**

**Near the city of Camelot**

**Seventh day after Morgana’s coronation**

 

The mists covered the surroundings, making it impossible to see beyond a palm ahead of one’s eyes. King Lot rode his horse at the head of the horde, followed closely by a hooded figure. The only sounds that could be heard were the ones made by birds, announcing the dawning of a new day.

Unknown to Essetir’s troops, hidden behind the trees were Camelot’s men and its queen, waiting for the right moment to swoop in and win a battle that would forever be told by the bards as the first of many during Morgana’s reign.

It was a cold morning, the sunlight almost couldn’t breach the blur caused by the thick mist, so to everyone that didn’t have special googles, seeing anything at all was impracticable.

The young queen turned the leather bracelet attached to her arm, causing it to lightly vibrate along with those straps hidden under her men armor. That was the signal to begin their attack.

The sound of bolts cutting through the air, as well as pain screams from those there were hit, together with thuds from bodies hitting the ground, filled the area.

King Lot’s horse neighed loudly, rearing up on its hind legs, and the king struggled to keep in control of the animal. The hooded figure stood even closer to Lot, sensing that he would soon be targeted.

Still hidden by the mist, Morgana chanted a spell, directing it to Lot:

“ **Forbærne! Ácwele!** ”

 And a fireball was cast towards him, but in the last minute, the king fell from his horse, as the fire blast passed without hitting any living thing, and the hooded figure jumped by his side, chanting another spell, disappearing with Lot in a purple smoke:

“ **Bedyrne ús! Astýre ús þanonweard!** ”

Morgana was about to take a look at the Crystal of Neahtid, that was in her pocket, when she glanced around the battleground and saw that Essetir’s men were throwing acid at their proximity, in an attempt to harm their assailants, actually hitting some of Camelot’s soldiers and their own companions in the process, mostly the latters, as not many of her soldiers were combating the invasors closely.

She had to stop that madness, so she twisted her bracelet again to other position, sending an order for her men to stay away from the enemies and chanted:

“ **Tæfle!** ”

And the first row of Essetir’s army was thrown on the ground, most being knocked unconscious, while others kept screaming due to the damage dealt by the acid. To those, she directed another spell:

“ **Swefe nu!** ”

Shouts were still heard from her own soldiers and from the other rows of the invading army. Morgana did her best to assess the damage done to her men and massively healed those that were hit by the acid. That certainly would decrease their loses and numbers were extremely important for the time being. Once she was finished, she went to the following rows, striking Lot’s soldiers that hadn’t yet fell victim to bolts or the effects of their own attack, but mostly knocking them out, displaying her magic openly to her army.

The battle didn’t take much longer to end, even though the sizes of the armies were tremendous, as Morgana was using her powers to ensure Camelot’s victory while minimizing their loses, Camelot clearly had the upper hand. She twisted her own bracelet to another position, giving a new order to her men, to evaluate which of their adversaries where still alive, wounded or dead, accepting the surrender of those that dropped their weapons, separating them from the harmed ones and the deceased. She had to act quickly if she wanted to avoid more unnecessary deaths that day, so chasing after Lot would have to be done another day.

When all the fighting actually ended, it was near midday. By then, the fog dissipated at her command, and Sir Leon approached her and spoke:

“My queen, we achieved victory today! And the best, we had less than one hundred loses!” He told her smiling.

“What about Lot’s army?” She asked, seemly stoic, but her heart was clenching, thinking about all those lives she ordered to be reaped.

“Half of their troops have perished due to our bolts or their own suicide attack. The rear troops fled back to Essetir, in complete despair, as they numbered ten thousand men, this leaves  7,500 men still alive for the moment. The number of wounded corresponds to half of the living, but I’m afraid that more will die before getting proper treatment.” He stated.

“Assemble their injured ones, Leon. I’ll heal them.” She told him.

“But, my queen, they are the enemies!”  He exclaimed, before adding: “And only half of them, there is already more than 3,000, are an incredible high amount of prisoners to take!” He objected.

“Yes, Sir Leon, but I can’t simply let them die!” This time she let her calm façade split, breathing deeply to recompose herself before adding: “Don’t worry about the prisoners. I have already asked help from a powerful sorcerer to reform one of the ruined castles around this forest. We’ll use their carts to transport them there.” She stated.

“My liege it isn’t only a matter of space. There’s the food, the men designated to guard them, the medical resources spent with them! Keeping them inside the kingdom will prompt Lot to charge wherever they are held! This will constantly threaten our borders!” He exclaimed once more. “Please, queen Morgana, see reason here. We cannot possibly afford to be merciful to them. At the first opportunity they have, they’ll slit our throats!”

“Leon, it doesn’t have to be like this. They can join our cause. If this happens, we can take Essetir for good.” She told him calmly and continued: “By showing them mercy we prove to everyone that we are better than Lot, that those with the gift aren’t evil. We have the chance here to gain the allegiance of Essetir’s people, making it easier to overthrow Lot. I know my decision will benefit Camelot more, Leon. Just trust my reasoning.”

“I understand, my queen.” We bowed, keeping his head lowered, then said: “Forgive my exaggerated reaction, I just didn’t know of your motives to spare them.”

“It’s fine, Leon. You were only concerned for Camelot’s welfare.” She paused briefly before keep going: “Also, tell the men to retrieve the armor’s from the bodies, taking our fallen back to Camelot immediately, assessing the provisions from our adversaries’ carts and burn the dead outside of the forest, near the border with Essetir. When all the war gears are retrieved from them, send word to me right away.”

Leon bowed again, saying: “As you command, my queen.” And left her to do as ordered.

She mentally contacted Alice, Gaius, Ruadan, Alathor, Finna, Ari, Aelhaearn and Breanna, so that they could assist her with that task. By the end of the afternoon, all of them were exhausted, having spent most of their energy performing magic, only stopping to eat something.

As Morgana had required, armors and weapons were separated in a pile, being put in carts from Camelot, as the queen had ordered, as well as part of the provisions from Lot’s army.

Leon was ordering the prisoners in lines, so they could be escorted to the castle of Calhoun, a previously abandoned fortress, north of the Darkling woods, where the river divides in two. Whoever was responsible for taking the prisoners there would have a two day-long journey ahead, already counting the slow pace that the wounded would dictate.

Another knight was responsible for coordinating the placing of the dead on other carts, while a large pile of wood was already waiting to be lighted near the border, so that the deceased would have a proper funeral instead of being left to rot within the woods, or having their corpses eaten by ravens and wolves.

Leon found Morgana in the battlefields again and spoke:

“My queen, all the tasks were accomplished. As we speak, Camelot’s carts return to the citadel bringing the war gear, and the carts with the dead are already departing to the big pyre that awaits them. Only instructions regarding the prisoners are still necessary.”

“Well done, Leon. Inform Sir Geraint that he’ll be responsible for escorting the prisoners and will supervise their stay in the realm.” She paused before continuing: “Also, tell him to choose five hundred soldiers to take with him. Ruadan and Ari will accompany him in the journey.”

After her display of magical power, the presence of other warlocks would certainly intimidate anyone that had the stupid idea of attempting to escape, that and the fact that all the survivors will be tied to a fellow prisoner during the entire way.

As the night fell upon them, Camelot’s main army returned to the citadel, bringing back the victorious queen and the majority of its members back home.

  

* * *

  

**Camelot’s Castle**

**Main Hall**

 

A feast was taking place in celebration of the victory against Essetir’s troops. Cheerful music filled the entire hall, the men and women were drinking, dancing and laughing loudly, content with such a definitive victory. Obviously their fear for magic hadn’t ceased to exist, but after that grand demonstration of military superiority against Lot’s army, the people was certainly more receptive for the idea of an all-powerful magical sovereign that would protect them. What most hadn’t noticed was that magic itself wasn’t the only responsible for their victory, in fact, it was the whole set of circumstances that had allowed such triumph.

For the time being, Morgana was seated at the head of the long table of the hall, wearing a blue gown, without make-up and with her hair parted on the side. She was drinking some wine and smiling weakly for those that started conversation with her, as the queen was supposed to do. By her right side, Sir Leon was enthusiastically telling the nearest nobles how Morgana had knocked out an entire row of enemies while a single movement of her hand.

 _He certainly doesn’t seem so scared of magic anymore._ The young queen thought to herself, while observing the first knight. She glanced at the entire hall. Her people was celebrating as if they had won the war, but she knew that it was only the beginning.

Lot had someone with magic by his side, not that only one magic user would be enough to ensure his triumph, but would certainly slow the end of the war. The worst part was that she needed to win immediately, or else the other kingdoms would be discouraged to wage war against Camelot. Certainly that rapid victory would make them think twice before declaring war, nevertheless, it wasn’t enough to ensure peace.

She’d have to wait for their reactions, as well as make sure that trading treaties, especially with Mercia for the food, would be signed.

As Morgana was lost in her own thoughts, a guard addressed her, notifying her that messengers from Gawant, Nemeth and Mercia had arrived.

“Tell them that I’ll speak with them tomorrow. Inform them that they’re invited to join the festivities if they desire.” She said to him, nodding to him as he bowed and proceed to do as he was told.

Morgana raised her hand and Sefa quickly came to ask what her mistress’s wish was.

“Sefa, make sure that we have three guest rooms ready for the recently arrived emissaries.” The young girl curtsied and responded:

“Yes, m’lady.”

“Also, when you’re done with it, and after informing more servants about which rooms are prepared, return to the main hall and enjoy yourself a little. That’s an order.” Morgana grinned at the end.

Sefa smiled brightly, bowed once more, spinning so fast that she almost hit another servant that was bringing more meat for the guests, apologized for her own clumsiness and promptly got out of the main hall.

The feast went on for much longer, so Morgana excused herself before the end, saying that she was too tired from the previous battle.

As she went to her new bedchambers, she looked through one of the Castle’s windows and saw that the streets were still illuminated and the people outside were still celebrating their victory. At that moment, even though she felt guilty for all those lives lost that day, at least she had secured many others, protecting the dream of seeing magic freely practiced, even if she had to stablish some rules, in Camelot. Certainly, it was a cause worth to fight for, along with her goal of providing people a safe haven for everyone that was tired of having to be miserable. She had announced her decision – the one of accepting everyone that desired to begin anew in Camelot – at the fourth day of her reign. With rumors about the war at their doorstep, not many refugees had come to the realm, but, certainly, that would change.

Tomorrow she had a busy day ahead of her. She had to deal with the emissaries, visit the families of her soldiers that lost their lives in the previous battle and assure them that she won’t forlorn them. She had already decided to implant a wage for those families that lost their husbands, sons and fathers while serving Camelot and herself. That was the least that she could do to make sure that they wouldn’t have to starve or overwork themselves in order to survive.

She walked some more steps and reached her bedchamber. She magically took her dress off, putting her nightdress on, as well as disposing of her jewelry and brushing her hair at the same time. She always loved how she could do everything with her magic. Still using it, she opened a drawer from her bedside table and grabbed her journal, taking a seat at the table near the mirror, magically placing a quill and ink on top of the table’s surface.

She wrote about the events of the day. Once she had finished, she read about the events that had occurred in the previous four days.

Five of her sister’s contacts – Alice, Alathor of the Catha, Ari from the Druids, Aelhaearn, a warlock of the Disir court, and finally Breanna, a witch from Éire, that came riding a flying broom as if it was the most natural thing to do – had arrived and accepted to discuss a regulation for magic. As they were victorious and Lot would take some time to reassemble his forces, she was thinking of setting that meeting for the next week, at the Isle of the Blessed.

She only had to actually give Morgause a decisive answer about her future, because she still kept her sister’s magic locked and her at a modified guest room, as the dungeons would probably be used to accommodate other people.

As most of her time was spent making preparations for today’s battle, Morgana didn’t even had the opportunity to tell Morgause about what she had decided to do.

So basically, the young queen still had a lot of things to do, such as: take her sister to trial; change the nobles enchantment for her own before taking Morgause to court; after that discuss the future of magic in the realm; do her best to decrease the possibility of other kingdoms declaring war against Camelot; secure trade agreements, specially to ensure enough food for everyone that decides to call her kingdom home; also, increasing the transmutation of stray to gold, with the stone of Magi; and last, enchanting the armors and weapons that she had gathered from Lot’s army, sell them cheaply to Aligned, so that he’ll probably sell them to Odin, Caerleon or even Lot himself, so she’ll another trick up her sleeve when facing them.

One thing was certain, she’d have a lot to do these following days, never more her tasks would resume to merely sitting somewhere and being pretty, while awaiting for her sister, her brother or Uther to actually do something of importance. Even though she wasn’t exactly thrilled at the begging, even more if you consider all the tough decisions she has to make, being queen was something that suited her and she wasn’t exactly hating it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the spells:   
> “Forbærne! Ácwele!” – Fire! Destroy!  
> “Bedyrne ús! Astýre ús þanonweard!” – Conceal us! Guide us away from here!  
> “Tæfle!” – Throw [them like] dice!  
> “Swefe nu!” – Now send to sleep!  
> So, this is a Mergana story and the closest to it we have is a dream that is in fact a memory? I know that I’m taking too long to write an actual encounter of them both, it hasn’t happened in like what, sixteen chapters! In fact, I’m building your expectations and this isn’t a lame apology for not having the main couple meet (discreetly tries to do the jedi mind trick, but it fails due to lack of jedi powers). The good (or bad thing for others) is that I think this will be one of those monstrously long stories with 60 or more chapters, so they’ll meet and interact at some point, it’ll only take long as I lose track of the main plot a lot to introduce small conversations. So, have patience, readers, don’t quit this story just because at sometimes it seems to dwell on insignificant occurrences, if I remember them all, they’ll matter by the end. Hope that you can keep enjoying this fic.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.  
> So, in ffnet I reply to reviews in the author’s notes and that fact makes the fiction bigger there than here. If you desire to read me rant about the series and other things (if you have the time for it, of course) you can check there too, my A/N. P.S.: the ending notes are always the same, mostly.

**Chapter 17**

 

**In a forest, somewhere at Gallia**

**Same timeline of Camelot**

 

 

“Are we close, Arthur?” Merlin asked his friend.

“Noooo, Merlin, for the fifteenth time, we still have an hour or so following this path.” The former prince answered, grumpily.

“I think I’m having motion sickness, I need to stop.” Gwen said, halting her horse. Her husband did the same, promptly jumping out of his own to help her getting down. As he did so, his friend grabbed the animal’s rein, immediately inquiring:

“Are you ok, Gwen?”

The one who replied was his worried friend, taking that opportunity to relieve some of the concern he was directing to his wife’s condition:

“No, Merlin, you were so annoying today that you actually gave her a stomach ache! I’m certain that if you keep your mouth shut for a few minutes she’ll be better in no time.” Arthur mocked him and Gwen said nothing as she was too busy throwing up at the edge of the road. Her husband flinched for a second, feeling a little bit of disgust, but swiftly changed his demeanor, not to upset his beloved.

“Is she vomiting?”

“Oh, Merlin, congratulations, you have eyes!!! For a moment I thought that you used your ears to see and that was why you couldn’t help but bump into things!” Arthur exclaimed.

“Arthur, you were able to actually make a joke! Oh, no, that’s a sign of the world’s end, it’s in the prophecies! Prince Arthur’s brain is showing an indication that’s not completely useless –”

“Boys, can you stop?!” Gwen interrupted him, and continued: “Your bickering isn’t helping!” she snapped.

Lately, the sweet Guinevere had been having unexplainable mood swings, had been picky about food and even craving for certain things. As Merlin had spent a long time following Gaius as the old physician visited his patients, the warlock was suspecting that their friend’s love might have already borne fruits, but he hadn’t investigated it deeply, as he had been trying, unsuccessfully, to contact Kilgharrah for days, without receiving any kind of answer. Also, without the proper apparatus and tools, he couldn’t be completely sure, as he still hadn’t mastered the ways of detecting a pregnancy in early stages. He knew the symptoms, but still, it could be a wild guess, as he wasn’t completely certain of his medical abilities. Though, he could use his magic instead, obviously when both of his friends were asleep.

“Merlin, Meeerrrrlin!!!” Arthur almost shouted, taking the warlock out of his reverie.

“Yes, sire?” The raven-haired man gave him the automatic response for when he wasn’t listening.

“Did you hear what I was saying?” The blonde man inquired.

“Something about stopping for a bit?” Merlin had been improving the art of deducing how Arthur thought for the last four years, so it wasn’t as if the prat could actually catch him when he was in his own mind, far away from prattish beings and reality.

“So you’ve been really listening! I’m impressed!”

“Boys …” Gwen warned that she wasn’t in the mood for their small disputes, and as they’ve doing recently, the “do-not-vex-Gwen” silent rule was in full operation, so both of them complied. The males assessed her expression, making sure that they could continue their conversation, this time forgetting their usual bickering. As she was too occupied making a nauseous face, they decided to keep talking:

“As I was saying, Guinevere is currently unwell, so we’ll take a break for now. Do us a favor, Merlin, go look for water, she’ll need it.” This time, Arthur showed how much he was worried about his wife, actually requesting nicely for Merlin to do something. Understanding his friends’ predicament, the young warlock complied, without making any funny remarks, as he too was concerned for her wellbeing.

So, Merlin strolled through the woods, chanting a simple spell in order to enhance his vision, magically. By doing so, he was able to find a spring in no time. He quickly went towards its direction.

When he got there, a hooded figure, probably just another passer, was crouched near the steam, also collecting water. The stranger suddenly turned when the young warlock approached. Merlin saw that his face was half-burned, his eyes were dark, while he his hair was red, and heard with his mind the man’s whisper: _Emrys_.

Merlin was alert, thinking to himself: _Morgana has finally sent an assassin, that’s it! I’ll be cautious and try to extract information from him_. So, he decided to project: _Who are you? How do you know who I am?_

 _I’m a Druid, Emrys. I came from Tirmatur, were the Old Religion has attained a better place in secrecy, at least afar from Albion. My name is Adair, it’s a pleasure to meet you._ So, the man curtsied from where he stood, making Merlin uncomfortable with that.

A druid, or so he tells me.

 _Where you expecting me here? I hadn’t seen you when I looked with my magic._ Merlin inquired.

_No, Lord Emrys, I was here by chance, but such a thing as coincidence doesn’t exist. Every person we encounter in our lives is part of our fate._

That man was certainly creeping Merlin out, talking about fate as if it was the most natural topic in the world, whispering his name, not being polite enough to talk with his mouth instead of his mind, just like a certain druid boy with a bloodthirsty trait. Nevertheless, instead of pointing out those facts, the young dragonlord replied:

_Oh, that’s intriguing. So you believe in fate and destiny?_

_I’m a Druid, Emrys, accepting fate’s designs is an essential part of our culture and creed._

_Right. I almost forgot that, don’t know how it happened. Anyway, then you think that I was destined to meet you here, today. Why so?_

_Because you need to know about magic afar from Albion and Eire._

When Adair mentioned it to Merlin, he remembered that magic was indeed weird, harder to practice in Gallia. If his possible assassin could answer those questions, then at least meeting him would be worth something.

_You know why it seems suffocated here?_

_Yes, Emrys. It’s because there is a silent movement in the world, one that aims to reduce magic to a mere myth, a child’s tale. In the known world, Albion, Eire and Tirmatur are the only places where magic still flourish freely. But the events set in motion were to change it, until a choice was made, love instead of hate, and a destiny long abandoned reemerged to come true._ The older man projected to the dragonlord’s mind.

_What makes you think like that? I’ve never heard that magic was dying._

_You cannot hear what doesn’t comes to your ears, Emrys. Your fate has many paths, some leading to more fulfilling ends than others, the only constancy is that you’re to aid the Once and Future King and Albion’s golden age._

_Hey, why do you think that?_

_When I was your age I met the Diamair, the key to all knowledge. Your path, Emrys is an intricate one, it’s full of choices and consequences, yours and others. Due to some influences, you were heading into a future of pain, in which you’d lose everything you hold dear and you be attached to a promise that would bring you immortality at a bitter price._

All that conversation was getting more cryptic, nevertheless Merlin wasn’t buying a single thing. Kilgarrah has told him that none can choose their fate and none can escape it, also, since he has arrived in Camelot, many things happened that proved the dragon’s point, one example being Freya. The mere idea of your choices changing it completely denied that statement, and he’d rather trust in the Great Dragon than at some random druid that was there collecting water and thought that it was nice to lecture him about fate and destiny out of nowhere. Well, at least he was able to discern, from that talk, that the man in front of him wasn’t (probably) someone sent by Morgana to get him, Arthur and Gwen of the way, so he’d just be nice to him and send him off.

 _Erhm… Adair, right?_ The man nodded _Well, now I’m making sure that the Once and Future King doesn’t have a panic attack, so I should probably just take some water and head back to him._ The man nodded again, in understanding.

 _Well, it was nice to meet you, I guess._ Merlin projected while he filled his flask with water.

Adair was already moving to Merlin’s other direction, when he whispered into the warlocks mind:

_If you require aid, Emrys, you’ll find it in Tirmatur. It’s northeast from here, where the land meets the sea._

_I’ll keep that in mind._ Merlin smiled reassuringly.

_Farewell, Emrys._

_Farewell, Adair._

And they both departed, going to their intended destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will take long to come out, because I’ll be traveling. Also, there will be more Morgana there and yes, it’ll take a while for Arthur, Gwen and Merlin to go back to Camelot and I’ll use the “they aren’t setting anywhere” excuse for the not having news. Maybe they can hear a rumor or two about a witch queen, but there’ll be no mention to the kingdom, haha, guess you’ll have to wait.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.

**At the Isle of the Blessed**

**Fifteen days since Morgana’s coronation**

 

“We’re reunited here to discuss the future of magic in Camelot. My sister, queen Morgana, has lifted the ban that prohibited its practice within Camelot’s border, but there’s still much to do.” Morgause spoke to her audience, a group of thirteen magic wielders, all of them wearing a purple non-adorned tunic. They were holding their meeting at a round table, all elements were being used to indicate equality between them (Alice’s idea), as well as a common goal. Between the attendants were Morgana Pendragon; Gaius; Alice; Alathor of the Catha; Ari of the southerner Druids; Iseldir of the easterner Druids; Aelhaearn of the Disir court; Breanna of Eire; Ruadan of the dissident Druids; Ealish, a  wanderer witch; Finna, as a representative of the Old Religion minor priestesses; Anhora, the keeper of the unicorns and finally The Dochraid herself.

“What’s there to discuss? Hasn’t the Pendragon priestess restored the Old Religion in Camelot? The rest of Albion will follow swiftly, once they experience our wrath for abandoning the Truth!” The Dochraid spoke.

“Nobody is going to release wrath, curse or anything of the sorts. We’re discussing pacific means to ensure magic will once again be accepted in the land.” Morgana said sternly.

“Bah” The Dochraid snorted. “Is that why you brought traitors to this council? Are you already failing your destiny, Morgana Pendragon? Your fate is to bring back the Old ways, not blend in with those that practice the New Religion and deny the Goddess!”

“The Old Religion is once more freely practiced within Camelot’s borders and that doesn’t mean that’s time to persecute those that aren’t aligned with our faith. My Kingdom is one of freedom, old one, not of blind revenge.” The queen added.

“That’s what they deserve, our revenge! They burned us, destroyed our temples, scorned the Goddess and the sacred places! They committed the most hideous crime, they tried to extinguish magic from the fabrics of reality!” The old crone spoke while exalted.

This time, Iseldir replied: “Seeking revenge will only bring more suffering and pain. If we give retribution for every wrongdoing perpetrated against the people, we’ll only end up killing our brothers.” He paused to make sure that everyone was listening, and as none spoke, he continued: “That’s not the Goddess’ will. She teach us to live in peace and harmony, as a differentiated part of a whole. As singled beings, we learn our lessons during life, we cherish life as an expression of magic. But we can never forget that we’re a unity, we’re the Creation, every single one of us is united.”

“Humpf, that’s not the Goddess’ will.” The Dochraid objected. “Her will is simple: those with the Gift command and those without it obey! It should never be otherwise!”

“Both of you are wrong. You can’t assume what is the Goddess’ will without the Disir. Only they have direct access to her words.” Aelhaearn said calmly.

“That’s not truth. The Goddess speaks with many through visions, signs, energy and other means.” Ruadan intervened.

“Ruadan is correct. The Disir aren’t the only ones that possess direct contact with the Goddess.” Alathor agreed.

“Yeah, I speak with the Goddess every day during my time with the nature, if you know what I mean” Breanna said, elbowing Alice, that didn’t understand her statement, showing her confusion.

“The Goddess is inside of us.” Ealish spoke.

“Pacifism is the true path of the Goddess.” Ari replied.

“Wolfs don’t fraternize with sheep, they eat them!” The Dochraid said.

“This discussion is pointless, if that’s all you have to say, I’ll excuse myself and go back to my duty.” Anhora told them.

“Enough!” Morgana said so in a commanding voice tone, raising herself from her seat.

“This meeting will decide the future of magic in Albion, it’s not to be taken lightly!” She stated, sounding more imperative that she intended.

“Your personal views concerning the Goddess are your own, this is not the place to discuss them.” She said so more calmly. “Any of you that disagree is free to leave.”

As the persons reunited there remained silent – not that she knew why, the young queen was expecting them to speak at the same time, stand up to leave, well, pretty much anything, not them actually complying – she proceeded:

“My proposal is the creation of an order, The Order of The White Dragon, to promote further interaction between magical and common folk; stablish a standard educational system of magic – that excludes dark magic –; monitor the corners of the kingdom through scrying; place wards in the land so that we are aware of invaders as soon as possible; train magic users for both policing and healing in the furthest villages; maintain a data base about every magic wielder in the realm; and, finally, stimulate the daily use of magic, by innovating technics to make life easier for the people.”

“But restraining dark magic is not allowing magic to be freely practiced!” This time Morgause spoke, sounding skeptical and the Dochraid agreed, saying “Yeah”.

“Dark magic shall only be practiced by those that are fully aware of their own responsibility towards others, and are fully compromised to not cause unjust harm.” Morgana replied, not concerned in hiding her dislike of her sister’s words on her expression, while Iseldir, Ari, Ruadan, Anhora, Finna, Ealish, Alice and especially Gaius nodded, the later smiling proudly at the young woman that he had known since infancy.

“It is not your place to impose conditions to the practice of magic. Only the Triple Goddess, through the Disir, can do so.” Aelhaearn said in a calm demeanor.

“In my last visit to the Court, I expressed my opinions concerning the dark ways. The Disir have agreed with the restraint, as well as they have spared the last High Priestess’s life.” The queen replied, without betraying any emotion in her voice.

“Bah, you’re only a child playing ruler!” The Dochraid snorted. “You’re failing your destiny, Morgana Pendragon!”

“Failing my destiny would mean letting magic and the Old Religion perish!” She replied exalted, taking a deep breath before continuing, calmer by then: “What I’m doing is assuring that everyone can live in peace, benefiting from magic, not being harmed by it.”

“You’re still too much young, Morgana Pendragon. How can we be sure that you have the best interests at heart?” This time Anhora inquired.

“You cannot, nor can I, for what I believe is the best can be the worst for another or for yourself.” She replied.

“I can only commit myself to what I think it’s right. And what I believe to be right is to protect instead of hurt, to heal instead of kill, to give another chance instead of condemn. But to do all of this now, I need the assistance of every magic user in this land. To ensure that Camelot will flourish under the reins of the Old Religion, magic must serve the wellbeing of the people and not the rise in power of some particularly gifted individuals.” She finished.

“It’s a wise answer, young queen.” He did a dramatic pause before adding: “But you seem to be unable to remain true to your beliefs when someone wrongs you.”

“I have acted according to these principles from the moment I acquired full control of my actions. I don’t understand what you mean by those words.” She answered.

“Your heart, ask your heart about second chances and you’ll know.” He said.

“Once again, the subject of this meeting is magic regulation, not other things.”

“Stubborn like your brother.” Anhora added.

Morgana decided to ignore his remark and simple said:

“Do you agree with the terms of the institution created in order to regulate magic? Do any of you have anything to add? After that we shall discuss the rules applied to dark magic.”

“What about the priesthood? Do you intend to monopolize the teaching of magic in your order?” Morgause questioned her.

“No. Magic education can be done by the Druids, by the High Priestess and by the Catha. The difference is that its entirety can be done by the Druids, without the need to affiliate themselves to the Order, but the training to be priestess and High Priestess must be done once the pupil has at least gone through the basic magical education provided by the Order. The same applies to the Catha. The idea is to initiate better instructed warlocks, witches and sorcerers in the priesthood.” The queen answered.

“You mean **your** idea is to have formerly instilled in their mind **your** notions about magic instead of the millenarian doctrines that the Priestesses and Priests follow.” Morgause countered.

“Is it truly like that, Morgause? Because when we spoke with the Disir, your doctrine wasn’t considered that old, **sister**.” Morgana responded.

“The freedom to practice the Old Religion cannot be restrained, Morgana Pendragon. The Catha takes young boys as initiates, from a young age they learn how to master their body with their mind and that’s our philosophy. To stablish a former education system as a prerequisite to enter our order would render it impossible, as they need to grow up learning our methods to properly be a Catha.” Alathor countered.

“Fine, but the priestesses don’t require the same predicaments. I was an initiate after my twenties.” Camelot’s queen replied.

“Your case was an exception, Morgana.” Morgause argued.

“And that wouldn’t make me less High Priestess than you, Morgause.” The young seer rebuffed.

“I thought you were different, Morgana Pendragon. But in the end, your accursed bloodline prevails! You want to control us, as if we were untamed beast waiting for your benevolence to domesticate us!” The Dochraid protested.

Before Morgana could argue with her, Anhora spoke:

“I have seen five hundred springs in this life, I have witnessed the former glory of the old days, when the Our Religion reigned in every corner of this land.” He paused briefly and everyone was paying attention to his words.

“In my time, there was always a Queen and a King, one to rule and the other to wage war. The queen, representing the Goddess, would lead the people in every aspect of life, except war, because that was the role of the king. And a queen doesn’t only rule those with magic, but every person and creature in her domains.” He sighed before continuing: “The young queen’s actions show us that she desires peace and in order to do so, she requests a part of the freedom to practice the Old ways like we did in the previous time. But make no mistake, you’d be fools not to accept this, because by doing this, we all will be building a future of peace.” He paused again before proceeding:

“In the old days, I’ve seen many abusing their gifts and that caused kingdoms, families, sacred places and entire civilizations to ruin. So, if she proposes that destructive beliefs or knowledge be restricted and taught only to those that won’t blindly assume some teachings as the truth, or to those that have proved to be capable of withholding their own responsibility for their actions, then I see no harm in it.”

Morgana projected in his mind a “ _Thank you_ ” and spoke clearly to those that were present:

“It is as Anhora has said. To ensure a long lived peace, we must commit ourselves to it, which means we have to relinquish some privileges in order to be able to live in harmony with everyone, not posing a threat to others or to ourselves.”

“It seems as if you’re in fact persecuting the religious veins of magic! Beware, Morgana, you can’t dissociate the Old Religion and the Gift!” Morgause adverted. “You can’t ignore your spirituality in your quest for the common wellbeing”.

“Yeah!” Agreed the Dochraid.

“As long as you still obey the Disir’s judgments, I don’t oppose.” Aelhaearn added.

“I agree with the queen’s views. Magic must be used for constructive ends, not for destruction.” Iseldir complemented and said more: “As long as Morgana Pendragon remains true to the principles she has exposed here, then she’ll keep resonating with the Goddess’s teachings, which means her spirituality shall be honed.

“Nobody asked your opinion, druid boy! Go graze with the deer like a good prey.” The Dochraid rebuffed.

“This is what I propose. If you disagree, then be free to present another solution or leave this council.” Morgana said sternly.

“Bah, you’re only a bunch of children that know nothing of life, agreeing that we must keep our heads down and be nice to those that have hunted us! I’m leaving and I won’t offer my help to any of you! Don’t come later on, crying and saying that the flower you used as a weapon didn’t protect you against their fire!” The Dochraid told them in an exalted tone, getting up and teleporting herself from their meeting place.  

“As long as there is free booze and those fancy liquors to those that agree, I’m in.” Breanna said, completely ruining the seriousness of the Dochraid’s warnings.

“I want to be in the healing division of the Order, queen Morgana.” Ealish said.

“Me and my people follow your ideals, queen Morgana.” Ari replied.

“I’ve already pledged my loyalties to you, the only true queen of Camelot.” Ruadan answered.

Holding Gaius’s hand, Alice said:

“You can count on us, Morgana.”

“A limitation to those arrogant High Priestesses? I’m in.” Finna replied.

“I can’t completely agree on more restrictions, as I have explained before. Nonetheless, I can assure all of you that the Catha initiate’s are rigorously selected and, until the present times, none has abused their gifts and knowledge. So I request the right to keep such legacy.” Alathor spoke.

“A Catha dissident was the first Druid, queen Morgana. By knowing pain to its full extent, Ieldir has understood that the best way to serve the Goddess is to seek peace and healing to the hurts of the world. I reassure you, the Catha don’t lightly harm others because they comprehend pain really well.” Iseldir said, while Ari and Ruadan nodded.

“I had already gave my word towards the Catha, I won’t change that. The only one left is the High Priestess.” Morgana told them and turned her head to keep eye contact with her sibling “So, what is your answer? Do you agree with such terms or not?”

“And if I don’t? You can’t possibly abolish the highest degree of magical and religious knowledge of Albion.”

“No, but you’re not irreplaceable. Finna has finished her training as a minor priestess and we still can ask the Disir court and the spirits of the previous High Priestess for guidance.” Morgana replied and struggled not to smirk, as the occasion wasn’t appropriate for that.

Annoyed, Morgause replied: “Fine, I accept it. But not without reserves.”

“We shall discuss them here as well, after making clear some points about dark magic.” The queen said, continuing: “Everyone that desires to learn such arts must take tests in order to verify if they won’t be corrupted by its power.”

“It makes sense. You have the help of the Catha for that. We have mastered the techniques to read the mind of others.” Alathor spoke.

“You can also request the assistance of the Druids. Our methods differ from the Catha’s, but we also have proficiency in discovering the truth in ones heart.” Iseldir told them.

“Thank you all for that.”

Later, the meeting proceeded without many disagreements, and they came to terms about the creation of the Order of the White Dragon, as an executive branch of Camelot’s reign that would manage magic and all the issues related to it. They also stablished a permanent council for that Order, presided by Camelot’s ruler and formed by the representatives of the different ideologies within the Old Religion and a prominent magic user.

Morgana also did some concessions to Morgause and the priestesses, as the Disir judgment had obliged her sister not to cause harm to her, under the penalty instantaneous death.

So, by the end of the day, they had mostly agreed to unify magic’s guidance and uniting those that were represented by their leaders in the common goal of using magic for the wellbeing of the people, which included fighting the wars against Camelot.

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s castle, the queen’s study**

**Sixteen days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

“So, how was the hocus pocus meeting? Many people were turned into frogs?” Gwaine asked Morgana while grinning.

Not for the first time, Morgana wondered why she had knighted the roguishly looking man and more, why he was already one of the designed knights to patrol the areas around Essetir. He certainly had the talent with swords, and was grateful for being released from the slave trades during her scouting mission in Essetir, as well as brave (or dumb enough) to actually go to Camelot while an entire army stood between himself and his destination, arriving shortly after the end of the first battle (he said he lost track of the time in a tavern in the middle of the way).

“So, had a not-so-friendly time with your sister and that soured your mood? Did she stole your sense of humor too, my queen?” He bowed exaggeratedly at the last words.

“She wasn’t the cause of that. Every time you’re in my presence, Sir Gwaine, I’m reminded how much drunken people infuriate me. You reek of ale, at least indulge in your habits after your duty.” She replied dryly.

“Oh, I know you love me, you’re just playing hard to catch.” He grinned once again.

“If one day you can say such thing about me, then Camelot will need another ruler, because I’ll have completely lost my mind, Sir.”

“You can’t escape from me, my queen. The more you mistreat me, the more I love you.” He teased.

“You should make better use of such love and offer it to someone that actually desires it. Go flirt with the stupid high amount of women that are head over heels for you and let me do my job without interruptions.”

“I can’t, I have a message for you.” He said while leaning to a wall and biting his lips.

“What is it?” She sounded tired as she asked, not looking at him.

“I’ll only say it if you gaze at my eyes.” He teased.

“Can you cut the cheesy lines? It’s not working, it won’t work. Just spill it out.” She said dryly, but lifted her head to make eye contact.

“You can’t ask that of me, my queen. It would be utterly cruel of you to deprive me of your beautiful eyes.” He said while grinning.

“If that’s all you have to say, you can go, Gwaine.” She replied, annoyed.

“A druid boy called Mordred request an audience with you, my queen.” He recomposed himself while saying this, doing his best to be as formal as possible while delivering the news, cracking a smile at the end, as he already knew about every gossip of the kingdom, so he was aware that the boy was important for her (which he discovered after a night involving Gaius, a donkey, a ridiculous high amount of ale, and a need to keep the remains of ones dignity).

He eyes gleamed as he said Mordred’s name and hope of a life with love finally began to spring again in Morgana’s heart. For long, after she had lost her babies, she thought that she’d never know the love for a child like a son or a daughter, but here he was again, the young druid boy that she felt so connected to. For her loving Mordred was as easy as breathing. She didn’t know why she needed to breath, nor why she had such feelings for him, the only thing that she knew was that she did and she could only let her emotions run free.

So the queen abruptly stood up from her seat and immediately run towards the study’s exit, intending to go to the council room as fast as she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, after a long time an update! I was travelling and then I was writing other things, that’s why I didn’t uploaded anything sooner. So, basically, dropped Gwaine and Mordred on parachutes. And I’ll probably write more about Morgana’s medieval welfare State. Except that maybe next chapter will be entirely about Merlin or have the two of them, I’m not sure. Also, I don’t know if Morgana and Gwaine are OOC, as basically she is mean to him and he’s flirty with her (hey, that’s what happened in the series, but I don’t know if he’d patiently listen to her rant without giving up).


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.

**Camelot’s Council Room**

**Sixteen days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

The queen strode to the room where Mordred awaited her, slowing down her pace and recomposing herself before she entered the Council Room. When she did, she saw a figure – still smaller than herself, but not much – wearing a dark green cloak. As the figure heard the sounds of the door being opened, he turned and the young queen took a good look to his face. His dark hair was getting curlier, his clear eyes were shining brightly and he had a big smile plastered on his face.

Mordred run in her direction and Morgana, forgetting she was supposed to never betray any emotions that could be used against her, did the same. They hugged in the middle of the room and Morgana gave the first genuine smile, at least outside of the dream’s realm, in what seemed like forever. She cried and laughed simultaneously and Mordred’s reaction mirrored hers. Both had experienced many hardships during the last years, and it was a relief to finally be with someone that they cared about and that would also cherish them. Morgana was the first to speak:

“Mordred!” And she distanced herself from him to look at his front before continuing: “You’re alive and well! After the attack to Alvaar’s camp, I didn’t know what was your fate!” She exclaimed.

He replied directly to her mind: “ _Morgana, I’m alive and well, as you can see, not thanks to Emrys, though._ ”

She decided to withhold their conversation mentally, using her magic to prevent it from being heard in other magic users’ minds, and retorted:

“ _What do you mean by that? Has Merlin attempted against your life?_ ”

“ _I never thought he’d have the courage to tell you, that coward! Always hiding behind his fate and never standing up for what is right! He was supposed to protect everyone with magic, he’s our messiah, but instead, he cowers in fear, forsaking his own kind for the sorts of Uther Pendragon!_ ” He hissed in her mind and clenched his teeth, while fisting his hands.

“ _Mordred, slow down. What did he do_?” She inquired.

“ _He was there, during the attack. He made me trip, Morgana, when two guards were about to kill me! How could he? He was supposed to be our savior!_ ” His eyes were filled with tears as he projected that thought to her and the seer hugged him again, kissing his hair and rocking him in her arms, before saying in his mind:

“ _It’s ok, Mordred, you’re safe now. I won’t let any harm befall over you._ ”

He cried and soaked her blue dress shoulder while she patted his soft hair. When his tears were reduced to sparse sobs, he locked eyes with her and projected:

“ _I came here as soon as I heard the news. You became queen and lifted the magic ban! Camelot is safe for us that have magic!_ ” His voice sounded more cheerful, nevertheless, she could still notice that the boy in front of her had witnessed and felt much more pain and suffering than a thirteen year-old boy should have.

“ _Yes, I fulfilled part of my fate, the part about bringing back the old ways._ ” She replied.

“ _Do you think it will last_?” He inquired and she perceived the fear that was present in his clear round eyes.

“ _I hope so. I intend to unite those with magic and without it. I want to build a kingdom without fear and persecutions, in which everyone can be free to make their own choices_.” She touched his nose with her index fingertip and continued: “ _And for that, I’ll fight until my last living breath._ ” She smiled at him.

“ _But that is Emrys’s and The Once and Future King’s fate!_ ” He exclaimed.

“ _Well, that doesn’t stop me from trying, Mordred_.” She answered.

“ _You know that people can’t defy their fates! It has been like this since the beginning of time itself!_ ” He replied.

“ _Yes, but I’m not exactly fighting my fate here, because I don’t have only a path to choose. The Once and Future King prophesy is too old and complex, which leads to many interpretations._ ” She retorted.

“ _So it means you can replace Emrys as magic’s champion_?” His eyes shone brighter with the perspective that she could be the solution to all of the magic community’s problems.

“ _No, young Mordred, not in the same way as him. I’ll never be magic itself._ ” She said and saw as he lost face at her answer. Nonetheless, she promptly added: “ _But that doesn’t mean that my different way to ensure that magic roams free around the land will disappoint those that seek shelter to be who they are._ ” She smiled at him and he grinned in response.

“ _Also, I think that there’s an important position to be fulfilled in my kingdom. I’m looking for a young Druid boy, age between thirteen and fourteen, dark hair, clear blue eyes_ ” She giggled and he chuckled in response before she continued: “ _to be my ward. What do you think, do you know someone up to that role?_ ” He laughed and embraced her again, while she responded tenderly, openly showing her affections for him.

 

* * *

_Morgana’s dream_

_Seventeenth dawn after her coronation_

_Morgana was holding Gorlois’s hand, observing a vision in formation while fully aware of her own spiritual body. Her father spoke to her:_

_“Breathe deeply. Do not let fear control you. Whatever it is that will be shown to you has not yet come true. You have to learn how to detach yourself from the fear and pain in the vision. It isn’t real yet, you can change it.”_

_The images gained definition. She noticed that they were in a field, white due to the snow that was pilling up, that also had a frozen river close by. In the middle stood a red baby dragon surrounded by three wolves, one coming from the south, other from the east and the last from the west._

_Somehow, her eyesight caught a light colored serpent crawling above the frozen water, and she knew that the animal would strike the baby dragon that was already struggling to contain the advances of the three wolves._

_Morgana was nervous with that situation, already understanding which kingdom were represented by each animal._

_Meanwhile, the young dragon was bitten in the shoulder by the wolf coming from the west, but somehow managed to blind him, flying from the other wolves and burning the serpent before she could even attack._

_Them the vision blurred and the wolves subjugated the dragon and torn him apart._

_The images changed again and the dragon successfully harmed the wolves, but then the serpent bit its leg and the magical creature fell to the ground and was once again overwhelmed by its enemies._

_The young queen was hyperventilating at those scenes, and Gorlois spoke to her again:_

_“Do as I have taught you, daughter, take deep breaths, imagine that you are in a serene place in which no harm can be done, you can change here and now what you’re seeing. Do it, Morgana”._

_“But, the dragon …” She tried to protest._

_“It is the future, my child. You can choose to feel its pain now, when you can’t do anything to help or you can choose to wait and feel the apprehension when it comes, and yet, feeling worried is also a choice, you can still choose to detach yourself from the suffering.” He answered and added: “Choose, daughter.”_

_Morgana did as her father told her, she took deep breaths, slowing her heartbeats rate and imagined the gardens of her childhood home. As she did, she materialized that soothing place and her father told her:_

_“Well done, Morgana.” He patted her hair and continued: “Now, what do you think your vision meant?”_

_“Four kingdoms striking Camelot, which was the red baby dragon.” She replied._

_“Which do you think are the kingdoms?” He inquired._

_“A wolf from the south is Odin’s kingdom, Caedmon. A wolf from the west can only be Anglia. A wolf from the east means Caerleon.” She replied._

_“And what about the serpent?”_

_“I’m not sure. Lot’s crest has two snakes, like Cenred’s, but they are green and aren’t serpents.” She answered._

_“Think deeply about it. Who has that crest?” He inquired again._

_“Hum…” She reviewed every known crest in her mind, having the sensation that the answer was on the tip of her tongue, but it was slipping her mind. Then, she felt a shiver down her spine as she finally remembered:_

_“Amata.” She responded, showing apprehension and uncertainty on her face._

_“You don’t have to fear Morgana, you can win!” Gorlois reassured her._

_“But how? And why there were three different visions?”_

_“They were the possible futures, Morgana. As you already know, some futures are clear and others aren’t. It depends on you if Camelot will prevail or not.” He answered._

 

* * *

 

**Somewhere at Gallia**

**Same time as Camelot**

 

“What exactly are we looking for?” Merlin asked Arthur.

“Blueberries, _Mer_ lin. Gwen says she is craving for some.” The former prince replied, annoyed, turned his head in his friend’s direction and added: “You know we can’t go back empty handed, she’s been quite moody lately.”

“That’s nothing if compared to your normal behavior.” Merlin replied in a low voice.

“What did you say?” Arthur inquired.

“I said that’s nothing to worry as you’re her savior.”

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows questioning were did his friend come up with those remarks, but was too tired to actually argue, as it was before dawn when his wife asked him to go, during a cold autumn night, almost winter already, to find her berries. He left the inn that the three of them were guests because apparently there was a shortage of blueberries there, and the owner told him that he might, with a lot of luck, find some berries in the forest.

So basically, here they were, hunting small fruits for Gwen. If it were small animals, Arthur would certainly be happier.

“Just keep up the pace, Merlin.” Arthur retorted and proceeded: “The faster we find those berries, the better.”

“You know that’s practically impossible, right? In less than fifteen days it will be officially winter, Arthur.”

“Just shut up, Merlin! It’s too early in the morning for your ranting.”

“I sense that someone is cranky for having to wake up early in the morning, tsc, tsc.” Merlin mocked him.

“I don’t get cranky, _Mer_ lin. Only girls get cranky.” Arthur retorted and added: “I am perfectly used to be up before the first ray of sun, or have you forgotten all our quests?”

“You mean all those times I saved your sorry arse?” The warlock whispered.

“What did you say? Why do you keep muttering, Merlin? Are you more of an idiot before the sun comes up, huh? That’s why you can’t even understand that nobody will hear what you say if you keep whispering?” The blond-haired man asked.

“I said that you meant all those times that sleep was scarce. And, in your scale, at least I can be less idiotic, but in mine, your pratness only gets higher and higher.”

“Merlin, shut up!”

“Already missing a comeback?”

“No, I’m just too tired to put up with you! Just help me find those damned berries so that we can go back to bed!” Arthur exclaimed and continued walking while looking at his friend’s direction, which led him to trip on a loose root and fall.

“Look at what you made me do! I tripped because of you, _Mer_ lin!”

“No, it was due to that big head of yours, it’s a wonder how it doesn’t anchor you to the ground the entire time, alongside that big belly of yours.”

“Stop babbling and help me out, _Mer_ lin!”

“Yes, sire.”

At that moment, both men heard someone humming a tune. They stared at the direction of the sound and noticed a gray goblin with white hair strolling in the woods, approaching them. Arthur unsheathed his sword while he was still standing up, what forced Merlin to evade the weapon in the process of helping his friend to stand.

“Stop right there, creature!” Arthur warned.

“Or what?” The goblin questioned.

“Or I’ll slice you with my sword!” The former prince replied.

“Arthur he did nothing against us, leave him alone –” Merlin tried to reason.

“No, Merlin. Goblins are dangerous, it’s better to strike first, before he possesses one of us or uses his sorcery to turn us into donkeys!” Arthur was exalted, probably remembering his last experience with a goblin.

“Hum … behaves like an asshole” The goblin said and continued, sniffing the air: “Smells like an asshole” and paused briefly, as if deducing an answer to a question, only to speak: “Must be an asshole!”

“You little bastard!” Arthur swung his sword, trying to hit the creature.

The goblin used his magic to paralyze the Once and Future King, and telling Merlin:

“Emrys, you are here.” The goblin smiled and continued: “This means there’s hope for magic.”

“What are you talking about? If my destiny were on the right track we would be at Camelot, making preparations for Arthur to become king and bring back magic, not me.” Merlin replied.

“The Once and Future prophesy, huh? Did you heard its many versions?” The old creature asked.

“There is only one prophecy, the one Kilgharrah told me.” He replied, incredulous. He wasn’t sure he could trust the goblin, he too was wary due to his last experience.

“The Great Dragon, huh.” The goblin commenced to laugh uncontrollably and Merlin wondered if the creature’s magic was weaker in this land too, if he could stun him and run with Arthur – to which he’d need his whole magic in order to carry his friend.

Before the dragonlord could come to a conclusion, the goblin spoke:

“I’m impressed that he went that far.”

Before the young warlock could ask him what did he mean by that, the creature continued:

“I waited and waited, for five hundred years that’s all I’ve been doing since magic began to wither from the mainland. There were many futures and only one leading you here, in this day, at this time.” He added.

“What do you mean with all this? What future are you talking about?”

“The one you reach your fulfill your fate entirely, Emrys. You are magic itself, but that doesn’t mean you can’t multiply and give it back to the world.”

“That doesn’t explain anything. Do you expect me to magically produce another me?”

“The creation of life involves magic, but it isn’t something done by one person alone. It takes two to dance, Emrys.”

 _Oh, great, so the idea is to go on ‘multiplying’ my talents, which means more pregnant women and more blueberry hunts near winter_. The dragonlord thought.

“You are part of such a beautiful fate Emrys, don’t go on distorting my words.” The goblin said.

“Wait, did you read my mind?”

“Yes, I did, you’re vulnerable here while I have spent five centuries getting used to the low flow of magic in those lands.” The old goblin answered, pausing briefly before adding: “You have to multiply, but not with women, you have only one mate settled for the rest of your current life.”

“Oh, really?” Merlin licked his lips, partially because they were dry and in part due to the perspective that he wouldn’t spend the rest of his life chasing after his royal pratness, while having no one to heat him during cold nights. It was a little spark of hope of love, as he longed for it since he had lost Freya. Not that he had forgotten her, no, she’d always have a special place in his heart. It was just that he felt so lonely sometimes, wishing that he had someone to share his joys and worries with, like Arthur had Gwen.

“Humrum, and she has chosen love instead of hate. That’s what allowed you to meet me today.”

“Won’t you give me a clue about who it is? Do I know her or not, is she short or tall, fat or slim, young or old, pretty or ugly?”

“You don’t need a clue, deep down you know who it is. You were always each other’s destiny, no matter the choices you made in this life.”

 _The only one that has always been my destiny has been Arthur and the last time I checked, we couldn’t produce a baby together, no sir_. Merlin thought.

The goblin laughed loudly and the young warlock didn’t even need to ask if he had read his mind.

“There’s someone else. Take your time to think if you want to.” The old magical being grinned.

“Is that all you had to say, ‘go and multiply’? If that’s it, could you please release the other part of my most known fate?” Merlin asked.

“Surely, Emrys. I’ll do it after you collect the blueberries.”

“Do you know about them? As you’re here, have you seen any around?” The young warlock asked.

“I have some with me. If you wish, I can give you.” The goblin replied.

“I don’t know, last time I found a goblin, he wasn’t the most generous magical being and I read in the bestiary that it’s common of your kin always ask something in return. No offenses, though.” He was honest, as he knew that the creature could read his mind even if he lied to him.

“Fine, if it eases your mind, I have a request to ask in exchange: follow more your heart then the advices of great masters or said wise beings.”

“That’s it?”

“Humrum, that’s it.”

“You’re a strange goblin.” Merlin wasn’t quite believing that it was so easy, when generally everything in his life was extremely hard.

“And you’re a strange man, accepting to be stepped on instead of defending yourself. When you let this go on, nor you nor the Once and Future King become better men. You only get bitter and feel that you’re treated unjustly, while your king thinks that he can relieve his stress on you, instead of facing his own problems.”

Merlin was taken aback at being scolded by a goblin, what led to another laugh outburst from the creature.

“Here are your berries, Emrys.” The magical being placed a jar on the ground and said: “It was pleasant to meet you.” And he disappeared in a cloud of dust.

When that happened, Arthur moved again and ended up getting his sword stuck on the ground due to the strength put on blow aimed for the goblin.

After a lot of complaints from Arthur, mostly about how Merlin did nothing when the former prince was fighting the threat, the two went back to the inn where Gwen awaited.    


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC

**Somewhere at Gallia**

**Inn of the village of Calmar**

**Morning, twenty days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

“Arthur, you’ve been treating Merlin too harshly! Even when you were a prince in Camelot you weren’t as mean to him as you are now.” Gwen spoke with apprehension in her voice. “What’s going on? You only do that when there’s something troubling you. What is it?”

“Guinevere! Erm … there’s nothing wrong, everything is fine.” He fumbled with his words and ended up nodding, as if that would make it more believable.

“No, there’s something troubling you, I can tell. It’s ok, Arthur, I’m your wife, you can share your problems with me.” She told him, tenderly.

“It’s nothing, really. Merlin has been more of an idiot recently, that’s why I’m scolding him more.” He tried to placate her concern.

“Arthur Pendragon, don’t you dare think you can fool me for even an instant. I can tell there’s something wrong, please, tell me what it is.” She pleaded.

The former prince sighed and admitted defeat: “Fine, there’s something troubling me, but it shouldn’t be, in fact, I should only be happy now, with the baby and everything.”

“Is it the baby, Arthur?” Gwen asked, placing her hands on his cheeks. “Are you afraid of –”

“Losing you at childbirth like my father and I lost my mother?” He finished her sentence, lowering his eyes in shame, because for him he was failing as her husband by showing how much he was afraid.

“Arthur, look at me.” She asked of him and when he complied, she continued speaking: “That won’t happen to us, you must have faith.” She tried to reassure him.

“You don’t know that, no one can guarantee you’ll both be safe.” He retorted.

“But I can have faith, Arthur.” She smiled at him and proceeded: “and I wouldn’t give up the chance to give birth to your child for nothing in this world.”

“Not even to stay by my side?” He said it with such an unsure voice that Gwen’s heart ached due to his distress. She didn’t want him to feel like this, afraid of what was probably the most beautiful gift that they would receive in their lives, but she could understand what made him so scared. She also didn’t want to part from him, she meant it when she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she knew that no one should waste their life letting fear always triumph, no, life itself was hard, but worth living and their baby was worth the risks that came along, so she decided to say:

“Arthur, you know that I want to stay by your side more than anything in this world. Yet, the both of us can’t let the fear of lost ruin every happy moment we have.” He was about to say something else, but she kept going before he could speak: “You’re the love of my life, Arthur, and your existence brings me an extraordinary happiness that I don’t think I’m able to describe in mere words.” She touched their foreheads and continued: “I can’t control our fate and I understand how it is scary not to know if you’ll be there with me on the next day, but I can choose, everyday, to have faith on us and hope for the best. It won’t work every time, yet it has up until now.” She smiled at him and kissed him softly, hoping that her words would soothe his worries, even though she couldn’t promise him anything more concrete. He returned the kiss and embraced her, whispering to her ear:

“I love you too, Guinevere. You are the hope in my life, I just don’t know what I’d do without you.”     

They snuggled in each other’s arms for a while, until they heard a knock on the door.

“Merlin.” Arthur grunted, visibly not amused by his friend’s interruption.

“Be nice.” Gwen told him, smiling brightly at him before adding: “Husband.”

 The blond-haired man returned the smile and answered: “As you wish, wife.” And kissed her again in the lips, forgetting Merlin at their doorstep.

Nonetheless, the young warlock had his ways to remind him of his presence and he knocked again, to which Arthur responded:

“It’s open! You can come in!”

“Right away, sire.” Merlin replied. Even though they weren’t any longer master and servant, he hadn’t lost the habit of calling the former prince of such. Well, it also helped their disguise, as Arthur assumed the surname Du Bois, which continued to be a notorious noble family even heard of in that foreign land.

“So, ready for breakfast? It’s served downstairs.” The young dragonlord said cheerfully.

“Humrum.” Arthur replied and extended his arm to Gwen, saying: “If you’d give me the honor, my wife.” His smile went from one ear to another, and Merlin couldn’t help but smile too. His two friends were so happy together and that also brought joy for him, especially now that he knew he had someone to love too.

Guinevere intertwined her arm with Arthur’s and replied: “You don’t need to ask twice, husband.”

Merlin noticed it was their thing lately, calling each other husband and wife. Every time one of them called the other that, both smiled like two teenager lovers.

The couple went ahead, leaving the warlock lost in his thoughts. When he noticed them gone, he followed swiftly, hearing as Arthur talked with the inn’s keeper.

“ _So, any news from Albion?_ ” The former prince inquired in Gallish. Merlin could understand due to a spell he had casted on himself.

“ _There are rumors about a witch queen, in one of the realms. That’s all that I’ve heard._ ” The man replied.

“ _A witch queen? That’s outrageous! Which kingdom was it?_ ” Arthur asked.

“ _I don’t know, the big gossip was only that_.” The man paused, before adding: “ _But if you want to know more, for the right amount of coin, I can ask around._ ”

“ _We’ll be travelling soon. I don’t think I have a lot of time to wait for more details_.” The blond-haired man replied.

Merlin thought that Morgana had done it, she had killed Uther and become queen. The few moments of happiness had vanished, being replaced by the paranoia that followed him like a shadow lately. He had to be alert. Now, Morgana had the entire kingdom at her disposal, what would probably lead to attempts against Arthur’s and Gwen’s lives.

“ _Fine, as you wish, my lord_.” The innkeeper said.

“So, what did he say?” Gwen asked, as she hadn’t learnt any other language except her mother tongue.

“That there is a witch queen in one of Albion’s kingdoms! Can you imagine it?”

“Oh!” Gwen raised her hand to her mouth, shocked with the news. In fact, her mind immediately suspected that it could be Morgana. She had magic and she was different since she returned from that lost year, even becoming a cold, distant and rude person, so much different from the lady she have known for most of her life. Yet, when they left Camelot, the Morgana that said her farewells acted like her best friend again and Guinevere wanted to believe in her, believe that it was just a bad phase and that magic hadn’t tainted her soul. But there it was. The notion that there was a witch queen meant that either one of the kings lost their lives or had married off a witch.

Gwen hoped that the later assumption was correct, that nobody had died and that maybe the witch wasn’t even Morgana. She decided to hide her concern from Arthur, because for him Morgana was like a sister and her practicing magic would be a big betrayal.

“That’s terrible!” She added.

“Humrum.” Merlin murmured nervously, waiting to hear what his friends thought about a ruler with magic and knowing it was probably Morgana. Depending on their answer, it would be easier to convince them that she was evil.

“Yes, I can only pity the realm that has succumbed to such evilness. Nevertheless, it certainly wasn’t Camelot. Father and Morgana would never let the kingdom befall on the hands of a wicked sorcerer, nor would the people.” He said it reassuringly, but Gwen and Merlin could notice that in fact he was worried that it could be Camelot that was now ruled by a witch.

“You’re probably right, Arthur.” It was Merlin who said so.

“What are you talking about, _Mer_ lin? I’m always right.” Arthur smiled, but that didn’t fool his companions. He was concerned about his kingdom and his family and was using Merlin to change the subject. Probably, he needed a good bickering to calm his nerves.

“Only when the subject is food, sire. If you want, I can give you a list of all the times you’ve been wrong. Do you want me to begin?”

“Oh, just shut up, Merlin.”

 

* * *

 

 

**Camelot’s training grounds**

**Same time**

 

“Use your other leg to support your weight. When you attack, it’s not just your arm that’ll do the job, Mordred. You also have to use your footwork in order to increase your speed, the strength of your strike and dodge.” Morgana instructed the young boy.

When her ward corrected his position, as she had taught him to do, she praised him:

“Good job, Mordred! You’re improving wonders! Now, come on, spar with me.” She prompted him. The two were wearing chainmail armors and training swords. Obviously, Mordred’s was a little too big for him and needed adjustments, but that didn’t stop him from accepting her offer.

Morgana and Mordred practiced their sword skill as if they were playing, enjoying themselves and laughing. Every time that the young boy almost hit her with his sword, she praised him, boosting his confidence. She was teaching him the same way her father had taught her, at first lecturing about how he should position himself and how he should do his footwork. Then, they’d spar and she would increase her speed only when he was already capable of striking a blow or was able to not receive any when he defended himself from her attacks. That was how she got so good, her father made sure to not let her have doubts about her potential, not without actually showing her what she should do, and only challenging her more when he knew she was ready for it. Other thing he had taught her was how to read her opponent correctly, which was a decisive course of action during a battle, one she had been using not only in her physical battles, but in the everyday of her ruling.

Another thing was clear for those that witnessed her behavior. Since Mordred’s arrival, the queen began to smile more, laugh more, instead of presenting her cold persona to court and every other aspect of her life. For most of the time, she had been their ruler – an effective, protective, but loveless one (they didn’t know if for everything in general or just her enemies) – and it was as if that role had consumed her and there was no possible way that the ruler could coexist with the person she truly was. Nevertheless, since the druid boy came into her life and she changed, becoming this loving and caring person openly when she was with him.

Some of her subjects wondered if that’s what she would be like, most of the time, if she had a family of her own – in fact, she was already starting one by taking the boy as her protégée. To those that believed in her, their general opinion was that it was a good thing, because even though she had been more generous as a ruler than the previous ones, every time she presented herself to the public there was something in her eyes, a sadness maybe, that made her appear as a distant, even though benevolent, ruler. Someone that had passed through so much pain and wrong things in the world that had hardened her heart so much that nothing could be able to break her shell. In part, that was a good thing, because that would certainly prevent her from having a nervous breakdown, like her father, the former king, and decide to wipe out a significant amount of the population, but it also saddened her loyal citizens, as they wished for her happiness too.

The others subjects didn’t like to have one more sorcerer as part of the royal family. Imagine if she died before the return of the rightful king? That little bastard boy would certainly be proclaimed the heir, even though he was of common birth – devilish birth to those that believed that magic, the druids and the Old Religion was something from The Enemy. Yet, those people had dissidents too, because many didn’t believe that Arthur and his maid of a wife could rightfully reclaim the throne, as he had also tainted his bloodline with commoner’s blood.

For Sir Leon and Sir Gwaine, Mordred’s presence and his effect upon Morgana were good things.

Sir Leon knew a little bit more and was aware that the recent times had been difficult for her, but the queen kept doing her job impeccably – even if he didn’t agree with some of her decisions, he respected them, and he admitted that she was indeed doing good things for the kingdom like decreasing the taxes, providing a pension to the families that had lost their husbands, brothers, sons and fathers in Camelot’s battles, and structuring a system to regulate magic’s usage. He also had noticed that she usually seemed distant, unreachable, even though she would stop and listen to what he had to say and either agree with him or present logical arguments as to why she thought differently in that matter.   

No, the detachment he observed in her came from what seemed to be a conscious effort from her to hide her true feelings and thoughts, probably because she didn’t truly trust no one. But with Mordred that was changing, not that she told him all of her secrets, but that aloofness wasn’t there anymore and she wasn’t hiding her happiness, which strangely caused a lot of her subjects to smile with her.

To Gwaine it meant that it was less likely for her to dismiss his romantic approaches in a rude or cold manner. In fact, she had been laughing a lot while denying his advances, which only fuelled more his desire to take a hold of her heart.

So, when she was leaving the training grounds, embraced with Mordred by her side, the roughish knight asked:

“Going to bathe, my queen?” He grinned at her, lifting only the right side of his mouth.

“Yes, Sir Gwaine.” She replied, not caring that he’d probably pester her again with his flirtatious jokes.

“Mind if I join?”

Turning her head to properly look at his face, she answered: “In fact, I do. I’m sure assisting me during bath times isn’t one of your duties, Sir.”

“I don’t mind to –” he paused in order to speak with a sultry voice: “exceed my functions.” And gave her a mischievous smile.

“Oh, really?” She did her best to seem surprised, before adding: “Then you won’t mind doing an overnight training with all the new recruits, right?” She smiled at him and he thought that at least that was an improvement from her previous grumpy reactions.

“Sure.” He retorted while running his hand in his lustrous hair, trying to be seductive. That didn’t work, because she ignored him and kept talking enthusiastically to Mordred.

Leon, that was nearby, muffled a laugh and Gwaine gestured that he was almost gaining the queen’s favor, to which the other knight merely laughed more.

 

* * *

 

 

**Camelot’s Court Room**

**Afternoon**

 

Queen Morgana was in a white dress, seated in the throne and hearing petitions, when a man with olive skin and dark hair – wearing a chainmail and being accompanied by another man, a tall one with a stubble and light hair, also in an armor suit – knelt in front of her and introduced himself:

“Lady Morgana, I mean, Queen Morgana.” He bowed and she recognized him immediately. It was Lancelot, the same man that had defeated the griffin and saved Guinevere’s life when they were both captured by Hengist’s bandits.

“Lancelot!” She exclaimed.

“You recognize me, Queen Morgana?” He asked with surprise in his tone of voice.

“Of course, how could I forget? You saved Gwen’s life once and Camelot too.”

“I only did what was right.” He paused a little and continued: “I have heard that Camelot is accepting those that prove themselves worthy of the title of knight in their ranks. I desire to apply and so does my friend here, Percival.” The taller man nodded and bowed.

“And I shall be honored to have such a valorous knight between our ranks. You may follow Sefa, she will show you were the test are going to take place in this afternoon.” The queen replied and gestured to her servant to indicate the location for them.

“I’m thankful, queen Morgana, for this opportunity. It has been my dream to become a knight and follow a worthy ruler.”

“So I take it that you see me as someone worthy to follow.” She smiled at him and asked: “Even with the fact that I have magic?”

“I have witnessed, beforehanded, that magic can be used as a force for good. It only depends of its user’s intentions, not much different from any weapon that we have at our disposal. And also, I have heard about your achievements and actions as queen of Camelot. I think that your cause is just and the right one, so that’s why I decided to join your knights. It would be a great honor for me.” The honorable knight answered.

The queen read his aura, sensing that his words were true – not that she suspected him, but lately every precaution was needed, as she had many enemies and there were means of disguising oneself as another. So, she nodded and said:

“Very well, Lancelot, Percival, you’ll be fairly tested and we shall see the results, though I already have a guess about them.” She smiled sincerely at them, as joyful was a constant mood for her in the past two days.

The two man bowed and followed Sefa’s lead.

  

* * *

 

**Queen’s study**

**Evening**

 

Arthur’s and Gwen’s letters were on top of her desk and Morgana stared at them apprehensively. She wanted them back, her brother and her friend, but she was afraid. Not knowing their reactions scared her more than the prospect of fighting four battlefronts at the same time. Well, she had indeed talked with an old-aged version of herself, which must have meant something, right? But the notion of them being disgusted by who she was, by what she was born with, frightened her. In truth, she also wanted to be loved and accepted by them, since she has freed herself from Morgause’s control, she had realized that, nonetheless, she wasn’t sure if they were able to do that. So, she had been postponing that decision, always telling herself that there were more important things to do.

Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door, she swiftly placed the letters at a drawer in the furniture and locked it, then she said: “Enter.”

Sir Leon entered the room, curtsying at the entrance and saying: “My queen.”

“Sir Leon.” She acquainted him.

“I have brought the report you requested from me.” He stated.

For a while she made a confused expression, but then she remembered what he was talking about, so she replied: “Oh, the noble’s report. Thank you, Leon. I will take a look at it as soon as possible.”

He nodded and gave her the piece of parchment. After that, he decided to speak, hesitantly:

“And … have you thought about your brother, my queen?”

“Tell me something, Leon, what do you think about magic?” She asked instead of answering his question.

“I … what does it have to do with your brother, Queen Morgana?” He inquired, frowning.

“Everything, Leon. If you agree that magic isn’t something necessarily evil, then you probably also agree that lifting the ban and setting rules for its practice isn’t something bad either.” She reasoned with him. He nodded and she proceeded:

“But that isn’t how Arthur sees it. He was raised to think of magic was an evil that must be fought, because it corrupted those that had it and threatened his people and family.” She paused briefly and asked him:

“Do you truly believe that Arthur would simply accept all the changes that I have brought? Do you think that we would maintain an active usage of magic in his realm? And more, do you think that by doing that he wouldn’t jeopardize many opportunities for both the common and the magical folk alike? I mean, by not allowing magic as a daily occurrence in the people’s lives, many won’t be healed and possibly die because of the lack of it, or magical solutions won’t be used, therefor making the citizens struggle with things that could be easily solved with magic.” She explained better.

“My liege, I think that he would be shocked at first, like I was.” He paused briefly, assessing her state of mind and concluding that she was indeed in doubt about what to do in relation to her brother. So, he added:

“But if you try hard enough, I’m sure he can be convinced that magic isn’t necessarily a bad or evil thing.” He paused again, still noticing that she was distraught, before proceeding:

“Arthur isn’t Uther, Morgana. I think he is capable to let aside his prejudice and do the right thing.” He pointed out.

“But there’s a possibility that he won’t.” She stated, recomposing herself again in that mask of indifference that the first knight was beginning to dislike incredibly. Yet, he decide to counter her argument:

“Yes, but you must have faith in him, like he has in you.” For a moment, he thought that his words had reached her, as she glanced at him with uncertainty visible in her eyes, but that lasted only for a brief moment, as she took a deep breath and said in a confident tone:

“Yet, that isn’t good enough, nor certain enough.” She replied.

Morgana paused a little, and when she spoke again, he could notice the doubt in her voice: “I do wish to have them back, Sir Leon, I do. Nevertheless, my personal desires cannot come before my duties.” She sighed before adding: “I cannot give them a different life, one in which they can be free to be whoever they are, just to let him take it from them the moment he comes back.”

“Arthur wouldn’t –” He tried to counter, but she interrupted him:

“We can’t be sure, Sir Leon.” She sighed again and proceeded: “You also didn’t accept magic in a blink of an eye. And for this to work, that’s what’s needed from him.”

“What are you trying to state, my queen?” He inquired.

“That until we are in a more stable situation or until I have the time to properly speak with Arthur and Gwen about all the changes I brought to the kingdom, I don’t think it is wise to go search for them and bring them back.” She answered.

“Because of the people’s sake?” He asked.

“Yes, due to that.” She replied, stoically again.

“I disagree in part, my queen. But I also think that it can be dangerous to change monarchs during an external war.”

“There’s that also. And more coming” She remarked and added: “So, for now, we’ll postpone the subject, right?”

“For now.” He replied.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.

**Camelot’s council room**

**One month after Morgana’s coronation**

 

“That was the twentieth attempt of assassination, my queen.” Leon said, and continued: “Lot has been growing bolder as we speak! Something must be done!” He exclaimed.

“It’s fine, Leon. Thankfully we didn’t withstand any loses, as all the attacks were aimed directly at me.” Morgana replied.

“This is outrageous, my queen!” This time Gwaine protested. “You must put that bastard back to his place!” Lancelot and Percival, that were also present, agreed.

A servant poured some water to them. To most of the members of the council, his presence wasn’t notice, nor the fact that he had in his possession a magic item that allowed King Lot to hear whatever was said in the room, even though he in the safety of his camouflaged camp.

“No harm was done, because, as you all know, I’m a seer.” Morgana stated calmly.

“Oh, yeah, you’re right, my queen.” Gwaine agreed and added: “Lot must really be extremely stupid, thinking that he could surprise you, as you’re a seer.”

The king of Essetir, that was hearing their conversation in that exact moment, clenched his fists and teeth in anger.

“Indeed, his actions are of utmost stupidity! Trying to assassinate a seer!” Leon chuckled.

“I think he must have a brain in the same size as a bird.” Percival said and complemented: “Some birds have bigger eyes than brains.”

“Maybe he should be thinking of changing his crest to a pooping pigeon. It would suit him better, as that’s just his state of mind for sending assassins against our queen.” Gwaine sneered at his own commentary.

“Please, let’s not indulge in this unnecessary badmouthing of him.” Lancelot said, always the noble knight, but he also added: “He’s just a dull-witted man for attacking our Seer Queen, he deserves our pity.”

Lot was puffing in anger, blood rushing at his temples and he was absolutely furious. He’d teach that bunch of witch ordered poor excuses of men what a true king was made of. He would attack them that same night, using the secret passageways underneath the city of Camelot. The first thing he’d do was behead their pretty queen and make a necklace with her knights’ tongues.

“He must really be unintelligent, as it is notorious that I’m, well, a seer.” The queen herself said.

“Maybe it’s a requirement to be king of Essetir: to be idiotic and a coward at the same time!” Gwaine happily exclaimed.

“Don’t forget the cretinism too.” Percival added.

“Well, I think we could all tell more of his unpleasant characteristics. It isn’t as if it’s hard to remember how moronic King Lot can be.” Leon said.

Lot that was still listening to them gripped the magical stone reproducing their conversation and tossed it on the ground, shattering the object in many tiny pieces.

“My king!” The witch that accompanied him exclaimed, as he had just smashed one of the most precious advantage they had over their enemies.

“Quiet, witch!” He shouted at her, angrily. Growling, he added: “I’ll cut their tongues for speaking ill things about me!”

The blond-haired woman – that also had clear blue eyes and pale skin – merely nodded at him.

“We attack Camelot tonight! I’ll make them pay for having insulted me!” Lot said.

 

* * *

**Camelot’s underground**

 

“My king, our reinforcements haven’t arrived yet, do you truly believe that’s wise to invade Camelot tonight?” The sorceress asked Lot.

“Quiet, witch! You’re here to fight that devil’s whore, not to question my judgements!” He snorted angrily.

“As you command.” The woman replied.

Lot was followed by three hundred men. He and his troops were previously hidden in the forest surround Camelot, but as the king lost his temper with the knights and Morgana, he went straightly to the city’s underground, rushing his surprise attack plan.

They were walking for more or less ten minutes when they met a dead end. Lot spun to talk with his magical subordinate and said:

“There’s a fucking wall in front of us where it was supposed to be a stair!! Where’s the map? Don’t tell me that you read it upside down or else I’ll have your head on a plate!” He yelled at her.

“My king, you are the one with the map, it’s in your hands.” She stated the obvious.

He murmured a ‘oh’ and screamed:

“Do I have to do everything on my own? This worthless map isn’t indicating the place correctly! And now what? This is all your fault! If you had done your job properly, we would have a fucking right map, not this piece of crap!”

“I’m afraid it’s not her fault, King Lot.” One of the soldiers pointed it out.

“Who the hell do you think you are, huh? Do you have a death wish? I’m always right, someone fucked up everything!! And that someone is this useless witch! If you say one more word I’ll have your tongue for opposing me!” He cried out in fury.

“She didn’t mess up because the true map was never acquired, only a copy was displayed in Camelot’s vaults.” The soldier calmly spoke.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Lot asked confused. By then, the witch that accompanied him realized that they were no longer the ones surprising their enemies.

“Check mate, King Lot.” The soldier said, taking off a necklace, only to show that in fact he was a she, more precisely queen Morgana.

Lot was horrified that his nemesis was there, staring at him, ready to fry his head and he didn’t see it coming, not at all. So, he just gapped in shock meanwhile his witch underlying acted.

The witch tried to chant a spell, but Morgana was faster, aiming directly at her:

“ **Hleap on bæc**!”

And Lot’s ally flew on the air, ending up falling on the solid grow while Morgana spoke:

“Not so fast this time, huh?”

“You damned witch!!” Lot yelled and attacked her with his sword, but his blow was parried by another soldier that was nearby. The man also took off a necklace and showed his true face. It was Gwaine and he used the attention he had gained to say:

“You just proved yourself, Lot! We weren’t sure if you’d be so moronic to take the bait, but I guess our queen knew better!”

“But it was fun to badmouth you!” Another soldier said, also taking off his magical artifact and reveling he was Percival.

In the meantime, Morgana used her magic to make a barrier for Lot’s remaining soldiers don’t reach their location, and signaled – using the strap attached to her arm – her men to capture them. At the same time, Lancelot and Leon also took their disguise, facing five knights from Essetir alongside Percival, while Gwaine dueled with Lot.

Essetir’s king tried to hit Gwaine’s chest, but the roguish knight dodged the blow and struck his hand with the sword’s hilt, forcing the king to drop his weapon. Unarmed and with his allies busy tried to defend themselves, Lot gritted his teeth and tried to run, evading his adversaries blades, but was stopped by Morgana’s invisible barrier as he hit his face hard against it, causing him to fall on the ground with a bleeding nose.

“Not so fast, King Lot.” Morgana said stoically and put a spell on him:

“ **Swefn** ”

Lot was fast asleep after that and his knights didn’t last long against four of Camelot’s finest fighters.

The queen took a strand of hair from the other witch, using that opportunity to take a good look at her. She seemed to be younger than Morgana, she had blond hair, pale skin and facial features that indicated that the woman wasn’t from Albion, probably had more kinship with Saxons or other Germanic people. She could even be from the Baltic seas, judging her appearance.

The queen tied the hair to a doll made of straw, similar to the one she used to control Morgause, and chanted:

“ **Clústor eallne þæs drycræftes hire sawle!** ”

“Hey, my queen, sorry to interrupt you when you’re hexing the enemy, but … what do we do with those guys over there?” Gwaine asked, using a flirtatious tone while speaking the last sentence.

“The ones that have surrendered shall be imprisoned and those that haven’t, well, are they even alive?” She inquired.

“They all surrendered, once they witnessed our awesomeness!” Gwaine grinned while speaking that.

“You mean mine, Lancelot and Percival’s awesomeness, right? You were sooooo busy trying to catch the big prize that you forgot about your comrades, Gwaine.” Leon teased him.

“Hey, I helped too.” He said, pretending to be indignant at Leon’s words and added: “You weren’t complaining when I saved your pretty head just a while ago.” He said mockingly.

“Okay, guys, you were all great today, no need to tease one another.” Morgana tried to placate their small bickering.

“Oh, my queen, if you praise me like that I don’t know if my heart can take it.” Gwaine teased her.

“It’s not the time for your jokes now, Gwaine, we have more important matters to deal with.” She dismissed his words, but not as coldly as he expected her to do.

“Hey, Gwaine, let’s talk about something else, you trying to win our queen’s favor is too repetitive.” Percival said.

“I agree.” Lancelot commented.

Gwaine dramatically acted as if he had been struck by something and said: “Ouch, when even the rightful and love defender Lancelot says that, even I get hurt. I have feelings too, guys.”

“It’s more that you act disrespectfully towards our queen. That’s not how an honorable man courts his loved one.” Lancelot told him.

“Hey, she isn’t complaining, right? And it isn’t as if she’d ever notice me if I courted her like an honorable and boring man, no offense, Lancelot.” Gwaine retorted.

“I heard that, Gwaine.” The queen said from a certain distance, as she was checking the prisoners with Leon. Then, she replied: “I would never court Gwaine, not even if he was the last man on this earth.” She said, smiling wickedly.

“See? She doesn’t smile like that to any of you. I’m special!” Gwaine stated, grinning.

“Yes, if you call those people that are mental like that, then, yes, Gwaine, you’re special.” Percival mocked him. The blond and Lancelot laughed, but Gwaine just replied:

“You’re all jealous that I get a special treatment.”

“Yeah, totally.” Percival sneered.

“Hey, boys, can you please give us a hand? Ruadan will come here at any minute.” Morgana said, paused briefly and continued: “Percival, be a darling and carry Lot upstairs. Gwaine –” The queen was about to ask him to carry the young witch, but she changed her mind in the last minute and said instead (probably afraid that Gwaine would grope the poor girl, judging by his inappropriate remarks towards herself): “Lancelot, you carry the girl.”

Gwaine was about to protest, but the queen interrupted him, saying instead:

“Gwaine, help me and Leon to watch our ‘guests’, ok?”

“Yes, your Highness.”

 

* * *

 

**Essetir’s capital**

**Courtyard of the Castle**

**Five days after Lot’s capture**

 

“People of Essetir!” Morgana spoke clearly and loudly to the crowd reunited in the courtyard. She had Camelot’s knights, including Lancelot, Percival, Gwaine, Leon and Lohengrin, as well as the magic users Ruadan, Alathor and Brienne. Also, the queen was wearing her chainmail, as she had readied herself for a battle that was easily won as she had magic and even the help of some of Essetir’s citizens to get inside the citadel.

“I present you your king, Lot.” She paused dramatically as said man was presented to the crowd and forced to knee by her side.

“This very man killed your previous king, Cenred, and blamed the last High Priestess, Morgause, when that wasn’t the truth. He lied to you all and sent his men – Essetir’s sons – to attack Camelot unjustly.”

The people reunited there were listening attentively to her, awaiting to know what the witch queen would do to their king and what she’d do to them.

“He used the same magic he so vehemently persecuted and condemned to disguise his underlying as Morgause and murder Cenred.”

Murmurs were heard from the multitude, some saying it was only her trying to trick them into believing that, others, that had more knowledge concerning their king’s true nature, were convinced that she spoke the truth.

“Today, I present you a choice, a chance to live differently.” She spoke to them and the crowd made some silence to hear her.

“A true ruler is one that doesn’t let his people starve, one that is just and provides the needs of the people, being those shelter, protection or simply the right to make their own choices, to pursue their own happiness as long as they don’t harm unjustly others.”

She took a deep breath and continued:

“If you don’t feel safe in your lands because bandits roam the area and your king doesn’t send his soldiers to defend you, he fails as a true ruler. If you starve because the taxing rate is so high that you don’t even have enough to feed yourselves and your families, your ruler fails you again. If your roads are dangerous and swarmed by outlaws and your products either perish or are stolen, or you take a long amount of time in a journey that would be fast if you had a decent road, then, again, your ruler fails you! If your loved ones die because of lack of medical help, your ruler fails once more!”

She took a deep breath again and she also noticed that she had the entire attention of the people reunited there.

“A true ruler is only one that provides the needs of his or her people! If they have power, if they have soldiers, they do so because you pay the taxes, you enlist in their armies, because you produce the food that they eat! So, it’s only right that the ruler’s orders, his or her actions have the people’s best interests in mind! That’s the only way that a rule is legitimate.”

Some people gasped when she spoke, others looked at her with admiration, but others were fearful for the mob’s reaction. Morgana took a deep breath again and continued:

“If you join me, I’ll be a true ruler to you! You’ll pay a just sum of taxes to give you roads, fortresses, healers and education. Magic shall return to this realm, obeying the regulation of the Order of the White Dragon, so it can be used for good, to give opportunities where there were none!”

That surprised part of the crowd, as they were expecting the usual, just another monarch swooping in and despoiling them from their food, their cattle, the royal coffers, not a proposition of a better life, especially not coming from a witch. So, maybe, that rumor saying that Camelot accepted anyone that just wanted to star over was real and now their queen was in Essetir giving that same opportunity to them.

Others, the nobles that didn’t want to give up their privileges, but also couldn’t go openly against her as she spoke such encourage words to the peasants, decided that it would be best, at first, to know the extent of her changes (maybe they could be good, in the general scenario, and not many of them had any affection either for Lot or Cenred).

So, someone screamed a ‘yay’ and the rest of the population followed, and that day became known as the one in which queen Morgana won a war with a speech (because no one tells the hard work her intel had to do in order for that to happen and for keeping her rule in Essetir).         

By the end of the day, Morgana Pendragon was queen of Camelot and Essetir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Hleap on bæc” – Flip on your back.   
> “Swefn” – sleep (imperative).  
> “Clústor eallne þæs drycræftes hire sawle!” – Lock all the magic of her soul!  
> So, I’ll be writing my dissertation for my post-graduation, so I’ll take a long while to update this story and the other (I’ll try to finish a chapter for Uther’s daughter today, if you accompany it too then cross your fingers, = )


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.  
> Also, there is more talk about fate/influence/blah blah blah (I don’t have any intentions to offend any religion or defend anything of the likes, it just fit to the story, it’s fictional).

**Camelot’s Dungeon**

**One day after the conquest of Essetir**

 

 

“Lot has fallen, alongside his subordinates. A new government is being installed in Essetir in which I’m the ruler.” Morgana paused briefly so her words sunk in the woman’s head, even though the witch in front of her remained in a controlled aloofness. Nevertheless, the queen continued:

“So … whatever reason you might have to follow him no longer exists.”

The blonde-haired woman didn’t have any reaction to the seer’s phrase, she only kept a stoic expression.

“I assume that you understood what I said, Ylva” Morgana spoke again, reaching the pocket of her chainmail to retrieve the Crystal of Neathid.

The Nordic woman looked at her with an incredulous expression and asked in her own language:

“ _How do you know my name?_ ”

“For the very reason I foresaw Lot’s attack, I’m a seer.” Morgana replied.

“ _Your enactment doesn’t fool me! That’s not the case! You must have something that show you more than we could possible know of!_ ” She retorted, clearly exalted.

“You are a smart girl, I’ll give you that.” The queen spoke and added: “The answer is in my hand, this crystal. Basically I scry a lot.” Morgana lifted her eyebrows while saying those words, proceeding: “In exchange of your aid, I can show you want you desire to know.”

“ _Why don’t you just look into your crystal to find what you want and leave me alone?_ ”

“And why would you miss the chance to discover the fate of your loved ones?” The seer inquired, seriously.

A single tear left Ylva’s right eye and she answered:

“ _They’re probably dead! I failed him, I knew that the punishment for that would be their deaths!_ ”

“There can only be an executed order if there’s someone to obey it or if it has reached its receiver.” Morgana calmly told her.

The younger woman gaped in shock. When she regained her senses, she promptly asked:

“ _Have you stopped Lot’s soldiers? Have you saved my family?_ ”

“Why don’t you see it yourself? That a look at the crystal, think of who you want to see.” The queen replied.

The blonde-haired woman inclined her head to the Crystal and images formed on its surface. She saw her mother, father, younger brother and sister, all of them having a meal in the company of Camelot’s soldiers.

By then, tears sprung freely from her eyes and the she started crying in relief.

“Well, as you distracted me in the first battle I had to know more about you, of course. I had the means and I used them, Ylva. Though I cannot see beyond your arrival in Albion and your capture, two years ago.” Morgana told her honestly, attempting to gain her trust.

“ _Then, why have you kept me these last days here, in your dungeons?_ ” Ylva said it with a tone of unconcealed rage.

“Many reasons. One of those could be that I was waiting for you to tell me everything first. Also, I was busy making preparations for Essetir’s invasion. Oh, there is one more, I was making sure that you’d still have a family by the end of the month.” The queen replied in a calm demeanor.

“ _You monarchs are all the same! You only care for yourselves_!” She blurted.

“Not true, I couldn’t let you out when you’d be frenetic to save your loved ones and wouldn’t think straight. They are safe, Ylva, and you can be reunited with them, today if you cooperate with me.” The seer reasoned with the other witch.

“ _What do you want?_ ”

“Tell me everything you know. After that, I’ll give you some choices and I hope that you choose wisely.” Morgana replied.

The two women talked about many things, including Lot’s alliances, how he had come to capture Ylva and her family and the most important thing: the absence of magic in other lands, or better saying, the difficulty in its practice.

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Council Room**

**A month and ten days after Morgana’s coronation**

 

 

The council was gathered for another meeting,

“Any news from Lohengrin?” Morgana, who was wearing a blood-red gown that day, asked Leon.

“Yes, your Highness.” The first knight bowed and proceeded speaking: “It seems that Essetir’s occupation is being easily held without uprisings until this moment.” He replied, cheerful with the news.

“Let’s not celebrate it so soon.” She replied and continued: “Is he following the schedules for the implantation of the Council of Villages?”

“He has sent riders for all of Essetir’s villages. I’m sure that within a month the first council will take place.”

“Good.” She paused briefly and continued speaking: “What about the other items in discussion?”

“The refugees are coming from every corner of Albion, I believe that soon we won’t have room to accommodate them all inside of Camelot’s walls.” One of the nobles spoke.

“What about the keeps and fortresses outside the citadel, in particular, the abandoned ones? Haven’t the Druids helped rebuild some of them with magic?” The queen inquired.

“Yes, we have already one fortress and three keeps that can lodge at least two thousand people.” He replied and added: “A significant number of them have magic, my queen. Should we give our registers to the Order of the White Dragon, so they can take care of this?”

“After this meeting, go after Ruadan and give him the records.”

“Yes, your Highness.” He bowed.

“Gaius, how is yours and Alice’s training?” Morgana asked.

“We have found promising apprentices, nevertheless I believe this is a matter for the Order now.” The old physician replied.

“Yes and no.” She stated, pausing briefly before announcing her decision: “My lords, I require from every one of you a report about the villages in your lands. Among the information that is needed are the population, the ages of the residents, their leadership, if they have one within their community, and their disposition concerning magic.”

“Once you have delivered your reports, a healer shall be designated to each village, as the first step for a more effective presence and use of magic for the wellbeing of Camelot’s citizens. You have fortnight”

The noblemen nodded, most of them still enchanted to obey all her orders.

“Have we received any news from our emissaries in Mercia, Nemeth, Gawant, Dyfrien and Dumnonia?” Morgana asked them.

“My queen, Mercia has agreed with establishing trade again.” Leon replied.

“Nemeth has declared its neutrality and Rodor has expressed his desire to keep commerce with us.” Lord Cygnus added.

“Gawant has renewed its alliance with Camelot.” Another noble responded.

“In another hand, Dryfien has withdrawn its support to the kingdom. Olaf stated that the restoration of the Old Religion as Camelot’s official religion go against the treaty of the Five Kingdoms.” Leon said.

“Apparently, Dumnonia also kept its neutrality, even though Alined has exteriorized his wish to remain trading with us.” Cygnus complemented.

“Well, most of it was expected.” The queen said, smirking at the thought that she could finally gain some gold with all the hexed armors and weapons she had kept in deposits. With the incoming of more refugees, she needed more food, so, at least until the next Beltane and harvest, she had to buy extra food from the neighboring kingdoms.

“Very good. Anything else?”

“We have received news from Caerleon, Anglia and Odin’s kingdom, Caedmon.” Leon said.

“And what are the news?” The queen asked.

“My queen, Carleon and Caedmon have declared war. The Angles are gathering an army, our spies believe that they intend to attack whichever kingdom the battles take place or the factions involved after they clash.” He answered.

“Which means another assailant against our lands.” She sighed and added: “Are their troops ready to march or are they still assembling them?”

“My queen, I believe that within a month or two they’ll gather their swords and strike at the same time.” Leon replied.

“So we must decide our strategies.” She paused briefly, intertwining her fingers and supporting her chin on her hands, then she spoke: “I’ll speak with Ruadan. We’ll need all the magical aid we must possible acquire. The council is dismissed.”

They all stood up and bowed as they left the room. Morgana projected to Ruadan, Gaius, Alathor, Alice and the others’ minds that another meeting of the Order’s board was being convoked.

 

* * *

    

**Gallia’s Countryside**

**Village of Rivertur**

**Same time as in Camelot**

 

Merlin couldn’t believe it. Three months, three entire months! Arthur was insane! Apparently, his prat of a friend wasn’t all that shaken with those news from Albion. No, the clotpole had to be the hero and teach some villagers, in the middle of nowhere, how to defend themselves for the annual bullying time that a nearby village inflicted them. Bloody hell, why did that cabbage head had to be so righteous when it came to defenseless people?

Well, only that such rule never applied to Merlin, not that he couldn’t take care of himself, it was just that sometimes he wished that his friend showed more appreciation to him, not that it would happen, though.

While they were there, helping completely unknown villagers that weren’t even the slightest relevant to their destinies, Morgana was with Morgause, in Camelot, being evil and mistreating everyone that didn’t have magic. In fact, he wasn’t sure if those with the gift were safe from her inexplicable anger. Lately not even Gwen, who had been her friend since they were twelve, was left alone by the seer.

Kilgharrah was right, Morgana was evil and she was a threat to their glorious fate, yet he was stuck in that foreign land with Arthur and his moral code that didn’t allowed him to go back in his words.

In part, Merlin wondered if the blonde-haired man had promptly agreed to the task due to Gwen’s pregnancy. The warlock knew that it was dangerous for her and the baby to keep travelling in horseback going from an adventure to another, as Arthur said that it was what they were doing, but he also knew that the longer time they took to return to Camelot, the worse it would be for his friend and other half of the coin to regain his rightful place as Camelot’s king (because let’s face it, Uther was probably dead in the same day he proclaimed his daughter as his heir).

Well, at least he wasn’t the only one that thought that. Gwen talked to him in one evening, while they waited for Arthur to come back home. She had witnessed Morgana performing magic and she instinctively knew that her former mistress was up to no good.

Merlin felt relieved that someone else was aware of Morgana’s true nature, even though Gwen said she was very confused as the woman that gave her farewells to Arthur and herself was the same one that she had knew her entire life.

The dragonlord was sorry for her. Sometimes, he also wondered if there was still something left of the Lady Morgana that had helped him save his village, that same woman that wouldn’t let any injustice happen, or if there was only that evil shell in her place.

When those thoughts would come to test his determination, he would remind himself that no one chooses their destinies and no one can escape it. So, even if he **did** want to believe that there was still some goodness left in her heart, he knew that it would never prevail over all the hate and anger as she was fated to be the darkness of his light, the hatred of his love. If his previous experiences had taught him something was that she was beyond redemption and that he would have to fight Morgana with everything he got or else he would fail his and Arthur’s destiny.

So, he choose to tell Gwen that it was right to distrust Morgana, because she had magic and also due to her missing year, in which they didn’t know what she had been through. He even said that Morgause could have changed her forever and that they would have to be careful. That was certainly not what his friend wanted to hear, but Gwen was a rational person, he knew that she would do the right thing if they were faced with a situation that the options weren’t the least pleasant.

He comforted her saying that they would know exactly what was happening in Camelot now that they had settled somewhere and Gaius would probably be overjoyed to finally be able to send them a response letter.

She smiled at him, still unsure if that was really the right thing to do. Part of Gwen didn’t want to believe that Morgana could have turned into an evil witch that had snatched someone’s kingdom, more probably Camelot, but she was also suspicious of her friend (if they were still friends, if Morgana considered her as a friend or a foe).

In the end, Guinevere agreed that Merlin had come up with the best solution and both of them decided to only tell Arthur once they had more definitive information about Camelot, Uther and Morgana.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Morgana’s dream_ **

_They were in the place she called home before her father went to the northern war and never returned. It was one of her most fond location in the kingdom, somewhere she had cultivated mostly good memories._

_“Magic is dying outside of Albion and Eire.” Morgana stated._

_“Yes, it is.” Gorlois responded._

_“So … that’s all you have to say?” The seer inquired._

_“I remember that I already have explained to you that magic is creative power or energy. It is exactly what allows someone to change the fabrics of the reality built by men. Part of said reality is related to induce every person into believing that they don’t have it, the creative power which pretty much is inherent to life.”_

_For a moment she was pondering his words. Beliefs could alter the comprehension of what was truthful in the surrounding or in what was shown to us. She had learnt it with Morgause, how her sister was both manipulated and the manipulator, believing in the words of a long deceased spirit that claimed to be the Triple Goddess._

_“So that means that those haters of magic have succeeded in every other land?” She asked._

_“No, not every corner of this world is deprived of magic. In fact, in some places that it has been fiercely fought, magic still survives, weakened, but still there to those that have enough determination to seek it.” He answered._

_“Why, father, is magic so much hated?” She inquired._

_“It is obviously, my child. If you make most people believe that they aren’t capable of changing their reality, if their only option is to obey, they’ll be more easily controlled.” He told her, caressing her cheek and added:_

_“It isn’t something new. The desire to overpower others has drove many to use any means they had to stablish their point-of-view as the only correct one. Some of them have even used magic to do so.”_

_“Are my new adversaries also driven by such aspiration? I mean, to extinguish magic?” Morgana asked._

_“Not directly, nonetheless they are influenced by some forces that they aren’t aware of.” He replied and continued:_

_“Yet, instead of asking about this, you should be wondering why you have known such things at this time.”_

_“What do you mean?” Confused, Morgana inquired._

_“During one’s life, events happen in accordance with a pre-established plan, which many call fate. As I told you before, your fate are the lessons you assumed to experience in that incarnation. In different degrees, every occurrence was planned by you before you were born.”_

_“So, to know this now has a meaning.” She concluded the idea._

_“Yes, and you must find out how it is related to your fate.” He told her._

_“But how do I do that?” She was confused again._

_“Your visions, Morgana. You chose to be a seer. Though, I’ll be by your side, like always.”_

_“Okay, I’m ready.”_

_Morgana breathed deeply in her ethereal form, and the background changed to a blue sky and a dry land._

_She saw two dragons, a red and a white one, in what seemed to be a mortal dance. Somehow, analyzing more her first impression, she realized that their intention wasn’t to kill one another, but to create new life._

_They met midair and a golden energy run from their bodies, touching every place in the horizon and the once arid ground now was vibrant, filled with life and green from the plants, as well as the sound of animals._


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to BBC  
> Thanks for the kudos!!!! Also, I looked at the story statistics and there were 666 hits (now there's more) and I was: OMG, this story is the antichrist! (and that's all folks!)

**Camelot**

**Queen’s study**

**Three months after Morgana’s coronation**

 

“Leon, take your chainmail shirt off.” Morgana commanded.

The first knight blushed a little. He nodded and took off the armor, later disentangled the padded shirt’s laces that kept the metal from touching his chest. Only after he had exposed his naked torso to her, Leon asked:

“Is this for a ward? Will I get a tattoo, like the Druids?” He smiled at her, trying to lighten the mood. Lately she had been serious most of the time, with the exception of those short moments she spent with Mordred.

“You’re getting more observant, Leon. Though it isn’t exactly a tattoo, even if it’s a permanent mark.” She answered.

“So it’s a ward, then. What for?” He inquired.

“For you to bear the truth of my actions and tell Arthur in case I die in the battlefields.” She bluntly replied, not looking at him as she grabbed a brush, wetted its tip in ink she had placed in an ornate bow and began to draw at his chest.

He was slightly nervous. Certainly, the fact that she chose him to hold such burden meant that she either trusted him or had him in high esteem. Whatever was the case, he felt honored by her choice and perhaps something else if he was being true to himself. Nonetheless, the idea of only being that useful for her in case of her demise perturbed him. Not that he had expressed it, but he admired her and wished that she would continue to improve and protect Camelot with her magic and her ideals.

“Thank you, my queen, for entrusting me with such task.” He said.

“You shouldn’t be thanking me, Leon. What I ask of you isn’t something I willing want to do, yet I have no other option.” She replied.

Her remark saddened him because he thought that her words meant he wasn’t in fact worthy of her trust and maybe his emotional state was showing, because right after that the queen continued speaking:

“What I ask of you is to immensely suffer in case you’re captured by our adversaries. This ward will force you to keep silent, no matter the physical abuse you might sustain, no matter who they threaten, you won’t be able to tell anyone but Arthur about what I have to tell you.” She explained.

“That seems to make me a very reliable messenger.” He told her, smiling again.

“Yet a single message should never be more worthy than the live of thousands.” She retorted in a somber tone.

“My queen, please, have faith!” He grabbed one her free hand and lightly squeezed in order to reassure her, then he proceeded: “We have never failed until now, I don’t even think that all this will be necessary! I’m sure that you’ll once more lead us to victory!” He cheerfully told her.

Morgana forced a small smile on her lips, but that didn’t last much and she said:

“After I have told you everything that you have to know, I don’t think that you’ll be able to keep the same enthusiasm.”

“I cannot tell you that nothing will change my determination, though I can do my best to be a loyal subordinate to you and Camelot. And if you allow me, I can do my best to be your friend.”

“You’re brave, Leon. And I’ve seen that you have a good head on your shoulders. I guess I’ll have to just tell you instead of brood about my guilt.” As she spoke those words, her other hand finished brushing the marks and her eyes glowed gold, her magic fusing his skin and the painting, while providing the magical attributes she desired.

She contemplated her work for a while. Satisfied, she began telling him everything he was supposed to know, Arthur’s last known location, all the battle plans for the three fronts (though she would talk about those with the other knights), her plans to lead Camelot, and later Albion to a Golden Age, and also part of her actions alongside Morgause, telling him about the enchanted bracelet too.

After everything, Leon was astonished with all the new information he got. In part he had already noticed that she was purposely dubious with almost everyone, but what he didn’t know was the extent of her paranoia, nor what she had done before she had become queen (nor what had happened to her).

“You’re to tell Arthur everything and only him.” Her eyes glowed gold again, as if it was part of the enchantment.

“And Leon.” She paused, her eyes searching his and he noticed she was concerned with his confusion. Then she continued speaking: “Use this stone, it will get you to a safe harbor in case I die.” And she gave him a small leather bag.

“Yes … my queen.” He mumbled, still shocked with all her revelations.

“Good. Now, we shall march to battle.”

 

* * *

 

**Southern border between Camelot and Essetir**

**Fifteen days after Camelot’s army left the citadel**

**Afternoon**

 

 

The cold was chilling their very bones. It was snowing, the fields were white, covered by the frost. The sun shown lazily, its rays were almost unable to cross the gray clouds and that gloomy color painted the day, setting the soldier’s mood in a similar way.

At the horizon, in the farthest corner of the plains, a huge amount of men marched, wearing furs, their armors and weapons.

Camelot’s troops stood their ground, waiting for their enemies to get closer, either for a last try to parley or to commence the bloodshed.

The red and golden capes swung with the chilly wing. There were knights, horses, archers and infantry arranged in lines. Perhaps, among the common soldiers and knights, members of the Order of the White Dragon were placed, biding their time for the queen’s orders. In the crowd, a white-headed figure could be notice, together with an aged woman in a healers vest.

In front of Camelot’s army, Queen Morgana stood, mounted on her mare and wearing a full chainmail set along with a red warm cape, observing her adversaries with her magical sight. Leon and Gwaine were by her side, expecting their orders.

A lonely rider approached the red army and addressed the queen:

“The King of the Angles, the mighty Eoforhild, desires to negotiate the terms of Camelot’s surrender. The queen must immediately meet our king at the no man lands, in the middle of the battlefield, with no more than two riders, as he shall do the same.”    

 Gwaine glared threateningly at the man, yet the rider remained with an impassive expression while we awaited for Camelot’s queen reply.

“Tell him that we shall banter, I’ll meet him there.” She replied, stoically.

Gwaine snorted at the man, while Leon remained composed.

“Very well.” The messenger complied and rode in the direction of his troops.

After the man had gained some distance from them, Gwaine exclaimed:

“How dare he! The terms of our surrender! I’ll tell him what they are: The tip of my sword through that cockish lame excuse of a king!”

“Gwaine, control your temper.” Morgana said sternly and continued speaking: “You and Leon shall accompany me, but you have remain silent. Can you do that?”

“I … I’ll do my best, my queen.” He replied.

“Good. We will depart soon, warn the archers to remain in position.” She told him.

After the preparations, Morgana, Leon and Gwaine rode towards the center of the field, with the queen between the two knights. No one said a word, they were too lost in their own thoughts to actually try to begin a conversation.

Leon thought about everything Morgana had told him and what he was supposed to do in case she died in battle. More, he knew exactly what she’d propose to the Angles’ king and he didn’t like it, not even a bit.

Gwaine was still enraged with the messenger and the petulance of that king Eoforhild, even though he was certain that Morgana wouldn’t let the scoundrel win, in fact he was expecting the moment she was going to do something clever and impressive, like she always does. He had chosen to join Camelot’s knights because he believed her cause, the one in which everybody should be free to make their own choices and that it was the ruler’s duty to provide the people everything that they deserved for maintain the monarch’s power. That along with a fae-like beauty, astonishing beautiful emerald eyes, her goddess-like figure and that alluring pair of breast was a killer combo, she had won his heart in a blink of an eye.

Meanwhile, Morgana’s thoughts were in many places at the same time. She had to win and finish this quickly so she could help Ruadan and Lancelot in the west, where they fought against Caerleon in that uneven landscape, where the cliffs could be either an advantage or a handicap. She reprimanded herself. They had their orders, she used all the means she had to anticipate Caerleon’s route, also she had looked into the Crystal for the precise course that their armies would take, there was nothing to fear. She thought about Elyan, Percival and Brienne, waiting for her in Gawant. Gwen’s brother had joined her Order as he was an expert blacksmith and she needed all the innovations he could think of, using magic to make them real. He trained the art of combat too, as the White Dragon’s needed both technical expertise and armed components to stand up for everything it was supposed to achieve. One of their new ideas was already built and would be of extreme importance to the many fronts they would be battling in. Keeping some men stationed in Gawant didn’t have any other reason but her dream. She knew she couldn’t ignore her Sight, yet the Crystal hadn’t confirmed her suspicious and that was another reason for her uneasiness. She thought of Alathor, Gilli, the others from the Order and some knights that were waiting near the border with Nemeth. The majority of her forces was gathered here, to fight the Angles in case she died, what left the others was there to overwhelm Odin’s army in a cunning strategy that could go terribly wrong. At last, her mind focused on Mordred. So young, yet he had experienced so much suffering, she didn’t want to leave him alone, no, she’d not leave him alone again, ever.

Her assailants had orchestrated a jointly attack and it was up to her and her loyal men to defend the land and everything that her reign stood for. She had many powerful magic users by her side, all of them together could win, she just had to do her part and conquer her fear because that was her true enemy.

When they finally reached the designated place, King Eoforhild was already waiting for them, wearing a wolf’s pelt above his own armor, and was accompanied by two burly men mounted in their respective horses.

Morgana halted her mare and her companions did the same, then she spoke:

“I am here, King Eoforhild, state your terms!” She said in a commanding voice.

The man – that was probably in his thirties to his forthies and had short, extremely light colored blonde hair, a crooked nose, thin lips, malicious blue (almost gray) eyes, a full grown beard and a smirk plastered on his face – spoke:

“My, my, aren’t you a beauty! I was supposed to just say that either you surrender or we fight and all your men die, as I have my mates coming in no more than a day. Of course you’re outnumbered and my allies had given me the pleasantry to rape your brains out –”

Gwaine wheezed in anger, widening his eyes and putting his hand on the hilt of his sword when Morgana raised a closed fist in a clear order to keep his position.

Leon remained with a neutral expression, but inside he also wanted to wipe that disgusting smirk off that man’s face, though he knew he couldn’t go against his queen’s orders.

Pleased with the knight’s reaction, Eoforhild’s wicked smile only grew wider and he continued speaking:

“ – but that would only be once as you had to be dead after that.” He smiled smugly again during his brief pause. Then, he said:

“So, I have another propose to you: you let me fuck you until my heart is fully contented – I think that’s till your body loses its –” he paused, assessing her with hungry eyes while trying to find the right word: “lushness – and my army will aid yours.”

By then, Gwaine was practically releasing steam from his nostrils, having an immense difficulty in obeying Morgana’s order and Leon was imagining he was gutting the obnoxious man.

“My answer is no to everything.” Morgana replied in a stern voice. Then, she took her glove and thrown it at his mount hooves.

“I have a counterproposal: I, Morgana Pendragon, challenge you to combat of life and death to be the new leader of the Angles!” She roared.

Eoforhild laughed wholehearted. The woman was indeed insane, though a good joke was always welcomed, even if who said it truly believed in such absurd.

“I think I didn’t hear you properly, queen Morgana. I must be imagining things!” He sniggered.

“You heard me. I invoke the Angle’s traditional law that proclaims that if the chief of the Angles is to be defied for his leadership, he cannot refuse the combat.” She replied, stoically.

Eoforhild expression changed to one of pure hatred and he bluntly spoke:

“You think that your clever tricks will save you? This time you are completely done for. There are limits to our law! No foreign man can ever challenge the King!” He groaned.

“Yes, that’s correct. No foreign man, but I’m no man.” She stated, lifting her chin.

Gwaine sniggered and Leon muffed his laugh too.

“Do you take me for a fool, witch? Am I to accept your bravado only for you to use your sorcery against me? You won’t deceive me!” He cried out.

“That’s not my intention. If you accept the challenge, I won’t use my magic in our combat, only my fighting skills, you have my word.” She calmly said.

“And why would you do that?” He suspiciously asked.

“Because otherwise it would be perfectly excusable of you not to take my bid, as there isn’t exactly a equality of powers between magic and a sword or whatever it is your weapon of preference. Although, if we are in equal terms, you’d be a coward not to accept my challenge, meaning not fit to lead the Angles.” She told him in a cold tone of voice that matched their surroundings.

The king’s mount whinnied, sensing his master uneasiness. The man gave her a contempt glare and finally spoke:

“Very well. I accept your bid.” He clenched his teeth and wrinkled his nose, then proceeded: “Within half an hour bring anyone that desires to watch while I screw you in public, not in the good way.” He regained some of his previous arrogance when he finished speaking: “A pity that you’ll be dead afterwards, I’d have enjoyed to hear your screams when I’d subjugate you by force and have a taste of your wicked pussy. I guess your lifeless body will do, whore!”

Gwaine wanted to unsheathe his sword again, but Leon stooped him with his hand.

After a final look filled with disdain, king Eoforhild turned and so did his men, the three rode back to their army.

Gwaine was still shocked that Morgana had let that beast in shape of man say such atrocities about her and exclaimed:

“My queen! You should have let me kill that bastard! He insulted you profoundly, don’t you care about your honor?”

“Gwaine, by the end of the day my honor remaining untainted or protected won’t avoid the loss of thousands of our men. Allowing his words to affect me would only give him exactly what he wanted, that one of us charged and the battle would’ve began. And there is another thing: he did that to enrage me so that I wouldn’t think right in our fight due to the anger, in short to destabilize me. You know that a combat is also won by your mental state.”  She clarified.

“But, I still can’t accept that he insulted you and he’ll remain unpunished!” The roguish knight said.

This time Leon intervened:

“He won’t go unpunished, Gwaine. Our queen will teach him a lesson, that shall be his last on the world of the living.”

Gwaine and Leon smiled due to that thought, even though they were still fearful for Morgana’s wellbeing.

“Let’s go, we have to prepare for the match.” The queen took them out of their reverie as she galloped back to their camp. The two knights followed her closely.

 

* * *

  

Camelot’s troops and the Angles were watching attentively the grounds in which their respective leaders would battle.

Between Camelot’s army, Gaius and Alice were holding their hands for some sort of assurance. When Morgana got back to camp with the news, Gaius first impulse was to smack her head, much like he did to Merlin all the time (at least before he left the kingdom to follow Arthur). This was insanity, Morgana fighting Eoforhild, a notorious warrior that had climbed his way to the Anglish throne using his battle expertise. And worse, she gave her word that she wouldn’t use magic! The old man didn’t know if that was a brave or a foolish act, as she was the only living Pendragon in Albion.

He asked her if she knew what she would compromise in case she died in that stupid dispute. Like always, she had answered with that bored air of “I-am-the-seer-here-I-already-know-the-outcome”. Yet, all her speech about her Sight and everything hadn’t convinced him. He knew that there was something troubling her, he just could determine exactly what was it. So, instead, he conformed in only scolding Leon and Gwaine for letting her do that foolish shenanigan and firmly holding Alice’s hand during the entire match.

Morgana got rid of the cape, buckled a shield to her left forearm and put on a helmet. After that, she turned and walked in the direction of her opponent that was already in the middle of the field, waiting for her.

She unsheathed her sword, analyzing her adversary’s fighting instance. She had used the Crystal of Neahtid to watch him in combat, so she was aware that his favored weapon was a mix of a morning star (it had the massive sphere of metal adorned with thorns) with a long metal chain that had a blade in the other end.

This wasn’t going to be an easy fight, she knew it. That knowledge was only worsened by her lack of awareness concerning the outcome of such match, as the Crystal of Neahtid had acquired a darkened and blurred hue, not showing her anything anymore.

No, having doubts, fearing her opponent would only lead her to a defeat. She had met her older self, that was supposed to be enough of reassurance for the moment. She would prevail.

“I’ll make you squeal like a pig” Eoforhild snarled and continued talking: “I’ll break every bone of your pretty face and you’ll die choking on your own blood, not before I have defiled all of your holes, filthy witch!”

“You surely know your way with words, Eoforhild. It’s a wonder how we don’t see a line of women pleading for your beautiful declamations” She replied sarcastically.

“You’re not funny, witch. I’ll show you no mercy!” He replied with contempt, roaring and making the first offensive, throwing the sphere against her, in the level of her torso.

Morgana stepped back, avoiding the blow by mere inches. She knew he’d be throwing the ends of his chain at her, stopping her from advancing and striking at him. She had to taunt him, make him angry enough to aim directly at her head, so she could dodge and decrease the distance between then.

“I think you’re only good with words, my lord. The Angles crown will look gorgeous on top of my head.” She told him.

He yelled a war cry and launched the blade at her, so fast that she barely had time to parry it with her sword. Still, her tactics were working, he wasn’t noticing she was getting closer (or was he?).

Using the same momentum of the throw, the man spun, whirling the massive sphere and hurled it at her head, though the weight of it pulled the weapon down, so getting down to avoid wasn’t an option.

Morgana sprinted forward and when the ball was about to hit her, she rolled in a diagonal to her left side, evading the blow. She used her right hand, still holding the sword, and left foot to propel her body onward, sprinting again.

Again, Eoforhild used the same motion to throw the pointy edge at her and this time she wasn’t able to dodge, so the blocked it with her shield.

The blade speed, its sharpness and the strength of the blow were enough for it to pierce the shield and pass through it. It only hadn’t stabbed Morgana’s arm due to her quick thinking, as she blocked it with the object’s lower half.

Now, with the blade stuck to her shield and at a safe distance from her body, Morgana was about to use it at her advantage, stepping on it, when Eoforhild let the sphere drop and concentrated his strength in pulling it closer to him, unbalancing the seer and almost making her puncture herself.

She let the shield slide off her arm, striding again in small jumps, always trying to get closer. She now held the sword with both of her hands and was at a distance she could hit him.

But in the time she recovered her balance and got rid of the shield, he grabbed the chain in another part and swung the ball at her head, in a descendant motion.

She jumped back and he used her distraction to propel the ball in a horizontal direction.

At that moment, Morgana made a choice that probably came out of despair. She blocked he blow with the left arm (and it cracked with a sickening sound, giving her damaged member an unsettling and unnatural shape), using her adrenaline pump to ignore the pain enough for her to stab the man in the heart.

His blood flew, staining the white ground with its crimson color as his eyes lost their shine and became glazed, lifeless. His body fell to the ground with a thud, and Camelot’s garrison released the breath they were holding when their queen was hit by the deceased king.

Morgana didn’t wince because of the pain, nor groaned, even though her arm was throbbing and the it hurt a lot. She glanced at the once opposing army, now hers too. She was expressionless as she spoke, making sure everyone heard her with her magic:

“I won the duel. By the Angles’ tradition, I’m your new ruler.” Morgana knew that she had to pass an image of a tough warrior and a fierce leader to be respected by that war-oriented people, so she roared: “Kneel before me!”

And she showed her power and resilience by using her right hand and her magic to reposition her broken bones back to their correct place and healed it, he eyes glowing golden shortly after she commanded them.

The army remained silent. Yes, it was their ancient custom, but she was still a foreigner, so many were reluctant to accept her as their queen. Ten men stepped in front of the crowd, yelling that they wanted to challeng her too.

“Very well, come forwards, everyone at the same time!” She cried out with determination on her face.

 The soldiers withdrew their weapons and cautiously approached her. In the distance, one of the assailants shot a bolt at her and Morgana stopped it raising her recently healed arm when she used her magic, not chanting a spell. Then, she raised her right hand at her challengers and shouted:

“ **Hleap on bæc** ”

The strength of the spell was sufficient to throw all the men and they lost conscience or worse.

“I’ll only say this once more: **Kneel before me**!” She commanded.

Even though some of them were still unwilling to do so, the entirety of Anglia’s army knelt in front of Morgana Pendragon, Queen of Camelot, Essetir and Anglia.

 

* * *

**Queen’s tent**

 

 

“I have to go now, Alice. If you can’t properly fully restore the bones to their correct places, them break it again and heal it back.” Morgana bluntly said.

“Morgana, you don’t have to be so hasty! Ruadan has everything under control, he already captured Caerleon, the man won’t run free because you took a little bit longer to tend your injuries.” The older woman reprimanded her and Gaius nodded.

The queen groaned, but complied with the healer’s demands. When she used her magic to make her arm functional again her attention wasn’t directed at her limb – as it was supposed to be – but at the army she was impressing. Well, at least her final display of power seemed to be enough to make them recognize her, for the moment.

Nonetheless, she still had two more battles to win and her strategy was basically the same: do her best to avoid direct combat and/or reduce the number of causalities to the lowest possible.

Another murmur of magical words, another click coming from Morgana’s bones and the seer muffled a grunt by covering her mouth with her hand, closing her eyes in the process.

“You don’t have to appear tough in front of us, dear.” Alice patted the young woman’s hair and Gaius said:

“She is right, Morgana.” He patted her good shoulder and added: “You were very brave, we’re proud of you.” He smiled at her, but also scolded her: “You saved many lives today, though you could have gotten yourself killed there. Don’t pull that stunt on us again, young lady.”

She narrowed her eyes and spoke: “What are you doing, Gaius? What are you trying to do?” She asked, incredulous.

The old man stammered a little before answering while raising his eyebrow: “Just … pointing out that it was bold move that could have caused terrible consequences?”

“Gaius, you’re only my advisor regarding medical issues, either mine or Camelot’s. Don’t confuse things, we’re not friends –” he was about to interrupt her but she kept speaking: “and I’m not a small child that you can lecture me about my actions. I’m your ruler, remember that.”

“You don’t have to fight over such a small thing.” Alice intervened, smiling at the duo and continuing, locking eyes with Morgana: “Be concerned with your wellbeing is natural for Gaius, as he is a physician and even more because he saw you growing up.” She stablished eye contact with Gaius and kept speaking: “And you, she is a grown woman and she has an excellent reasoning. You should trust her judgment more, instead of complain.” Alice finished attaching a healing poultice to Morgana’s arm and said: “Now off you go. Camelot still has two more battles to win” and the old lady smiled genuinely at the queen.

The raven-haired woman left the tent, gave her men the order to use the secret mean of transportation and go to the border near Nemeth, where most of the magic users subordinated to the Order were waiting reinforcements.

She sent the Angles home, promising them that by the end of the day she’d meet her new subjects.

Meanwhile, Alice and Gaius remained inside the tent, talking.

“You have to give her more time, Gaius. It’s hard for her to trust you again after everything.” She told him.

“I’m not asking that of her, Alice. What I said wasn’t absurd, she must know that, I sensed her distress when we came into this battleground. She had doubts.” He retorted.

“I know, darling. It isn’t that you’re wrong. It’s just that you chose the wrong approach in the matter. She’s still wounded and counseling her or reproaching her without Morgana giving you the space to do it won’t work.” She caressed his cheek and the both of them hugged. When they parted, the old man placed a kiss on his love’s forehead.

 

* * *

 

**Border between Caerleon and Camelot**

**Afternoon**

 

 

“Sign the treaty, Caerleon, and you get back home with all your men.” Morgana said sternly.

“Do you think that I’ll agree with this blackmail? You’re desperate, that’s why you want to force a non-attacking agreement! Caerleon won’t back down!” he replied with disdain.

“You or your kingdom? I’ve already sent a messenger to your wife, Queen Annis, and do you know the best part? He can have a conversation in real time, even with the distance between us. Say hi to your wife, Caerleon.” Morgana showed him one of the water basins that Ruadan’s subordinate was using to scry their companion. The messenger had with him a small crystal – not from the crystal cave, though – but it was already enough to stablish communication.

“Caerleon!”

“Annis!”

“What have they done to you? Are you fine, my love?” Annis asked with concern.

“I am … they didn’t mistreat me, but this witch is trying to make me sign a truce or else they won’t release me! That doesn’t matter, I’ll escape, back me up, Annis, lead the campaign for me!” He told her, trying to reassure her.

“Or he can sign the truce and be home by nightfall.” Morgana told the other queen.

“Don’t listen to her! It’s a trick! We’ll miss our chance to reclaim our lost lands if we end this campaign!” He said in distraught.

“Do not measure me based on the late king’s actions, King Caerleon. I’ll remain true to my words if you sign the truce or I’ll strike you without mercy if you dare to continue this war.” Morgana warned him in a menacing tone.

“Are some acres of land more important to you than yours and your men’s lives?” The seer inquired.

“You haven’t captured all my men! My kingdom’s main force is still with Annis!”

“Please, my lord, my husband, I have read the copy brought to me. It isn’t a preposterous treaty, the only claim is for the end of this war and a commitment to not declare another war without fair motive. Sign the truce, Caerleon, and get back home.” His queen pleaded.

“Annis … but … but … we have to regain our glory.” He faltered.

“It isn’t more important than you. I don’t want to enjoy a glorious future without you by my side, my lord. Please, I beg you, come home.”

“Alright, wife. I’ll sign the damned thing.” He grunted.

As he signed the document Morgana said:

“I hope you keep your word, Caerleon, because if you don’t and you cause damage to any of Camelot’s villages, I’ll make you pay for that.”

“And I hope you burn in hell, witch! You’re a trickster like your bloody father, never facing an army in equal terms.” He snorted in disgust.

“Neither can you speak of fairness in war, King Caerleon. You were already splitting Camelot with your allies, weren’t you? A pity, for you, that Anglia now has a new ruler.” She said. He looked confused and instead of explaining she just said:

“Await for the latest news, my lord. You’ll be surprised.” She cryptically said.

“Ruadan, escort them back to his troops. Lancelot, accompany him.”

The two men obeyed, and Ruadan ordered his magical subordinates to keep aiming at the prisoners while a group of knights and himself escorted Caerleon and his thirty soldiers back to his own army. Meanwhile, Camelot’s archers also aimed at the prisoners.

Morgana projected to Ruadan’s mind: “ _You did an excellent job, though I want you and some of your men to remain near this border for a while, at least until you make sure Caerleon’s troops are disassembled.”_

Ruadan replied: “ _Yes, my queen.”_

And she said in his mind: _“I’ll check Alathor and Gilli, later on you tell me about your glorious victory.”_      

From the distance, she noticed him nodding and smiling at her. Pleased with the events, she was about to magically teleported herself when she felt the Crystal of Neahtid vibrating. She looked at it and saw an entire fleet drawing near Gawant’s shores.

So, she changed her destination and appeared on Lord Godwyn’s castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this is a morgana fiction and it has Gaius/Alice, Caerleon/Annis, well, pretty much any other pairing EXCEPT Mergana!!!!! Well, I can only give a lame excuse and say that Merlin has to find her as a successful and independent woman (not having burnt the kingdom, ha!), because girl power, that’s why!!!!! I really meant it when I wrote eventual Mergana in the summary, : )   
> Suggestion of soundtrack for the battle: seven devils by Florence and the machine.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.  
> If you like this story, please leave a comment. : )

**Gallia**

**Village of Rivertur**

**Same day as in Camelot**

**Morning**

 

 

_A lone figure stood in the middle of the sea, wearing a white loose gown that offered it a ghostly impression. Long dark curls, wetted by the salty water, covered the person’s face._

_The raging sea almost led the person to lose balance and be engulfed by the strong waves that crashed against her back._

_It was definitely a woman. Merlin could perceive it by the shape of the clothing as the material clung to her body._

_Then, she lifted her hands to her hair, parting the curls and moving it to the sides of her head, showing him her face._

Merlin woke up startled. It was a dream, he was with Arthur and Gwen, in a foreign land, far away from her.

Although, they would meet shortly. He knew that it took a month for a letter to reach Camelot from that distant land and the same amount of time was required for a response to find its destination, so Gaius’s letter (and his mother too, because he knew she must have been worried sick with him and his adventures) would soon be received.

He got up, making his bed and then changing clothes, getting ready for the day.

He had a room in the local inn, as well as Arthur and Gwen were settled in one while the training took place. Gwen was even helping the local blacksmith with some hints about how to improve some armor and weapons, using the knowledge she had acquire accompanying her father in his daily work.

Certainly, living in a small village where people didn’t intended to kill Arthur for no apparent reason or a petty one every week was a nice thing for a change.

Though Merlin knew it would last long, it wasn’t all that bad as he first thought. Taking a break from their fate and the unending task of saving his royal pratness arse almost daily wasn’t something that he imagined that would grant him such peace of mind.

He finished tidying the room and going downstairs for the breakfast when he heard from the innkeeper that some correspondence had arrived for him.

He took a deep breath. There was no turning back, he was glad that at least Gaius was alive and had enough liberty to send letters without them being confiscated by the evil queen.

The young dragonlord noticed that he had received two letters, one from Gaius and the other from his mother.

He exhaled soundly, she was safe for the moment (well, at least for the last month) and he would read her letter later, when he finished Gaius’s.

Merlin opened the parchment and his eyes glanced its content. He couldn’t believe it! He quickly opened his mother’s letter and it only confirmed what his mentor had written.

The shock was so much that he had to use a wall to support him, as he felt dizzy with all the new information about Camelot.

 

* * *

     

**Gawant’s coastline**

**Sunset**

 

 

Morgana stood at the top of a cliff, gazing at the sea with a serious expression. The queen knew what was coming, so she chanted a spell:

“ **Windræs! Áríseaþ ond ábrýtaþ mín ealdorgewinnan! Windræs! Áríseaþ ond ábrýtaþ mín ealdorgewinnan!** ”

A raging storm formed from her hands, darkening the sky with clouds filled with rain, and strong winds whistled their song of destruction.

The force of the spell was tremendous, Morgana had trouble remaining still in her position as her magic flew from her, draining her energies.

Such a strong enchantment took its toll and the queen fell to her knees, exhausted.

She used her magical enhanced vision to see that Amata’s fleet was being destroyed by the storm, so many ships that she was unsure if she could count them all before they all sank.

So many more deaths … caused by her, directly by her, she reaped their lives with her magic, yet she had to do it or else her allies would bleed and then her people and everything she stood for would be meaningless words as all she held dear collapsed around her.

Feeling faint, the seer took a deep breath, calming her beating heart and closing her eyes. Suddenly, something made her alert again, not that she could explain why, it was just a feeling that something bad was about to happen and she had to get out of there. So she rolled to her side, keeping the same distance from the edge of the cliff.

When she did that, a fireball missed her by mere inches. Then, an electric bolt came in her direction, missing her again as Morgana dodged.

Frantically, she chanted the spell:

“ **Scildan!** ”

Other magical blasts where thrown at her, some causing impact, others were elemental magic, fire, ice, lightning, boulders. It was a massive attack and she could only hope that her magic would be enough. She focused all her magic in maintaining the magical shield.

She was tired, she was no Emrys, creating an immense storm capable of destroying an entire fleet of nearly six hundred ships wasn’t an easy task and she was exhausted.

Still, her mind was frenetically trying to figure out where did that magic came from, how many she’d have to fight and if she could hold the shield for long.

She had an idea and put it to practice.

Morgana chanted:

“ **Eorðweall** ”

And a massive wall of stone was erected, blocking her from her assailants.

Then, right after that, she pointed her hands to the land and performed another spell:

“ **Underdilf** ”

Morgana went under the earth in a spiral as her magic made a tunnel for her. Counting on the upturned dust to cover her maneuver, she concentrated on her magical vision to assess her adversaries, know their numbers and plan the best way to strike them.

Five sorcerers with their eyes … stitched. Two men and three women. They were chained to one another and were using manacles around their wrists. Also, they were under leashes, being commanded by the one man she preferred to not think about: the Sarrum.

She felt sick on the stomach, they were probably coerced into obeying that sordid man and she had to fight them, possibly kill them because of that.

To which mage there was a soldier to hold a leash, while the Sarrum barked orders at them. He had gathered a troop of at least a hundred men and they were hunting her.

They came from the south, though she couldn’t understand how he did that. How did he landed before his fleet had reached Gawant? She didn’t have much time to think about that as the dust was settling in the ground, making her traceable again.

Her dizziness was getting worse, she had spent too much of her energy performing those spells.

She thought about how those mages were finding her, probably by a magical enhanced sense of scent, like the Dochraid.

So, being inside the earth would probably confuse them, she hoped.

She decided that the best she could do now was to flee, regroup and march against the Sarrum, so she was began to chant:

“ **Astýre mé þurfan íc gáde to –** ” Something forcibly pulled her out of the hole, she flew out of there and hit the ground hard, bruising her right eye as she fell face first.

She heard the Sarrum’s detestable laugh, but this time she didn’t simply wait for the next strike, she roared, her eyes gleaming and sustaining a golden hue for several seconds:

“ **Hlynraþ** ”

And an mass of lighting bolts, along with the sound of thunders reverberated in the surroundings, hitting anything in front of the seer.

She was getting more and more tired, she was feeling more dizzy by every passing instant, she didn’t know how long she could hold on.

Then, she was prompted backwards, probably by a stunning spell that she hadn’t heard due to the deafening noise that her spell caused.

She heard the Sarrum say:

“There is no escape witch! Surrender! You’re alone, you can’t possible beat all my sorcerers!” He tried to intimidate her.

Holding her head between her hands and having difficulty to stand up again, Morgana said:

“You’re wrong. I’m not alone!”

As if waiting for the cue, Breanna swoop in, mounted in her broomstick, and threw a fireball at them. The red-haired woman laughed and Morgana thought that she couldn’t possible be more of a caricature of witches than she already was.

Ealish was also there, directing stunning spells to the others sorcerers.

Warning some people to keep scrying her while she took care of Amata’s fleet had paid off, by now her own soldiers were running in their direction, yelling a battle cry and giving combat to the Sarrum’s soldiers, under the command of Percival and Elyan.

Though, she was in the middle of the opposing troops and was an easy target, so she used the spell:

“ **Eorðweall** ”

And it created a small cave around her, without any breaches. After that, she supported her weight in the stone wall, too exhausted to perform the teleportation spell and at least get out of that   

She was stopped by a sudden and crippling pain on her head. It was as if a million bugs were stinging her brain and she couldn’t think straight.

Tears fell from her eyes as Morgana was losing her own consciousness due to the enormous pain she felt.

Before passing out, she muttered a name, regret and despair in her voice:

“Arthur …”

 

* * *

When she woke up again, Morgana was being held by someone’s strong arms, atop of a horse. Her first reaction was to stir, trying to detangle herself from that hold, which led the rider to release the reins to stop her and say:

“My queen, it’s alright. It’s me, Percival.” The big knight spoke.

“Percival?” She asked in confusion, frowning.

“Yes. Do you remember you the fight?”

She nodded and he proceeded:

“We came here using Elyan’s invention, the thing that moves on rails –”

“It’s called train. – transport above rails.” Elyan corrected.

“That doesn’t explain the name, mate.” Percival retorted and continued speaking with Morgana:

“Anyway, we came super fast, the Sarrum’s men were attacking you and then being zapped, Brienne was flying and throwing fireballs, Ealish was making them fly –”

“I get it, Percival, I was there.” She interrupted him.

“Oh, right. In short, we won.” He smiled at her.

She didn’t smile back, her pain in her head was making it impossible for her to think straight or to do anything in fact. Vaguely, she noticed other parts of her body ached to, but she wasn’t able to think deeper about it. She heard Percival’s voice as a distant sound:

“You need healing.”

And she collapsed again.

 

* * *

 

 

“No!!! How could they do that!!! To her face, not her face!!!!!” Someone exclaimed, she could faintly distinguish it was Gwaine.

Another protest that she didn’t know exactly where it came from and a shriek, that she could identify as Sefa’s voice. The maid also spoke:

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Not her face!!! Oh my poor queen, my poor Morgana!!!!”

“If you keep screaming I’ll shut down the scrying and you, Sir Gwaine, the queen needs silence and rest, not a noisy subordinate to disturb her in a fragile moment!” It was Alice scolding them.

They were in a tent illuminated by the light of lamps, that was what she could perceive.

“Oh, the patient awoke!” The old woman exclaimed. “Gwaine, go call Gaius, tell him to come here immediately.”

The knight nodded and before he left, the healer thrown a crystal at him and he successfully caught it.

“Don’t forget to take them from here.”

The man left and Alice turned to Morgana, noticing that she had regained consciousness.

“Are you feeling better, my queen?” The old woman asked.

“Much better, thank you, Alice. Although, there are some parts still hurting, like my eye.” Morgana replied.

“ **Þurhhæle bræd** ” Alice chanted while applying a green paste to the region.

“Anywhere else?” The gentle old lady asked.

“I think I’m fine now.” She tried to sit, but then she felt pain in her head. She sensed that Alice was gently pushing her shoulder so she would be laid on the improvised stretcher again.

“You must rest for a while. You’ll feel better after that.”

“But –” Morgana tried to protest.

“Just as planned Odin’s men have taken the bait, Gilli and Alathor had already took care of them, you only need to go there tomorrow. Not a single moment sooner.”

“Fine.” Morgana sighed in defeat. She was beaten and drained from the last fight. But she blanked out in the middle of it, she didn’t even know if the Sarrum had fled or not.

“The Sarrum …”

“He escaped, my queen. But Gawant’s troops are searching for him.”

Then, Gaius entered the tent and helped Alice tend to Morgana's wounds.

 

* * *

 

**Border between Camelot and Nemeth**

**Sunrise**

 

Morgana stood in front of Caedmon’s commander as king Odin hadn’t led his men to battle. Her stoic expression was on her face again, and she passed the impression that she was unreachable. She looked ethereal using a white cape that covered her armor and an ornate hairdo that only heightened her beauty, because she needed to be seen as a battle goddess, even though she hadn’t spilled blood, nor her men, in those fields  

Her strategy had led to another victory.

They were fooled into charging by dummies placed to simulate a huge army and then the plan of hexing the terrain so that it would paralyze the assailants for some hours – allowing her own men to disarm, retrieve all the war gear that their opponents had and their provisions – certainly prevented their continued march.

In fact, if she had ordered, Camelot’s soldiers could have slain every single one of Caedmon’s men. But that wouldn’t help her cause, it would only prove right anyone that claimed that magic corrupted people.

No, even if she had to deal with severe consequences later, she’d still play her card, gambling always for a better future.

“Surrender, Lord Ulric and your man will be spared.” She spoke.

“I don’t trust nor believe in you, Witch!”

“Fine, you don’t need to. You are my prisoner whether you like it or not.” She replied, nonchalantly.

“What do you want, witch? You know my brother won’t stop this war only because you’ve captured me!”

She smiled wickedly at him and said:

“That you fall in love with me.” She answered, obviously meaning other thing than the simple act of falling in love.

“You’re insane!” He said, outrageous due to her reply.

“Very well. Do you surrender or not?” She ignored his remark.

“What difference does it make? I’m already at your mercy!” He retorted.

“Your order. Command your men to return to Caedmon without attacking or causing damage to Camelot or to Nemeth and they shall be released.” She said.

“Or else you’ll kill them all? You’re no different from Uther! Forcing your wishes upon others!” He blurted.

“I’m giving you a choice, Lord Ulric. Your men obey you, you can save them and give them a chance to go home unscathed.”

“Fine. I’ll do it.” He replied and them turned to his troops:

“Men! Return to Caedmon, bring the news to your king that I was taken prisoner by the witch queen!”

“Very well, they shall have their food supply for the journey back.” Morgana said.

Then, Camelot’s soldiers began to distribute the provisions for the other army, while they were still bound by the various enchantments.

Morgana watched the commander’s expression while her soldiers worked, only waiting for the right moment. He was clearly unease with that action, probably his own consciousness was fighting against his duty to his king.

When his men had received the food and were about to march back to their homeland, Lord Ulric exclaimed:

“Wait!”

“Men, don’t take the food for the following days! It’s poisoned.”

Some of the Odin’s soldier gasped, others made scared faces while others became angry at their king, betraying them like that.

“It’s not what you’re thinking! King Odin would outsmart the witch in case she stole our food like she has stolen our weaponry! And we would sack their provisions and villages, there would be plenty of food!” Lord Ulric tried to explain.

Morgana decided that it was the perfect moment to shaken Odin’s men loyalty, but in a subtle manner, so she spoke:

“If you stop at the village of Gedref you will be feed.” She paused, raising her chin before continuing:

“Do no harm to Camelot’s or Nemeth’s citizens and you’ll return home safely. I guarantee that to you all. I also assure you that you won’t face hunger if you cooperate.”    

She then ordered part of Camelot’s troops to follow their march, ordering Sir Geraint to escort her “guests” back to Camelot’s dungeons by the train.

She had only installed the train thing in Gawant, connecting its port to Camelot as they needed more food with the amount of refugees coming, and in the route to Nemeth in order to facilitate trade. She also gave priority to those routes because she knew that it would be faster to dislocate her army using it.

She would still had to go to the Angles and make herself present as their ruler. She would use a new trick she had learned: astral projection.  

 

 

* * *

 

 

**One day before**

**Morning**

**Village of Rivertur**

**Gallia**

 

“I can’t believe it!” Arthur exclaimed.

“It’s the truth, Arthur. Gaius wouldn’t lie, neither would my mother.”

Gwen was gapping by her husband side, still not believing the content of the letter her friend had just read.

“Morgana is my sister? By blood? How can that be?” He laughed nervously and continued: “Now she is queen of Camelot and she has magic! It can’t be real, Merlin! That’s just … that can’t be true! My father has lied to us our whole life and … Morgana, my sister …”

Gwen grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly for reassurance.

Merlin was in part relieved that the most shocking news for Arthur wasn’t that Morgana had magic. Maybe because she had it and – if Gaius hadn’t been deceived by her – she was using it for good. The only thing that wasn’t explained there were her feelings concerning Arthur. Did she feel threatened by him? Did she cared about him?

Well, the young warlock had witnessed that she had no qualms in attempting to murder her brother before, he didn’t know if that had changed in the last months, but Gaius didn’t seem to know what had made her part with Morgause.

“We have to go back, Arthur, now.” Merlin tried to reason with him.

“I think he is right, Arthur. We have to face Morgana.” Gwen agreed.

“But I have promised to help them …” The blond-haired man replied, still confused.

“The villagers will understand. It’s a family matter, it does take precedence.” Merlin said.

“You’re right, Merlin. I … I need to ask Morgana directly. I just don’t understand … Why haven’t she written? I have sent her a letter when we settled here, why didn’t she –”

“We don’t know, Arthur. We can only discover if we go back to Camelot.” Merlin interrupted him and added: “I think the best route would be by going to Tirmatur and then taking a ship from there.”

The blonde nodded, still stunned by the news.

Merlin caught himself thinking: _why didn’t Morgana stop or forbid Gaius from writing me about the truth? Why did she let such an obvious loose end? Did she want Arthur to find out?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the spells:
> 
> “Windræs! Áríseaþ ond ábrýtaþ mín ealdorgewinnan!” – Storm of winds! Arise and destroy my adversaries!
> 
> “Scildan” – (to) Shield (imperative)
> 
> “Eorðweall” – earth-wall mound; a rampart mound made by the earth taken from a dyke and raised along it; a wall formed by the ground the side or roof of a cave.
> 
> “Underdilf” – (to) Dig (imperative).
> 
> “Astýre mé þurfan íc gáde to áfæran” – guide me to where I desire to go
> 
> “Hlynraþ” – (to) Thunder (imperative)
> 
> “Þurhhæle bræd” - Heal thoroughly the flesh.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC.  
> Also, thanks for all the kudos, comments and everything, this story has finally reached the 800 hits and I'd like to say thank you guys for reading it (even though I haven't fixed the grammar), : )

**Morning**

**Camelot’s Gardens**

**Five days after the Great Battle of Camelot**

 

 

“You haven’t been spending any time with me! You promised that you wouldn’t leave me alone!” Mordred whined, kicking a stone that was in his path.

“Easy now, Mordred. It isn’t like it was my choice. The battles wouldn’t be won without me there.” Morgana retorted, patting his head.

The two of them walked side by side, strolling around the gardens in a rare break from her obligations as queen. The young boy was wearing a chainmail, already training to be a sorcerer-knight, bearing the blue and white colors of the Order of the White Dragon, while the queen was in a white gown, much similar to the one she used during the tournament that took place more than two months ago.

“It’s not about the battles and you know it!” He protested, crossing his arms and halting.

“Mordred, this is not the place to speak such things.” She warned him, arching her eyebrows.

“ _Then I’ll use mind speech. You didn’t know if you were going to survive everything!_ ”

“ _Hey, I’m here, that’s all that matters. We won, for the moment._ ” She tried to dismiss his worries.

“ _But the Crystal failed! The other seers failed! Why aren’t you investigating this?_ ” He asked, clearly in distress and she noticed that his eyes were welling with unshed tears.

“ _Hush, Mordred, it’s all right._ ” She used her thumb to clear one single tear that left one of his eyes and her left hand to pat his head.

“ _Magic is mysterious and we don’t know everything about it._ ” She grinned and continued projecting her thoughts: “ _Imagine those without magic. They certainly don’t have a clue about their own futures or if they’ll survive the next season._ ” He didn’t seem to be appeased by her commentary, his tears only flowed freely and she felt her heart get tighter in her chest, unable to promise him

“ _I won’t lie to you. I didn’t know what **would** happen, but I was aware of what **could** happen and I did my best to build the destiny that **I** wanted. I swear to you that I’ll discover what affected the Crystal and the foreseeing of others, but let me tell you: I had visions about all the possible futures, Mordred. It just wasn’t perfectly clear about the threats, but I knew they were coming and I was ready for it._ ” She caressed his cheek while using her thumbs to dry his tears, she grinned at him again and continued: “ _So, if it’s up to me, I’ll keep coming back to beat you in sparring for many years to come._ ”

He chuckled and she did the same, then she caught him in a comforting hug and he nestled his head on her shoulder.

“ _I don’t want to be alone anymore._ ” Even in his mind speech he sobbed.

“ _I know, Mordred. I’ll do my best so you won’t be alone again._ ” She told him, wary about the words she used because she didn’t want to make empty promises that she couldn’t withhold.

“ _Let’s keep walking. You have to go back to council soon._ ” His tone was desolated, wanting to spend more time with the person that was equivalent to the mother he never met, but he knew better.

“Fine, young man.” She patted his hair and he extended his left forearm for her, so he would properly escort her. She giggled and linked their arms, letting him guide her.

As they walked closer to one of the palace’s door, a guard came in their direction, his sword unsheathed. Morgana let go of Mordred’s arm, ready to take action if needed. The sentinel said:

“My queen, there are traitors among us! It isn’t safe!” He exclaimed.

“Why aren’t the bells ringing?” She questioned him.

“I’m afraid they don’t know yet.” He replied and a bolt came, buzzing at her while the guard in front of her swung his sword at Morgana.

She froze the time by instinct, but she had mere seconds, so she flipped the attacking guard with her magic and turned to divert the bolt’s trajectory only to notice that it was already piercing Mordred’s lungs from behind.

The young boy was slightly behind her and she saw his eyes glow gold, as it if he was the one that redirected the bolt and it would have already hit her if he didn’t.

Her face got paler than usual, as if all the blood had left her head. She spun and threw a magical blast at the other assailant and the time began to flow normally again.

Morgana held Mordred, preventing him from falling and she shouted with her mind: “ _Gaius!!! Help!!!_ ”

More guards came to their queen, restraining the attacker and she released a sound that was a mix between a wail and a scream:

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”

Then, she teleported with Mordred to the physician’s quarters, where Alice and Gaius were startled as everyone with magic had heard her call. It soon made sense to them, the bleeding boy that was choking with his own blood was Mordred.

With a hoarse voice Morgana said: “The Cup of Life, it’ll heal him, he’s still alive.”

So she passed Mordred to Gaius’s arms and used her magic to teleport her where she kept the Cup. She returned soon afterwards, holding the chalice in her trembling hand.

Alice quickly took the pixie dust from the shelf and grabbed water. She mixed the ingredients in the recipient, while Gaius carefully extracted the bolt from Mordred’s back and the boy shouted from the pain.

Morgana chanted a spell and the water in the Cup bubbled, then she pressured the chalice to Mordred’s lips and the boy took a sip with difficulty.

At first, the wound began to heal, the damage tissues were regenerating quickly as it was expected, then it that no longer happened. Blood kept flowing from the boy’s chest and Morgana was getting desperate.

“It should have worked.” Gaius said, incredulous that the Cup of Life hadn’t healed the wound.

“No, no, no, no! He can’t die! There must be another way!” The queen exclaimed and a thought came into her mind and she whispered:

“The Sidhe.”

“Morgana, what are you thinking of doing?” Gaius asked, but before he finished the sentence, the seer had already disappeared with the young boy.

 

* * *

**Lake of Avalon**

 

“I request an audience with the mighty Sidhe!” Morgana shouted with unshed tears in her eyes while Mordred gasped for air and found only his own blood.

A blue light swiftly moved from the waters of the lake and came to a stop in front of Morgana.

It was a male Sidhe and he spoke:

“What do you want, Morgana Pendragon? Your mortal bloodline is no friend of the Sidhe! We lost our King because of your brother’s watchdog!” He sneered

“I ask of you to heal this boy, Mordred. I’ll do whatever you ask of me in return, anything, just save his life.” She pleaded and the druid boy coughed more blood.

“Anything you say?” The fairy pondered, still unconvinced. Then he spoke: “I need a proof first, but I shall stop his suffering for the moment.”

The magical creature waved his staff and Mordred was frozen in time, inert for the moment.

Morgana released the breath she was holding while waiting for the fairy reply and continued to listen him speak:  

“Attain the blood of an unborn child of Sybarys, the purple High Dragon, and free my brothers from that quest.” He paused before adding: “If you are successful our healers shall commence the boy’s treatment.”

She was about to say something in return but was interrupted by the fae:

“You have until sunset to acquire it or else our deal shall be considered invalid and the boy will perish.”

Rage emerged in her veins, they were denying Mordred treatment based on a random demand, but she knew better than to lash at the fairy and lose the only opportunity to heal the boy, so she swallowed the anger and said:

“I’ll be here at the designated time, you have my word.”

“Then we have a deal.” The Sidhe said, disappearing and taking Mordred with him to the shores of Avalon.

For a moment, Morgana was mesmerized by that sight, but she was soon taken from her reverie as she remembered about what she was supposed to do.

For once, there was another High Dragon and she smiled knowing that Uther couldn’t exterminate all of them, expect one, as he believed. Though that fleeting glee shortly vanished. She had to act fast, for Mordred’s sake, and she had to collect the blood of an unborn dragon. Maybe that meant that she had to break the egg in the process, killing an innocent.

She tossed those thought to the back of her mind and teleported back to Camelot, where a frenzied Gaius was pacing at her study, meanwhile Alice tried (unsuccessfully) to soothe his worries.

“Morgana! Please tell me that you didn’t go to the Sidhe.”

“I did it Gaius and now I need to scry the whereabouts of a lost dragon and get back to the Avalon before the sunset or Mordred will die!” She exclaimed, frenetic.

“Wait, before you go, you must know why the Cup didn’t work! The bolt had remnants of metal forged by dragon’s breath!” He said, clearly agitated.

“My queen, you must be careful.” This time Alice spoke, pausing before adding: “Sir Gwaine is questioning the surviving attacker, but we don’t know if there are others lurking around. You must reinforce your security.”

“I’ll do this later, once Mordred is safe!” The seer replied in exasperation, knowing that she shouldn’t be lashing her frustration on them, nonetheless she had to act quickly and find the lair of that Sybarys.

She finally found the Crystal of Neahtid and concentrated on the Dragon’s name and its color. Soon images formed on the crystal’s surface and she could perceive that the creature was in a cave, apparently frozen on time, not much different from Mordred now, though the fairies that were fighting against the female dragon stood still too.

“Come on, give me a better location.” Morgana murmured.

The image seemed to get more distant from the cave, showing a dry land that had some ruined buildings.

“ _The Perilous Land!_ ” She thought, wasting no more time, she left the study to go to her chamber in order to change the bloodstained dress.

Gaius and Alice followed her and the old man spoke, trying to make her see sense:

“Your Highness, after an attempt on your life you must stay here, give your troops and intel your next orders instead of pursuing a quest that might get you hurt in an inaccessible location! Be reasonable, another can go in your place and fulfill the Sidhe’s terms!”

She ignored their presence and got behind a changing screen and changed her outfit to a chainmail, then she made a bun with her hair and got her sword and a shield, then she said:

“I can’t just let Mordred die, Gaius. I’ll never forgive myself if that happens. He’s the last … he’s just a boy and I promised that he would be safe.”

“My queen” this time Alice spoke and held Morgana’s hands between hers, then she continued, saying: “This is exactly what makes you who you are: your heart. You can trust us, we’ll handle the kingdom’s affairs.”

“Alice!” Gaius protested, but the woman continued to speak:

“I know a Sidhe contract can only be upheld by the contractor, so you have no other choice. Go, we’ll be praying for your safe return.” 

Morgana nodded, grateful for the old woman’s words. She finished getting ready and magically transported herself for the cave.

 

    

* * *

**Tirmatur**

**Same time as in Camelot**

 

 

“Are you sure we’ll this is the fastest route, Merlin?” Arthur asked his friend. The former prince conducted a cart that was heading to the main city of Tirmatur, Tir-Mor, and even though he had the reigns – as he insisted – the blonde man constantly asked for directions form either Merlin and Gwen. The young dragonlord thought that this recent behavior was Arthur’s state of shock after the news.

Uther had died, Morgana was his half-sister, had magic and openly had lifted the magical ban, not only that, according to Gaius she instituted an entire Order to manage magic and its repercussions in the realm. Oh, she was also the queen of Essetir too.

So his friend was grieving for his father’s death, hadn’t digested the notion that Morgana was his sister, had magic and was queen now and to top it all he was having a baby with Gwen, he had his own family to look after. Merlin understood that his friend was lost and he needed his help more than anything now.

“Yes, Arthur. We’ll take a ship from Tir-Mor’s port and head to Gawant as Camelot doesn’t have a port. I think we’ll be there in our final destination in twenty day or so, if the winds cooperate.” The warlock answered, holding a map in his hands.

The blonde man nodded and watched the horizon, keeping a distant look on his face. That saddened Merlin, seeing his haughty friend that mostly never took his advices without protesting – or pouting in deep thought first – showed him how much low-spirited Arthur was.

Merlin glanced at Gwen and saw her mirroring his concerned expression. She was worried about Arthur too, he could tell. They had already spoke about the letter’s content and he knew that when Gwen heard about Morgana bringing back magic and how she had been good to Hunith made his friend believe again in goodness of the seer. In fact, Guinevere was convinced that magic could be used for good, to protect instead of destroy and to heal instead of harming people, so maybe convincing Arthur about that magic wasn’t evil would be an easier task with Gwen’s support.

Yet, that didn’t ease Merlin’s mind. Kilgarrah said that Morgana was the darkness to his light, the hatred to his love, and that she was bound by fate to be his nemesis and stand in the way of the Once and Future King destiny. More, she was probably responsible for Uther’s demise and he didn’t know how Arthur would react once he discovered that.

So he doubted her goodness, he doubted that she had changed because he knew no one could escape their fate, nor choose it – he had tried and that brought him an indescribable pain as he lost Freya.

What if Morgana was fooling everyone, only to lure Arthur, kill him and Gwen and then enslave the rest of Albion using her magic?

He shook his head, maybe he was growing too paranoid, but the other option was to believe that she was showing signs of the old Morgana, his friend, the one he cherished and knew before.

But what if that was only a vain hope? That certainly would crush him even more, like when he thought she had forgiven him only to be caught in her trap and be left to die by serkets’ poison.

No, he wouldn’t be fooled again, when they returned he would find out exactly what were her goals and if killing Arthur to claim his throne was included, Merlin wouldn’t think twice before striking Morgana.

The only good thing was that he was feeling better, more energy since he crossed the border between Gallia and Tirmatur. It was as if his magic was running freely through his body again and that brought an intense relief to the warlock.

In silence and lost in their own thoughts, the three companions continued to follow the path without surprises and by noon they reached the city of Tir-Mor.

Arthur and Gwen went to the docks, to hire a ship, while Merlin would go to a tavern and hear the rumors, as well as know the price of rooms for the night if they couldn’t set sail in the same day.

They had appointed to meet under the church’s tower in two hours.

When Merlin entered the tavern, that was named the Green Goblin, he saw a known face: the druid Adair.

“ _Lord Emrys_ ” the man projected to his mind and curtsied.

“Adair, right?” Merlin spoke, deciding to force the druid to keep a proper conversation.

The man seemed surprised and answered:

“Oh, you prefer to speak through your mouth! Then I must have seemed to be extremely rude to you the last time we met!”

“That doesn’t matter, Adair. But, please, just call me Merlin from now on.”

“Oh, of course, Merlin.” He tested and then paused briefly, as if remembering something: “Have you heard the news from Albion?” The man’s eyes sparkled with excitement, making him look younger and his scarred face to glow.

“I have received letters telling me about the recent events. Though I believe that with the speed things have happened in the last months, my informations might already be outdated.” The young dragonlord replied.

“Have you heard about the Great Battle of Five Kingdoms?”

“No, just that Queen Morgana Pendragon had conquered Essetir.” Merlin replied.

“She had done much more! She led Camelot to victory against Caerleon, Anglia, Caedmon and Amata.”

 _Oh, no, if she’s still evil it’ll be even harder to keep Arthur safe._ Merlin thought.

“What? How?”

Adair explained how Camelot had prevailed and also he told the raven-haired man how the news came so fast. Scrying had become a common practice between the Druids of Tirmatur and Camelot’s Order of the White Dragon. They had stablished contact and now the Order was recruiting Druids to make part of their ranks. He explained that those that had pacifist beliefs used their magic to heal and were designated to represent magic in distant villages.

“That’s certainly a path of love, Merlin.” The older man said with hopeful eyes and proceeded: “I’ve hoped during my entire existence that such path would be chosen. There’s still darkness to be fought and there’s no other way but to give it combat, only it has been done so to diminish the losses of lives.” There was a sadness in the man’s voice, but Merlin couldn’t avoid the feeling that no matter what were her true intentions, Morgana had brought an enormous amount of hope to the magical community, something that his and Arthur’s destiny used to do.

“There’s something more, if would be better if you heard it with your mind and heart.” Adair said and Merlin thought that this was the druid’s way of asking permission to speak in his mind, so the dragonlord projected to his mind:

“ _You may speak, Adair, I’ll listen._ ”

“ _Thank you Emrys. What I have to say is very important to the future of magic. It’s an ancient prophecy and I believe that it concerns you._ ”

 

* * *

**Unknown Cave**

**Perilous Lands**

 

“ **Léoht** ”

A small ball of blue light was lit in Morgana’s left hand, while she kept her sword in the right hand, and she walked carefully, wary not to give a false step and hurt herself before she could reach the belligerent magical creatures.

After what seemed like a ten minute walk, she approached what seemed to be a natural made hall that had stalactites and other rocks as columns and a large amount of water flooding the rocky ground.

She also felt a great amount of energy meant to repel her, but Morgana clenched her teeth and surged her magic to aid her, proceeding walking.

When she finally contemplated the silhouettes of the magical beings, she was amazed by the size of the female dragon. It was huge, easily reaching the cave’s roof (and it was an immense cave).

The tense magical field that surrounded the dragon and the ten fairies kept them all frozen, in a constant dispute to overwhelm the other’s magic, but all eyes were locked on Morgana when she stepped in their vision field.

She realized that they were waiting to know her intentions, if she would aid one side or if she would try to take advantage of their situation harm both sides. She gulped and spoke:

“I am Morgana Pendragon. I came here to complete an assignment requested by the Sidhe of Avalon.” She announced and the fairies that were there smirked, knowing that another magical creature came to unbalance the forces in their favor.

“Though I do not seek to harm your unborn children, Great Sybarys.” The fairies expression changed to one of rage and the female dragon was observing the young seer.

“We can find a peaceful solution, please, let’s stop the hostility.” She pleaded.

Sensing the opportunity to drop the dragon’s defenses, the fairies were the firsts to cease their attack, and the dragon shortly did the same. Afterwards, the Sidhe leader spoke:

“The Dragon is too proud to seek a peaceful solution, human. We have been arguing for thirty years for nothing!”

“Watch your tongue, fae. You were the ones that came here into my den to make demands! You’re so arrogant that you’d disobey the commands of the Goddess herself!” The wyrm grunted.    

“Such insolence! Do not think you can offend our kin and go unpunished!” The Sidhe snarled.

“Please, stop!” Morgana pleaded and her magic manifested and created a barrier between the opposing sides.

She turned her head to Sybarys, the Great Dragon and spoke:

“Great Sybarys, I humbly request of you to magically collect a small amount of blood from one of your unborn children. I can assure you that the little one won’t die from that, because I’ll use my magic to heal it immediately.”

The fairies snorted, expecting that the dragon would breathe fire against the mortal queen, instead Sybarys spoke:

“You’re a dragonlord mate, I can smell it. Your destiny is connected to my kin, because you shall be the mother of many souls to come to this world. Though, you can’t guarantee that the fae won’t attack me and my offspring when you collect the blood?”

“How dare you!” The leader exclaimed, enraged.

Morgana turned to the fairies and tried to appease the spirits:

“Mighty Sidhe, that’s only the concern of a mother for her children. You have a task to fulfill and this is your chance to do it. I own a favor to your leader and you have my word and my destiny as testimony that I won’t run from the beings of the Old Religion. Please, wait for me outside this cave and I shall bring the blood that you require.”

The squad leader reluctantly agreed and ordered the other fairies to follow him to the exit.

“You have a way with words, young seer.” The dragon told her gently.

“I didn’t think they would so easily cooperate. Guess that the court training wasn’t completely useless.”

The female dragon laughed and the sound trembled the cave a bit, then she spoke:

“It has been a long time since I’ve heard a witty remark. For fifty years all I’ve heard were those fairies grunts! I’m exhausted!”

“You were truly stuck in this argument for that long? How did you feed? Oh, and why did you say that I’ll be the mother of your kin?” Morgana inquired, avid for answers.

“Yes, it has being that long. Fairies are stubborn creatures, but I guess they sensed your blood and were more amiable to you. Well, by magic of course! How do you think that unborn dragons can spend hundreds of years inside their shells? And for the last question, because you’re the mother of the next dragonlords, breaker of that stupid rule that one male humans can be kin.” The dragon replied.

“What, that’s not possible, the only living dragonlord is –”        

“Emrys.” Sybarys finished for her and continued speaking:

“For long I’ve had known the prophecy, I’ve been one of its guardians, as the kin brings hope for the survival of magic in this world. But this destiny almost disappeared … hope was almost lost … yet here you are and from what I have Seen of you, there was no one better fit to carry our hopes.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’ll tell you the prophecy, you can find your answers later:

 

* * *

 

**They come in pairs**

 

Being mother of dragonlords meant that she’d bear Merlin’s children, Morgana thought with uneasiness. The last time that happened, he ended up giving her poison that killed them and in a way a part of her also died in that same day. Wait, them, two, as in pairs.

 

_Emrys and Morrigan’s magic runs through their veins_

 

Okay, now he knew that his partner’s true name is Morrigan, which only made him even more curious. Wasn’t that one of the Goddess’s aspect? The young battle deity?

 

**They bring back the light to the world**

 

Maybe something to do with hope? Being powerful warlocks and witches because of their parentage and being proactive?

 

_As Imbolc comes after Beltane_

 

Wait, that’s definitely a children reference, the time of the Goddess’s pregnancy in the Wheel of the Year, Merlin thought. He was already expecting this since that goblin had talked to him.

 

**Their numbers can be counted in two hands**

 

That had many significances and Morgana was kind of dizzy with the idea of bearing more of Merlin’s children.

 

_In balance they come, to bring harmony_

 

It was getting tricky, that part didn’t make sense to Merlin. Maybe the kids were like an improved version of himself? He just kept hearing.

 

**And rekindle the lost hope in the world**

 

Hope … what made her feel hope?

Many things, Mordred’s smiles, the gratitude in the faces of her subjects, the awe she could notice when she used magic to protect or to heal. Her own magic gave her hope, but that was a subjective thing, it would vary from one person to another.

 

* * *

 

 

Sybarys huffed a steam of hot air through her nostrils, catching Morgana’s attention again.

The queen finally realized she had been talking with the purple female dragon all this time and hadn’t spoken about all the other things like the dragons’ nearly extinction.

“Before you say anything, I know about the fate of my kin. I think that much was obvious when I mentioned the last dragonlord.” The magical creature spoke, though her tone of voice was gentle, but sad, and Morgana couldn’t comprehend why she wasn’t angry at her as it was Uther Pendragon, her father by blood that sent her race to the brink of extinction.

“Dwell on hate and desire for revenge can only create more violence, it never give us peace. In a land where you pay an offense in the same manner, as in an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, everybody is toothless and blind.”

 Morgana nodded in understanding. She was so different from Kilgarrah that was a vengeful dragon, always inciting Merlin to act according to his views and using his self-proclaimed wisdom to make him believe that in the beast instead of the warlock’s own heart. It was strange, somehow Morgana felt as if she could trust this Sybarys, as if they had a connection too and the dragon herself already showed that she trusted her, even though they haven’t met before.

“I have to collect the blood of your child, Sybarys. There’s not much time left to return to Avalon.”

“Yes” the purple dragon paused, giving her a gentle smile (which was incredible considering the amount of sharp teeth she had) and proceeded speaking: “And I’ll teach you how to do it. The act of collecting the blood of an unhatched dragon is an ancient practice, known only by dragons and dragonlords. But as you’re a mate, you’re as good as any.”

“So it wasn’t only the fairies’ rudeness that has stopped you?” Morgana asked in curiosity.

“No, but that’s a tale for another time.”

“Okay, I’m ready”

Then the Great Purple Dragon breathed the magical spell to the young queen. Morgana asked permission again and took a blood sample from one of the five eggs that where in the nest. They departed and the seer teleported herself to Avalon.

 

* * *

**Lake of Avalon**

**Briefly before the sunset**

 

 

“I have brought the blood, as requested.” Morgana spoke clearly to the Sidhe elder.

“Good, then the treatment shall begin.” He responded, pausing a bit before adding: “Return here after five moons and you’ll have the boy fully recovered.”

“Why so long?” She asked in a tone similar to a whisper.

“Because of wound’s nature. The magic within a dragon-breath forged metal attacks the nature of magic itself, it makes mostly any magic cease to exist in this reality. The only way to treat such wound is to not have the patient in this very reality, thus Avalon, as a breech in this world, it’s the only place that a treatment can be performed.” The fairy replied and shortly after that he expressed confusion.

Morgana guessed that it wasn’t in their nature to go on explaining their mysteries to mortals and suddenly she remembered Sybarys words about her influence on the faes, there was something about her blood.

She would have to think about that later, when she met her father again.

“I’m grateful that you have accepted to treat him. I’ll wait how long it takes for his health improvement, Sidhe Lord.” And she curtsied, not wanting to angry the creature for lack of manners.

“Until five moons from now, Morrigan.”

 _Did he used that name on purpose?_ Morgana wondered, but decided to keep quiet and search more about everything she had learned during that terrible day in a reserved place, far away from anyone that exploit her lack of knowledge about her own prophesized future.

 

* * *

**_Morgana’s dream_ **

**_Night_ **

_The scenario this time were Camelot’s gardens. Morgana was crying on Gorlois’s shoulder while they saw the assassination attempt over and over again._

_“Why didn’t I See it?” She said between sobs._

_“I don’t know, Morgana. Not even I could perceive this future.” Her father replied._

_She distanced herself from him a little o stablish eye contact and assume some sort of dignity. It wasn’t only time to weep, she had to find answers, but before she did that she caught herself opening up to him:_

_“All this time I’ve feared my dreams, I was always terrified by the visions. Though that had changed when you found me, yet I’d rather continue to tremble in fear every night if that meant I would See Mordred getting shot and I could do something to prevent it.”_

_“My child, I know you’re hurt, but that is very grave.” He paused a little searching her eyes for understanding, then continued speaking: “You might not know, but most of the times we, the dead, can only watch while our loved ones descend a path of misery or choose one of love. All the time you’ve suffered from your dreams I have experienced your pain. Maybe this is a selfish request, but please don’t think like this. You haven’t failed, Morgana, he is alive.” He was frowning and he caressed her left cheek when he spoke._

_She lowered her eyes, feeling even more guilty. There was so much of this world that she didn’t know and everything that escaped her knowledge seemed to strike her with all their strength. First it was all the secrets that people had kept from her, then, during war, the Sarrum’s attack, the subtle malfunction of the Crystal of Neathid and later her own Sight failing her._

_“There is another vision for today.”_

_She looked up, hearing her father’s words._

_“What?” She asked in confusion, probably thinking that she had lost her Sight or somehow the Goddess was getting her revenge for her blasphemy._

_“I said there’s another vision.” He answered, calmly._

_“I heard you, I just thought that –”_

_“That you wouldn’t be able to See the future again because you haven’t seen one happening?” He asked and ended up speaking in her instead: “That’s not how your Sight works, Morgana.”_

_Then, the scenery changed before she could say anything. It was dark at first, she turned to see what was happening and her eyes focused on something._

_It was a Dragon, but a very strange one. Its body was half golden, half red and it had two heads of those respective colors._

_“The Pendragon colors and two heads.” She heard her father whisper._

* * *

**Camelot’s Throne Room**

**Three months after Morgana’s coronation**

 

 

It was the time of the week to hear petitions and it was truly tiresome for Morgana. She had to look impeccable, only to appear to everyone – friends and foes alike – that she could handle two war fronts and still have time to hear her people’s needs. So she was using one of her favorite green dresses and a lot of make-up to cover her tiredness.

In those last three weeks she had slept too little, always planning offensives that would grant Camelot the less amount of losses in the battlefields (also spill little to no blood at all if she was smart enough), while trying to convince Lord Ulric that his brother’s campaign would only bring devastation to Caedmon and thus he should depose his brother and take the throne for himself  (Arthur that doesn’t hear this one), keeping the Angles under control while attacking Amata and still managing to administrate the Order of the White Dragon – ensuring recruiting, training and sending healers them to hostile villages, warning them about all the hatred that would be directed at them due to the late king’s views.

Even though it was boring to hold court, at least it was a break from all the other serious matters she had to deal. Well, it was only that when she heard the doors being forcefully opened widely to show a very furious dragonlord – as she came to know.

He was wearing a characteristic red neckerchief, blue tunic, brow trousers and battered boots. He stomped in her direction and she swiftly changed her expression from one of surprise to a defiant one, because by his expression he was about to breath fire from his mouth.

The guards tried to stop him and Gwaine and Leon that were also there jumped to protect her too, but Morgana promptly said:

“Let him pass.” And her subordinates obeyed.

She heard Gwaine whisper to him something like “what are you doing, Merlin?”, but her destined one didn’t answer him, merely glared harder at her.

“Estate your business here, Emrys.” She taunted him, showing him beforehanded that she wasn’t that ignorant about his true name and magic.

He took something from his pocket and threw to her feet, it was a glove:

“I challenge you for the leadership of the Angles!” He roared, clearly enraged by her.

The crowd gasped. It was so out-of-character for the former prince’s manservant to be so hostile towards anyone, much less propose a duel to death against Queen Morgana, not only a good ruler but a powerful witch too.

If she felt confusion, hurt, betrayal, anger, or any other emotion, she didn’t show. Instead she merely responded:

“I accept you challenge. Meet me outside the front gate tomorrow, at noon.” She said sternly.

“What are you doing, Merlin?” Gwaine and Leon exclaimed in indignation, but the dragonlord merely kept glaring at Morgana, turned his back and left the palace, still bearing an indescribable fury in his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning of the spells:
> 
> “Léoht” – light.
> 
> Here I am, procrastinating like a hurricane, yeah!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC  
> So, to clarify things, it was really Merlin that showed up and challenged Morgana to a duel.  
> Well, I think that at least they met, that’s something (in the 25th chapter of the story they have the first conversation and this is still a Mergana story, huh?), so in part I have fulfilled my promise. This chapter will explain things (I hope) and leave in a cliffie, muahahahahahahahaha.

**Gawant**

**A day before the meeting between Morgana and Merlin**

**Afternoon**

 

 

“We should better stay in an inn for the night. The voyage was really tiring, especially for Gwen.” Merlin said, hoping that using Gwen’s condition would make Arthur agree, instead of rant about how they should immediately find Morgana. He had to see Kilgharrah, since they have left Albion he hadn’t spoken with the dragon and he needed to ask him many things.

“You’re right, Merlin.” Arthur sighed, he was also tired. Well, spending fifteen days travelling by sea was certainly tiresome. Maybe because of that he was even saying that Merlin did something right for a change. Though the warlock knew that it wasn’t only his exhaustion that made his prat friend promptly agree with him and even let the raven-haired man lead the way – no, Arthur was mourning for his father’s death while he had to deal with the fact that Morgana was his sister, had magic and was Camelot’s queen in his absence. If Arthur were to follow in Uther’s footsteps, he would have to wage war against his own sister and would have to eventually send her to the pyre.

It was a cruel fate for the young man, one that Merlin hoped that could be avoided. If Morgana’s actions were true, if she had really changed for better during their absences, the warlock hoped that Arthur could decide with his heart instead of Uther’s prejudice and teachings.

Nonetheless Merlin himself wasn’t too hopeful. He knew about the prophecies, that Morgana was the darkness to his light, the hatred to his love, and that she would clash against Arthur, she was fated to do it, nobody could choose their destiny and nobody could escape it.

He was also afraid to be attached to that shred of hope that had insistently found its way to his battered heart. He remembered the dragon’s words that his stubbornness in seeing only good in people would be his undoing and therefore he would keep his suspicions concerning Morgana.

The blond-haired man helped his wife to get off the boat and the three companions headed to an inn. They avoided much contact with people, keeping a low profile and after having booked two rooms, they went straight to the rented chambers.

Knowing that Arthur and Gwen would probably talk and then sleep right away, Merlin sneaked out and went to a forest nearby to meet Kilgharrah. When he reached a clearing, Merlin shouted:

“ **O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!** ”

After several minutes he heard the sound of giant wings flapping as the creature landed and saw is old friend and mentor. The dragonlord grinned and greeted:

“Kilgharrah!” Merlin shouted enthusiastically and hugged the dragon’s huge snout.

“That’s too much physical contact, Merlin. I’m already aware of your affections, young warlock, you don’t need to show me.”

“Oh, sorry.” Merlin said, stepping aside to give the dragon space, then he spoke, still embarrassed: “It’s just that I thought that I wouldn’t see you in a while. And when I was outside of Albion I couldn’t communicate, I could barely sense my magic in truth, I had the foolish fear that I might not see you again.”

“I’m touched, Merlin.” Kilgharrah paused briefly, assuming a somber tone when he continued speaking: “But this isn’t time for sentimentalism. You and the Once and Future King face grave danger, the witch, Morgana Pendragon.”

“What do you mean by that?” Merlin inquired.

“She’ll cause Arthur’s demise. I have seen it. She’s evil, you must stop her.” The dragon answered and Merlin shook his head in disagreement.

“I’ve heard what she has done for Camelot. She had brought magic back. She didn’t send any assassins to kill Arthur while we were away. Her actions had proved that she has changed.” The raven-haired man argued.

“You’re blinded, Merlin, as everyone else she has fooled. No one can escape their fate, young warlock, she isn’t an exception. Heed my words, she’s evil, she’s just eliminating all the possible threats while alluring the people with empty promises of peace and acceptance! Once there’s no one to oppose her, she’ll reveal her true self, all the evilness that runs through her stone heart!” The dragon exclaimed.

“No, it can’t be true. Why would she go through all the trouble of ensuring magic would be used only for good and then disregard everything that she has fought so hard to achieve?" He questioned, remembering everything he has heard during their journey. The news had the same thing in common: Morgana has successfully restored magic in Camelot and was now fighting for the right to keep the realm safe from other kingdoms that thought magic was evil.

“Merlin, what better manner to unite Albion under her rule than gaining the support of the majority of the people and crush her enemies using magic? Once she has stablish absolute control she’ll become a tyrant, not different from her father, Uther Pendragon!”The creature snorted at the man’s name as if he had just uttered the most infamous word that existed.

“And what proof do you have of it?” Merlin inquired, still unwilling to accept the dragon’s words.

“I have Seen it, Merlin!” He huffed, slightly irritated by the warlock’s reluctance in seeing the truth, then he added: “I’ve already warned you that your tendency in only seeing the good in others would be your undoing. If you don’t listen to me, it’ll also be the end of the Once and Future King’s destiny.”

“What if you’re wrong, Kilgharrah?” Merlin retorted. Hearing Morgana deeds had gave him a hope that he didn’t know he still kept inside his heart. If she had truly turned good again, she could convince Arthur that magic isn’t evil and maybe he could finally be able to tell his friend the whole truth.

“If you doubt me so, I’ll show you exactly what I have Seen.” And the dragon touched Merlin’s forehead with his snout and the scenery changed right in front of the warlock’s eyes.

_They weren’t in a forest anymore, they were in Camelot’s throne room. Arthur and Gwen were talking to Morgana and she was seated in the throne. Merlin concentrated to hear their conversation:_

_“Arthur, you’re either with me or against me.” Morgana said in a seemly emotionless voice and remained impassive while she awaited her brother’s reply._

_“Morgana …” Merlin saw the hurt expression that Arthur bore and he understood what would be the former prince’s answer before the blonde spoke:_ “ _I can’t just throw away all of Father’s teachings. Magic corrupts people and I’m afraid it has corrupted you too.”_

 _The seer hissed in anger, abruptly stood up and tore Arthur’s heart from his chest with her bare hand. Gwen tried to scream but she was quickly silenced when Morgana’s magic twisted her neck in an unnatural way._    

“NOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Merlin screamed, feeling the angst of witnessing his friend’s death, even though it was merely a vision. He was back to the forest again, his eyes were already flooding with unshed tears and he had to blink many times to stop himself from crying.

“As I’ve said, you must stop her. Do this before she has the chance to meet Arthur or else she’ll be his undoing.”

“Tell me what to do.” The warlock said with gritted tears and the dragon smirked and said:

“You must challenge her to a duel, for the Angles leadership.”

“Why?” Merlin asked, still shaken with he had saw moments ago.

“Because like this you’ll open the way for Arthur to claim what is rightfully his without any resistance. The people will have no other choice but to crown him King. And you’ll be his most powerful subject.” The dragon retorted, amused.

“How? I’ll have killed his sister and exposed my magic. He’ll never trust me again.” Merlin told him in defeat.

“You just have to show him the past, every plot and scheme in which she planned his death, more, show him how she took part in Uther’s death. Use the Crystal of Neahtid that is in her possession.” Kilgharrah explained and Merlin could swear he was blissful with the prospect.

“So I have to meet her first? How will I do that?” The warlock asked.

“We’ll fly to Camelot, Merlin. Gather your things and leave a note for Arthur, explaining you’ll see him in Camelot.”

“Okay. I’ll see you again here in two hours.” Merlin told him.

“Fine, I shall be waiting, Merlin. Don’t take too long.” Kilgharrah said in response, not even complaining about having to give the dragonlord a ride.

**Camelot’s Throne Room**

**Three months after Morgana’s coronation**

**Morning**

 

 

“I challenge you for the leadership of the Angles!” Merlin roared, clearly enraged by her.

The crowd gasped. It was so out-of-character for the former prince’s manservant to be so hostile towards anyone, much less propose a duel to death against Queen Morgana, not only a good ruler but a powerful witch too.

She merely responded:

“I accept you challenge. Meet me outside the front gate tomorrow, at noon.” She said sternly.

“What are you doing, Merlin?” Gwaine and Leon exclaimed in indignation, but the dragonlord merely kept glaring at Morgana, turned his back and left the palace, still bearing an indescribable fury in his gaze.

Some knights and guards were about to halt him for daring to threaten their Queen, though Morgana stopped them by announcing:

“No, let him go.”

“What was that?” Leon asked his sovereign, still dumbfounded by Merlin’s actions.

“Arthur is back and Merlin thinks he has to get things ready for the royal succession.” She said bluntly.

“That doesn’t make sense!” Gwaine protested. “Why would he challenge you to death if he doesn’t even have magic to begin with?”

“Oh, he does. He’s Emrys.” Morgana replied, as if she was saying the most obvious thing in the world.

“What does that name mean?” Leon asked in confusion.

“It means that he’s the most powerful sorcerer to have walked on this earth.” She said with a stoical expression.

“What?” Leon and Gwaine asked in unison.

 

* * *

**Same day**

**Camelot’s outskirts**

**Noon**

 

 

Merlin had to find a place to stay for the day, he couldn’t simply wait in his old chambers when he had challenged Camelot’s **false** monarch to a duel, so he’d have to postpone his meeting with Gaius, for the physician’s own safety too. He was currently perched on a tree, hiding himself from unwanted eyes.

“ _Emrys_ ” an unknown female voice spoke in his mind and the warlock was startled by this sudden call.

“ _Who are you? What do you want?_ ” He asked in a not so friendly tone.

“ _I’m Sybarys, the purple Great Dragon._ ” The voice gently replied and, for a moment, Merlin was speechless. It couldn’t be, Kilgharrah was the last living dragon, Uther had killed them all!

“ _I tell you the truth. If you want to verify it, I’m waiting in the closest clearing._ ” Sybarys said, likely anticipating his disbelief.

Merlin jumped off the branch that supported his weight and used his magic to slow his fall, so he floated to the ground and landed unharmed. Then he ran with all the speed his legs allowed him to the designated place.

When he got there, he was marveled by the sight of the magical creature. The dragon had purple scales that reflected and gleamed the sun light and she was slightly smaller than Kilgharrah, nonetheless her size was impressive. He couldn’t help but laugh like in happiness when he saw her and he shed some tears of relief too. Kilgharrah wasn’t the only dragon, there was still hope for his kin.

“You’re … you’re … real!” Was Merlin could muster to say in his bewilderment.

“Yes, young dragonlord.” She touched him with her snout and he embraced her, ecstatically.

“I can’t believe this! We have to tell Kilgharrah!”

“Merlin, I’ll meet him in the correct moment. Right now, you must listen to me.” She had urgency in her voice even though she managed to keep her gentle tone.

“Kilgharrah has told you half-truths, he has influenced you to act in a way that will only bring you immense pain.”

“Why are you saying that? He has guided me since the beginning! Where were you then?” Merlin replied, a bit irritated by her distrust concerning the other Great Dragon.

“I was protecting my children, Emrys. I couldn’t simply abandon them.” She replied, still keeping that motherly tone.

“There are more dragons?” He asked blissfully. Those were excellent news, he could watch the rebirth of a mighty race.

“Yes, and I’ll show introduce them to you once you have solved the matters at hand.” She said and paused briefly, gathering her thoughts and added: “Morgana isn’t Arthur’s bane, since the beginning only he had the power to cause his own doom. By not following his heart and instead following his father’s footsteps, he’d bring the seeds of destruction to everything he holds dear and you’d incite him to maintain his prejudice instead of seek peace with the magical folk, all of this based on Kilgharrah’s advices.”

“What? I would never do that!” He protested, not wanting to believe in those words.

“Tell me, wouldn’t you do everything that you possible can to prevent Arthur’s death? Wouldn’t you sacrifice anything to ensure that Albion’s Golden Age becomes a reality?” She asked and he could sense that her voice was void of judgment, instead there was a hint of sadness in her tone. After a moment of hesitation, he replied:

“I would … in fact I already have done that before.” His voice faltered with regret as he remembered Morgana’s face when he poisoned her. She should be the dead – instead of living – proof of the extents he would go to prevent the failure of his and Arthur’s destiny.

“Do you regret it? What did your heart told you to do?” She inquired.

“Yes, I do. But it had to be done. I didn’t have another choice! I had to save Arthur and Camelot!” He said in frustration.

“Merlin, you must understand that there’s never only one path to follow. In that situation, you could have followed your heart too, instead of someone else’s advices because you thought that you were powerless.”

“No, you weren’t there. Everyone around me was dying and Arthur would die too. I had to do something.”

“Yes, you had to, only it didn’t have to be what you choose to do. The sleeping curse wasn’t the main threat to begin with and eliminating the source of that spell wouldn’t stop the knights of Medhir either. They kept fighting even when Morgana was dying at her sister’s arms.” She tried to make him notice the inconsistency of Kilgharrah’s strategy to save Camelot that day.

“What do you mean?” He asked and hoped that she wouldn’t be cryptic like the other dragon he knew.

“The sleeping curse wasn’t the real threat. It would take days for it to effectively kill Camelot’s population, including Arthur.”

“No.” He whispered. That moment he felt all the blood leaving the pit of his stomach and he felt cold with the revelation.

“Morgause placed the curse so her knights would kill one person alone: King Uther Pendragon.”

“Wait, how do you know all of this?” He questioned, remembering that even though dragons could see the future, there were times he had to explain what was happening to Kilgharrah.

“Those that don’t turn a deaf ear to their surroundings can hear everything that is currently happening. If you pray attention, you might hear it too, with your magic. I did nothing because I had to choose between the survival of my children or intervene with your destiny, Emrys. I’m sorry.” She sounded truly sorrowful and Merlin couldn’t blame her for prioritizing the ones she loved. He was quiet for several moments after that.

“I’m confused.” Merlin finally said.

“Do you want to be rid of it? Arthur and Guinevere shall meet Morgana this afternoon, use a cloaking spell and witness their conversation.”

“But how? The ride from Gawant to Camelot takes a day and a half or more.” He asked, bemused.

“There are many things that you must gain knowledge of. The most important thing now is for you to hear their talk without being noticed. You do know a cloaking spell, don’t you?”

“No …” He admitted.

“It’s fine, I’ll teach you one and you’ll gain free access to the palace’s grounds.”

So she breathed the magic into him and he felt the power surging through his veins. It was a truly simple spell, he wondered why he hadn’t learnt it before, it would certainly save him a lot of trouble when following people in secrecy.

“I bid you farewell, Merlin. Remember to follow your heart if you have doubts.”

And Sybarys left the ground with a gust of wind that unraveled many trees’ leaves.

It was strange how the purple dragon treated him, he didn’t feel like a child when talking to her, even though she probably had more knowledge in one of her scales that he had acquired in his whole life, yet not once she had wondered why he kept questioning her and didn’t just accept her words as the truth.        

He had to check Arthur and Gwen’s safety anyway, so he would use his recently acquired stealth spell to listen to their conversation with Morgana and hopefully strike her in the before she had the chance to hurt his friends.

 

* * *

**Camelot’s Throne Room**

**Late afternoon**

 

 

“They are waiting outside those doors, my Queen. Should I allow their entrance?” Sefa asked. The maid was trembling and her eyes were running wildly around the room as if she expected that assassins, magical beasts or whatever her over imaginative mind thought that would pop out of nowhere only because Arthur Pendragon, her mistress’ brother, was there to reclaim her Queen’s throne (or so the people thought that was the reason he had returned to Camelot).

“Let them in.” Morgana said, seemly neutral, though her mindset was an inner turmoil then.

Her brother and her friend (she hoped she could still call her that) walked in and stopped in front of the throne. Morgana noticed that Guinevere was pretty much pregnant judging by the bulge in her abdomen and that brought a small smile to the seer’s face, even though she quickly recomposed her neutral expression.

Gwen curtsied to her, while Arthur just stared at her with sad eyes. She could notice that there was a tinge of betrayal on his face. Morgana was the first to break the silence and said:

“Arthur.” Then turned her head to Guinevere and said: “Gwen.” And she smiled weakly, hoping against all the odds that they would accept her for who she was.

Guinevere smiled back, but Arthur only kept that sorrowful expression.

“Morgana.” He acknowledge her presence and continued looking at her saddened, for a long while, before he said:

“I know everything. Father has died. You’re my sister and you have magic.”

She felt a lump stuck in her throat when she heard his words. It wasn’t unexpected that he knew the truth, it was no secret anyway, but she hoped that he would be less sad about the whole thing. She was afraid that he would openly demand her death for the magic she possessed, it was indeed a possible outcome and she had to steel herself for that too. So, she recomposed her indifferent demeanor and said:

“Yes.”

“Why, Morgana? Why did you decide to throw away everything that Father fought his entire life to build? Did you want more power, was that it? Wasn’t being Camelot’s Queen enough?” He inquired her, becoming more and more altered with each question until he was almost screaming at the end.

It took all of Morgana’s inner strength not to flinch at his words. She didn’t expect them to hurt her so, though it would be a lie if she said his inquisitive tone didn’t hurt.

“I didn’t choose magic, Arthur, like I didn’t choose my father.” She retorted and he seemed surprised by her answer and tried to rebuff it:

“Father taught us that magic must be learnt, there is no such a thing as –” She interrupted him

“As what? Someone born with it? There is, Arthur. Many others and I are the living proof. What did you think that my nightmares were? It was my magic! I was Seeing the future –” she inclined herself to them also raising her voice: “– I Saw you **die** countless times and I was powerless to stop it.” She paused, inclining her back at the seat again and returning to her previous posture, trying to recompose her mask of indifference, but failing as her eyes glinted with unshed tears.

“Until I wasn’t, but it wasn’t something that I had under control. I first discovered I had magic when I accidentally set fire to my chambers.”

Gwen gasped, remembering how terrifying those days had been and Arthur squeezed her hand to reassure her. He also recalled that Morgana seemed to be permanently close to a mental breakdown during that time, but he wasn’t ready to disregard everything his father taught him just like that.

“Until I left Camelot I always was fearing for my life, Arthur. I was ashamed of who I was, of how I was born. I felt betrayed and I hated myself.” She said the last sentence with gritted teeth, remembering those dire moments of constant fear under Uther’s rule. “And I wanted more than anything to just be normal, go back to being the carefree and loving king’s ward, to never have defied his laws in such a grave manner, but that was a vain wish.” Her voice broke a little when she admitted that to him. It was the truth, she was sick and tired of all the lies around her and if they were to have a chance to be a family again, it would be based on the truth.

“I won’t stop having magic because it’s part of who I am. Nor will I ban it again. People like me deserve to have the right to exist.” She paused, looking between Gwen and Arthur, noticing that her maid had already began to openly cry while her brother seemed to be choking his own sobs only to play the part of the tough man.

“Uther’s views are wrong, Arthur. Magic isn’t evil nor good, it just is and it depends on its user to be used for good or bad things. I believe that my rule has already proved that. I have been using it to improve the citizens’ lives and we’ve all been successful in that matter.” She paused again for her words to sink deeper. Shortly after, she spoke again:

“I won’t allow any regression regarding magic and therefore I must make myself clear: Arthur, you’re either with me or against me.” Morgana said in a seemly emotionless voice and remained impassive while she awaited her brother’s reply.

“Morgana …” The former prince had a hurtful expression when he said that, then he continued: “I can’t just throw away all of Father’s teachings. Magic corrupts people and I’m afraid it has corrupted you too.”

Under the veil of his own magic, Merlin held his breath and he prepared his hand to cast a spell on Morgana. It was happening the same way that vision Kilgharrah had showed him, Morgana was indeed beyond salvation.

“How so? How has it corrupted me?” She asked instead of rip Arthur’s heart from his chest.

Merlin was astonished. He didn’t except that, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing with his own eyes.

“Well … you have taken Essetir using your magic and captured Cenred –” Arthur was saying when his sister interrupted:

“Lot” Morgana corrected him.

“Whatever” He said in irritation and continued: “using a magical trick to fool him.”

“And thus I spared countless lives of Camelot’s soldiers, civilians and I’ve also ended a war in a minimum amount of time, saved many resources that would be spent there and also got Essetir’s people rid of a King that cared more about his military achievements than his people to be well fed.”

“But you stole their weapons and armors.” He tried to counter.

“It was a war loot, do you think they wouldn’t do the same had they won?”

“What about capturing Caerleon and forcing a peace treaty down his throat?” Arthur asked, still not truly convinced.

“No more devious than using the Castle of Fyrien’s underground to surprise his army.” She retorted and Arthur gaped for a moment before remembering another of the stories he heard:

“What about paralyzing Odin’s troops?”

“I won that battle without spilling a single drop of blood. If that’s evil and corrupt I don’t know exactly what is considered good by your standards.”

“Arthur, enough.” This time Gwen intervened, tired of her husband trying to withhold his father’s beliefs with no solid reason for that.

“Uther was wrong. You don’t have to uphold his views about life and everything else. He’s gone, you don’t have to follow his shadow and beg for his approval. You’re your own person and I love you exactly because you’re like not him. So, please, stop trying to justify his own prejudice. Don’t do something that you’ll regret for your whole life. Morgana is your only remaining family, Arthur.” His wife pleaded him.

He felt ashamed for persisting in denying that he was aware of that and what he really wanted was to hug his sister – it was still weird to use that word, but it was like they had been that for as long as they have known each other (he’ll never admit that he once had a crush on her, never) – and just tell her about his adventures. But it was also hard to admit that during his entire life he was fighting for the wrong cause, blindly following a mad man’s biased views about something, and that had led him and his valorous men to act with unforgivable cruelty towards a vast amount of people that sole crime was being born different.

“You’re also my family.” He turned to Gwen and kissed her forehead, then grasped her hand, like someone that needs an anchor in rough waters. He lifted his head and looked Morgana in the eyes, then he said:

“You’re right, Morgana. I was wrong. You have done your best for the people and you have improved their lives with magic.” He paused shortly, whispering the rest: “And I’m sorry for saying that it had corrupted you. I, myself, don’t believe in those words.”

Morgana unclenched her jaw and released the breath she was holding. She stood up and walked slowing in their direction. Her regally composed expression had already abandoned her and she allowed herself to show the true emotions that she felt: relief, longing for acceptance and for her family, happiness for finding them again, everything mixed with some tears, not only her own. The three hugged at the same time and this turn Morgana was free of those gloomy feelings of betrayal, envy and injustice. No, they accepted her for who she was now, not for who she pretended to be.

“I’m with you, Morgana. I’m by your side.” Arthur whispered and the seer’s tears streamed down her eyes with renewed urgency. She tried to muffle the sounds of her sobs using his chest, while Gwen patted her hair and her friend whispered:

“I’m with you, too. I’m by your side.”

Morgana felt guilty. She had lied to them, she had risked their lives and she had actively planned Arthur’s death only to be the heir the throne. She knew that if she didn’t tell them the whole truth, she would be no different from Uther, hiding what was inconvenient for her and hoping that the lies would never surface. No, she couldn’t do this to them, base their acceptance in that, hiding the truth at every corner. She was no coward, she would do what was right, she’d believe in her family, they would understand. Or, she’d deal with the consequences.

“That’s not all. Please, follow me to the study.” She said when her tears finally ceased enough to allow her to speak clearly.

Everybody in the throne room waited for their Queen to address them and explain what would happen from now on, but she merely said:

“My brother and his wife are my guests, for now. You’re to treat them the same way you treat me.”

“Do I have to flip the Princess’ skirt?” Gwaine asked, completely ruining the touching moment.

“Gwaine!” Arthur exclaimed indignantly, already using his hands to secure his nonexistent piece of garment.

* * *

**Queen’s study**

 

 

Of course Merlin followed them into Morgana’s study. After everything he had seen he couldn’t miss the opportunity to see if she really would open up about everything or if she had only bluffed in front of the court (even though most of the evidences pointed to the first option to be mostly correct).

She began explaining how she met Morgause and how she was her half-sister and about the magical bracelet the older woman had gifted her. Then she said that it was enchanted to increase Morgana’s natural rage against the injustice towards those with magic, ultimately maddening the user and how she only found out about that when she met a powerful magic entity that told her the truth. She warned her friends that many things that she did from then on were strongly influenced by the bracelet, but others were her own doing and she couldn’t exactly tell which was the case. She told them about meeting Alvaar and Mordred, of how she had stolen the Crystal of Neahtid. Arthur and Gwen were shocked, but they didn’t stop her from continuing to speak. Then she began to tell them about the day she left Camelot.

 _Oh, no, I’m screwed._ Merlin thought, but he didn’t undo the spell, preferring to listen to her tale and verify what went through her mind that day.

She explained how she met Morgause and that the High Priestess had only asked her to choose between her side or Uther’s. She choose Morgause, she added that she was desperate too. And how that was her last memory before she woke up again in her chambers. She explained Morgause casted a spell on her, the sleeping curse, while the older woman attacked Camelot with the knights of Medhir and how Morgana wasn’t aware that she was the source.

 _It was not a full betrayal. Morgause made her choose between Uther, not the whole Camelot._ Merlin thought.

“But how did you end up unconscious on her arms, Morgana?” Arthur asked.

“Merlin poisoned me, to save Camelot.” She stated and the warlock noticed the sadness in her tone of voice.

 _So she knows the truth? Why I had to poison her? Who has told her?_ He thought.

The room was silent for a while, that was completely unexpected in Merlin’s opinion. He thought that Arthur would be throwing a tantrum now or Gwen would be saying that she couldn’t believe it, then he looked at their faces.

What Merlin saw in Arthur was a look of horror, he had never seen his friend with such expression, not even when he heard his father was dead. Gwen had a similar expression, but she sobbed uncontrollably and had to cling into something to stop her from falling into the ground. Arthur helped her and by then he was also openly crying when he stammered some words:

“How … what about …”

“The babies?” Morgana completed the sentence for him and now it was Merlin’s turn to be in shock.

“Babies?” Gwen weakly said.

“They were two … had the size of beans … back then.” Morgana said in a cracked voice. “They died with a part of me that day.” She said with conviction.

That was too much, Merlin forcibly opened the door and exited the room. The other occupants stared wide eyed as the warlock left, still cloaked by his magic.

* * *

**Meaning of spells:**

**O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes! - O dragon, now indeed I utter to you commands out of necessity!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Queen's study**

 

 

"What was that?" Arthur inquired, confused that the other burst open when he knew his sister had locked it.

"Someone heard our conversation." Morgana replied, already suspecting Merlin had somehow made himself invisible and followed Arthur and Gwen.

"But how?" Gwen asked and Morgana turned to her and said:

"By magical means."

"You see, that's why I dislike magic. People with it use magic to cheat their way in life!" The blonde man mumbled.

"Arthur!" Gwen, being the reasonable one, reprimanded her husband for being insensitive in front of Morgana.

"It's ok, Gwen." The seer said and then added: "Arthur, I know you have your reasons to be suspicious toward magic, but you also have plenty others to be thankful to it. It has saved your life many times. And you mustn't worry, I'll deal with the one that spied on our conversation. Now, I still have much to tell you."

"Morgana, please, stop." The prince raised his hand to emphasize and continued speaking: "I'm not ready to hear everything. I … I believed all my life that magic was evil, that it corrupted people. Right now, I'm making a tremendous effort to see you in the same light, as my sister, as someone I care for. From what you explained, you weren't fully yourself in almost two years and I can't blame you for that…" his eyes were filled with unshed tears and Arthur took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.

He added "Just … just give me time to get used to the truth … that I … that I also was in part responsible for when I convinced you to not tell Merlin." Gwen held her husband's hands and glanced at her friend with a saddened face.

"I understand." Morgana replied and some traitorous tears left her eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

**Camelot's surrounding woods**

**Afternoon – near sunset**

 

 

After his sobs had finally subsided enough to allow him to speak, Merlin yelled with all the air he had in his longs:

" **O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!** "

Kilgharrah landed in the clearing after five minutes and greeted:

"Hello, Merlin."

"You lied to me!" Merlin yelled and more tears left his eyes, leaving a wet trail down his cheeks. He continued: "About Morgana, about the day you made me poison her!"

"Merlin, you can't be fooled by the witch! It's her destiny to stand in the way of your future, of Albion's future!" The dragon retorted.

"No, it isn't!" He shouted in anger and the land trembled a little bit. "I've seen with my own eyes! You … you made me poison her and kill my children!" By then the warlock was trembling with rage, and he yelled:

"Tell me the truth!"

"Merlin, this isn't –"

"I command you!"

The dragon grunted and stared hatefully at the dragonlord, but was forced to speak:

"Yes, I knew about your hatchlings, yes, I knew that the witch's destiny wasn't settled down and I knew that killing her wasn't the only way to save Camelot that day."

For a moment, Merlin was motionless. He felt the lump in his throat thickening and his heart shattering. He had difficulty breathing and pulled air like a dying man. He clenched his teeth and screamed, releasing part of his own frustration. The warlock feel to his knees and put his head between his hands. Flashes of the old Morgana, the moments they spent together, her fragility when she discovered her magic, her kindness, her strength, she bravely standing her ground against Uther's mad hate, everything that made her the person he had admired the most in his life, he had buried that woman in the fatidic day he decided to trust the dragon more than his own instincts. Not only that, he had taken the lives of his own innocent children by doing so.

"You're abusing your power, Merlin,  **again**. You must hear me out, there's an explanation for everything. The witch's death is essential for a greater future –" Merlin stood up and interrupted the dragon:

"I don't believe in you anymore, Kilgharrah, you've manipulated me this entire time! I command you to tell me your true motivations when giving me advices!" Merlin roared at the dragon and the beast was surprised at his reaction. Kilgharrah grunted and reluctantly said:

"I … I have always dreamt of the day Dragons would reign again.  **That's**  Albion's Golden Age, not mere years of a fragile peace that would soon be extinguished by men's greed!  **That's** the only way magic can truly return to the world, not by some fledglings' work!"

"So you never believed in my fate! Your words and actions were all designated to make me fail! Tell me, did you knew about Sybarys? I command you to tell me the truth!"

"Of course I knew, Merlin! Where did you expect more dragons would come from?!" Kilgharrah replied with rage.

"She's not like you!" He yelled.

"What do you know of her, child? Nothing! I'll build Albion's Golden Age even if –"

"Quiet!" Merlin roared, tired of the dragon's rant about fate, destiny and everything else, so he cried out:

"Give me a good reason not to kill you here and now!"

Suddenly, they heard a flapping of wings coming into their direction and a huge creature landed by Merlin's left side. It was Sybarys and she said:

"Emrys, please, don't taint your soul taking a kin's life. Kilgharrah has ensured his own end when he choose his path of hatred."

"But he deserves to pay for what he had done! He deceived me, he made me kill my own children!" Merlin said with clenched teeth.

"That won't fix the past, Merlin. Nor will it bring you peace of mind. We can't change our past choices, we can only change our present. Killing Kilgharrah won't mend what you had with Morgana."

And what was that in the first place? He remembered the following morning of their night of passion. He was confused, he didn't remember anything about that night per se, all the more reason to keep his distance from her to protect them both. Only that his thinking led him to be even more suspicious of her later on, it only drove them apart and he let her align herself with Alvaar without his interference and then Morgause afterwards. He should have confronted her before about thosea betrayals, he should have given her some sort of assurance that a better future would come to pass, that there would be a time that magic wouldn't be feared, hated and persecuted. But he didn't.

He drove her away when he only wanted the best for her and Camelot, though he was too much frightened by prospect of his destiny failing to act differently.

Returning to the current daiscussion about Kilgharrah's fate, Merlin said:

"He can't go unpunished for what he has done!"

"And he won't" Sybarys replied and added: "Command him to not interfere with your fate, yours and your friends'. Kilgharrah's punishment will be given by his own flesh. Dragons are immortal beings, our shells shouldn't weaken like his is doing. In no more than five years his bones will be the only thing left of him."

"You know nothing of what you speak!" The male dragon protested in fury.

"If you can't sense your own end, Kilgharrah, then your perception is even more inferior to what I had once believed it to be." She retorted, unshaken by his words.

"Enough." Merlin intervened. Then he turned his head to Kilgharrah and said:  
"I command you to never again manipulate anyone else to modify my fate or my friends' fate! I command you to not interfere in any sort or manner to make me fail destiny!"

The Golden dragon grumbled something unintelligible and flew away, leaving the female dragon and dragonlord alone.

"You must speak with Morgana, Emrys."

"What did he mean about dragons reigning over the world?" Merlin inquired.

"It's a long story, Emrys. Before the time of men, Gods, dragons, fairies and many other magical creatures ruled the land. It was the dawn of times and magic could be felt in the air, it was present everywhere. Every magical being desired to seize more power for themselves, which led to many disputes and bloodshed. When the first men appeared, the majority of magical creatures tried to enslave you, to do their bidding. Things changed with time and it was only natural for men to grow wary of magic and try to rip it out from reality using their will. The problem is that some men enjoyed the power of controlling others and with their stronger will made them believe that magic could only bring the worse of mankind and that people should seek protection of their peers, rejecting and fearing other intelligent leaving beings." The female dragon paused for a while and glanced at their surroundings, returning her gaze to the dragonlord she said:

"I'll continue this tale in another time, Emrys. There's someone you must speak to now."

The sun was setting down, granting a shade of orange to the sky. The Purple dragon flapped her wings again and flew away, leaving the warlock with the newly arrived.

It was Morgana.

"What are you doing here? Where did Sybarys go?" The seer asked with a hiss, then continued: "More important, you sneaky bastard, you spied on me while I was talking to Arthur and Gwen! You truly have no shame." She said in a reproving tone.

"Is it true? Were you pregnant when I … poisoned you?" He whispered the final words.

"Yes, it's true." She got closer to him with cautious steps. She stopped by the distance of a meter or two. If she planned to cause him physical harm it would be by her own hands, she told herself that her children deserved at least that for being summarily executed by their father. When she spoke again her voice was cracking in a mix of unshed tears, anger and resentment:

"You're not such an incompetent murderer as you may have thought. You actually killed part of me that day."

"Morgana –"

"And you came back to finish the job! Are you anxious, Emrys, for our little dispute? Ready to wipe out all of the obstacles between you and Arthur? Who is next, Gwen?" Her tone was ironical, filled with hurt, which was enough to flip a switch inside of Merlin.

He quickly closed the distance between them and forcibly held her in his arms. She fussed in his embrace, trying to pull away from his touch, but he had her in a strong grip.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" He repeated in an embargoed voice, he had difficulty to speak clearly and take enough air to even say those words as he sobbed uncontrollably.

She began to punch his chest while fighting her own urge to simply cry and enjoy the resemblance of comfort that his grievous hug could provide her. In the end, it was too much and she gave in for a moment, the two of them standing in each other's arms and mourning their lost future, what could have been the most precious thing they could ever have.

Suddenly, as if a spell being broken, Morgana shoved Merlin aside and he fell on his backside on the forest's grounds.

"Stop that." She said in a menacing growl and added: "This changes nothing. You chose this, you chose to push me away when I needed you the most." Tears streaked her face and he saw them coursing from her eyes down her face in the fading daylight.

"I'm sorry, Morgana." He was having trouble breathing due to his own tears. "I truly am. I didn't know." He said, still on the cold ground, supporting himself on his elbows.

"Oh, please." She dried some of the tears that fell off her eyes. "You never gave me a chance. You preferred to watch me crumble slowly, day by day, fearing my own shadow because of the two secrets I bore."

"That's not true! I tried to get you to the Druids, to help with your magic! I couldn't endanger –"

"What? Couldn't endanger what? Are you finally admitting that I was never worth the risk? Oh, you're so righteous, Emrys. Your mother must be proud." She said those words embedded with sarcasm and resentment.

"It's not like that! You never told me you were … and I … I didn't … I didn't have another choice!" He cried out in frustration and finally got up.

"Yes, that's right, I never told you." New tears streamed down her face and she continued saying: "I guess we're more similar than I originally thought, always forgetting to tell things." she told him and he could clearly discern the poisonous tone in her voice.

"Stop it, Morgana … please." He pleaded, already tired of the hurt they had inflicted in one another.

He covered his eyes with his palms in order to regain some control over the broken dam that his eyes were Sand when he achieved some sort of break from his uncontrollable tears he said:

"What would you have me do?"

"I don't know, you could have  **TALKED TO ME**  for instance." This time it was her turn to be highly affected by her lack of emotional restraint as she sobbed until she was choking with her own tears.

"You don't know how many times I wanted to. I –" He tried to make her listen to his side, but she interrupted him:

"Nonetheless you didn't!" She yelled at him.

He held her wrist, but she abruptly pulled away and said, between gritted teeth:

"I won't cuddle you, Emrys. I won't lessen your burden because you deserve every painful emotion that you felt in these last hours. I've known this hurt for far longer."

"Morgana, I don't expect you to. I … I know I've wronged you in a way that there's no forgiveness. But I do hope that you find in your heart the will to do so."

"Wronged me? You've wronged all of those possessing magic by hiding yourself. You're their messiah, Emrys, and yet you chose to be afraid, to cower yourself in fright while your kind was slain as cattle! Oh, not cattle, more like roasted as a damn hunting prize!" She retorted angrily, still confused with all her emotions.

"Morgana, stop it!" He got enraged at her. It wasn't on his power to save everyone. He had to protect his destiny first, that's what he had been telling himself all this time and she wasn't guiltless either. She had almost provoked Arthur's death in more than one occasion.

"I did what I had to do. You know of the prophecies or else you wouldn't be calling me Emrys. I had to keep watching over Arthur and to do that I had to make difficult choices."

"Difficult choices you say. It sounds more like saving your own skin while letting everyone else perish!" She blurted.

"That's not true and you know it!"

"What I know is that the closest you got from telling me the truth was when we were fighting underneath Camelot's grounds. Back then you basically told me to throw myself into one of Uther's pyres for your so called glorious future."

"It wasn't that what I wanted you to do."

"Oh, but that was the only other way to confront Uther. Corner him between the decision of upholding his precious law or keeping his bastard daughter's life! The only problem is that that gamble could easily claim my life, whereas telling me about magic and saving all that drama was too much for you." She snarled at him in contempt.

"Morgana, please, you must understand. I was so much more vulnerable back then –"

"So was I! Tell me, did you enjoy watching me fall apart every single day? Were you amused by my suffering?"

" **No**! What makes you think that?!" He said, surprised by the depth of her rancor.

"It ... it doesn't matter anymore." She replied, calming down and finished saying: "We're past the point of any sort of understanding, Emrys."

"Don't say that, Morgana." He pleaded, frowning. Then he continued: "And please, use my real name."

"I'm already calling you by your true name." She replied and paused briefly before adding: "I have nothing else to say, goodbye Emrys." So she turned and used her magic to teleport herself while Merlin said:

"Morgana, wait!"

But it was too late, like most of his words or actions lately. No matter how powerful he was, he seemly couldn't avoid all the heartache he had felt in life. Also, his powers didn't reveal to him that nSot every word he uttered to her found a deaf ear, nor that she left in tears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have two indications of songs for this chapter:
> 
> Landfill by Daughter
> 
> A white blank page by Mumford & Sons


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC

**Camelot’s Palace**

**Physician’s Quarters**

 

 

“ _Gaius_ ” Merlin whispered in the sleeping man’s mind. The physician opened his eyes, still heavy with sleep, and sat on the bed while rubbing his eyes and replied:

“ _Merlin? Where are you?_ ”

“ _In the alcove between your quarters and the armory. I didn’t want to wake Alice_.” The young man answered.

Silently, Gaius left the warm bed and grabbed a robe. It was chilly outside, as it was already the last month of winter and spring would take its time to grant its presence in Camelot.

As fast as his old bones allowed, Gaius reached the alcove shortly after Merlin’s contact and glanced around the corridor in order to make sure he wasn’t seen by anybody.

A guard was passing by at that moment and approached the old man:

“Gaius, is there something you require to be roaming these corridors at such ungrateful hour?” The man asked in a friendly tone.

“Oh, I just couldn’t sleep and I thought that having a walk could tire me enough for bed. Insomnia, one more perk of old age.”

The man nodded and asked:

“If you wish I can accompany you.”

“Don’t mind me, young man, I’ll be fine. Certainly I can’t bother you in your duty.”

“No, it isn’t a bother, no way.” The guard tried to refute the physician’s words, but Gaius said while raising his eyebrow:

“Well, I’m sure that if there was a true danger, you might have to choose between saving me or warning the others, that’s something that wouldn’t be appreciated.”  

“Right, duty first. Forgive me, Gaius, for my insistence.” The young man apologized and the physician waved a hand, and spoke:

“There’s nothing to forgive. You’re only being kind to an old man, but there are more important things in the moment.”

With a quick farewell, the guard turned the corner and Gaius sighed and entered the alcove after checking one more time if he was seen.

“Merlin, my boy!” The physician whispered when he finally saw the warlock and the two hugged, happy that the long awaited reunion had occurred.

“Gaius!” Merlin exclaimed and the physician tried to shush him, yet the warlock assured him that he had cast a spell around the area to make it soundproof.

After that, Gaius whacked the raven-haired man’s head and inquired, raising his characteristic eyebrow:

“What were you thinking? Why did you challenge Morgana to a life and death duel? More important, why weren’t you with Arthur and Gwen?”

“Ouch, that hurt. I can explain, Gaius. Kilgharrah told me, in fact shown me, that Morgana would kill Arthur and Gwen if they were to meet. I believed in him, but I was wrong.” He answered with a saddened face.

“Oh, Merlin. I’m sorry. I know how much you trusted him.” The old man replied, patting the younger’s shoulder.

“He lied to me, but he wasn’t the only one.” Merlin gripped Gaius’ hand to stop him and added: “Why didn’t you tell me, Gaius? That Morgana was pregnant with my child when I … when I poisoned her.” The warlock locked eyes with the old man and even in the darkness of the alcove Gaius could notice his eyes glistening with unshed tears and his shaken voice.

The physician sighed in frustration and replied:

“Merlin, telling you the truth back then would only worsen your guilt, it would be plainly cruel.”

“I had the right to know!” Merlin uttered in an exasperated tone.

“And what good would that do? No matter how much you might have desired, you couldn’t go back in time!” Gaius retorted, hoping that Merlin could understand his reasons for keeping the secret.

“What about before that day? Why didn’t you tell me? Any of you, Morgana, Arthur and Gwen too?” Merlin asked between gritted teeth.

“Merlin, it isn’t that simple –” The old man tried to make him listen to reason, but he was interrupted by the dragonlord:

“No, Gaius, it is. There was this fact and I had the right, as the father of the children, to know the truth!”

“Children?” The physician inquired in confusion.

“Yes, two to be more exact.” And then Merlin couldn’t take it anymore, his contained tears broke free from his eyes, no matter how much he wanted to remain composed while questioning Gaius.

The old man, the closest to a father figure that the warlock had in his life, enveloped him in a tight embrace and patted his head. Merlin let him, because he indeed needed comfort after all the recently discovered heartache he had inflicted upon himself and Morgana – and she had made sure to poke his open wound even more.

The worst part was that his own actions had led to the insufferable pain he was feeling at the moment. Surely, it wasn’t all his fault, he hadn’t forced Morgana to agree with Morgause in order to overthrow Uther, though in certain ways he had, he and Gaius were also to blame because they let her alone – with all the doubts, fears, ignorance and self-rejection of having magic in a kingdom that persecutes even children for that.

But he should have been more suspicious about the dragon, he should have. Surely destroying the source of the sleeping curse didn’t stop the Knights of Medhir. He had to trade Morgana’s life – or at least the chance of saving her – for Morgause’s surrender.

No matter how much he thought about the past, it was his own fear and distrust that blinded him. He remembered the Goblin’s words, something about trusting his own heart instead of others’ words. If he had done that, then maybe this horrible tragedy could’ve been avoided. Yet, how could he act differently when the weight of his Fate rested on his shoulders and he was aware of it, as it was constantly crushing him and many of his loved ones too. To his Fate he had lost Freya, his father, his children and probably Morgana. Maybe, as the truth has been exposed to Arthur and Gwen, and also the whole challenge thing, he might have also lost all of his friends.

Merlin thought that they had all the reasons to hate him, he also hated himself too, he admitted. He didn’t even know if he deserved their forgiveness or even if he could forgive himself, but he had to try, he couldn’t bear to be the subject of such intense and destructive feeling until the rest of his life. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, yet he was sure that he had to make amends, he just didn’t know where to even start.   

He was trembling in Gaius’ arms as all his troubles caused an intermittent torrent of thoughts of guilt, regret, pain, harsh self-criticism. He was a stammering mess, his sobs thwarting his attempts to form coherent words. He just cried his sorrows in his mentor’s reassuring presence.

Gaius told him that he was sorry for everything, he remembered Merlin that the warlock wasn’t the only one to blame, that he also shared part of the blame and that he only thought of Merlin’s wellbeing when they kept Morgana’s pregnancy a secret. He explained that the young man’s life would be at risk had the king known, and knowing Merlin, Gaius was sure he could do something stupid for the sake of the little ones and their mother.

With his rational thoughts Merlin understood that Gaius was only trying to protect him, as Arthur and Gwen had done the same, but another part of him couldn’t understand how they kept this secret from him and why Morgana never told him.

“Why, Gaius, why everything has to be so hard?” Merlin uttered as his sobs subsided a little.

“Oh, my boy, it breaks my heart to see you suffer like this. I’m sorry, Merlin, I truly am.” The old man replied, patting the younger man’s head again.

“I have to … I have to fix my mistakes.” Merlin told him with determination in his voice and then whispered: “I just don’t know where to begin.”

Gaius broke the hug and stared at Merlin’s eyes – even in the dim light that the candles provided, he could tell that his ward’s eyes were red. He spoke in a lecture like tone of voice:

“First you must withdraw that stupid challenge.” Then he spoke in a softer voice: “You also must explain to Arthur and Gwen why you did everything you did.”

“You mean tell them about my magic and our destiny?” The warlock inquired incredulous.

“Yes, Merlin, exactly that.” Gaius replied in a sight.

“But that can turn them completely against me. I have lied for so much time –”

“They have accepted Morgana and many threats lurk in the shadows. If you remain unable to use your magic in the open, you won’t be able to protect them. And another thing, how did you expect them not to know about your magic if they had arrived here after you had confronted Morgana?” Gaius questioned him, lifting his eyebrow in a familiar way.

“It was Kilgharrah’s plan. I’d tell them everything after I had defeated Morgana and had explained to them all the times she had betrayed Camelot.” Merlin blurted.

“What make you change your mind?” Gaius asked.

“What she did when she met Arthur and Gwen. I don’t know how they arrived so soon, I didn’t expect it … I was helped by another dragon, Sybarys … and Morgana … she asked for their acceptance … and then told them the truth … I didn’t expect that, I was so used to the devious woman she had became …”

“She changed, Merlin. I think she was manipulated by Morgause before. If you could have seen all Morgana has done. She has been using magic for good, for the improvement of people’s lives, Camelot has never been more prosperous, even with two wars still being fought.”

“I’ve read in your letter, Gaius.” He smiled weakly and added: “I just … I just didn’t want to foster a vain hope before knowing how she would handle Arthur and Gwen.”

“I understand, my boy. I also had my doubts in the beginning, for what we had witnessed, it could be all an act. But I was mistaken, although she certainly isn’t the same naïve girl that used to speak her mind regardless of the consequences. Life has hardened her heart.” He paused briefly, noticing he had touched an uncomfortable subject. Gaius sighed, seeing Merlin’s guilty expression, and explained the rest of the day’s events to his ward:

“It’ll be announced tomorrow, Camelot will be a Diarchy.”

“What? Does that mean –”

“There’ll be two Queens and a King.” Gaius finished his sentence.

“So Arthur will be King of Camelot without Morgana having to abdicate the throne. Is that even legal? What about the people, are they accepting this?” Merlin asked, confused.

“We’ll find out tomorrow. I believe the announcement is scheduled to take place after your appointment with Morgana.” Gaius replied and smiled to the younger man. He added: “Like this your destiny isn’t threatened, Merlin, and the progress concerning magic won’t be discarded. People, possessing the gift or not, had benefited a lot from Morgana’s rule. Do you believe that there is a healer in each village of Camelot and the same thing will happen with Essetir’s villages too? Do you understand how many lives will be saved?” He said enthusiastically.

“Wow, I didn’t know. Gaius, I have to go!” Merlin exclaimed and rushed to leave the alcove.

“Where are going, Merlin?” Gaius asked, perplexed.

“I need to make things right again!” And the warlock disappeared from view, concealed by his magic.

 

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Palace**

**Queen’s chambers**

 

 

“What do you want, Emrys?” Morgana inquired with a groggy and annoyed tone. She was still on her bed, with her back against the mattress, while her black curls were scattered on the pillow. A blanket covered her body, but he could notice that she was wearing a white nightgown.

“I want to fix my mistakes.” He was kneeled on the vacant side of the bed, looking expectantly at her.

“Do you have a death wish?” She frowned, rubbed her eyes, taking away the sleepiness, and sat with her back being supported by the bed’s headboard, then added: “Give me a reason to not hex you right here and now, Emrys.”

“You won’t because you also believe in fate or else you wouldn’t have crowned Arthur as a King too.” He pointed it out and she huffed in clear anger.

“I didn’t crown him as King yet!” She exclaimed, enraged that he’d use the ‘it’s destiny’ reason against her. She only hoped that he hadn’t heard about the other prophecy.

“But you will, tomorrow.”

“Yes, right after I beat you in front of the entire kingdom.” She taunted, but he didn’t get irritated and replied:

“That won’t happen. I forfeit, I withdraw the challenge.” He said in a nonchalant manner.

“Wha- Why– Excuse me?” She furrowed her brows in confusion, then cleared her throat and he couldn’t contain the goofy grin that formed on his face. He missed seeing her without the composure and mask of indifference and hate she had acquired since she had returned to Camelot. She continued speaking: “You’ll need to do say that in public, Emrys.” She raised her chin to emphasize her commanding voice and regality.

“I’ll do it.” He quickly replied and she was befuddled by his behavior and he couldn’t help but think that she was adorable when frowning and being confused. Certainly it was much better than having her spitting out hurtful words.

“Look, I know there’s much bad blood between us, and there are things that cannot be fixed no matter how much we try, but at least we can try to get over them and move on.” He said with hopeful eyes, this time he was doing things differently, he felt the need to talk to her again and simply obeyed his own wish instead of rationalize about it and wait a better moment to talk to her. He has been waiting for ‘perfect occasions’ for so long and even though he did his very best, obeyed those that were seemly wiser than him, all of that had only led him to be miserable.

“We want the same thing, Morgana. We want magic as a part of daily life, seen as something that can be used for good. We want a land that people can be free. Now, our destinies aren’t opposed, we have to work together.” He appealed to her, expecting that she could agree with him.

For a moment she was silent. She hated this, she hated how her treacherous heart beat faster with his words of complicity and understanding, she hated how he was talking to her as if they were friends again, when she hopelessly fell in love with him and his promises of acceptance, belonging and she hated how whenever she saw him she couldn’t keep all these feelings from resurfacing again and threaten to crush the well-built walls around her heart.

“There’s much at stake, Emrys. Don’t expect me to simply accept you back with open arms after everything. I understand that you must keep protecting Arthur, but that doesn’t mean I’ll change my mind overnight.” She finally spoke and he sighed. She was intrigued by that, what else did he expect? That she jumped to his arms and promised a never-ending partnership?

“You know, some people told me about another prophecy, one that almost had disappeared. It’s about me, magic outside of Albion and my descendants.” He observed as she grew apprehensive with his words and he continued speaking: “And I think that you’ve heard that too.” It was more a statement than a question, she knew that.

Damn it, she didn’t understand why it was so hard to hide her emotions from him. She didn’t have any problem doing it daily, but no matter what, why did he had that effect on her? Why was he so competent in crushing her defenses, in making her show her real feelings and concerns?

“And if I have, what will you do?” She mentally kicked herself for sounding like a sullen child, but she concealed her inner thoughts by maintaining her composure and raising her chin in defiance.

“It involves you too …” He came to this realization as his thoughts became erratic. It made sense, he remembered the goblin’s words, it was someone whose destiny was intertwined with his own, the only ones that could fit this description were Morgana and Arthur! How didn’t he notice before?

She froze. Was this his intention in coming so late to her chambers? To chat about prophecies and then claim that she had no escape but to spend the rest of her life with him?

“You understand that most prophecies aren’t literal, they contain many allegories.” She tried to divert his thoughts from the assumption that they had to ‘produce’ those that could bring magic back to the land. Then, she changed the subject completely by saying: “Also, what the hell are you doing in my bed in this utterly inappropriate hour? Have you no shame, Emrys?” She sounded indignant as she reprimanded him.

“Isn’t it a little too late for you to complain? You didn’t seem bothered before.” He said nonchalantly.

“I was sleeping before, you caught me unguarded!” She huffed in frustration and added: “I did threaten to hex you as soon as I realized it was you!”

“You’re changing the subject.” He told her in a calm voice that only angered her more.

“What?! Only because I’m rightfully cross at you for breaking into my room in the middle of the night and above all you’re chatting with me in my own bed, as if it was the most normal thing to do?!” She retorted in a huffish manner.

“What are you so afraid of, Morgana?” He asked, narrowing his eyes while completely ignoring her outburst.

“You are insane if you believe that I’m afraid of anything.” She replied in a menacing tone and her eyes glowed with a golden hue as an alert.

“I think you’re terrified about the prospect of having a family with me.” He said weakly, almost as a whisper, and she wondered if she also noticed a hint of guilty in his voice, thought she didn’t have much opportunity to think more deeply about it because he proceeded speaking:

“I know that this is hard and extremely painful, Morgana. Especially because … I … have killed our children … but I think that precisely because of that we owe them a better world, a world in which magic can be part of reality again, not something feared and rejected. We can change people’s lives for better.” He pleaded and grabbed her hand, hoping for a positive answer from her.

For a moment she was silent, lost in her thoughts. As much as she hated to admit, he was right. She couldn’t sacrifice magic’s future based on her personal grudges. Taking part in restoring magic to the world seemed like the only possible way to at least lessen the pain of losing her children, because as much as she couldn’t change the past she could create a future in which they could live in without having to experience the suffering of having to hide who they are. Although part of her was truly scared of allowing Merlin to take hold of her heart, she was terrified that she would only grow to love him even more than she already did (unfortunately, she always thought) while he wouldn’t feel the same. Sometimes she thought that it was extremely ridiculous that after everything she was deep down still the same hopeful girl, wanting to be madly loved by the man she loved. In the end, the tiny bit of her won and she asked:

“How do you feel about me?” Depending on his response, she would agree with it and, as much as her mind screamed for her to not do it, damn the consequences.

“Excuse me?” He asked, bemused.

“You heard me, how do you feel about me?” She asked again, renewing her determination.

“I … I don’t know.” He replied honestly and she promptly said:

“That’s enough, Emrys.” She pulled her hand from his grip and she spoke in a mix of disappointment and sadness, and she added: “I want you to leave.”

“Morgana, maybe I didn’t make myself clear –”

“I don’t want to know, I want you to leave.” This time her tone was icy cold and as he didn’t motion to do as he was told she snapped and screamed: “LEAVE!”

And this time he finally obeyed her, disappearing in the dark night.  


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin. It belongs to BBC.

**Camelot’s Palace**

**Arthur’s chambers**

**Morning**

 

 

“Guinevere, could you give me a hand here?” Arthur asked his wife as his shirt proved to be more of a challenge than a group of twenty bandits armed to their teeth.

“Sure, Arthur.” She replied and promptly came to her husband’s rescue.

When the piece of clothing was finally settled correctly on the future King’s torso, Arthur sighed. The events of the previous day were still playing in his mind: the conversation he had with his sister had saddened him deeply. He felt a mix of emotions at the moment, the sour taste of betrayal, the guilt for his own part in Morgana’s sorrows, but mostly he felt frustration that he didn’t realize things were going terrible wrong, he felt defeated and powerless that he couldn’t fix everything that went wrong. His deepest regret was that he couldn’t save anyone simply because he didn’t know. If he had known he’d have helped Morgana, he’d have stopped Merlin, maybe smacked some sense into his thick head, but mostly he would have made a difference if they had let him help. Instead, he failed them all because he couldn’t notice what was happening right under his nose.

Noticing his sadness, Gwen spoke in a gentle tone:

“Arthur, there was nothing you could have done. You didn’t know what was going on, you couldn’t have foreseen it.”

“But I should have, Gwen. I … I should have been able to save everyone, to spare them of the hurt, that was my duty as their Prince, brother and friend. I failed everyone …”

“No, you didn’t. You did your very best, Arthur. It was just beyond your power to help those that didn’t ask for your help or didn’t confide in you.” She replied, squeezing his shoulder lightly for reassurance.

“If I can’t protect the people closest to me, my loved ones, how can I protect an entire kingdom?” His voice trembled a little and Gwen felt a pang on her heart as she witnessed the sorrow that filled her husband in the present moment. She was also sad that she couldn’t do a thing to help Morgana and Merlin before, but she knew it wasn’t her fault, nor Arthur’s and that she had to point that out to him and stop the King from taking the blame for everything bad that ever happened around them.

“Arthur, we can only help people if they allow us to. If they shut us out, we can’t possibly be aware of what’s going on.” She paused briefly, searching his eyes to make sure her words were sinking in, and she continued speaking: “And if you are to blame, so am I, they were struggling right beside me too and I was blinded to their problems.”

“This won’t do, Guinevere! Saying that I failed because no one confided in me won’t change the fact that I also kept secrets that could’ve changed how things played out!” He said in a hotheaded manner and immediately regretted how he said those words, so he mumbled a “sorry”.

“I kept the secret as much as you, Arthur. If you’re guilty, then I’m as guilty as you.” She caressed his cheek and he sighed, getting more frustrated by the hour.

“It’s completely different, Guinevere. It was expected of me to protect Morgana …”

“Arthur, we all have expectations that we don’t always meet simply because sometimes it’s beyond our current abilities, no matter if you’re a king or a beggar. We have to live with this and forgive ourselves for not being enough, because such things are bound to happen and it’s up to us to take the fall and be on our feet again, sometimes taking more time to stand once more. It’s either this or let ourselves be dragged in self-pity or self-judgment that doesn’t help the situation at all.” She interrupted him and Arthur looked dumbfounded at Gwen, thinking about her words

He lowered his eyes, being grateful that he had her in his life and that she was such a good, wise and honest person, someone he knew that would always be there for him because she loved him truthfully, the good and the bad of him and if that wasn’t love, he didn’t know what it was.

After a while, Arthur looked up and murmured, pouting:

“What about Merlin?”

“I think he did something terrible for a good cause, but mostly I think that once he knows the truth he’ll suffer deeply for his actions. Merlin is a good man with a kind and loving heart, he wouldn’t do anything to harm innocent people, especially his own children. I believe that the knowledge that he caused their deaths will be the worst punishment for him.”

“Guinevere, he almost killed Morgana and he did that willingly!” Arthur pointed out, disbelieving that she could sound forgiving of Merlin so fast, but he admitted that what she said made a lot of sense.

“Don’t you think that Morgana must have attempted against his life and against Camelot and you while she was under Morgause’s influence?” She asked, trying to make a point.

“But that was after he had done it! I can’t accept that he tried to kill my sister!”

 “Arthur, I’m not saying that you have to forgive him instantly, he did something bad, it’s true. Yet, he had good reasons for that and he was also hurt for having to do what he did in the first place, so, please, be more considerate about how he’s feeling, try to put yourself in his shoes, what would you do if you were the one that had to make that tough decision?”

“During the time I was Camelot’s prince there were an uncountable amount of difficult decisions to be made and I did them, Guinevere, without hurting those that I love. He should’ve done the same!” He replied in an irritated tone that Gwen knew it was more due to his own frustration and the blame he insisted in believe that belonged to him.

“Arthur, I just ask that you think harder before doing something that you may regret in the future. Merlin is your best friend, no matter how much you try to deny it, you two are like brothers.” She pleaded and Arthur sighed, frowning and Gwen was aware that he was deeply conflicted about how he should behave around Merlin, so she added:

“Everybody makes mistakes, Arthur, some graver than others, but everybody is bound to fail at something. We can’t let some mistakes overshadow all the good we see in someone, because that can only bring a double loss: we lose whatever the mistake caused and the person that we held dear before it happened.” She paused briefly before continuing:

“I’m not saying that absolutely everything must be forgiven immediately, but we have at least to try, dwelling on past mistakes and never consider the possibility of forgiveness doesn’t only hurt the one that has wronged us, it also deprive us of the chance to make the pain bearable again and somehow mend the strained relation.”

She assessed his eyes for understanding and Arthur reluctantly nodded. He knew she was right, though the betrayal and anger he felt towards Merlin wouldn’t disappear overnight.

“I can’t promise anything, Guinevere, but I’ll consider what you said **after** I punch him a few times.” He smiled weakly and she did it too as he held her hands between his.

Then the two heard a knock on the door, to which Arthur replied with an “enter”. The person that got inside their chambers was none other than Merlin himself.

“ **You**! How dare you!” Arthur quickly approached him, fuming. The blonde man punched him in the face with a blow strong enough to make the warlock fall on his backside.

Merlin didn’t even try to dodge the hit, he was ready to take whatever hurtful word or physical punishment that his friend believed it was fit for his wrongdoings.

Arthur would certainly continue bashing him if not for Gwen’s intervention, placing herself between the two men.

“Arthur …” She pleaded to her husband and he held back – at least the physical punishment – and then he said:

“What is wrong with you, Merlin?!” His voice was cracking with a mixture of anger and sadness and he continued speaking: “I thought we were friends and **you** …” he pointed his index finger at the warlock, then kept saying: “ **You** poisoned Morgana!”

“I had a reason.” The raven haired man said and elaborated after a brief pause: “I believed that it was the only way to save Camelot, I truly thought it was the only wa-” His voice failed as he pronounced the last word. Merlin was struggling to keep himself from openly sobbing in front of Arthur and Gwen. It wasn’t his tears they deserved, but his words, an explanation for his actions.

“You killed your children!” Arthur blurted and Gwen was about to reproach him as Merlin replied:

“Yes, I did, yet I didn’t know they even existed!”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you poisoned my sister! No matter from which angle I see it that was a horrible thing to do! I thought that you and I were friends! How could you do that?!” Arthur said in exasperation, between clenched teeth.

“I told you already. I had to save Camelot –” Merlin stood up, his expression a mix of regret and sorrow.

“You could have told me what was going on! We could have find another solution!” Arthur interrupted him and this time Merlin’s own anger boiled inside of him as he replied:

“And you could’ve told me I was going to be a father! For how long had you known, Arthur?” Arthur was speechless for a moment and he lowered his head. Merlin waited for his answer and as he noticed that the blonde wouldn’t give it to him, he added: “I had the right to know!”

Merlin heard Gwen whispering “I’m sorry”. Arthur locked eyes with him and the two studied the other’s emotions for a while. The hurt in their eyes was undeniable.

Then Arthur broke the silence:

“Wait a moment, how do you know it was ‘they’ instead of one baby? The only ones that had this information are –”

“You, Gwen, Morgana and Morgause.” He complemented the Arthur’s thought.

Merlin took a deep breath reading himself for what was about to come. If Arthur felt betrayed now, imagine when he knows the entire truth.

“I followed you, when you met Morgana yesterday.” The blonde frowned and started stammering:

“Wha … So … you were …”

“The one that opened the door with a blast of air? Yes, it was me, and yes, I did it with magic.”

Arthur and Gwen looked shocked with the revelation, the first fisted his hands and the second opened her eyes widely and gasped, stepping by her husband’s side.

“ **Why** … **you** …” Arthur attempted to say as his face grew redder by each passing second.

“I was born with it, I didn’t choose magic if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Why did you come to Camelot then? More important, why didn’t you help Morgana with it instead of pushing her to Morgause?” The soon to be king cried out, furious.

“I wanted to help her, I truly did, but I was told otherwise. Arthur, that’s my biggest regret, if I had done things differently back then, all this heartache could have been avoided, I know this better than anyone.”

Arthur began having a fit of nervous laugh, the situation was just surreal. Merlin, his idiot of a friend that couldn’t even properly walk without tangling his own legs in a knot, had magic. He had being lied to this entire time and not only that: his so called friend had the chance to help his sister but chose to do nothing instead.

“Why?” Arthur muttered as he regained his composure and added: “Why didn’t you do something? You never listen to what you’re told anyway!” he ended up screaming the final words.

“Because I thought I couldn’t risk our destiny! Arthur, you’re the Once and Future King, destined to bring Albion’s Golden Age and I’m fated to protect you and Camelot!”

“What is this nonsense you’re stuttering?” Arthur asked, frowning.

“It’s true! It has been prophesized a long time ago. The Druids, the Old Religion, the creatures of magic, they all confirm it! Even Morgana won’t defy the prophecy, she’s crowning you King!”

“That doesn’t make sense, **Mer** lin. Morgana said she would explain later why she was instituting a Diarchy, but I understand her choice, the people would be unsettled with a change of ruler overnight and she has already stablished a whole different way to deal with magic and I reluctantly acknowledge that it made life better for everyone, but I don’t know if I could stomach maintaining all those changes.”

“Arthur, I think Merlin is telling the truth. He doesn’t have any other reason to lie and he has always protected Camelot, even when it meant he had to choose between Morgana and everyone else.” Gwen pointed out.

“Even if what you said it’s true, that doesn’t change the fact that you have lied to me the entire time we have known each other. I also had the right to know about this prophecy, about your magic, about everything, and you kept all the truth hidden.” This time the former prince’s voice had something that Merlin would rather not notice, maybe truly being a simple minded would be better because then he would be unaware to the disappointment in Arthur’s tone.

“What would you do if you had known, Arthur? If I had told you the truth from the beginning, huh? You’d have long send me to the chopper’s block, I would only be a rotten corpse somewhere, without even the right to a grave for the sole crime of being born this way!” He exclaimed, also frustrated. They didn’t know how awful it was, having to hide who he was in every single breath he took around them. Having all that power at his hands and having to pretend he was a fool, nurturing hope for a future that never came while he face a present of oppression.

“Don’t you dare to claim to know how I’d have reacted! You never gave me the chance to have an opinion about you having magic in the first place!” He replied enraged, pointing his finger at the warlock. Then he softened his posture and added: “Maybe, at the beginning, I would have sent you to the executioner, but later on I wouldn’t. I might not have actually shown before, but I truly considered you as a friend, though I don’t know it anymore.”

“I did my best to protect everyone, it’s true. Please, believe me.” Merlin pleaded, glancing at Gwen and Arthur, and Guinevere held her husband’s hand and squeezed lightly, saddened about the events and hopeful that Arthur would listen to Merlin.

“I … I can understand, in an intellectual way, but not with my heart. To me you’re a great liar and traitor, you betrayed us all.” Arthur said coldly and Merlin winced.

“I’m truly sorry, I am. I hope that one day you can forgive me, Arthur. I always, always did everything I could for Camelot, for you, even at the expense of great suffering to me. I hope that one day you’ll be willing to hear everything I have to say.”

“That day is not today.” Arthur immediately and dryly replied.

Merlin nodded in understanding, spun to leave the room and was about to do it when he heard Arthur speaking in a stern tone, with his arms crossed in front of him:

“If you want to prove yourself, that’s if you even want it, you better withdraw your challenge against Morgana.”

The warlock stopped and turned his head slightly before saying:

“You don’t have to warn me, this was already my intention.”

The blonde man merely nodded in recognition as the dragonlord left the chambers, leaving the couple alone.

 

* * *

**Camelot’s surroundings**

**Noon**

 

 

A crowd was gathered at the outer walls of the citadel, waiting for the beginning of the match. It was surprising that the former Prince’s, soon to be King, manservant had challenged Queen Morgana to a duel to death. Some whispered that he was just insane, others wondered if he had magic and awaited the perfect moment to conquer Camelot with it, only that certainly serving the former Prince for almost five years now didn’t make any sense. If he wanted the kingdom, why not strike before? He certainly had plenty of chance before.

Those that had magic and supported the for now only Queen knew his true identity, as the words spread and the Druids that had the knowledge revealed who he was: Emrys. They had a better guess concerning his reasons to challenge Morgana, to have Arthur as sole King, though it also didn’t make sense because the man had publically acknowledge his sister’s claim and accepted her solution for their apparently conflictive claims. A Diarchy would be instituted this very day, the King would be responsible for leading the armies to battle, protecting the borders, not without aid, while the Queens would manage magic and the people’s needs.

Emrys’ actions were alarming, if he truly move forward with his challenge and ended up killing the Queen, probably Camelot and Essetir would be thrown into chaos, seemly King Arthur wouldn’t accept him by his side and the magical folk would rebel, mourning the loss of Queen Morgana.     

The two contenders were on opposite side, Morgana wearing a chainmail suit while Merlin was on his normal clothing, with his characteristic red-neckerchief, brown trousers and jacket and a blue shirt.

He moved first, walking to the center of the field and he spoke loudly and clearly:

“I withdraw the challenge for the leadership of the Angles.” He knelled in front of her and lowered his head, though he still said in a loud voice:

“And I pledge my allegiance to Camelot’s rulers.”

Part of the crowd muttered “aw”s, disappointed that there wouldn’t be a fight, more like a massacre they believed, whereas the rest of the people looked expectantly at their Queen.

She stood there, with a stoic expression on her face, for a moment before she said:

“Rise, Emrys, your pledge is accepted.” A single cheer was uttered and it was soon followed by more, shortly the majority if the crowd was cheering.

 _“Protect Arthur and leave me alone.”_ Morgana projected to Merlin’s mind and turned her back on him.

  

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Castle Mainhall**

**Afternoon**

                 

A feast took place within the castle’s halls. Joyful music resounded in the room and, outside the castle, the streets were filled with people celebrating Arthur and Gwen’s coronation.

The main table was rearranged – with magic – to fit three seats at it’s end, and the three rulers were drinking and talking about different subjects.

“I’m curious, Morgana, about what you’d explain to me and us ruling together.” Arthur approached the topic.

She took a sip of her drink and raised her eyebrows at him, replying:

“I thought you didn’t want to listen to everything so soon. What was it that you said? ‘Morgana, just keep it to the essential parts, my head is hurting already with all those secrets.’” She mimicked his manner of speaking and grinned.

“I changed my mind.” He replied and she sniggered, so he added: “Hey, I can do that, I don’t know, perhaps, because I’m the King.”

“Ok, fine, your majesty, forgive me for my mistake.” She gestured in a mocked curtsy, smiling playfully and said:

“It’s a prophecy, a really ancient one.” She paused and made an overly exaggerated stern voice: “The Once and Future King prophecy, in which you’ll unity all of Albion and bring back magic to the land, and we’ll live Albion’s Golden Age.”

Arthur was silent and looked at her as if his sister had grew another head. She simply laughed at his reaction, probably due to the effect of alcohol in her system, but it could also be her natural tendency to pester her younger brother.

“Wait, is it serious? What would be your part in that prophecy?” Arthur asked, befuddled.

“Burn everything to the ground?” She asked and shortly mended: “But I failed my destiny, best thing that I have ever done.” She smiled proudly and widely.

“So it’s true, Merlin –”

“Shhush, Arthur.” Morgana placed her finger in front of her mouth, successfully interrupting him and she continued saying: “Let’s not talk about him now, it’ll ruin the mood!”

“Why, Morgana? Don’t tell me there’s another prophecy about him.”

“There is and this one is truly horrendous.” She spoke seriously and he readied himself for a shocking revelation as she added:

“I’ll have to bring his spawn to this world!” And she placed her palms to cover her face, leaving her brother worried. He wondered if she was crying and was proven wrong when she began laughing uncontrollably.

“I can fail that destiny too. Though the consequences will be severe.”

“What consequences?” He inquired and she answered:

“Deprive the world of magic.”

“Well, that’s not so bad.” Arthur ended up saying and Morgana sulked. She realized she was too drunk to behave properly and maybe, just maybe, she was saying more than she should, but whatever, keeping all her emotions hidden deep inside was really tiresome, sometimes is ok to allow yourself a little bit of a breather.

“That’s bad, Arthur, that’s definitely bad. Magic is like …” She was searching the right word and she continued: “it’s liberating. I know that we witnessed bad uses for it, but if the magic user wields it with responsibility, then we can build a better world in a short time. Think of the amount of lives that can be saved with a little bit of healing, think about other improvements to the daily life, like speeding constructions, transportation, producing heating. That’s only possible with magic.”

At that moment, Gwen finally joined the conversation and said:

“She has a point, Arthur. Magic can be used for good and it allows a significate increase of wellbeing to the population.”

“But it can also corrupt people.” He remarked.

“Like any other source of power.” Morgana countered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, what did you think about drunk Morgana? Some inconsistences were expected in her behavior, like trolling her brother at first and then being all serious and everything. Now going, sorry to take so long to update.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC

**Darkling woods**

**The following day to Arthur and Gwen’s coronation**

**Morning**

 

 

“Emrys.” The giant purple dragon called as she landed.

“Sybarys.” Merlin replied, smiling weakly.

“You seem dejected.” She stated matter-of-factly.

“I certainly had better days.” He sighed before continuing speaking: “Almost everybody that I know or care for believes that I’m a heartless monster.”

“There are different ways to perceive the same situation, Merlin, and right now you’re only focusing on what is wrong to you, you’re taking the part of victim. What do you hope to gain by doing that?”

“What? Is it really so wrong of me to pity myself after everything? You know, I’m also hurt, my heart has also been broken when the truth has been revealed! Why am I the only one that isn’t allowed to be downcast because of my suffering and pain? Is that another toll of my destiny?” He whimpered.

“Victimizing yourself won’t solve anything, Merlin. It doesn’t mend your relationships, you don’t atone for your past mistakes when you lay down and feel sorry for yourself.” She replied in a calm tone, but for Merlin her words sounded harsh and filled with judgements.

“Haven’t you ever failed, Sybarys? Haven’t you ever experienced the displeasure of having those important to you turn themselves against you? I don’t think I’m overreacting when I say they do hate me!” The warlock replied, letting some of his own irritation show.

“…”

“Won’t you say something?” He asked incredulous as the dragon remained silently watching him with a neutral expression. Getting more flustered by her silence, Merlin continued his rant:

“Why shouldn’t I feel sorry for myself when no matter what I do people that I care for end up getting hurt?! Why do I have all this power if I can’t save them? Why do I have this destiny, huh? I don’t want it! I’m sick and tired of being everybody’s punch bag! My destiny has been slowly sucking who I thought that I was in the first place and whatever for?! In the end, I’m alone! I’m clutching to a mirage that seems farther and farther away from where it has ever been!”

“Hmmrmm”

“All I did was for the Albion’s future! I did what had to be done for it, or at least what I thought that had to be done. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that it lead to this tragedy, to this … **hell** I’m living.” He exhaled.

“You did your best, Merlin. At least what you thought was the best in every situation you faced. And there were times you were correct, but there were also occasions that you were wrong. The question is: what will you do with that knowledge?” She inquired, refraining herself from inducing his possible answer.

“What will I do?” He repeated her words with a snort, wondering if she was also infuriatingly cryptic as Kilgharrah.

“Yes.”

“I … I don’t have a choice. I won’t abandon my destiny, I still want Albion’s Golden Age, I’ll protect Arthur until he unites the land and return magic to the rest of the land. And I’ll – ” He paused a bit, swallowing the lump in his throat as he said: “I’ll seek Morgana again, because I believe magic needs to be spread again in the world!” He exclaimed, probably reassuring himself too that it was for the best, that even if he currently thought that their relationship was beyond repair, as not even he had forgiven himself for his children’s death. “I’m sure that they’ll eventually understand or minimally tolerate me because of our common goals. Our destinies have always been bigger than us.” He finished his reasoning, hoping that it would be enough to regain the dragon’s appreciation.

“Hmm.”

“You won’t say something other than that?” Merlin asked in disbelief.

“The last time we met I sensed your inner turmoil, Emrys. You may bear a powerful name and burden, but you’re only a hatchling that forgot who you truly are. So I ask you this: is your destiny your shield or your executioner?”

“What do you mean by that?” He inquired, confused.

“You use it as your shield when you pass the control of your own actions, your choices, to it. It is your shield because you don’t have to think about it, everything is already decided, you take it as your duty to make it possible. What I ask of you is if is it that what you want?”

“I never actually had a choice. No one can choose their fate and no one can escape –”

“It. Remember who told you that before you assume it as the truth.” Sybarys said in a stern tone and added: “It’s obvious you do have a saying in your fate, Merlin. Even if during life it seems as if you don’t, because you choose your destiny – your lessons for that specific life – before you are even born. Those that say otherwise want you to believe that you’re powerless to change your life, because that’s the most effective way to make you believe them and follow their commands, give your power to them.”

“But I tried to escape my fate, when I tried to flee with Freya. Tell me, if that’s a lie, then why couldn’t I elope with her?” He asked, starting to get dizzy due to the conversation.

“Yet you believed you would fail, yet you believed, in your subconscious, that you could never escape fate.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” He sighed, frustrated, and proceeded: “If it’s my subconscious, then no matter what I do I’ll always be bound to try to fulfill my destiny.”

“If you believe so, you will.” She replied, baffling Merlin even more.

“It’s beyond my forces! You just agreed on it!” He exclaimed in exasperation.

“If you are certain that you can never change your subconscious, that is also a part of you, then it’s true, you can’t change it, you’re building that reality.”

“The way you say it makes it sound like it’s my fault! I’m not really doing anything here, Sybarys!” The warlock defended himself.

“And I’m not accusing you, Emrys. I merely desire that you understand the truth: the reality isn’t something static, something apart from us, given to us and that can solely be accepted or rejected with extremely dire consequences that in the end lead you to your foretold fate. Even without your magic, you have the power to change it, to disregard beliefs that have only caused you harm. When I say that it’s up to you to change it, I mean that nobody else can change you but you, because such power, the power to stablish your own beliefs, it’s something that only you can dictate. Some **can** impose themselves as you submit, until you incorporate their beliefs as your own, but your entire system of beliefs can only be changed by you, because no matter how much one tries, they can’t possible live the lives of others. Also, your submission is also a choice.”                           

“Hmmm, that’s a lot to take in.” He said while his mind pondered her words.

“Because you’re Emrys, Merlin, how your beliefs affect your reality and those surrounding you is beyond your comprehension. For example, previously to this conversation you had no idea that you practically made Arthur blind and deaf to your every usage of magic, even if your eyes glowed golden right in front of him he would never discover that you have magic because that was what you desired.”

“What?!” Merlin inquired, befuddled.

“Your magic changes the fabric of reality, and it obeys to you instinctively too. Your instincts are part of what you know as your subconscious, as well as intuitions too, so it would only be natural that your magic is also wielded by your instincts, thus your subconscious. And your subconscious, is also influenced by your conscious mind and one of the things that you repeated daily to yourself was that Arthur could never know of your magic, among other things.”

“Among other things?” He questioned, still confused.

“Yes, another example is how you have always dealt with Morgana. A part of you wanted her, while another screamed desperately that you had to keep your distance, for the sake of many things involved.”

“Are you suggesting that I unconsciously pushed her away?”

“Do you think that it makes sense?” Sybarys retorted with another question.

He pondered her words. In a sort of way, he could never tell how Morgana made him feel. At first, when he was merely a country boy filled with hope and ingenuous optimism, she seemed like someone that didn’t belong to this word, the product of dreams, like the living image of a goddess or a fairy, he was awestruck the first time he saw her. And then, after he began speaking with her, when he got to know the person behind all that beauty, he was astonished again, he couldn’t help the sense of growing admiration for her. She represented the very best of Camelot, assertive but not haughty, fearless but not insensitive, kind and just, even counseling Arthur to be a better man. She had absolutely no obligation of standing against Uther’s injustices, nor treat the common folk with kindness, yet it was in her nature to do so, regardless of the consequences – as saving Mordred and later on helping him defend Ealdor had proved. If he was being true to himself, he had never admired someone as much as he had admired her, maybe solely admiration wasn’t the correct term. She had a captivating personality, completely inappropriate for a woman in a more conservative point-of-view, but he didn’t care about it. Though, ever since the beginning, he knew he couldn’t come any closer to her in that sense, so he did his best to name whatever it was he felt about her as respect for who she was, he never allowed himself to think deeply about it, he always dismissed whatever feeling she could arouse in him as solely deference.

But was admiration equal to love? He wondered. More precisely he felt that Sybarys was right, he lied to himself as he didn’t recognize what was his emotion and he had become a very efficient liar, even if his excuses were all half-assed.    

Then her magic grew stronger and with it her fears for her own life too. Worse than that, as she was raised in an environment of hatred against magic, she began to loathe herself too, he knew she was confused and also scared of who she was. He wanted to help her, more than anything else, but there was too much at risk, or so he thought, and he let her be consumed by fear. There were some moments in which he just wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be all right, but he didn’t do it and that was his biggest regret, even at the present moment. He knew that the absence of any sort of understanding concerning her gift led her astray, and he merely watched.

The more he was warned against her, that she would threaten his destiny, the more he grew wary and suspicious that her natural impulsiveness would put Arthur and Camelot at risk. So it was only natural that he kept his distance, he needed to watch her, but he didn’t think he could take risks back then.

Those small betrayals, before Morgause, shook his faith in Morgana, but he could understand why she was doing that. Nonetheless, when he had to choose between her and Camelot (or so he believed) he was entirely heartbroken. He was losing a friend, he was losing the person he admired the most, in that day hope lost itself in the path to Camelot and fear reigned absolute.

And when she came back, a surge of hope sprang in his chest again, that she would be the same, that she would still be that righteous person, the one able to forgive his hideous act without much of a thought.

Though it was only a pretense, even if she wasn’t solely responsible for her own actions as he discovered later, yet he could glimpse doubt when he confronted her, when he tried to bring back the very best of her, when he begged for her to be that brave young woman – the one he knew he would never find another alike. He hoped that she would be better than him, to have the courage to confess her magic and face the consequences, as he had done so long time ago, for Gwen. But it seemed like a lifetime, he wasn’t the same young foolishly brave boy, he had become someone imbued with fear and it, along with the lies, had been his faithful companion as he grew up into a man he didn’t want to be.

As she disappointed him, he rejected her as much as he pitied her.

And now … now she was freed of that hate, that bitterness, well, mostly, and she had returned to the light, she **cared** again and now she could practice her sense of justice in large scale as Camelot’s queen.

He was awed with what she had achieved, but before that he could only feel distrust for her, he would have to do another hard choice, he was ready for it. He had already buried any sort of feelings for her before, it wouldn’t be hard to do it again.

If those emotions needed to be buried they existed, but what exactly was it he felt for Morgana? Could he call it love as even know they would have little to no qualms to kill each other if it was necessary? In the end was it merely admiration, as he never truly stopped respecting her determination in restoring magic to the realm? Maybe he needed more time to think about it or having to think already gave him the answer? Well, he certainly didn’t think as he fell in love with Freya, he simply felt love, right?

At least something he could say for sure, talking with dragons always incited more questions than the initial ones he had.

 “Take your time, Merlin. Use your time with wisdom, to not rush your conclusions.” Sybarys said after a while.

“But I need answers now, my destiny –”

“Will remain there waiting for your decisions, it won’t run away, it doesn’t have legs.” She gave him a toothy grin.

“But I have to do something!” He exclaimed in exasperation.

“Yes, but will anything do? Isn’t it better if your action is something you have given deep thought and consideration?”

“You’re probably right …” He said, thinking it would be better not to rush things.

“Let me give you a word of advice before I go: darkness is merely the absence of light, as hate is the absence of love.” Merlin immediately remembered what Kilgharrah had said about Morgana, but didn’t give it much thought as Sybarys began to flap her wings to leave.

“Wait! Won’t you tell me the story about dragons and gods?”

“Everything in it’s due time, Emrys. Right now you have more important issues.” And she left in a blur of purple.

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Tavern**

**Evening**

 

 

“I can’t believe him! Seriously, what was that? Why did he challenged our Queen in the first place?” Gwaine snorted, spilling some ale as he brought his mug for another long gulp.

Leon scratched his head. He was aware of the possible reasons Merlin would have to see Morgana as a threat to Arthur, but it was not as if he was allowed to share them. Even if he could, he certainly wouldn’t badmouth his Queen, he knew things weren’t just as simple as the labels ‘good’ or ‘evil’ suggested, things weren’t black or white, in reality people stood in between different shades of grey.

Unlike his friend, Leon had a clue why Merlin had behaved like that and he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t assume Morgana had ill intentions had he not witnessed beforehand how she had done her very best to ensure the common good for all of Camelot’s citizens and even relinquished part of her own power as ruler to Arthur. He deduced that the raven-haired man must have known about Morgana’s previous compromise to destroy Uther and Arthur (only because he stood in her way as next in succession, as he was the only legitimized child of the deceased king), so, according to a strategic perspective, Merlin’s action was aimed to ensure that Arthur would ascend to Camelot’s throne.

“If he has magic then why was he against Morgana? Hasn’t she given rights to the magical folk? Hasn’t she recognized that they are **humans** too and deserve to be treated as such?” Gwaine queried, disappointment written all over his face.

“I think he must have had his reasons, Gwaine, probably something that we can’t even flicker to acknowledge. I don’t think we can judge him without knowing his side of the story first.” Leon said, hopefully the other man would consider his words and wouldn’t do something drastic the moment he sees Merlin. He knew Gwaine would regret it later.

“It just doesn’t make sense! I thought that I knew Merlin, that he was a good person, a good friend!” The roguish knight exclaimed, still wondering why Merlin had behaved like that.

“He is, Gwaine, he is. Probably he wanted to make sure that Arthur would be king, even if that meant killing Morgana.” Leon sighed, that certainly wasn’t a happy prospect.

“I can’t understand, Leon. Isn’t Merlin supposed to be magic’s champion? Then why he has such fixation for Arthur when Princess still share so many of his father’s prejudiced views?!”

“Well, there’s more to it, Gwaine. You haven’t spent much time with Arthur, you didn’t get to know him better. He’s noble not only because of his blood, Gwaine, but more because of his actions. He has always had a good and generous heart, he always cared more about his people, father and kingdom than himself.”

“I’m not saying that he doesn’t have redeeming qualities, Leon, it’s just that Morgana has done so much more!”

“Well, that’s true. Unlike Arthur, Morgana has chosen to get rid of Uther’s believes, though Arthur didn’t have a chance or time to prove his worthiness as a ruler yet. Based on what I’ve known of him, Arthur is like the sun, he brings energy and warmth to the people, you know he’ll be there every day without failure, maybe sometimes hidden from view, but still there. Meanwhile, Morgana is like the moon, she provides light too, not every day and not as strong as the sun, but still it’s a more beautiful kind of light, it has something more than the mere function of brighten the path, it’s ethereal, it alters things in the most inconspicuous ways. Unlike the sun, you can contemplate the moon without your eyes getting burnt.”

“Leon, you’re such a poet.” Gwaine teased, forgetting for a moment the whole conversation’s point, and added: “If I were a woman, I’d already be in your bed.” He grinned wickedly to his friend and the other man punched him lightly in the arm.

“I’m trying to be serious here.” Leon reprimanded him halfheartedly.

“You seriously shown me how good you’re with words, Leon. Next time I try to woo a lady, I’ll surely ask for your advice.” Gwaine winked and smiled mischievously.

Leon laughed and said: “Fine, Gwaine, as long as you heed my advice about Merlin. Just don’t throw away your friendship without hearing him first.”

“I won’t promise anything.” The roguish knight answered, crossing his arms in front of him, then he muttered: “But I’ll at least try to hear him out before I beat him to a pulp.”

Leon took a sip from his drink and murmured: “It’s something.”

They drink some more until Gwaine whispered:

“I don’t understand.”

Leon sighed, tiredly, but waited for his friend to finish whatever it was that he wanted to say.

“I mean, I have never met someone as impressive as Morgana. No other ruler treats her people with such fairness. It’s like in this new Camelot everybody counts, no matter your status, your gender, your age, every single person has the right to speak their mind without fear of reprimand, sometimes being improper even. Every one that has asked shelter was accepted, regardless of who they were. Magic **helps** people, actually **helps** people and those that have it are at the same time proud to be who they are, having the possibility to show themselves without fear, and they are concerned about how they can aid the kingdom and its people. Surely there are some people that simply don’t want that, but the majority of them, of us, have such faith of better days, faith in the Queen that it kind of unites the most different people into working together for a better future.”

Leon nodded. It was true, after the first battle against Lot and the other victories, he could sense that most of the people has a different semblance than the one they generally adopted during Uther’s reign, and he could only describe it as hope. Many peasants and nobles alike had roots, relatives, some sort of relation with the Druids and the Old Religion. When Morgana lifted the ban of magic many were against it because they were afraid that those with magic would retaliate or attack them without reason, as his father said it was a common thing before the Purge. Fortunately the reality has been something completely different, those with magic have helped heal the people, have used their gift in order to make daily life tasks easier, in short the general feeling was of acceptance, because the changes had been good, they had indeed improved people’s lives. He knew that Morgana’s Order of the White Dragon had quickly intervened when aggressive measures were taken, either by someone with magic or a common person openly against it. He also knew that the sense of acceptance wasn’t unanimous, as there were villages and some persons there were still resisting the changes, but they were mostly welcomed.  

 “I know that Princess isn’t a bad guy, but I just can’t see how he could be better and why Merlin thinks he is.” Gwaine added.

“Gwaine, things are more complicated than what they seem. Most of the time we don’t know everything that is happening in our surroundings. There must be more than what a first glance can tell.”

“Why aren’t you just mumbling ‘yeah’ and proposing a toast? What came into you? Last time I checked you didn’t possess all that wisdom! Don’t tell me that you’re someone disguised as my mate?! Give him back!” Gwaine said chuckling and began to touch Leon as if looking for a magical trinket that would reveal the imaginary farce.

Leon did his best to fend his friend’s movements, but with little success. In no time they were both laughing like a pair of overly-sized children.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there folks, sorry for the long period of time without an update, there were a lot of things to do that just kept me from writing.
> 
> Another thing is that this story will be monthly updated from now on as, well, free time has been an issue. To kind of compensate, I’ll try to write longer chapters from now on, but it’s a tentative, nothing for sure.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, it belongs to BBC  
> If you like this story, please, leave a kudo or a commentary, : )

**Camelot’s Castle**

**Queen Morgana’s Study**

**The following day to Arthur and Gwen’s coronation**

 

“I’m so stupid, Gwen.” Morgana said, almost whispering. “I was so sure I could handle Merlin as I was supposed to, with distance, but then he appears in the middle of the night and says some sweet words and that’s enough to make my conviction crumble to the ground! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” She hit her palm against her forehead, emphasizing her self-displeasure.

“Morgana, stop.” Gwen spoke in a commanding voice and her friend instinctively obeyed without question. “First, tell me exactly what happened, everything.”

“Before your coronation, Merlin entered my chambers in the middle of the night. I don’t know how exactly, my magical wards should have warned me about an intruder. Anyway, he proposed that we should fulfill the other prophecy, the one involving us, and I … I actually given it a thought, as ridiculous as it may seem!” She said and thrown her arms in frustration.

“Why is it so ridiculous, Morgana? You said it yourself that magic is something to be cherished and deprive the rest of the world of it is cruel.” Gwen inquired, once more being extremely logical, much to her friend’s annoyance.

“Yes, I know I said that! But don’t you understand how high the cost is for me? I don’t know if I can do it! I’m afraid, Gwen!” Morgana confessed, clearly distressed.

Gwen sighed and said: “I understand that there has been many bad blood between you, though I suspect that isn’t what you fear. You can tell me, Morgana. Even if I don’t any good advice to give you, talking about your feelings will certainly help.”

 With uncertainty plastered across her face, the seer muttered: “I still love him.” She inhaled deeply before continuing: “Even after everything, I still love him. In fact I believe I never stopped loving him, while I was under Morgause’s spell I couldn’t bring myself to actually …”

“But that makes everything easier –” Gwen was saying as Morgana interrupted her:

“You don’t understand, Gwen! You don’t know what is to love someone and not being loved in return! Arthur and Lancelot probably began loving you before you could feel the same for them. You just have to put a foot in the streets and ‘bam’ men are falling madly in love with you!”

“Now you’re exaggerating. Yes, I was lucky that most of love experiences were mutual, though that doesn’t mean that they were easy. Love is hard, it requires that you put a lot of effort for it to work and sometimes you have to take risks in order to be happy in love. How can you be so sure that Merlin doesn’t feel the same way?”

Morgana stared at Gwen with an expression that asked ‘really?’ and the other woman spoke:

“Maybe now that he knows the truth he might see you from a different angle. Let’s admit that the two of you had your fair share of bad experiences together.” The dark-skinned woman gave her friend her best empathetic smile, yet it wasn’t enough to dissuade the seer.

“Even before we became enemies, it was always a one-sided love. Why else would he avoid me so much after we spend a night together?”

“Well, perhaps sometimes love takes more time to flourish? What if with time he comes to love you?”

“And what if it never happens?” Morgana replied with her eyebrows furrowed, and added after a brief pause: “Maybe I’m being too greedy in wanting to be loved back, but I can’t help it. I had some minor infatuations before, but everything pales in comparison to what I feel for him, I don’t think that I’ll ever love another with the intensity of my love for Merlin.” She snorted and continued: “It sounds ridiculous. I was reading myself to kill the man if necessary while still loving him. And yet … when I think of him there’s always that bittersweet taste in my mouth and when he’s around is as if everything was … complete … as if everything makes … sense, somehow. It never stopped being like that for me … and it’s painful, I should only feel disdain for him, for what he did ... I should  **hate**  him … not fell  **hopeful**  at the very first sign of compliance from him … and I know I’m the only one that feels like this.” As she spoke, Morgana had hazy eyes that didn’t focus at anything specifically and Gwen pitied her. Although love had been hard for the ex-maid, at least she had the assurance that she was loved.

“No one can say for sure what the future will bring us.” Gwen tried to cheer her up, making her friend understand that there could be a chance for her own happiness.

“Gwen, don’t forget I’m a seer. I beg to disagree.” The first queen said chuckling slightly.

“Then, maybe you should use your powers to know if Merlin will love or loves you back!”

“That’s not how it works, Gwen. I don’t choose what I’ll See.”

“I’m sure you must have something to help you See things, right? Why don’t you use one of these items?”

“It just seems … wrong. And I don’t think any of those can actually show how someone feel toward another.”

“Yes, but I’m certain that you See their expressions, right? That would be enough to tell.”

“No, it wouldn’t. You know that Merlin has become an expert in hiding what he truly thinks after all those years here in Camelot.”

“What he thinks, not what he feels.” Gwen pointed out, grinning. “Remember the 20th Purge Celebration? He was simply awestruck when you walked in the hall”

“Fine, Gwen. I’ll give it a thought, though I promise nothing.” She arched her brows at the end of her sentence. Lately the Crystal of Neahtid hadn’t being very helpful, something was interfering with it, and she would tell Arthur and Gwen as soon as she discovered what was causing that malfunctioning, but she still didn’t feel it was right to use such magical artifacts for her personal affairs.

“We should be talking about more productive things, like how long will it take for us to finally meet Camelot’s new prince or princess? We have a lot of catching up to do!” Morgana said, gripping the other queen’s hands. “Also I have to discuss some ruling matters with you and have Arthur focus on training our army and preparing for silly tournaments.”

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s surrounding woods**

**Evening**

“Thank you, Gaius, for bringing everything I’ve asked.” Merlin told the old man as the later gave him some blankets and camping supplies for the evening.

“Are you seriously considering permanently living in those woods? Merlin, this is nonsense, you know you have a place at the physician’s quarters and if not there I’m sure that Gwen and Elyan wouldn’t mind letting you spend some nights at Tom’s old house.” Gaius spoke to him.

“It’s not that simple, Gaius.” He sighed and proceeded talking: “Morgana and Arthur hate me now and guess what: they’re Camelot’s rulers and they can demand my head!” The physician smacked his head and the warlock protested:

“Oww! I was just trying to brighten the mood with a joke, you didn’t have to hit me!”

“It was a silly joke, Merlin.” The old man replied with his arched eyebrow.

“Okay, I’ll refrain from making silly jokes for the moment. In fact I need to talk to you about … stuff.”

“Go on, Merlin, I’m listening.” Gaius replied.

“Do you think that my instinctive magic could manipulate others’ perception about me and the other way around too?”

“What do you mean with ‘the other way around’?” The old man frowned in confusion.

“That my own magic could affect me so much that I begin believing it or my own thoughts interfere with my magic, like my inability to use healing spells.”

“So you are telling me that the main reason why you weren’t caught practicing magic – even with your imprudence – was because your magic altered people’s perception? And also that if you believe in something or want something really much your magic will naturally try to accomplish your wish?” The physician inquired.

“Yes, something like that.”

“Hmmm.” Gaius grabbed his chin, pensive. After a while he replied: “It could be possible, you’re Emrys, you’re magic itself and magic has the power to change the reality surrounding us, why not answer to your inner desires.”

“Do you think that my instinctive magic could make me forget things on purpose?” The dragonlord inquired.

“The human mind is a great mystery, Merlin. I have seen people without an ounce of magic suppress memories and if your magic can be used by your subconscious, it’s very likely that you had used it at some point. But I’m curious, Merlin. What makes you so certain that your magic has been involuntarily used to fulfill your wishes?”

“I’ve used magic in front of Arthur many, many times. In the day of the Fires of Idirsholas I have chanted a spell in clear and loud voice and he still didn’t know I had magic. So, maybe, because I didn’t want him to find out about my magic, his perception was changed by my own instinctive magic so that he would only know if I told him or let him connect the dots, obviously if I gave him a hint.”

“That is … fascinating. Merlin, I don’t know to which extents your magic can influence reality, though theoretically it makes sense, it can be possible.” The physician noted.

The warlock nodded, thinking about what Sybarys had told him and Gaius confirmed. There was another thing he wanted to ask, but he refrained from doing that. It felt weird to talk about feelings with his mentor, he didn’t feel comfortable. Maybe he would ask Lancelot about it or Gwaine, that’s if the later didn’t hate him too.

“Thank you, Gaius, for everything. It’s getting late, you should probably go back.”

“Merlin, just be safe, my boy. If you ever decide that you can return from your self-induced exile, remember that your room will always be waiting for you.”

“Okay, Gaius, but I’m giving Arthur and Morgana space, I don’t know when they’ll be fine with having me around.”

The old man gave him an empathetic smile and returned to the city’s gates, leaving his former ward behind.

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Council Room**

**Two days after Arthur and Gwen’s coronation**

 

“The troops await your command, my lieges.” Leon spoke, unsure of who to address as both Morgana and Arthur were attending the war-council. According to Morgana’s announcement, Arthur should be the commander of Camelot’s armies, yet this was the first council that had since the Diarchy was instituted, thus it was better not to risk disregarding the queen’s power of decision in military matters.

“Good, what about the Angles? Any news from Ruadan and Lancelot?” Morgana was the first to speak, frustrating Arthur’s chance to say something as he prepared his pose of Lord Commander before he spoke.

“Ruadan used one of the crystals to send his last report: discipline is still hard to maintain with that bunch. He believes that they must she you to guarantee your control over them and their obedience during the march against Amata.” Leon replied.

Arthur cleared his throat and said: “And now we can discuss our battle strategies against Odin. I believe that’s my duty as Camelot’s King.”

“Sure.” Morgana smiled smugly at him.

The blond narrowed his eyes at his sister, preferring to leave the implications of her actions to another time. They must be united in their decisions and they also must give the impression that one will always back up the other’s choices – at least in front of their subjects, meaning lords, that aren’t the most trusted ones.

“After his last defeat, Odin is attacking with his full force, he is adamant to restore his hurt pride and honor and of course he wants my head, as that was the very first reason for him having declared war against us.” Arthur said.

“Everybody out, except Leon.” Morgana ordered and the other nobles complied.

After they left the room, Arthur protested, baffled:

“Why did you do that? I needed those men to trace battle strategies!”

“Are you sad that I took your toys from you?” She chuckled, while the king glared unamused at her and she continued: “Now, seriously, Arthur, they are enchanted to agree with whatever I say – no, Leon, I haven’t fixed that yet – but the most important thing is that in a kingdom constantly attacked by magical threats and other kingdoms it’s easy to insert a spy or extract confidential information of unprotected minds.”

“Unprotected minds?” Her brother inquired, not completely following.

“Yes, you know, magic can be used to directly access one’s memories and there are many magical and non-magical ways to force someone’s collaboration to share secrets.” She elaborated.

“Does that means we can’t trust anyone, Morgana? They’re good people, they have always supported father’s rule. And who will put in practice our orders? Surely you must have told parts of your plans to them, you didn’t do everything by yourself!”

“Of course, Arthur. I just take more precautions, like placing magical wards in Leon, for example, and telling minor parts of the whole plan to different people.” She replied, Arthur turned his head to the knight and Leon nodded to him.

“We need to discuss what measures to take in order to protect you too.” Morgana said and Arthur huffed and spoke:

“I’m not a fragile thing that needs to be kept safe, Morgana. I can take care of myself. I’ve faced death many times and always returned to tell the tale.”

“Because of Merlin.” She retorted, Arthur grew angry and grunted:

“Don’t mention that traitor! I still haven’t forgiven him!”

“Yet he has done his job well, you’re alive today because of him.” She countered with a stern voice and her brother exclaimed:

“How can you defend him! He tried to kill you! He killed your –”

“I know exactly what he has done, Arthur, you don’t need to remind me.” She hissed, interrupting him, then she took a deep breath and said: “He is the most suited to protect you and he’ll never betray you, that is for sure.” She finished in a calm tone.

“How can you trust him after everything?” Arthur asked befuddled.

“I don’t trust him, Arthur. I trust his destiny and I believe he is willing to do whatever it takes to see it come true. He has already proved that.”

“What are you suggesting then? That I accept to have him following me around while I can’t withstand his presence?” He asked, incredulous.

“We can have him using that disguising magic so that you won’t notice him.”

“Morgana!!” Arthur exclaimed outraged.   

“Please, Arthur, Odin and the Sarrum aren’t the only enemies. It would ease my mind if I know you and Gwen are safe. Please, do this for me, Gwen and your child.”

“Fine … but only because you asked nicely.” He pouted.

“Okay, much better. Now, as for Odin, we have his brother, Ulric, as our prisoner. My initial plan was to persuade Ulric to overthrow Odin.”

“What?! That’s plainly evil, put brother against brother!” Arthur protested.

“Arthur, this is better than having to actually conquer all of Caedmon and bring destruction and death to that kingdom.” She stated matter-of-factly.

“That’s not honorable! Morgana, we can win the war by fair means, you don’t have to use such shady, low and corrupted tactics! That’s not what father taught us!” He protested.

“You know nothing of Uther’s tactics, Arthur. Do you want to know how he destroyed the Isle of the Blessed and mostly eradicated the Triple-Goddess priesthood? Let me enlighten the subject: he poisoned the water used in a ceremony, everyone drank it, regardless of their age, and then he sent Camelot’s soldiers to stab and burn everybody, only to later use catapults to destroy the temple. Oh, and the best part, he did all that  **before**  officially initiating the Purge!” She exclaimed with sarcasm and Arthur shook his head in negation, replying:   

“That’s not true. He attacked the Isle after he initiated the Purge and he only used catapults, the records –”

“Tell the victors version of the story. I read it in his journals, he kept them in a locked chest in his room.” She finished the sentence for him, stoically.

“That can’t be true … father would never do that. He wasn’t a monster …”

“Arthur, look, he wasn’t exactly as chivalrous and worried about honor as you might think. Remember that when we were children he would usually rant about sorcerers and say that they aren’t persons but beasts? Well, the fact that he didn’t consider other people as  **humans**  too already spoke a lot about the flaws in his character. No matter what one has done, no matter how horrendous their crimes might be in our opinion, nothing gives us the right to retrieve the human condition of another, because we were never the ones to concede it in the first place, how can we have the power to nullify it?.”

Arthur remained silent, pondering her words. She knew Uther was as much his hero as Gorlois has been hers, and it was extremely difficult to see the ugly truth about someone you have admired your entire life.

The silence in the room was broken when Leon spoke:

“So, what are the orders, my lieges?”

Still addressing her brother Morgana said:

“You should position our troops. I believe Odin will strike soon. If you want any help, you can ask me and Leon. I’m not sure if Gwen has much knowledge in planning battles, but feel free to ask her. I’ll support your decision.”

“Will you continue your other plans regarding Caedmon?” Arthur asked.

“Yes, I will. Arthur, you must understand this: I’m willing to walk in the shadows while you remain in the sunlight presenting the Camelot and later the Albion we all want to exist. Whether this is morally acceptable or not isn’t the most important thing. What matters is that we are victorious meanwhile sparing the highest amount of lives we can, so if turning a brother against another will provide that end, I’ll do it.” She replied honestly.

“I disagree.” Arthur said.

“I know. We can try to convince each other in another opportunity. I need to make my presence known to the Angles.” She answered dismissively.

“I understand.” He said in return, then she excused herself and left the room.

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Castle**

**Evening**

 

Arthur and Gwen ate supper without Morgana as she still had her hands full with the Anglish matter, when suddenly Sir Gwaine barged into the room, out of breath, and said:

“My King, my Queen, we’re under attack!”    

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in this chapter Morgana explains to Gwen that the Sight isn’t like Netflix, = D


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all it has been more than three months, I know, but I had many things to do (it was as if I was "living la vida loca") and later I lost track of time many days. And the chapter didn't end where I wanted it to, but if I had written everything then perhaps I'd only publish it in after another month, so it's something.

**Angles’ Main Camp**

 

“Our men are restless, _Héafod_.” A bearded and bald man spoke, addressing his leader in the center of the camp. He added shortly: “We came into Albion to conquer its lands, not to sit idle doing nothing. You have many enemies, send the word and we’ll attack.”

That wasn’t how she thought things would happen. She still had no clue about who was behind the recent attacks to Camelot and leaving the realm to a campaign against Amata, as much as the idea of deposing the Sarrum appealed her, would put Arthur and Gwen at risk. She was sure of it, and that wasn’t her only concern. She had heard the tales, she knew how cruel and bloodthirsty they were against the peasants, how could she seal the fate of Amata’s civilians, whose only crime was to be unlucky enough to be born under the rule of a vicious man?

Morgana hid her inner turmoil and doubt, it would only make her appear weak. He was right, she had all the reasons to have the Angles attacking Amata, the Sarrum was the key to find out who was behind those magical assailants. There was definitely a connection between the shackled sorcerers and that attempt against her life that injured Mordred.

At every moment she stood still, doing nothing, was more time that the Sarrum would have to catch them by surprise – no matter how many wards and charms she and the Order would place around Camelot and its inhabitants – because he could fight magic with magic. So she did what seemed the reasonable thing to do, hoping that she’d manage to find a way to contour the problem of how to spare the civilians and still keep Camelot safe, and said:

“Assemble the men. We shall march against Amata when spring comes.”

The man raised his fist to his left chest and replied:

“Yes, my liege.”

“Also inform Adalind that I’ll speak with her in private.” When she pronounced those words a sudden chill passed through her body, which one she wouldn’t know, but it only felt as if it had drained all the heat from her and she felt so much cold that it was as if she didn’t inhabit a living body.

She recalled that while in astral projection she wouldn’t feel her body as much as if she were still where it stood, but this sensation was like no other she had experienced.

The men watched her, expectantly, while she glanced at nowhere in particular, too affected by that sudden over vexing sensation to grasp her surroundings. Then, Morgana heard someone calling her and that apparently driven her off the stupor, so she added: “In another time. For now I must return.”

She didn’t wait for an answer, she immediately returned to her physical body, ending the astral projection she was maintaining to hold a conversation with the Angles.

When Morgana opened her eyes, back at her room in Camelot’s Castle, she was still on her bed, trembling and she had difficulty to fixate her stare at the person that had called her. It was Sera, accompanied by Gilli, and they were speaking so fast and her head was so fuzzy that she could only comprehend a word or two: “attack”, “here”, “now” and the rest was gibberish.

Then someone opened the door and Morgana clearly saw the Caileach entering the room, but when she blinked it was Gwaine, followed by Arthur and Gwen. The knight spoke:

“We are under attack! We must prepare our defenses!” And only after that he noticed how pale the queen looked. Gwaine took a step in her direction, but was stopped by Arthur, who glared at him, obviously dissatisfied by Gwaine’s closeness to his sister, and the other men left the room along with Sera and Gilli.

Gwen was the first to reach her, kneeling on the bed, and she asked:

“Did you see it coming? Do you have any idea of who might be our attackers?”

“No …” She replied, somewhat still confused and shivering.

“Oh, by the love of God, Morgana, you’re so cold!” Arthur said, touching her arm.

“I … I’ll look at the Crystal … it shall provide an answer.” She muttered.

Gwen and Arthur nodded and he spoke:

“Fine. Meanwhile I’ll assemble the men and prepare our defenses.” He turned his face to his wife and added: “Gwen, please look after Morgana.”

Gwen nodded, holding her friend, and Morgana said:

“Merlin…”

Arthur knitted his brows in confusion, so she elaborated more:

“Merlin, you need him, you must call him, to protect you.”

Her brother snorted, crossing his arms, and remarked:

“I do not. I can take care of myself.”

“Arthur …” Gwen pleaded and Morgana straightened her back and said in a commanding tone:

“Arthur Pendragon, stop whining. You **will** take Merlin with you even if I have to beat up your sorry arse in such an effective manner that you’ll be sore until next Samhain.”

Gwen was torn between supporting Arthur or Morgana so she only opened her mouth and then closed it, expecting that the siblings would solve their bickering. If they didn’t, she could always talk some sense into their heads.

“I’m not whining!” Arthur exclaimed, obviously offended.

“And pouting too.” His sister taunted.

“No, I am not!” He retorted.

“Yes, you are.” She replied, almost singing, which only irritated Arthur more and gave Gwen the resolution to intervene or else they’d act like five-years old while Camelot needed their rulers the most. But before she had a chance to say something Morgana spoke:

“Please, take Merlin with you, we don’t know what is threatening us and if those assailants passed through the wards that are placed all over the kingdom without causing any alarm it is because magic is involved and a really powerful one. You can only fight magic with magic, Arthur, make no mistake. And even if you dislike this idea, do this for Gwen, for your child and for me. We all want you to return safely to us.”

The King stared at the ground, feeling somehow guilty for being stubborn when it was quite obvious that he also needed people to watch his back in the battlegrounds. He always did, he knew that a single man couldn’t beat an entire army, no matter how talented he might be, and that was why he felt his knights and soldiers were like brothers – every one of them was willingly to lose their lives for their companion, he was too. Yet, having married Gwen and the fact that he would be a father soon made him self-aware that he has to be more cautions so that he can watch the first steps of their son or daughter, the baby’s first words, first smile, in short be there for his child while she or he grows into a decent adult – and maybe even make sure that his firstborn will have sisters and brothers that hopefully will be as close to him as his own sister.

“Hmmm … I’ll tell him to join me.” Then he assumed a regal posture and added: “Only because you asked nicely. You know, Morgana, people would be a lot nicer to you if you were more polite in first place. A little bit of courtesy doesn’t harm anyone.”

“Seems take you should take your own advice to heart.” She replied, nonchalantly.  

“Hey, I am courteous.” He protested and before it turned into another unending discussion, Gwen interfered:

“Merlin is in the Physician’s Quarters. You should ask someone to go fetch him and prepare the men, Arthur.”

“Guinevere!” Arthur exclaimed, turning to look his wife straight in the eyes and continued: “How could you let that traitor inside the castle?”

“Arthur, he isn’t a traitor and we’ll discuss this later. For now, you have a city to protect, while Morgana will seek those that are behind this and deprive them of their magical allies.”  

He nodded and left the chamber. When he closed the door, Morgana said:

“Seriously, Gwen, I believe that I need some lessons with you on how to tame my brother. He didn’t even complaint, nor grumbled, that is a remarkable deed.”

“Please, Morgana, refrain yourself from making such silly comments and return to the severe situation we are facing. Do you feel better? Do you think the crystal will tell you what is the matter?”

Smiling reassuringly to her friend, the seer replied:

“It seems that bickering with Arthur is always heartwarming. I do feel a lot better, at least considerably less cold. I’ll have a look now.”

Her heart was heavy with concern that the Crystal would be unable to show her anything, much like when she fought the four fronts’ battle, when the images were at first cloudy and later completely dark. Yet, at that time, she had her visions to help her and this time not even that. She took a deep breath as she pulled the Crystal of Neahtid of the bed table and gently removed the silken cloth that prevented scratches and prying eyes.

When Morgana eyed the Crystal, hoping that this time it would show her what was happening, but instead of the habitual foggy image and later a clear view of the current situation, as she concentrated on, a black spot appeared and spread through its surface, blackening it completely. She froze at that sight and almost dropped the crystal, sensing a negative energy emanating from it. 

It was as she feared, she was blind towards her enemies – again. And now was at risk everything she held dear – because if she or Arthur, someone of her blood, didn’t survive there was also no way to retrieve Mordred from the Fae realm.

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she heard Gwen calling:

“What did you see?” The other queen asked, frowning, preoccupied by her friend’s reaction.

She took a little longer than usual to answer, unsure if it was the best to disclosure the entire truth – and all her lack of knowledge about why it was reacting like this – or simplify it and give them hope, if only for a fickle flame, that they would surpass this challenge like they had always did in the end.

“It shows nothing. But I have some clues about what is going on. The Caileach, keeper of the underworld appeared to me. It must have something to do with her.”

“How come it doesn’t show a thing? Wasn’t this Crystal capable of presenting past, present and future? Why isn’t it working?” Gwen asked, obviously distressed for the lack of a more substantial answer.

“I don’t know, Gwen. I don’t know.” Morgana muttered and glanced distantly, then turned her head to look at her friend and proceed saying: “Though I’ll find out and fix it so that we won’t ever be as exposed as this again.”

The both women clasped hands and nodded to one another.

 

* * *

**Thirty minutes before**

**The Physician’s quarters**

 

Merlin was stuffing his satchel with herbs and poultices. He knew he would be required to help Arthur in the battle soon, so he had to be ready for everything. When Sybarys told him about an entire army marching closer to Camelot, he immediately came to inform his friends and it didn’t take long for their foes be visible to the sentinels. It was a fact: Camelot was under siege. War drums could be clearly heard from a mile away.

How no one saw it coming, not wards, not Camelot’s patrols, not its merchants or travelers, absolutely no one saw thousands of men marching and camping in the kingdom at all, it was as if they just materialized in front of the city. Thankfully Sybarys warned him or else they’d know only when the arrows came buzzing near their heads.

She said she had to find a safe place to her babies and later she would return to help protect Camelot. That would certainly shake off their assailants – the sight of a Great Dragon breathing fire always shaken even the bravest men in some degree.

Then, suddenly it was as if all the heat of his body abandoned him and he fell to the ground with a thud, shaking due to the unnatural coldness.

He saw a woman in rags, she had a phantasmagoric appearance and a profound sadness in her eyes.

He clearly heard her whisper: “Emrys, Emrys, Emrys” and then his conscious faded.

We was awoken by Gaius, not so gently as expected, by one of his mentor’s strong smelly vials (that he didn’t want to know what was inside it) close to his nose.

Merlin coughed a little, still freezing, while Gaius inquired, concerned:

“Merlin, what happened? Why did you pass out?”

“Gaius … I saw … a woman … she called my name … her voice was … as if it came from the depths of the earth … and there was … such a deep sadness in her eyes.”

“Hmm, I think you saw the Caileach, the gatekeeper of the spirit world.”

“But why? What did she want? Why did she called me?” The young man asked, still trembling in cold.

Gaius fetched a blanket for Merlin and answered:

“It doesn’t make much sense. Samhain has already passed, the veil between the worlds should be as thick as ever, but if she called you there must be a reason. Maybe someone managed to tore the veil.”

“What does it mean?” The younger man inquired.

“That all sort of spirits are free to roam through the world of the living and when angry spirits do that they snatch the living to their own realm.”

 

 

* * *

**Camelot’s Castle Courtyard**

 

“Men, get in position! Tonight we defend Camelot until the last standing man!” Arthur shouted and the soldiers and knights obeyed, preparing for the incoming horde of enemies.

“Sire, Merlin is here.” Leon reached the blonde man, announcing the arrival of his former best friend.

“Arthur…” Merlin said, hesitantly, and then bowed. The other man only grunted and turned his back on him, addressing Leon instead:

“Tell this … **traitor** that he must do whatever he does best, which is hide behind something while the battle goes on, and stay out of my sight or else my sword might ‘accidentally’ find its way to his bum.”

Merlin snorted and said: “You don’t have to be so childish. I’m right here, you know?”

“Are you hearing something, Leon? Because I have the annoying sensation that there’s something buzzing around us. It’s really irritating!” Arthur exclaimed, ignoring Merlin again.

“Sire ...” Leon replied, looking lost, not knowing what to do about the rift between the two.

“Stop being such a prat, Arthur! This isn’t the time for you to be pouting and acting like a spoilt child! I’m here to help you, I’m ready to lay down my life for you, I’ve always been! And I won’t hide, I’ll be here, by your side, either you like it or not!” It was the dragonlord’s turn to be irritated and express it.

For a moment Arthur was dumbfounded by his response. Yes, Merlin used to talk back to him when he disagreed on something, but this was the first time that he spoke freely about his dedication towards his former master – as Merlin wasn’t his servant anymore, the king didn’t even know what his position would be – and the implicit sense that he had faced death for Arthur many times.

“Do whatever you want.” The king grunted and walked away.

Leon gave Merlin a small reassuring smile and followed Arthur, while the warlock sighed.

It would be hard to mend the trust Arthur had in him.

Arthur hadn’t gone long before Morgana found him and spoke:

“Arthur, I’ve sent Breanna and Ealish to assess if the attackers have magic wielders with them, but I suspect they do. While I’m gone, Ruadan will command the Order in my stead. Our sorcerers are already at place for what is to come.”

“Wait, what do you mean by ‘in your stead’? Won’t you stay here and defend the citadel?”

“The worst part is to come, Arthur. Those soldiers aren’t the greater threat, the dead are.”

“What? You aren’t making any sense, Morgana!”

“The reason I was so cold before … it was because the veil between the world of the living and the dead was torn. I need to fix this, you can fight a material opponent, not an immaterial one.”

“What? You’re saying we’ll fight ghosts now? What is the next thing, fairies?”

“Don’t joke about this, Arthur. This is serious. I believe you’ve witnessed a fair share of undead and magical beings to believe their existence and the harm they can cause.”                  

Her brother nodded and the seer continued:

“I believe I found a way to fix this. I need to go and close the rift.”

“How will you do that?” The blond man asked.

“In short, commanding the gatekeeper to close it.” She grinned mischievously and added:

“But if I fail, you must promise me, Arthur, that you’ll retrieve Mordred from Avalon in a week time.”

“Avalon? You mean –”

“Yes, the fairies’ realm that we used to hear about in stories during our childhood. You mustn’t take Merlin with you, though you have to be accompanied by a sorcerer in case they get unfriendly towards you.”

“Will they attack me? For what reason?”

“Ask Merlin later. Maybe you should bring Sybarys, just in case. And ask her to hide or else things won’t be pretty either.”

 

 

* * *

**Pool of Nemhain**

**Some minutes later**

 

 

The night was quiet, much like the surface of the lake. There was only the sound of leaves being rustled by the wind and the chirping of a bird or other small animal to disturb the silence.

No movement or noise came from the pool of black water, it was dead. The gate to the Underworld stood still while three shapes approached its shore.   

“Blyth, Kayna, wait for me here. If I don’t return in one hour, one of you must go to the Isle of the Blessed and contact Morgause and the other must return to Camelot.” Morgana commanded the two young sorcerers as she disposed herself of her cloak, exposing her armor, and strode towards the dark water.

“My queen, no one has ever succeeded in finding the Stone of the Dead before, it’s too dangerous! There must be another way, please, don’t go in there!” Kayna pleaded while the wind swirled around her brown braided hair and blue tunic with the white dragon symbol.

“We must try every option before a more drastic measure. You know what the price is and the Dorocha aren’t the only threat. I must do this or else Camelot will fall.”

“But my queen –” The young sorceress would continue her attempt of convincing her liege but was interrupted by her companion of the Order:

“It is the will of the Goddess, Kayna. Magic has returned to this land and Albion’s Golden Age is coming. Have faith, She wouldn’t abandon Her champion in this time of need.” Blyth said, his belief engraved in his face, making Morgana slightly uncomfortable.

Yes, she knew she was using people’s faith to gain support and she proclaimed herself as a servant of the Old Religion whenever it was convenient while not truly believing it. But those matters would occupy her thoughts in another time as her mission required her full concentration.

The seer entered the water until it reached her navel, she raised her right hand, her eyes glowed gold and she chanted:

“ _Ic, sácerd fram þære Ældu Æfestnes, ábene þé: Ætýne, geat æt ðæt Oþres Eormengrund! Ic, sácerd fram þære Ældu Æfestnes, ábene þé: Ætýne, geat æt ðæt Oþres Eormengrund! Ic, sácerd fram þære Ældu Æfestnes, ábene þé: Ætýne, geat æt ðæt Oþres Eormengrund!_ ”

The water trembled and on its surface something similar to a membrane covered the water in a small circle.

When Morgana looked through it she could scarcely see in the dim light, but whatever was on the other side wasn’t water, it was similar to a cave with many paths craved on the stone.

So, not thinking of another way to enter, she dived to the Underworld, disappearing from sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Ic, sácerd fram þære Ældu Æfestnes, ábene þé: Ætýne, geat æt ðæt Oþres Eormengrund!” Translation: I, priestess of the Old Religion, command thee: Open, gate of the Other World!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, it belongs to BBC.
> 
> Again a late update, and here I am to say that I’m sorry once more. So readers, as lately I haven’t been able to maintain a schedule, I’ll just say that I’ll try to update monthly, but that won’t always be the case, so please have patience (something that you do have a lot, surviving with only a Mergana chapter) and please don’t quit this story yet, there’s still much to happen.
> 
> Oh, and another thing – here comes the religion warning again, it’s a fictional story, I don’t have the intention to offend anyone’s religion and also there is no mention to Islamism (thought it would be put there too) because of time. I’m considering that Merlin’s story dates back to the legendary Camelot, thus the beginning to the first half of the 6th century while the advent of Islamism dates back to the end of the 6th century and beginning of the 7th.
> 
> Thanks again for all of you who have reviewed, favorited, followed, liked this story in general, : )

 

**Underworld**

 

Everything had blackened when she dived and only now was Morgana regaining her senses. A barely illuminated path extended in front of her. She looked around to see if there was any alternative to following it, but as she turned she noticed that the other way was blocked by what seemed to be a wall of rock. So, having no other choice, she began walking in the only available direction, hoping that it would lead to her desired destination.

She went on for what seemed to be like an eternity, but there was absolutely no way to truly know it. The whole place gave her the sensation that time didn’t pass as it normally did in the realm of the living and she hoped that her impression was right, for she needed to make haste if she wanted to save Camelot in time.

After a while, she reached a grand naturally sculpted hall, similar to the one she’d seen inside of Sybarys imprisonment’s cave. It was huge, the place could easily fit a Great Dragon, and Morgana started to have chills, and the hairs of her nape rose.

A low voice called her name: “Morgana”.

She recognized his voice, it was the same that had instilled fear in her for the twelve years and absolute terror when she first discovered the first signs of her magic.

“It is you, daughter.” Morgana turned to him and saw his expression of sadness and defeat. Uther’s tone was filled with melancholy, and the seer didn’t know exactly for what – her part in his death, the fact that she has magic or for the lingering hate she still felt towards him.

“Uther.” Replied in acknowledge, doing her best not to give away any emotion in her speech.

“Why, Morgana, why? Why did you betray me in such a despicable manner? Didn’t I give you everything you wanted? Didn’t you feel cared for and loved during all those years you’ve lived with me? Wasn’t my love for you enough? Why did you turn to magic? Why, daughter?” Uther inquired, arms opened and showing the palms of his hands as if pleading for answers, and stepping closer to her.

“I didn’t choose magic, like I didn’t choose my father. All those years my nightmares were visions of the future and the rest of my magic stood dormant until the point it burst. And you know it.” Unlike the overwhelming anger and hate she expected to feel when meeting him, pity and disappointment were her current emotions.

Uther’s face contorted in what seemed like pain and regret – but Morgana wasn’t sure if it was only a show for her, to make her drop her guard and later unleash a torrent of spiteful words and actions. He stopped walking and said:

“I didn’t want to believe it, that you were also accursed like your mother. I did my best to help you, sending Gaius to tend to you and get rid of the problem –” He was saying when she interrupted him:

“The ‘problem’ you speak of is part of who I am. It defines me as a person. I could never sever it from my life without going mad in the process, not that I want to!” She exclaimed, still distressed by his views on magic, probably even more now as she had read his journals.

“Morgana –” Uther began to say in a reprimanding tone but again she stopped him by blurting long unspoken words:

“No, I haven’t finished! You’re a hypocrite that says that magic is evil, that it corrupts, when you’ve only risen to power with the help of magic users and you had no qualms in allowing it to be used as long as it benefitted you!”

“Morgana! Watch your tongue! I was desperate! You were dying right in front of my eyes!”

“You no longer have power over me!” She shouted, then continued to speak, in exasperation: “Living under your guise I felt ashamed of who I am, I thought that I was a monster, when in reality **you** are the monster! You’ve slaughtered many innocent people, children and pregnant women included, and for what? Because magic didn’t go as you expected? You knew that there was a high price to pay, you just didn’t care who would pay it!”

“Stop or you’ll suffer the consequences!” He warned enraged and she laughed cynically, then asked:

“And what will you do? You’re dead, Uther. The only thing that you can do now is to remain to be the despicable broken man that you are.” She said, her voice full of poison.

“Do you really hate me so much?” He asked in such a fragile way that it startled her. She expected him to shout back or show rage as she had witnessed for most of her life. For a moment she wanted to comfort him too, because as much as she despised what he had made her go through and what he had done to all those innocent people, she still loved him – but that love was full of thorns, it hurt her to get closer to it and in her mind she should only hate him. Recomposing herself and trying not to show any emotion to get over it at once – for the longer she spent arguing with him the higher the chances to be unable to save Camelot in time – she answered:

“I hated how you made me feel, like an unwanted nuisance, a guest when in reality I was your daughter.” Her voice cracked a bit, but she ignored it and continued: “I hated how fear and desperation was all I could feel when I was around you, even thought there was nothing wrong with me. Most of all, I hate how you denied me a family for so long, how Arthur and I were only worthy of your recognition and acceptance as long as we followed your every whim and command.” Her eyes were glimmering with unshed tears as she retorted, and she crossed her arms in front of her getting ready for a rant that never came.

Uther just gazed at her with remorse and regret plastered on his face. He was about to say something when the room started to get filled by other ghosts that came by the hundreds.

They were using Camelot’s colors and Uther recognized most of them as the fallen knights and soldiers sent to find Morgana. Among them, the seer spotted a familiar face, that one sentinel she killed with her dagger and hemlock when she had just returned. They all said in unison:

“We died in vain, we died for nothing. Give back our lives that you unjustly took! Give back!”. And they drew closer muttering “give back”.

“Morgana, go! I’ll hold them back!” Uther spoke hurriedly.

“What? No! You’re only one, they are hundreds. I can fend them off with my magic.” She protested.

“Not without overexerting yourself.” He explained and added locking eyes on her: “Look, I know I’ve been a terrible father, to both of you. And I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry that I lied to you and I do know that sometimes magic isn’t a choice. But right now, it’s not the time to speak of such matters with your lives and the future of Camelot at stake. Go, Morgana, at least for once obey me. Most of the times I acted having your best interests in mind, so forgive, daughter, your flawed father and go.” As he said that, Uther run to the mob with a ghostly sword at hand as Morgana rushed into the opposite direction, reaching a tunnel. She noticed that it had an inclination going down, so she slid into it, going downwards.

She got into another dim lighted room, and the floor was muddy and instable. She continued going onwards, trying her best to focus only in her progress on the quest instead of thinking about Uther and what he said. When she was entirely self-absorbed on the task ahead of her, the seer heard another voice:

“Morgana”

 

 

* * *

 

**Camelot’s Gates**

 

“Archers, wait for my command!” Arthur shouted.

“Sorcerers, in position!” Ruadan ordered.

A line of archers waited for the order on top of the city walls, ready to strike the enemy once their king tell them to do so, alongside with fifty magic users readying fire in their hands, meanwhile knights and soldiers reinforced the gate and walls, preparing to engage the enemy in case they climbed or breached the gate.

Outside Camelot’s walls an army of thirty thousand men surrounded the city, bringing battering rams. Ruffling their drums in a strange rhythm, the enemies didn’t do any motion to take any sort of cover, not even raise the shields they had brought.  

“Fire!” Arthur and Ruadan ordered at once.

The arrows, bolts and magical fire reached the opponents, but they acted as if nothing happened, even the ones with bolts across their skulls or their body on fire.

All of Camelot’s defenders were stupefied. That certainly shaken the men’s morale.

After a small moment of shock, Arthur regained his senses and shout:

“Keep firing, men! Even if only to delay them and lessen their movements!”. Then he turned and said to Leon: “Have more men bring oil here, tell them to come faster! I don’t know **what** those guys are, but I’m guessing they can’t do much if they’re burnt to ashes.”

Ruadan reached for Merlin and said:

“Emrys, hurry, you need to conjure a thunderstorm! I’m sure that whatever magic that sustain them won’t be able to withstand against your powers!”

“Yeah – I’ll do this, Ruadan. Continue the attack.”

Then, out of nowhere, the air became colder and a strange (and fast moving) mist took over the horizon. They also heard shrieks and moans coming from that odd mass of white fog (as it appeared to be). It passed through Camelot’s assailants as if they weren’t even there in the first place and went into the direction of Camelot’s army.

The magic wielders that had more knowledge about what exactly was happening began to shoot fire against it, but it got closer and closer, putting out lightened torches on its way.

Ruadan shouted:

“Find a fire, run to it!” As he also fired against the ghosts.

At that moment Merlin felt extremely cold, as if his magic was only able to keep him alive, but even though he tried to strike one of those ghosts, only to notice that he didn’t even produce the fire in the first place.

Men screamed and then were silenced as the Dorocha emerged in a wave, taking the lives of whoever they touched, leaving a lot of frozen corpses in the process. The sorcerers shoot fire everywhere they could, but it wasn’t enough, the ghost outnumbered them by a large amount.

Arthur ordered the men to retreat too, grabbing a torch in his way to the citadel.

Noticing that Merlin was lacking any sort of reaction, Gwaine grabbed him by his right arm while he held a torch in the other hand and asked:

“What are you doing? If you only stay there doing nothing you’ll die!”

To that Merlin mumbled: “Arthur… Where’s Arthur?”

“He’s fine, look!” Gwaine pointed to the blond king.

Merlin nodded, still shocked that his magic had failed him, when they heard a roar coming from above. Merlin smiled as the purple dragon swoop in firing her flames against the mass of ghosts, while the men cheered. Shortly after that a volley of arrows hit her, but thankfully her scales avoided any damage.

“ _Sybarys!_ ” Merlin shouted with his mind.

“ _Merlin! Are you unharmed?!_ ” He heard her voice filled with concern.

“ _Yes, I’m fine, but my magic failed! Why?!_ ” He inquired, still being dragged by Gwaine.

“ _The Dorocha – those ghosts – are the voices of the dead and like the dead they are numberless. All of those that had became part of the Dorocha held some grudge against Camelot or another kingdom when they died. They are originated by violent deaths and to have such an amount out in the world of the living means that they are taking draining vital energy of the living. The more amount of life one possess, the more affected by them they are if they haven’t learnt how to close their own aura_.”

“ _Which means … ?_ ” Merlin inquired.

“ _That you, as Emrys, as magic incarnated, has the highest amount of vital energy among all the others and your magic is constantly being drained only by being close to them, unlike how others only lose their life energy if they are touched by them_.” She explained further.

“ _How can we defeat them?_ ” Merlin asked.

“ _Either closing the veil or commanding the gatekeeper to bring them back to the underworld._ ” She replied and added: “ _For now, you should focus on finding torches to fend them off._ ”

“ _It would be better if you teach me to close my aura so that I can use magic._ ” He retorted.

“ _For that I’ll need to breath the knowledge to you, right now I’m kind of busy._ ”  

The knights finally got to the inner walls and begun grabbing torches and lightening them.

Arthur commanded:

“One man holds a torch and the other a bolt or a bow! Also, protect those transporting the oil! We need this fire now more than anything!”

As the men rushed to obey the orders, another high-pitched shriek, too loud to have come from a human being, crossed the skies. Merlin looked up in terror to see the shade of a Great Dragon clashing against Sybarys.              

        

 

* * *

 

**Underworld**

           

“Morgana.”

A woman emerged from the shadows, going to the center of the room, and when the seer could finally distinguish her features, she gaped, completely shocked.

Her appearance was like her father – Gorlois – described during her childhood years. An ethereal beauty, similar to her in many ways, as beautiful as the Goddess Herself some might say. Morgana saw part of herself in her, though, watching her come closer in a fluttering red dress (not exactly that, the other woman seemed to levitate), she thought to herself that she could never match her splendor. It was undoubtedly her mother, Vivienne.

Still not entirely back to her senses, the queen muttered: “Mother … ?”

Hearing her question, Vivienne rushed to her daughter, tears staining her face, and held her tightly.

“My baby!” Vivienne exclaimed, breaking the embrace to cup her daughter’s face and kiss her cheeks desperately, as someone that has waited an entire lifetime to meet another again.

Morgana felt a mix of happiness, tenderness and little bit of anger. As a child she would sometimes dream about her mother embracing her, showing how much she loved her, singing her a song to sleep, but those times were long passed and no matter how much her father – Gorlois – accepted everything about her mother’s treasons (two, as she learnt), it still enraged her. How could someone set aside so easily the most wonderful man she had ever met? Was Vivienne so blind to her faith that it didn’t matter who she had to hurt in the process to have her ways? And the thing that angered the most – the constant thought that they weren’t so different, that she would be capable of doing the same, sacrifice anyone and everything she ever held dear to obtain her final goal. It frightened her. She denied it every day, yet an inner vicious voice would whisper that they were the same. Then shortly the remembrances of the dank cell in Amata and of a constant madness that turned her in a living wraith – consumed by hate and bitterness, doomed to spend her last living moments hating everything and everyone, mostly herself for all that was lost – would come back to haunt her. It always disturbed her things that didn’t actually happen could still have so much power over her.

Suddenly remembering of her task – and fearing she would be too late if she didn’t rush – Morgana pushed Vivienne aside, not roughly, neither gently.

Instead of hurt, realization took over Vivienne’s face and she said:

“You must hurry and fulfill your destiny, daughter! You are the Goddess’ champion, restorer of magic!” She locked eyes with daughter, sustaining a hopeful gleam on her eyes and before Morgana could say something, Vivienne once more acquire a posture of eminence and spoke, as a High Priestess instead of her mother:

“Morgana, you must obey the Goddess’ will, this is the only way you shall triumph.”

Gritting her teeth, the younger seer replied:

“I’m no one’s paw!” She raised her chin, the traces of rage gone from her expression and voice and she added: “I’m a queen. I **choose** my own destiny and I **choose** to never bow to any bloodlust god or goddess whose only wish is to watch an endless cycle of human misery!”   

Instead of shout at her or curse her name, Vivienne simply smiled at her and said:

“ **That** is the Goddess’ wish, Morgana, either you call her God, Christ, Buddha or any other name. In the end it’s the same, as we are all the same.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” The queen retorted, frowning.

Before her mother could say anything else in return, the ghosts of the fallen began to enter the room, muttering their words of hatred. There were more of them now and there were children, women, young and old people among them, not only soldiers – Camelot’s or not.

They were fast and they quickly surrounded her as Vivienne stepped aside. Morgana watched her with indignation – once more, she was running away.

“Wait!” She screamed, terrified that this would be the end.

“You just have to trust, Morgana. That’s all I can say.”

And then it was too late, the dead had reached her and began to pile over her, crushing and choking the seer as they spoke in choir ‘give it back’.                 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m ending here, with a lot of cliffhangers only to leave you curious, muahahahahahahaha!!!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, it belongs to BBC.  
> Ok, intentions are one thing, but real accomplishments are another. So I tried to write this chapter to post it on the first anniversary of this story in complete secret, not wanting to raise hopes and being unable to fulfill my promises and … it’s here!!!!  
> This is the final chapter of the whole underworld arc, = D  
> The next chapter will deal with the aftermath of it and there are going to be some surprises too (good ones, not bad, I’m also tired of my only bad things happening).  
> Also, thanks for all the kudos, subscriptions and comments.  
> If you like this story, please check out Uther’s daughter (this is a totally unnecessary warning in AO3), it’s the crackish and fluffy (though it does have drama in it ‘cause it’s Merlin we’re talking about) story created to tame the anguish caused by this one. Comments are always appreciated, so if you find the kindness in your heart to leave one, please do,  
> : )

**Camelot**

 

The sky was marred with smoke and the unnatural fog of the Dorocha flying around the citadel. But the most terrifying sight wasn’t the mass of dead haunting the living, it was the clash between the purple Great Dragon and the shade-dragon, battling in the skies in a lethal dance. Their roars made the structures tremble, and the blasts produced by both of the creatures eventually miss their initial target, hitting the unoccupied buildings and causing destruction.  

Wherever the shade’s black flames hit, the spot seemed tainted, absorbed in a vortex of dark energy.

Sybarys sustained a magical shield around her, avoiding the poisonous blasts and the specter’s fangs, but it was taking its toll. Her flapping wings weren’t able to keep her above ground for much longer, and the longer her own fighting continued, Camelot’s defenders would remain in a tremendous disadvantage.

Thought it was also hard to disengage from specter, as in that very moment she was struggling against it, having a match of strength, one trying to subjugate the other.

Meanwhile, Arthur and Ruadan finally managed to position the oil above the attackers that were trying to trespass the inner walls. The soldiers turned the containers while the sorcerers set it on fire with their magic and other soldiers waved with torches to keep the Dorocha away from their companions. Not a single scream was heard in the enemies lines and the burning soldiers kept trying to climb the walls, until their heads were completely burnt to actually send the command to their bodies. Far from the main battle, drums kept being beat. 

Watching that the only way to stop them was cutting their heads, Arthur ordered to the knights and soldiers on top of the wall:

“Cut their heads off! That’s the only way they’ll definitely die!”

Some of the enemies succeeded in climbing the walls, immediately engaging in combat with Arthur and the knights.

Among swords clashing, Arthur inquired Ruadan:

“Where are our scouts?! We need to know what they find out –” The king stopped talking to defend a blow coming at his direction, then he spun and managed to cut off his assailant’s head, continuing to speak: “we need to know how to stop them!” As he spoke, a ghost almost reached him, but was blocked by Merlin’s torch.

Turning to Merlin, Ruadan pleaded:

“Emrys, please, do something! We can’t stand much longer! Half of our forces are too concentrated trying to keep the Dorocha at bay while the other halve can barely remain alive while trying to behead the enemies! I don’t even think Breanna and Ealish survived!”

“I have to protect Arthur.” Merlin muttered, ashamed of his own inability of using his magic in such a moment of need.

“ **Ácierfe!** ” Ruadan chanted against the closest enemy, beheading him, then turned to face more attackers, and said: “You can protect –”, he ducked from a ghost and cried out “ **Forbae! Ácwele!** ”, then continued: “all of us –”, he parried a sword, kicking the assailant, while Arthur fought another and Merlin kicked one that had almost climbed the wall, and Ruadan added: “if you use your magic!”

At that moment, Sybarys and the shade landed roughly outside the inner walls, crushing enemy soldiers and buildings alike. The Purple Dragon roared, sending a blast of pure magic against the specter, which stunned it for a few moments. Using those precious seconds in her favor, Sybarys flew to the inner walls, burning some Dorocha in her way and making Camelot’s defenders squeeze themselves so she could fit.

As she touched the ground, the Great Dragon channeled magic from inside the earth, releasing a surge of magical energy in her allies.

They felt invigorated, their reflexes faster, making it easier to dodge against the enemy soldiers’ blows and the flying ghosts.

She soon flapped her wings and flew higher as the shade chased her and they continued their strife above the citadel, painting the grey sky, thick with smoke, of orange and black.

Bodies were pilling up on top of the wall, both from Camelot’s and the enemies’ combatants, but it was clear that majority of the losses had been of the defenders. As they felt the magic pulsating in their veins, making them almost unreachable, their morale was renewed and the man roared against the assailants and ghosts around them.

As the battle continued, Arthur got surrounded at some point. Outnumbered, the knights could barely take a step to aid their king, the closest one was Merlin, still holding a torch on his left hand and a sword on his right.

He tried to diminish the distance, in vain. At every turn more of the enemies climbed the walls, and they encircled Arthur as a group of wolves would do to their prey.

Getting desperate, Merlin evoked his magic to come to his aid, pleading for it to work and … nothing.

The soldiers were aiming their swords at Arthur, even though he was under the effect of Sybarys magic, there was no space to effectively block and duck from all the swords at the same time. Merlin saw their blows going slowly towards his friend, his destiny, and at that moment something exploded inside of him.

All his frustration, all his doubts no longer had room to exist as the need to act pressed him. So, instead of begging or supplicating for his magic, Merlin simply commanded it, much like he did when he killed Nimueh with a lighting, and it emerged in strings of pure magical energy, instantaneously killing all of those surrounding his friend, while Arthur stared at him dumbfounded.   

 And then, everything went dark.

 

 

* * *

**Underworld**

 

She felt hands grabbing her neck and them pilling up over her, crushing her with their weight. Morgana was panicking, she reached for her magic and sent a wave of it against them, making them fly and she was able to breathe for a single moment before they got on their feet again.

She quickly scanned the cave for Vivienne, yet couldn’t find her. Morgana screamed “father”, hoping that Gorlois would appear and help her overcome this challenge, but she couldn’t spot him anywhere.

Suddenly the ground wasn’t so solid anymore and she began to sink along with the fallen. She urged her magic to create a shield to protect her. She thought about what Morgause had told her about Samhain and the Stone of the Dead, how every year all the Nine High Priestess reunited and chanted all night, opening the veil between the words and making a pact with the Caileach, so that the restless spirits could find the living and make peace. It cleansed old wounds and liberated the hate among people, making them free for the time they would be reborn.

Maybe that was the answer, instead of fighting them she should make amends, yet their demand was impossible for her. She couldn’t bring back to live the dead, not without dark magic and retuning them as wraiths, only shadows of their former selves, guided by hate and revenge.

They were hitting her shield with all the force they could muster, not caring at all that they were all sinking in the mud.

The noise was deafening and at every hit her shield would shake, seeming close to breaking and letting her be the target of their vengeance. She was scared, her mind restlessly trying to find a way out while the sludge rose, almost covering her completely.  

Gathering her thoughts, she concentrated on her mission. No one had ever returned alive from the test of retrieving the Stone of the Dead as no one was considered worthy of it. But she didn’t have a choice, worthy or not she had to return and command the Dorocha or else Camelot would fall. Then, in the distance, she heard someone humming a tune.

Morgana closed her eyes and let her thoughts flow with the music, ignoring the turmoil outside of her shield. It evoked in her a memory long lost, of the time she was only an infant, being lulled to sleep.

Closing her eyes and concentrating on that sensation, Morgana ignored the hostile words and actions against her and she urged her magic to transmit those feelings of safety, serenity and love to those surrounding her.

When she opened her eyes, the room wasn’t dark anymore, nor muddy. The dead had vanished and there was a stone pedestal in front of her with a necklace on its surface.

With the sensation still lasting on her state of mind, she walked towards the pedestal and when she blinked her mother appeared between her and the stone.

“What is the meaning of this? Are you here to stop me?” Morgana inquired, skeptically.

“No, I’m here as your final test. You heard your heart and overcome hatred with love, you chose to trust and you surpassed fear with it. But inside of your heart there’s still much anger and fear.”

“You are wrong. I fear nothing.” She retorted, raising her chin.

“Yes you do. I know it because I’m the thing that you fear the most.” Vivienne stated calmly.

“You can only be delusional! What can you do besides delay me in my quest?” Morgana snorted.

“Oh, don’t play dumb, Morgana, it doesn’t suit you. I know that you understood what I meant.” Once again her lecturing tone was of a High Priestess, unmoved by her snarky remark.          

“What? That I fear I’ll become like you, like a marionette in the hands of some self-proclaimed divinity? Like Morgause did?”

“Morgana, it wasn’t exactly like that. I confess that I was strictly following orders when Morgause was conceived –”

“Stop using lighter words for the reality! If you want me to listen to what you have to say then admit the truth, that you whored yourself to your father-in-law and later on to your best friend’s husband!”

“It was my destiny –” The queen saw Vivienne gritting her teeth as she began to say, but the younger woman interrupted the older one:

“It is so easy to say ‘it was my destiny’ and set aside the blame for your actions! They were yours, no one forced you to lay with those men! You chose to do it on your own!”

“As you chose to hate, attempt to murder your own brother and turn into a bitter woman?” Vivienne prodded.

“That’s different, those weren’t only my actions –”

“As mine weren’t either. I had a duty, Morgana. You may not know, but we are the last descendants of the Old King of Avalon. It has always been our duty to keep the bridge between Avalon and the realm of men. For that, having descendants was always a priority. Gorlois and I couldn’t, no matter how big our love was, and I know he already explained to you why. Either way, we chose to live our love even if we knew that there was no escaping from duty.”

“But why did you lie to him about who was my father? He had no idea when he was alive!” Morgana questioned, clearly distressed.

“Because as much as he had been understanding at the first time, I knew it would break his heart, beyond any sort of mending. And yet, it was imperative that you needed to exist!”

“For what? So that you could bargain a better position at Uther’s court?”

“You know it wasn’t for that. You know of the prophecy, Morgana, of restoring magic to the world. Also, I Saw it, the Purge, in my visions … and then I Saw you. You healing the people, you using magic for the greater good … you and your children … it was at that moment that I decided to make that future come true, no matter the consequences I had to suffer.”

“I … you left me and you left Morgause.” The younger woman said, the hurt palpable in her voice.

“And there wasn’t a single day I haven’t missed you. I’ve been waiting here for so long, hoping beyond hope that you’d make the right choice and you did.” Tears streamed down her eyes freely and Morgana looked aside and sulked. The parts of hero and villain were crumbling in her mind and she could no longer tell apart who was who in her life, so she closed her eyes and moved her fingers to her eyelids, already assuming her ‘battle instance’ when it came to fighting her own tears.

“What do you want from me?” Morgana asked in a cracked voice, her throat giving her signs that she wouldn’t ‘win her battle’ for much longer.

“I want you to release that heavy burden that you carry, Morgana. You’re not like me, we are different persons in different circumstances. Stop fearing what you could possibly become, abandon the doubt and just be yourself. Find the best parts in you and develop them, as for those parts that only cause you pain, set them free. Live, Morgana, for all that hope for a better future.”

“You say as if it is that simple.” Morgana retorted, sarcastically.

“But it is.” Vivienne finished and stepped aside, allowing a passage.

The queen quickly walked to the Stone and took it, as it was a necklace attached to the gem, by the chain. Shortly she felt as if her body was on fire, but instead of dropping the necklace, she clutched it tighter with her hand.

“It is judging you. Let go of the doubt about yourself, Morgana, and just take it.” She heard Vivienne saying, then she gulped and retrieved the artifact of the pedestal completely.

As she turned to her mother, Morgana saw her nod with a sad smile and disappear once more.

Alone again, the seer felt magic passing through the Stone and pointing her at the direction of a village, the Village of Denetun, at the foot of the White Mountain. She just had to return to the Pool of Nemhain and reunite with Blyth and Kayna first.

* * *

**Pool of Nemhain**

 

As she emerged from the blackened water, Morgana took a deep breath, completely soaked. Before she had a chance to look around her surroundings to find Blyth and Kayna, a huge mass moved in her direction and she instinctively slowed time to dodge it.  Unexpectedly it didn’t slow down and as it was mere millimeters from striking her, she teleported to an aleatory spot in the lake.

This time she managed to find her companions and have a glimpse of what attacked her: Blyth was floating on the water, his back on view and not a single indication that he was breathing while Kayna was on the shore, her legs on the water and her breaths quick and shallow, but still alive and awake. Blood was flowing from her torso, staining the ground besides her. The thing that moved to her was a huge black hound (of the size of a horse), that disappeared once she focused her stare on the shore.

With the adrenaline pumping in her system, Morgana teleported again, this time to the sky were she thought she would be out of reach enough time to cast a spell against it.

As she projected herself to the skies, aiming at where she was only seconds ago and noticing there were in fact two beast instead of only one, she heard a voice out and loud:

“Long time no see, Morgana.”

“ **Tæfle**!” She screamed. The water rose with the impact, covering the targets, and she began to descend due to gravity, recognizing the owner of that voice immediately – it was Alvaar. She didn’t stay long at that spot, quickly teleporting to the ground.

She only had time to say “Alvaar” before one of the hounds materialized in front of her and struck her with its paws, dropping her against the hard ground and using its weight to subjugate her. Morgana gritted her teeth, trying to pull away in vain. The other one growled by their side as Alvaar commanded them:

“Wait.” He calmly strolled to their side, until he was visible to Morgana and said grinning, while the beast’s black drool fall on her face:

“We can’t finish her off without giving her a chance, huh?”

“What are you talking about?!” She asked, seemly nervously, but was in fact assessing possible ways out.

“Well, Morgana, I’m here to make a proposal to you: join us and the fighting will end. Albion will have peace.” He stated seriously.

“Us who, Alvaar? And if you’d propose peace, then why attack Camelot in the first place?” She turned her face to avoid the drool and the creature growled at her in warning.

“We are the ones tired of all this slaughter, of men being the wolves of men, of those with power abusing it. We need to be guided, we need of a greater good to tell us what to do so that we won’t become beasts! And for that we’re willing to pull out all the weeds! I’m giving you a chance here, Morgana. As queen you have the alignment of your subjects, you earned their trust and they’ll follow you anywhere! You were as misguided as me before, but I know you have a good heart deep inside and I know you understand the feeling of misery. I remember your words of years ago, I promise you this, if you join us no one will need to be brave anymore, they just have to freely give themselves and follow, them they’ll be free to be who they are, without hurting anyone else.” He spoke and she could notice the fanatic glint in his eyes.    

“I don’t understand, Alvaar. I thought you fought for the freedom of those with magic, I thought that that was your greatest goal. And if you and your allies included are willing to give us an opportunity to join you, then why didn’t you do it **before** marching against us?” She replied, silently readying a spell in her mind.

“I was mistaken before. I thought that I had a gift when in fact I was tainted, what I really had was a constant temptation to see myself as above than anyone else, and for that I was in fact a prisoner of my own arrogance. Let me tell you what I’ve learnt, Morgana, freedom is an illusion. We’re always bound to something, either our own ambitious minds, our loved ones or our duties. We’re never truly free, but without the proper guidance we can become selfish and commit atrocities. So, what I truly seek now is peace, that can only be achieved once we give ourselves to a higher good, and that is what really set us free – by giving the control of our lives we’re truly free.”

Morgana closed her eyes, as if pondering his words, buying time to magically remove Kayna and Blyth from the lake, hoping that she would be quiet so no one would notice.

“Let’s say that I agree, so you are asking of me to suppress a large part of who I am and ask my subjects to do the same so that we can live in peace?” She asked calmly, trying her hardest not to demonstrate her true decision.  

“Yes! I tried to explain to your subordinates, but they didn’t even want to listen! Though I’m sure you understand: what are two lives in comparison to thousands?” He said, satisfied, mistaking her tranquility with acquiescence.

“To me, all of my allies’ lives matter.” She replied in a cold and sharp tone and her eyes glowed gold as she chanted spells mentally in quick succession: “ _Árære sum minthamm on hiera módgemyndu_ ”, “ _Hleap on bæc!_ ” and “ _Eard! Áwierp híe_ ”. She made the beast on top of her flip to the ground, having fogged their minds beforehanded and then called the earth to expel them from its surface, making them fall back on the lake as she extended her hand and yelled:

“ **Hlynraþ!** ” Blasting a lightning bolt on the water, electrocuting Alvaar and the two magical hounds.

After that, Morgana ran to Kayna’s side and held her in her arms, noticing that her underlying’s wound was created by a bite.

“My queen …” The young sorceress said and Morgana raised a hand to stop her, speaking:

“Hush, Kayna. Don’t speak. Save your strength. You can talk after I heal you.” The seer said gently and she chanted:

“ **Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ!** ”

 The wound closed momentarily, but it soon reopened, releasing a black ooze instead of blood.

“My queen … please … save me. I don’t want to die.” Kayna begged and in her perplexity Morgana quickly thought that Morgause could know something about this as no secret knowledge of her older self came into her mind, so she nodded and casted another spell, this time to go wherever her sister was (which she knew it was somewhere on the Isle of the Blessed, but it was urgent, she didn’t have the time to look for her).

“ **Astýre mé þurfan Morgause sy”**

Morgana felt a pressure unlike any other as she cast the spell, as if she was crossing a thick path with her magic and had almost got stuck in the middle of the way, thought she successfully arrived at her destination. 

* * *

**Isle of the Blessed**

 

 

It was a hall at the Isle of the Blessed that she had never visited, even during the times Morgause would take her there in that one year they spent together. She immediately noticed the noise of something hitting against the door and when she finally turned her head to the left, where the noise came from, she saw Morgause flushed and pressing against said door with the new acolytes beside her. They had their hands joined and all of them chanted repeatedly an enchantment to keep the room’s power and the door closed. At the northwest corner of the hall, Finna searched something frantically in a pile of books.

“Morgana!” Her sister exclaimed and added: “You came to aid us! How did you get in here?!” Then she continued to chant the words of the enchantment and Finna turned to see what was going on.

Morgana distinguished shrieks outside and the beat of drums and guessed that they were also attacking the Isle of the Blessed, not that any of the scrying mirrors, crystal and water fountains were able to show anything of the outside world.  

“I came here so that you could help me. Kayna has been wounded and poisoned by a black hound of the size of a horse.” She paused briefly, then continued: “But I see, only now, that you’re also under attack.”

“You described a Telekhines, my queen. They are dogs from the Hades, the Greek version of the Underworld. Their saliva is poisonous, but I’m afraid we can’t do much without access to our storage.”

“Just keep her alive in the meanwhile. I have a meeting with the Caileach.” Morgana replied and Morgause almost leapt where she was and asked, skeptically:

“You can’t be thinking of offering your life to close the veil! Take someone else as sacrifice! And it’ll only solve one problem, there’ll still be an entire army at our doorsteps!” She practically screamed hysterically.

“Morgause, I have the Stone of the Dead, so if you excuse me, I have an army of ghost to command.” She answered dryly and teleported to the breach, sensing the same discomfort as she left the hall.

 

* * *

**Village of Denetun**

 

 

In an instant she was in the middle of the village. The sight awaiting her caused a lump to form on her throat. Morgana noticed the corpses of the villagers, piled at the center of a drawn circle, the earth stained by their blood. She trembled with anger, closing her fists to the point she could tear her skin. Wild tears ran down her eyes, venting her rage and sorrow. She finally understood why there were children, old people, women and men that obviously weren’t soldiers or knights among the ghost that pursued her – they too had lost their lives due to her inability to protect her own kingdom.

Morgana took a deep breath, setting aside her own guilt for that moment, because it wasn’t over yet. She strode to the circle, determined to end that madness.

As she came closer, the Caileach became visible and the queen could clearly distinguish the place where the veil had been torn. It looked like an open wound gushing miasmas to the world of the living and it would soon have even more dead ones on the other side. Morgana lifted the Stone by its necklace’s chain, showing her what she possessed.

“Caileach! I have the Stone of the Dead and with it I’m entitled to order you and you are obliged to answer to my commands!” She spoke with resolution while the gatekeeper stared at her, then the seer added: “Turn the Dorocha against Camelot’s attackers! Order them to touch what threatens the lives of my allies! Have them do the same at the Isle of the Blessed and any other place where those with magic and their companions are under attack of those so called peace lovers that try to impose their views by force! And then, have them return to the spiritual world!”

The old magical being gave her a faint smile and hit her staff on the ground, then she said: “It is done.”

Hearing those words, relief was shown on Morgana’s features, along with drowsiness, as she grew exhausted, a little bit more by each minute. She shook her head, as the fatigue was making her limbs heavier.

 

**Camelot**

 

Arthur had put Merlin’s unconscious body over his shoulder, while more attackers climbed the inner walls and began combating Camelot’s knights and sorcerers. Gwaine and Leon rushed to his side, both of them holding a torch instead of a shield on their non-dominant hand and Leon said:

“My King, it’s better to take Merlin to safety. I think you should go too, we’re overwhelmed here, even with the Dragon’s magic I don’t know how long we can withstand this attack.”

And, as if waiting for their cue, the Dorocha suddenly stopped in the middle of the air and turned against the assailants, freezing them to death with their touch. It was so sudden that Camelot’s defenders just stared dumbfounded, not comprehending what was happening until someone yelled:

“We are saved!”

“Hurray! Hurray!”

It was such an unbelievable and bizarre closure for the battle, that some soldiers dropped their weapon and began to give their thanks for answered prayers, others run back to the castle and the underground entrance, that was sheltering most of Camelot’s citizens. The sorcerers used their magic as replacement for fireworks and their battle companions applauded them.

Arthur merely whispered ‘Morgana has done it’ and led Merlin to the castle.

Someone landed a broom, caring a wounded person. Their scouts had finally returned, and by their state, they wouldn’t have made it if the ghosts remained only a few more minutes in the offensive against Camelot.

Sybarys also landed, exhausted and wounded from her battle.

 

   

* * *

**Village of Denetun**

 

The two remained in silent while Morgana waited for what she thought that would be long enough to kill an army of probably thirty to forty thousands of men and that thought churned her stomach, but it was either them or her brother and friends, and that wasn’t an option. She remembered Gorlois’ words. She had to stand for what she believed in, even if in some cases she caused even more death. She would withstand whatever consequences came her way, or so she told herself.

A sinister wind blew towards the circle and the seer believed that those were the spirits of the fallen returning and bringing Camelot’s adversaries with them. She decided to ask the Cailleach:

“Have they returned?”    

“Yes.” The gatekeeper replied briefly.

“Close the veil.” The queen commanded and she sensed a great surge of magic in the area, knowing that the ancient magic wielder had to obey.

“It is done.” The Cailleach said shortly after that, and she stood, as if waiting for another command.

The seer was feeling a weakness in her legs and she had to move them in order to obtain a better stand. Her sight was becoming hazy, yet there was still something else to resolve. She took off her necklace and extended her hand to the Cailleach, saying:

“No living person should command the dead. Their sole duty is to find peace and be reborn. That’s why I’m returning the Stone to you, as long as no more sacrifices are necessary to perform the ritual of purification during Samhain.”

The Cailleach smiled genuinely at her and Morgana had the impression that she was witnessing something that hadn’t occurred in centuries. She took the artifact from the seer’s hand, still smiling and spoke:

“You have surprised me with your choice, and it was a good surprise.”

“And you have opened my eyes, so I consider us even.” The queen replied.

The ancient woman stroke Morgana’s cheek and disappeared, leaving her alone with a pile of dead people she failed. The seer practically dragged her feet out of the circle and teleported home with her heart heavy for not being able to do more for her lost citizens.

 

* * *

****Camelot** **

 

Morgana appeared in the main hall, where there were improvised stretchers occupied by the injured in the battle. As she touched the ground her knees gave in, her vision was foggy, but she did discern her brother’s blonde hair as he laid Merlin in one stretcher and it was the final image she saw before blacking out.

In the end, she managed to whisper ‘Merlin’ as she fell to a state of unconsciousness.

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First with spells' translations:  
> Ácierfe = to cut off, more like I cut off.  
> Forbae! Ácwele! = Fire! Destroy! a.k.a. the famous fireball.  
> Tæfle! = Throw [them like] dice!  
> Árære sum minthamm on hiera módgemyndu = Create a mist on their minds.  
> Hleap on bæc! = Leap on your back!  
> Eard! Áwierp híe = Earth! Throw them out!  
> Hlynraþ = (to) Thunder (imperative)  
> Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ! = I heal you thoroughly from your mortal wound with those special powers that are ancient! Oh!  
> Astýre mé þurfan Morgause sy = Guide me to where Morgause is.  
> I don’t know why, but while writing the dialogue between Morgana and Alvaar I could only think of Christian Grey trying to convince Anastasia Steel (I saw the movie guys, I couldn’t resist the curiosity) to accept being dominated because losing control would make her feel liberated, as if.  
> Also, to those that know Greek Mythology, technically Telekhines aren’t dogs of the Hades (hell, not the god), but like people that have dog heads and flippers of seals instead of hands, but it’s a Greek name, so I used it, : )  
> Well, this chapter could be entitled as “the day in which Morgana said ‘Bitch, I’m Aragorn!’ and commanded an army of dead herself”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, the 2008 TV series belongs to BBC.  
> Thanks for all the kudos, subscriptions and comments. And just as a quick reminder, commentaries are always appreciated, so please do leave them, they’ll be loved, cherished and well nurtured, = D

**Camelot**

 

“Morgana!!” Gwen screamed as she saw her friend fall to the ground. Arthur immediately turned his head and saw his sister sprawled on the cold stone of the hall. Quickly releasing Merlin, he rushed to her and took her in his arms as Gwen reached the two.

Gaius was about to get up and tend to the queen when Alice stopped him, swiftly getting closer to check Morgana.

She was soaked and there was a black liquid staining her hairline.

“She’s feverish!” Gwen exclaimed, touching her friend’s forehead with her palm, as Morgana mumbled “Merlin”. Arthur and she exchanged worried glances, barely noticing that the seer was even saying anything, when Alice came next to them, examining the queen.

“She has been poisoned.” Alice stated and took Gwen’s hand and chanted: **“Ic þinge þé, eaw, Héahmihte Modoreynde, áclænsae þæt ættren æthrine”**. Her eyes glowed and Guinevere’s hand was enveloped by a golden light.

“Don’t touch her where there’s this black ooze. It’s a very strong poison. She needs to be cleaned before I can treat her.” She told Gwen and turned to Arthur: “My king, please bring your sister to her chambers. I’ll send word to my apprentices and tend to her.

Arthur nodded, walking towards the door, accompanied by Gwen as she struggled to match his steps while holding her swollen belly for balance.

They didn’t exchange a word in the way, too concerned as their minds run wild, trying to figure out what had happened. They focused on getting as fast as they could to Morgana’s chambers instead of voicing their fears, avoiding making conjectures without more information.

As they reached the room, Gwen opened the door and Arthur stepped in, placing Morgana on a daybed.   

Soon after that, one of Alice’s apprentices entered the room along with Sefa and they rushed Arthur and Gwen out of the room.

The king put his arm around his wife’s waist, and she took the clue to hold him tightly for comfort. They only broke apart when Alice arrived and Arthur asked her:

“Do you know what kind of poison it is? Can you treat her, Alice?”

“Morgause has informed me that the queen was exposed to a poisonous salive, of a hound from Hades, called Telekhines.”  

“Morgause! How does she know? Did she have anything to do with this attack?!” He inquired, furious.

“She has come to aid, milord. Morgana brought Kayna to the Isle of the Blessed as the young one was bitten by one of those beasts. Kayna told her that one of the hounds drooled over her majesty, so Morgause came here to bring the antidote.” Alice replied and turned to Gwen: “I believe you should also take some of it, my queen. The poison is too strong, I’m not sure if only my magic was able to neutralize it.”

“After everything that has happened you can’t expect me to just let Morgause get anywhere near my sister! She bewitched Morgana and almost took her away from us!” Arthur protested, gritting his teeth and gripping the hilt of his sword as a reflex for a lifetime of knightly training, a natural response for a stressing situation. Gwen grabbed his arm and he noticed what he was doing, releasing the sword, yet remaining tense.

“We don’t have the ingredients here, my king, to brew an antidote. I’m afraid we have to accept the Priestess’ help or else risk the very lives we desire to save.” Alice retorted and added: “There is no need for her to be near the queens. I’ll administer the antidote for once, if you allow me.”

Arthur frowned, still angry about Morgause being in Camelot, while Gwen spoke:

“Fine, Alice, but please make haste.” The old woman nodded, curtsied and called one of her apprentices to go get the antidote, as she stepped into Morgana’s room.          

 

* * *

“Merlin …”. Now laid over her own bed, Morgana mumbled his name again, frowning. Her sweat covered her forehead and she fumbled against the bed linen in her feverish state. Alice’s assistants had removed the seer’s drenched chainmail, and changed her into a nightgown, after they had cleaned and dried her.

“How long until the medicine works?” Arthur inquired, seated in a chair by Morgana’s side, holding Gwen’s hand. She sat near him, watching her friend attentively.

“It is making its effects already, though she’ll remain sweating and with a high fever until the next morning.” Alice answered.

“No … Merlin … don’t …” Morgana murmured again, tears falling from her eyes and the flames of the candles began to grew erratic, the wind blowing with sudden force against the windows, making them tremble.

“What is happening?!” Gwen asked and Alice replied:

“Her magic has been driven out of control!”

“How do we stop it?!” Arthur inquired, holding Guinevere protectively.

“It seems that she is calling for Merlin, maybe his presence can soothe her.” The old healer suggested.

“Guards!! Bring Merlin here, even if you have to carry him!!” Arthur shouted.

The men ran to the main hall, as Gwen took Morgana’s hand and rubbed circles.

“Can’t we wake her up?” She questioned.

“It can be dangerous. She used much of her magic. She even broke an eternal barrier on the Isle of the Blessed according to Morgause. I’m afraid that awakening her now can bring her to complete exhaustion as she is also fighting the poison.”

“But then isn’t it dangerous to let her keep using her magic like this?” It was Arthur who inquired at this turn.

“Yes, that’s why we have to make her stop. Though using magic to freeze her now may only postpone this unconscious outburst.”

“Then what do we do?” Gwen asked, wrinkling her forehead.

“Wait. Perhaps singing a tune can help.” Alice retorted.

The queen nodded and started to hum a lullaby and the flames decreased a bit, as well as the trembling of the windows.

“It is working!” Arthur exclaimed and Alice casted a quick spell to fireproof the curtains, just in case. After a few more moments, two guards entered the room, caring a still unconscious Merlin.

“ **Áwæcne** ” Alice chanted and the warlock opened his eyes in shock, gasping for air, thrashing between the guards’ grip.

“Calm down, Merlin. It’s okay.” Alice raised a hand and said in a serene tone.

“What? The Dorocha… Arthur –”

“I’m right here, dollophead.”

Merlin’s eyes searched frantically for the sound’s source and settled on the king. The dragonlord briefly smiled in relief and then he felt like Uther had sat on his head. He used his hands to support his head, while the guard that was holding his legs dropped and the other helping the warlock stand. He murmured: “That’s my word” and added:

“We won?” Merlin asked, still confused. Gwen quickly replied with a short “yes” and Arthur sighed, making an expression that clearly could be read as “oh, really?”, but the dark-haired young man was too light-headed to notice it, so he only smiled goofily. Though he did perceive that Morgana was on the bed, sweating and stirring in her sleep, and that the windows clacked, while the candles were blazing dangerously close to the curtains.

“What happened to her?” He asked, concerned.

“Long story. I need you to bring your skinny ass here, because for an extremely mysterious reason she has been muttering your name ever since she passed out. With luck, her wild rampant magic won’t destroy this room with us inside.”

“Arthur!” Gwen chastised him and her husband wondered: “What?”. She giggled, unable to remain serious with his lack of tact, especially because there was also part of why she loved him. By his side even the gloomiest situation could be lightened with his funny remarks.

Merlin was helped by the two guards to get closer to the bed as Arthur ordered them to lay him there, carefully.

“He’s here and she doesn’t seem to be calming down.” The king stated, worriedly.

Alice dismissed the guards and her assistants, then spoke:

“Maybe she needs to touch him to feel his presence better.”

“What? That is already crossing the lines of propriety!” He exclaimed, lifting up from his chair a bit.

“We have to try.” Gwen said, looking deeply into his eyes in a way he knew he wasn’t able to say ‘no’, so he just nodded and glared at Merlin, narrowing his eyes and said:

“Don’t do anything funny with my sister.”

“It’s kind of hard with a whole audience watching.” The warlock teased. It was good to feel like everything went back to normal with Arthur talking to him instead of ignoring.

“Don’t try your luck, _Mer_ lin.” His friend warned and then chuckled. Arthur missed their banters too and in the middle of a life-threatening situation he had an excuse to take a break from his ever present (not really, had he been true to himself) wrath.

Arthur stood up and helped to drag Morgana to Merlin’s chest. As soon as she touched him her magic stopped affecting the room, yet she kept murmuring his name while tears streamed down her eyes.

Merlin held her with his left arm, using his right hand to caress her hair.

“Hands off!” Arthur protested.

“Well, your royal prattiness, that’s impossible. How am I supposed to soothe her without my hands?”

“Don’t play the clever one here, _Mer_ lin.” He narrowed his eyes to the dark-haired man.

“Prat!”

“Idiot!”

Gwen giggled and Alice cleared her throat, with a smile plastered on her face, and said:

“I’ll take my leave, milord. I have other patients to attend and I must inform Lady Morgause of her sister’s progress.”

“Wait, Alice. I’ll have a word with her myself.” Arthur stated and Gwen squeezed his hand in concern. He turned his head and muttered:

“It’s okay, Guinevere. I won’t do anything harsh. Also, you should get some rest, you must be exhausted after helping the wounded the whole night.”

“I don’t want to leave Morgana’s side.”

“I know. Just rest on her bed then. You can keep an eye on Merlin too this way.”

Arthur kissed his wife’s forehead and got up to follow Alice.

 

* * *

 

Morgause paced around the physician’s quarters as she waited for any news regarding Morgana’s state. She didn’t know with she was more disturbed by the absence of answers about her sister’s condition or the many moans of pain coming from the wounded that currently occupied almost every corner of the place.

An hour had passed since she had arrived in Camelot, bringing the only thing that could save her sister’s life, meanwhile neglecting her own duties as High Priestess as she left the Isle and the novices right after a full forced attack. Yet, no one had even bothered to inform her of anything.

She knew that she wasn’t exactly welcomed in Camelot, especially not by her sister, but the waiting was becoming unbearable.

Morgause was about to damn it all and sprint to Morgana’s chambers – completely disregarding Gaius’ request for her to remain in one place in order to avoid an uproar about her presence in the kingdom – when Sir Leon entered the room and spoke:

“The king desires to have a word with you, High Priestess. Follow me.”

She complied, concluding it was probably her best chance to know anything about her sister’s state, and trailed after Leon. After turning in some corridors and climbing up a pair of stairs, the knight opened a door and instructed her to enter.

As she stepped in, the door was closed behind her. Morgause saw Arthur standing in the middle of the room.

“Why did you came here in person? Why didn’t you send someone else? You know you aren’t welcomed here in Camelot, not after what you’ve done to my sister.” He said in a menacing tone.

Morgause gritted her teeth and replied, angrily:

“She’s **my** sister too, unless you have forgotten! The Isle is a chaos, **your** armies failed to protect us, I couldn’t have sent someone else, nor would I with my sister’s life at stake!”

“You didn’t seem to care that much for her when you put that damned bracelet on her wrist that would completely twist her, turn her into a monster!” He replied in exasperation, taking some angry steps towards Morgause.

“You are such a hypocrite. Not long ago you’d call her ‘monster’ for the sole reason of having magic! Don’t think that you and I are so different, or you are oblivious to the fact that it was Camelot’s hatred on magic, yours and Uther’s, that pushed her towards me? We both desired her loyalty, Arthur, and we certainly did what we could to secure it.” She replied, defiantly.

“Don’t you **dare** compare me to the likes of you!”

“It is the truth. We both would have pushed her too hard. At least **I** know the extent of my wrongdoing to Morgana now and I do wish to apologize for it.” ”She retorted with a hint of sadness in her tone and added, taunting:

“What about you, Arthur Pendragon? Have you ever recognized how you look at her with distrust? How you question her decisions based on the fear that magic has ‘corrupted’ her?”

“I do no such thing!” He protested.

“You are an awful liar.” She mocked him.

“If I see magic with distrust is because the likes of you have given me many reasons to be cautious about it.” He groaned.

“Oh, please. If our positions were reversed, if **you** had to fight to survive against mass extermination – of yourself and your loved ones – wouldn’t you use all the means that you had at your disposal?”

“You **were** **trying** to exterminate me, my father and my kingdom! This does count as fighting for my life!”

“Because Uther struck first! No matter what had happened to him, **nothing** justifies the slaughtering of an entire section of society! It wasn’t only in Camelot that magic users were hunted, it was everywhere! They all just agreed to mass murdering their own people and later on taxing us as soulless animals! Oh, not even that, your horses had a proper burial had they fallen from sickness, whereas **you** left many of us to become feasts for wolves and crows, men, women and children alike!”

“Enough!” Arthur shouted, squeezing the hilt of his sword, his nostrils flared.

“Will you prove to be your father’s son and cut the witch off now?” She scorned.

“My father had qualities and flaws, Morgause. And after everything I’ve been through, I can say that I’m not him, but I’m not blind to his good accomplishments.”

“Like what?” She asked in a mocking tone.

“The peace and stability he brought to the land. His wish to unite all the kingdoms in peace –”

“Oh, please, stop.” She interrupted him, annoyed, and continued: “He already had peace **before** the Purge, **with** magic’s help. He would never unite all the land because of the conflicts **he** created by himself. And **you** can only be better than him if **you** stop trying to follow in his footsteps. Be your own man, Arthur Pendragon, for a change.”

He huffed, suddenly devoid of words to argue back, and after a while asked:

“What do you want? Do you think you can just barge in and say all this stuff out of nowhere?”

“I’ve only stayed because I’m concerned about my sister. I wish to know how she is faring.” Morgause replied, in a composed voice and proceeded:

“Also, you requested to meet me personally, I should be the one making that question.” She smirked, having more fun than what she expected by teasing the young Pendragon.

“You – Just… Just keep away from Morgana.”

“That’s not your decision to make.” She retorted.

“And not entirely yours!” He countered, and crossed his arms, pouting like a vexed twelve years-old.

Morgause smirked again and said:

“Then I’ll take my leave.”

“What? Don’t you know how Morgana is?”

“Well, your presence here and our brief conversation have already answered me. Had the worst happened, I’d be the last person you’d be talking to. If you’re here, then it means she is safe. Therefore, I’m leaving. I have more urgent matters to attend to.”

“I’m still your king, you need my permission to leave.” He countered, with a serious tone.

“I didn’t pledged my loyalty to you.” And then Morgause teleported back to the Isle.

 

* * *

  

Gwen had fallen asleep on her side of the bed, while Merlin watched Morgana, her eyebrows creased. She had stopped saying his name, now she would just cry sparsely, soaking his shirt, and clinging to him.

He used his index finger to undo the crease on her forehead and whispered:

“Even in your dreams I make you cry?”

As soon as he removed his finger, she furrowed her brows again, sobbing his name.

He had asked Gwen what had made Morgana be in her current state or why she was constantly repeating his name, but all she knew was that her friend was poisoned and collapsed in the hall as soon as she reached Camelot. She told him her guess, that Morgana must have seen him in one of the stretchers, motionless and might have imagined the worst.

Though it didn’t make much sense to him. Only two days ago she was screaming at him, making perfectly clear just how much she hated him. Then he thought about their conversation during that same night, how he had glimpsed that she did consider accepting his offer.

Ever since she had returned from her time with Morgause her mind had been a mystery to him, exactly because he couldn’t exactly point if it was the logical side – which meant bringing to the world more extremely talented and powerful born magical users, that would be raised in a family and home that would accept who they were and support their growth and self-discovery as magical beings – or if it was something else.

He grinned when he thought about it. He imagined if she’d ever have feelings for the likes of him, it always had seemed surreal that she could show any interest on him. He didn’t thought he could compete with the men that surround her and fought for her attention on a daily basis. He always considered that she had only bedded him because she was drunk that night, otherwise that would never happen. If only it hadn’t happen … then, he wouldn’t have committed a greater sin than trying to take her life that day.

Morgana made a small noise and he looked at her again, removing a stray lock of her from her face. Goddess, she was stunning, even with puffy eyes, sweaty forehead and tearstained cheeks.

He chuckled thinking their children would be the most beautiful ones that had ever existed if they inherited her beauty, and then he tried to imagine what they would look like, how if instead of dead they were …

This time tears streamed down his eyes and Merlin bit his lip to stop a sob. He didn’t think he was entitled to even wonder how that … happiness … would be like.

He dried his own tears and waited for Arthur to return, trying to keep himself awake until his friend (at least they were on speaking terms again, perhaps calling Arthur a friend wasn’t such a distant dream in the end) returned.

But his own tiredness was overwhelming and not long after that he was also asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spells translations:
> 
> “Ic þinge þé, eaw, Héahmihte Modoreynde, áclænsae þæt ættren æthrine” = I beg thee, oh, Great/Mighty Mother, cleanse that poisonous touch.
> 
> “Áwæcne” = Awaken


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, the 2008 TV series belongs to BBC.  
> I posted a one-shot in the middle of September and later on I had a flu (and absolutely no conditions to keep my eyes open) and then writer’s block for this chapter, so here it is, a little bit late, so, sorry for that.  
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks

 

 

_There is a multitude of universes, every choice, every possibility coexists in parallel lines, Morgana. Who I am now may not be who you’ll be in the future._

 

The words rung in her head, as part of a dream that faded from her memory.

Sunrays were already illuminating the room when Morgana opened her eyes. Still a little bit drowsy, she noticed that she had slept against someone’s warm chest, and that the same person enveloped her in a protective embrace. She raised her eyebrows, lifting her head from the man’s torso to see his face, wondering if it was Arthur, although that was weird and she didn’t have the slightest inkling of why he’d do that, but before her mind could make more assumptions, she saw him.  

Morgana froze in shock. Inadvertently her first thought was “he’s alive” and she sighed in relief, her treacherous heart skipped a bit before her mind returned into full alert mode. Then she frantically checked herself for any missing parts, disentangling from him and sitting on the small amount of free space on the mattress, as her eyes wandered across the room and she noticed that Gwen and Arthur were lying on the other side of the bed, hugging and sleeping peacefully.

Ok, so she had to take them out of her room and later on kill Merlin, otherwise she could harm Gwen’s baby with the extent of her fury. Another thing was to find out whose brilliant idea was to allow Merlin full access to her bed with the bonus of free groping at any given time. Was the “it’s destiny” disease affected Arthur and Gwen too so they were proactively trying to ensure the existence of their foretold offspring or was it only because Gwen wanted her child to have cousins to play with?

After she’d killed Merlin, Morgana decided she’d have a talk with Guinevere about choices and propriety. 

Before she could take any actions to awake her friend and her brother, Merlin slightly opened his eyes, watching her through his lashes, and said in a husky voice: “Good morning.”

Morgana gaped, her mind refused to work precisely at that moment, and her jaw rose and fell, unsuccessfully trying to form a word, any word, that would retrieve her from this awkward situation. She felt ridiculous, like a babbling teenager, unable to have any coherent thought (something that never happened to her during her teen years) at the sight of **the** person that caused so many conflicting emotions on her.

Well, if words deserted her, her muscles certainly didn’t and she slapped him on the face. “Owww!!!” He immediately cried out, covering his injured cheek with his hand and leaning against the headboard.

That woke Arthur and Gwen up, and the other queen immediately chastised her friend:

“Morgana!”

Still a little bit groggy, Arthur gave his sister a thumb up in an angle hidden from Gwen’s perspective.

“What is **he** doing here?!” Morgana inquired, her nostrils flaring in fury.

“You asked for me!” Merlin retorted, also irritated for being hit, what a delightful way to start a morning, he sarcastically thought.

“What?! I wouldn’t do that! I must have been delusional –”

“In his defense, you were. I asked Merlin to come here, and ‘cuddle’ you, Morgana. You were calling his name and your magic was running wild, we didn’t have another choice.” Arthur interrupted.

Morgana blushed, after that it was quite obvious how she truly felt about Merlin, even a dork like him would notice it by now.

She felt ashamed on how easily it was for her to reveal her so hardly buried secret. Would he claim that her feelings meant that they should fulfill all theirs prophesized destinies? Would he expose her feelings for him as a prize for everyone to see how he had “tamed” her? Since when she’d only expect the very worse of him?

She took a deep breath, clinging to the shreds of her dignity she said:

“I want you to leave, Mer–, Emrys.”

He did something she didn’t expect, he looked resigned and **hurt** instead of coming up with a clever reply. He merely shrugged his shoulders, got on his feet and left the room.

 

* * *

**Headquarters of the Order of the White Dragon**

**Morning**

 

“I’ve summoned you all here to discuss the latest attack against Camelot and the magical community.” Morgana told her audience, that consisted on Alice and Ruadan in flesh and Morgause, Iseldir, Alathor, Aelhaearn and Ari on crystals.

“The wards didn’t work, we weren’t warned about the invaders at all and every form of magical communication failed. The village of Denetun was entirely used as sacrifice to release the Dorocha, while Camelot and the Isle of the Blessed were target, that we know of.” She added. The Queen was wearing a purple gown and her crown.  

“Our camps were unharmed.” Iseldir replied.

“As were ours.” Ari added.

“Helva was attacked. I received word from my apprentice.” Alathor stated.

“The Disir sensed danger and left the sacred place.” Aelhaearn replied.

“It seems that every place that had a fixed location was targeted.” Morgause spoke.

“But most of them were within Camelot, this shouldn’t have happened! Our wards were supposed to alert us!” Morgana exclaimed.

“Yet they didn’t. Perhaps it was their enchantment … What exactly were they enchanted for?” Alice inquired.

“To alert the Order of anyone with ill intentions towards Camelot and its people.” The queen answered.

“Maybe … Maybe the assailants didn’t see themselves as having ill intentions towards Camelot. Perhaps that’s why it didn’t work.” Morgause told them.

“What about the Crystal of Neahtid? Did it show anything?” Alathor inquired.

“No, it was only fogged and darkened.” Morgana replied.

“Hmm, it might be tainted. Someone has to go to the Crystal Cave to cleanse it.” Aelhaearn spoke.

“I offer myself to take this quest.” Ruadan said.

“It doesn’t work like that. Only someone destined to find it can have access to the Crystal Cave. Generally it takes a long time to find the destined ones, but it’s said that anyone with enough power to activate one of its Crystals can find it. I suppose you are one of them, Queen Morgana.” Alathor stated.

“I know of another that can accomplish the task. I’ll send him.” She retorted and proceeded:

“As for now, we must rethink our defenses and ensure the safety of magic wielders. Our enemies goal is to destroy all magic or subjugate it.”

“How are we supposed to stop it?” Iseldir asked.

“I have an idea.” Morgana retorted.

 

 

* * *

**Camelot’s City Outskirts**

**Noon**

 

“Do you really think this is a good idea?” Arthur asked his sister.

“Don’t worry, this is safe.” She replied and shortly after that added: “Probably.”

“Wait, so you don’t know if there won’t be any unwanted consequences, Morgana?” He asked, crossing his arms, his chainmail clinging.

“I’m not sure if I can undo it, I’ll only know when it’s time.”

“When it’s time? What does it mean?” He inquired with furrowed brows.

“It’s hard to explain, let’s just do this and get over with it.” She replied.

“Fine.” He pointed his hand to Odin’s corpse and added: “Do your thing.”

Morgana crouched near the deceased king’s body. When Camelot’s knights and soldiers began collecting and piling their assailants’ bodies someone recognized the king among them, as well as other commanders and soldiers of Caedmon from their last encounter. Also, there were more mouth-stitched sorcerers among their ranks. She wasn’t sure if they had done that on themselves or if someone had done it, and she didn’t know what was worse – to hate oneself to the point of denying an essential part of who they are or being hated and mutilated like that – or what was the case.

The Seer Queen chanted:

“ **Áríse! Andwyrde mín ciégan!** ”   

The deceased king opened his eyes and snarled:

“Pendragons!! I’ll kill you!!!!”

“Not exactly, milord. You’ve failed and I’ve summoned you to answer my questions.” Morgana told him.

“Only over my dead body!”

“We’re already at it.” Arthur pointed out.

“You’re obliged to answer, those are the rules.” His sister explained to Odin.

“No, I’m not!”    

“It doesn’t matter what you think or want, you’ll see it soon.” Morgana retorted and instructed her brother:

“Put the ring on, Arthur.”

He did as he was told and inquired Odin:

“Who were your allies?”

“If you can think I … I … I hate you …. Arghhh … Those that desire magic’s end!”

“That’s not new, ask him for names.” The seer remarked.

“Tell me names.” The blond king demanded.

“I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! I … I … Prometheus.”

“Who is this Prometheus?” Arthur asked.

“Greek Mythology, you ass!!!” Odin responded and Arthur got enraged, he was about to protest when Morgana stopped him with her hand, they exchanged glances, he nodded and then asked:

“You mean the titan?”

“Gahhhh … I HATE … YES!”

“Why?”

“He is against magic!!! He’d help me annihilate you and your witch sister!!!”

“It was he who turned your men into zombies? By what means?”

“I HATE YOU!!!!” Odin spat on Arthur and Morgana’s magic shielded her brother, while the magic on the ring forced him to answer:

“It was a concoction we took, along with the drums’ rhythm … I didn’t understand how it worked … we didn’t feel anything and even the ghosts saw us as dead.”

“That’s despicable! They trusted you, you were their king!” Arthur blurted.

“I had to WIN! YOU HAD TO DIE!!! Argh!!!”

“That’s enough. Just ask him how they got past our wards and scouts, how they appeared right at our doorsteps.” Morgana instructed.

“How did your army reached Camelot’s outskirts?”

“It was … I won’t … a rift … we went through it … and we got here.”

The questioning session continued until brother and sister obtained the answers Odin could provide. He knew more about details on this particular attack, not others, but at least they were finally gaining inklings on their main adversary.

When Morgana ended the spell, Odin’s soul returned to the underworld and Arthur pocketed the mysterious ring that provided such crucial answers.

 

 

* * *

**Camelot’s Lower Town**

**Afternoon**

 

“You recognize them, Lord Ulric. Your shock is written all over your face.” Morgana stated to Odin’s brother.

The man’s eyes were becoming red with all the unshed tears he was holding in. He cleared his throat, probably trying to get rid of a lump that was more caused by his emotions than by a physical reaction.

“Do you know what happened here? Your–”

“Don’t think you can manipulate me, witch!! They died because of one of your magic tricks! You never fight fairly!” He interrupted her, screaming.

Arthur grabbed his sword’s hilt, getting ready to unshed it, and retorted, yelling loudly:

“ **Odin** was the one that didn’t fight fairly! He turned **your** soldiers into zombies while **his** magical allies sent a horde of ghosts against **us**!”  

“He wouldn’t –”

“He let them be turned into monsters! Your men! Can’t you understand that Odin is blinded by his vengeance?! Arthur continued.

“ **You** caused it all! If only you hadn’t killed my nephew–”

“He challenged me! Not the –”

“Arthur, stop.” Morgana lifted a hand to her brother, releasing her forearm from the hem of her purple dress’ sleeve. She raised her chin and spoke to the older man:

“Lord Ulric, your brother was a pawn in this, merely providing his troops. They didn’t fought with honor, but more importantly he had no qualms to give full control of your men to his allies. His allies even thought he’d be more useful as a ghoul and turned him into one. He’s dead now.”

“No!” Ulric whispered and then he gritted his teeth, creased his nose, and yelled: “ **You** killed my brother!! **You** ’ll all pay for this, even if it’s the last thing I do on this earth!!!”

“He left us no choice!” Arthur exclaimed back and Morgana raised a hand to stop him.

“Caedmon was left with no King, without troops, ripe for the taking. It’s more than easy for us to simply take it by force and execute you, Ulric.”   

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“Many lives were lost already. Can’t you see that your allies never risked their own people on this? We’re only been turned against one another, these constant wars between us will only weaken Albion and after that it’ll be easy to subjugate and control us.” Arthur spoke and added, pointing at a soldier:

“They didn’t even use their banners, your brother and his men would only become mere pawns!”

“By reaching an agreement here, by accepting magic, Caedmon can be defended and improve. By signing a peace treaty you’ll be able to return and guide your people in this moment of loss.” Morgana spoke.  

“And what makes you think I’ll agree with this?”

“You didn’t agree with your brother’s alliance, Ulric. We know. You didn’t trust them.” Morgana stated.

“And now you’ve experienced their tactics – use their allies as cannon fodder – you must be aware, there’s no future in remaining allies with them. Caedmon lost its value to those sorts. As it is now, even Alined could venture into invading it.” The blonde king said.

“And what would you gain by reestablishing me to its throne?”

“Your knowledge on the enemy, stability and most important of it all, a land closer to be united.” Morgana answered.

 

* * *

**Camelot’s tavern**

**Night**

 

Leon and Gwaine were drinking to their hearts content, for their fallen comrades, for their victory, for their beautiful queens and prat of a king, and in Elyan, Percival and Lancelot’s instead, as they were still outside of Camelot in their designated missions.

In the middle of the buzz, Merlin entered the tavern, unnoticed by most of the drunk costumers, and walked towards the knights.

“Gwaine.” Merlin called, unsure.

The man in question was singing a tune along with the other men and didn’t hear the warlock. Leon noticed his presence and turned to speak with him:

“Merlin! What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the castle?”

“Look what we’ve got here!” A bulky and bald drunken man said and continued: “Boot-licker Merlin! The same one that wanted to kill our beloved queen and fainted at the first sight of blood!”

The man lifted Merlin by his jacket’s collarbones  

“Hey, hey! Stop.” Gwaine intervened, placing his hand on the man’s shoulder and added, gaining the attention of the whole tavern:

“Guys, this is a matter of honor for us, knights of Camelot, but even more for me!”

“You see, Merlin used to be my friend. When I first stepped on Camelot he was there to help me. I thought he had a good heart, but he wanted to murder our precious queen, which is a crime against all humanity!”

The crowd answered with many “yay”s and the owner kissed the tip of his finger and touched a portray of their magical monarch that hung on the wall.

“And for this, only by tasting my fists he can be forgiven!” Gwaine cried out, lifting his mug and spinning, almost losing balance, while people yelled “Yay” and then chanted:

“Fight, fight, fight, fight!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spell translation:
> 
> Áríse! Andwyrde mín ciégan! – Arise! Answer my call!
> 
> Lord who? Who was him anyway? Did any of you remember he existed? I looked for his name in like 4 chapters to find, well, it’s been almost a year I wrote that chapter!!!! As for the other characters that you don’t remember who they are, see chapter 18 for answers.
> 
> Next chapter there’ll finally be a Mergana moment, more like THE morgana moment, and if everything works out I’ll try to post by the end of this month.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, the 2008 TV series, belongs to BBC.
> 
> Thanks for all the favorites, follows and reviewers. And just as a quick reminder, reviews are always appreciated, = D
> 
> Only to clarify things, when there’s someone saying something in italic with Merlin, it means it isn’t a person.
> 
> Also, there’s a reincarnation conversation with Sybarys and again I’ll warn you: this is just a fiction, it doesn’t aim to have any sort of religious doctrine or whatsoever, this work is fictional. It’s not my intention to offend anyone’s personal beliefs, so don’t take this seriously.

 

**Camelot’s Tavern (The Rising Sun)**

**Night**

 

“Say your prayers, Merlin.” Gwaine told him, attempting to assume a fighting instance, and staggering, while the chorus of “fight, fight, fight” filled the taverns walls. When he finally managed to stay slightly still on his two feet, he continued speaking:

“Today I’ll smack some senses into that thick skull of yours, even if I have to beat you to a pulp!”

“Gwaine, I don’t think you’re able to hit even the wall and it’s fixed to the ground. Just talk to him and solve this like an adult.” Leon advised.

“No! He must taste my fists of justice!” And the roughish knight aimed a punch on Merlin, who only stepped back to dodge it, and Gwaine lost balance due to his own stage of drunkness, being prompted by his feet’s impulse to take more steps while rotating his torso in the direction of the missed punch, ending up hitting his face against a table and falling to the ground. The crowd uttered a collective “ahhh” in disappointment.

“Gwaine!! Are you alright?!” The warlock promptly stood by his friend’s side, trying to help him get up.

“Noooo! I have to teach you a lesson! Stay still!” He answered, pulling his arm out of Merlin’s grasp.

“Stop being childish! You aren’t even able to give a straight punch right away!” Leon scolded him and added: “You have to talk, not behave like a five year-old!”

“Understood, mama bear!” Gwaine snorted and sniggered, finding this new nickname for Leon completely hilarious, probably because of his alcoholic shaped perceptions.

“Why did you want to kill Morgana? I mean, I have never met someone as impressive as her, like … EVER.”

“I … it wasn’t as if I necessarily wanted to kill her.” Gwaine glared at him and Merlin ended up saying: “I was misguided into believe she would cause great harm to everything that I’ve known and love.”

“What? This is ridiculous! She lifted magic’s ban and **you** have magic! She treats the people more fairly than any other ruler this land has seen! I’ve never saw a monarch so worthy of being followed as her and yet you call her a threat?”

“Like I said, I was misguided into believe she would endanger everything I fought so hard for. And she actually has shown me some of her dark side before.” He whispered the last part only for Gwaine to hear.

“I can’t believe it!”

“Gwaine, this is not the place to discuss this. I’ll answer all your questions, but please, let us go somewhere away from prying eyes.” By then, Leon was on Gwaine’s other side, helping his fellow knight back to his feet.

“Fine.” Gwaine sputtered, letting his friends carry him back to the barracks.

Once they got there, Merlin explained his side of the story, to which Gwaine begrudgingly agree that he had a valid point, then took more ale and forgave with a wide smile plastered on his face – because apparently Gwaine’s drunkenness caused him to have mood swings.     

 

* * *

**Queen’s study**

**Morning of the following day**

 

“Beltane is getting closer, Morgana. You are the Queen, you must perform the ritual with Emrys and restore Dagobeth’s former glory.” Morgause told her, both of them speaking to their respective crystals.

“This is nonsense! You have no proof that this will truly work! Only two persons can’t possibly restore the fruitfulness of a sterile land!”

“The ritual will be only a part of it. We’ll reunite a great number of those that have magic to amplify it.”

“Oh, great! You want to assemble a whole audience to watch us! What more could I ever wish for?!” Morgana retorted with sarcasm.

“It’s your duty and his to represent God and Goddess in Beltane’s ritual.” Morgause spoke in a calm tone, choosing to ignore her sister’s previous remark.

“I **never** sign up for this, in fact when it comes to him I’m always getting dragged to senseless bullshit.” Morgana ranted.

“Think of the good it’ll bring to the land. You’ll be able to receive more refugees and give them fields to plant. The Druids will replant forests there, life will return to the soil and with it magic will be allowed to roam free once again in that land. You’ll be the ruler of four kingdoms at the same time, getting closer to be the ruler of a unified Alb –”

“Do you have any idea of what you ask of me?” Morgana interrupted her sister, frowning. Her voice wasn’t angry this time, only hurt.  

“Morgana, I know that there’s a lot of bad blood between you two and that I share some of the blame for it –”

“Some?”

“Ok, a fair amount of the blame, and I’m truly sorry for that. Happy now?”

“No, not even close.”

Disregarding her commentary, Morgause continued speaking:

“But you can’t let your past paralyze you and turn you away from your destiny.”

“Destiny isn’t set in stone. You’re lucky I don’t blindly follow it or else you’d be with a pretty big scar in your face and feeling a crippling pain caused by one of Emrys’ spells by this time of the year.”

“Don’t think that it wasn’t Destiny that changed the course of your life. The future has many paths and for those possibilities to exist there was already a pre-ordained plans. Don’t forget the part I played on it.”

“I could never forget, **dear** sister. Helping me turn into the very monster I feared the most due to my bright and cheerful upbringing.”

“I admit my mistake, sister. And I take no pride in it. All that I can say is that I’m sorry and that I hope that one day we can mend our relationship, that we can be as close as we used to.”

“I can’t forget nor forgive easily. It takes more than a few apologies to fix what was broken, if there’s a way to repair it at all.”

“I’m trying, Morgana. At least you can recognize that.”

Before the seer queen could answer her sister, she heard someone knocking on the study’s door. Glancing at another crystal, she saw that it was Gwen and Arthur, so she muttered an “enter” and dismissed Morgause as the couple entered the room.

“Oh, you were talking to Morgause. We can come at another time, Morgana, don’t mind us.” Gwen said, apologetic.

“Our conversation was already done, Gwen, and I requested you here, thanks for coming so quickly.”

“Morgana.” Her brother acknowledge her, to which she replied:

“Arthur.”

“Already missing my brotherly love? Do you intent to spend all the following days by my side to feel safe, my lady?” He gave her an impish grin.

Morgana rolled her eyes and retorted:

“Only in your dreams. Even before I discovered my magic, I was never the one truly at danger when matters came to worst.” She tilted her head and chuckled.

“That’s not what I remember” He narrowed his eyes.

“Arthur, you have a selective memory, otherwise you wouldn’t have believed in half of Merlin’s explanation on how you saved the day while you were knocked out.”

Gwen giggled and Arthur turned to her, saying:

“Even you, Guinevere!” He laughed too, content that he had effectively teased his sister for the day, and bent down to kiss his wife’s cheek.

“Speaking of the devil, I need a favor. I want you to send Merlin on a quest.” Morgana interrupted.

 “Merlin? Why him? Isn’t there someone more suitable for the job like, I don’t know, your astonishing brother?.” Arthur answered, puzzled by her request.

“Do I have another brother that I don’t know of?.”

“No, you’re just too shortsighted to notice your amazing, brave–”

“Stop, stop, stop.” She extended her palms to him and added: “If I let you, you won’t shut up until next morning. It’s related to magic and only Merlin or I can do it.”

“Already assigning the crappy jobs to him, huh, Morgana? Are you retaliating for yesterday’s cuddling session?”

“There was never a cuddling session.” She said in an indifferent tone of voice.

“It wasn’t what it seemed.” This time Gwen teased.

“Even you, Gwen!” Morgana gasped over-theatrically and all of them laughed.

“No, but seriously, I need Merlin to take the Crystal of Neahtid to the Crystal Cave.”

“And why don’t you just summon him here and ask him directly?” Her friend and sister-in-law asked with her hands on her hips.

“I don’t need to, I have my brother and best friend to do it for me.”

“Are you avoiding Merlin?” Arthur inquired, bemused.

“That’s exactly what she’s trying to do.” Gwen answered for Morgana, crossing her arms above her swollen belly.

“What? You say it as if I’m doing something bad.”

“It doesn’t suit you Morgana. You never run away from things, I mean, you never run away from Father’s reproaches, nor from a fight. Why would you run from Merlin of all people? Wait, do you still have feeli–”

“This is my concern, Arthur, not yours.” She replied with an icy tone that would send shivers to him when they were children – and until his late teen years, not that he’d ever admit it.

“You should be more honest with yourself, Morgana. Arthur is right. It doesn’t suit you and not facing your problems won’t solve a thing.” Gwen said, half pleading.

“I have an enormous amount of problems at my hands right now, much more important ones. If you can’t even help me with the simplest of requests, fine, I’ll just ask another to do it in your stead.”

“You’re deliberately deviating this conversation, Morgana.” Her friend objected.

She inhaled, visibly irritated, and was about to say something when she changed her mind and spoke instead:

“Look, right now I don’t think I can deal with Merlin in a satisfactory manner, I mean, without causing a great amount of pain. I haven’t forgiven him. I don’t even know if I can. I’m still … bitter … about everything. I have no intentions of spending the rest of my life evading him, but right now I can’t, I simply am not capable of doing rational other than emotional choices regarding him when he’s right in front of me.”

That seemed to convince the couple and Arthur spoke:

“Ok, I’ll tell him.”

“Please do take the Crystal with you.”

 

* * *

  

**Queen’s study**

**Late Morning**     

      

Her green ornated dress fluttered with the wind and her motions as Morgana opened the door to Gwaine.     

“My queen.” He bowed, grinning widely at her.

“Have you been fighting?” She asked, noticing his bruised cheek.

“Oh! This?” He inquired, pointing his index finger to his injured face and added: “Nah, it was just a lovely night of drinking.” He smiled again, and continued saying: “But I’m touched by your concern.” And blinked at her.

Morgana rolled her eyes, moving her hand as she used her magic to close the door (but not lock it) and cast a spell to make the content of their conversation inaudible to anyone that was outside of the study.

“Gwaine, I need you to infiltrate in our enemy’s rank. I’ve hear they have some sort of cult made of magic haters.”

“Won’t they know who I am? I mean, I followed you to battle and stood by your side a lot of times – less than what I liked to be, not that I’m complaining.” He smiled wickedly at her, blinking again.

Morgana sighed and said:

“We’re staging a fight. At any moment now Sefa will be bringing me tea. When she enters you’ll just have to try to kiss me and I’ll slap you – I’m afraid I’ll really have to do it, so I’ll hit your other cheek – and say horrible things to you that I don’t mean. After that you’ll resign as one of Camelot’s knights and the story will effectively be spread by Sefa’s gossip net.”

“Do I get to actually kiss you?” Gwaine asked with hopeful eyes and excitement.

“Is that all that you want to ask? Aren’t there more important things, I don’t know, where to begin looking for that cult for starters?”   

“There’s nothing more important to me than this opportunity to kiss you.” He said with resolution instead of his playful tone.

“Gwaine, cut it out. You won’t kiss me and you should stop with your strange idea of courtship. It’s really annoying sometimes.”

“I’m serious. I want to be more than only your knight.” He continued speaking with determination.

“Gwaine, this isn’t the time to discuss this. Sefa will come here at any moment, can I count with you?”

“Always, my Queen.” He answered locking his eyes on hers and added: “I’ll wait for your answer for as long as you require to make up your mind.”

She frowned, only know taking him seriously, but before she could tell him anything else, they heard someone knocking on the door and she told the person to enter.

Seeing his cue, Gwaine quickly bent down to seal their lips, which surprised Morgana and caught her off guard as she watched who went through the door.

Their lips touched and Gwaine held her face with both hands to make the kiss last longer.

Morgana pushed him away and slapped him (in the non-bruised cheek), hard. Lately she had been hitting males in the face with a certain currency. She could tell, from the corner of her eyes, that it wasn’t Sefa and that was one of the main reasons to lash on Gwaine like that.  

In fact, she could recognize his silhouette for years of unwilling practice. It was Merlin who entered the room, and she had half a mind to scold Arthur later for distracting her before, “forgetting” to take the Crystal of Neahtid and give it to Merlin, but she felt a pressure building on her stomach – much alike a fight or flee sensation – when looking at his shocked expression, while a self-defensive irritation kicked in, much similar to a spoilt child’s annoyance when caught doing something that she shouldn’t be doing. Exactly why she was feeling like that she didn’t know how to explain to herself, it wasn’t as if she meant anything to him.

“What are you doing here? Leave!” Morgana snarled at Merlin.

For a moment she thought he would do as he was told, judging by the broken face he was making, but then he puffed out his chest and said:

“I came to take the Crystal of Neahtid.” And he swallowed, frowning.

At that moment Sefa finally appeared, while Morgana only pointed at the artifact and Merlin collected it with his head low, leaving the room as fast as he could.

By seeing his fleeing figure, Morgana felt the sudden impulse to follow him and explain the situation, but it was quite stupid. It wasn’t as if they had anything going on, well, he certainly didn’t love her, why she had to explain herself? So, instead, she turned her attention to Gwaine once again, making sure that Sefa was listening the whole argument, she yelled:

“Why did you kiss me?! Are you insane?!”

And after that she lashed her anger on the poor knight, he resigned and she banished him from Camelot.       

 

* * *

 

**­Crystal Cave**

**Following day**

**Morning**

The trip had been uneventful, a welcomed change for Merlin as this last month of his life had practically turned his world upside down. When he saw Gwaine kissing Morgana it was as if his blood had left great part of his body, and it was hard to breath. He felt this … hurt … that he couldn’t quite explain, he didn’t dare to think about it and what it meant. It was … painful … especially knowing, after her latest reactions, how she loathed him. It all only made him certain that destiny and such truly wasn’t something self-fulfilling as their shared destiny was the farthest of coming true. They couldn’t even stand in the same room for much time, much more have many pairs of magical babies! Maybe they weren’t the ones in that prophecy, perhaps could be others.

It wasn’t helping, not at all, but that moment kept replaying in his mind, as if to torture him further.

In truth, he only noticed he had reached his destination when he inadvertently kicked one of its rocks, causing him to shout and jump around holding his injured feet.

“Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” He yelled, using that moment to express his pain and frustration.

When the throbbing pain became bearable, he inhaled and entered the cave, straightening his blue neckerchief and red shirt.

“Taliesin!” The young warlock called, waiting for old man to magically appear, as he had done the in their last encounter.

“Emrys.”        

“I came here to ask you something. Can you fix the Crystal of Neahtid? It has been fogged somehow, we can’t see a thing when we look at it.”

“The problem isn’t with the stone itself. Too many different destinies can happen now, when only one was truly settled before. The whole cave has been receiving a great surge of energy, that’s what must have been affecting the crystal.”

“How can it be fixed?”

“Perhaps … perhaps taking a different crystal everyday can be a temporarily solution, for a recently taken one will share most of the cave’s original energy. But I’m afraid that to have a more stable crystal, it’s necessary a more stable future.”

“What do you mean?”

“That there’s much uncertainty of what is to come.”

 

* * *

 

**In the woods**

 

“ **O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes! Sybarys!** ”

Merlin calls her name to make sure he wouldn’t summon someone else and waits. After half an hour, Sybarys descends into the clearing he was in, ruffling the trees’ leaves with the wing caused by her wings flapping.

“Merlin.” She greets and he smiles, seeing she had already healed most of her battle wounds.

“Sybarys, I need your help. I must reach Camelot really fast!”

“As you wish, Emrys.”

“What? You won’t lecture me that I shouldn’t be abusing my powers as dragonlord?”

“You asked for me to take you, not demanded. And giving you a ride doesn’t diminishes me as a being, nor makes me indignant, only my own mind can do it. Also, it’s an elder’s duty to assist a hatchling in any possible way.”

“But Kilgarrah would always complain.”

“He made his choices, Merlin, to see himself as above everyone else. What could truly shame me was to indulge in such selfishness that I’d threaten the happiness of my own kin.”

“Hmmm, was it a common thing? Before, when you said dragons ruled the land alongside gods and other beings?”

“The ones misguided, choosing to exert their power over others than to exert their powers in balance with others, would frequently think that they were entitled to extirpate others’ freewill and enslave whoever they could. As they were many, yes, it was a common thing.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Sixty thousand years ago, when mankind had suffered a great loss and were forgot their true power.”

“Wow, were you alive back then?”

“You mean in this shell?”

“Is there a difference?”

“Well, of course, Merlin. Life isn’t only our physical existence, we’re much more than this. Your soul is alive and it changes its skin every time you’re reborn into this world. You were also here sixty thousand years ago, I’ve met you then.”

“What?!” He laughed nervously.

“Your choices back then led you to this moment, Emrys. You chose your destiny and the temptations along this way.”

“No, I didn’t choose this fate. I hated it ever since I first set foot on Camelot. And Kilgarrah always told me that no one chooses their fates, no one can escape it, nor change it.”

“And yet your destiny changed over and over again based on your choices and the choices of others.”

Before Merlin could answer her, he heard someone calling:

“ _Emrys_.”

He turned his head and saw Morgana, with the same green gown she used the day he poisoned her. However, there she was different from how he remembered her that day. Her eyes were red, swollen, and there was a dark reddened stain on the fabric of her dress, between the start of her thighs.

He gapped, a lonely tear left his right eye as she came closer.

“What is happening, Merlin?” Sybarys asked, concerned with his interactions to seemly nothing.

“Morgana.” He whispered, causing the Great Dragon to become confused, so she adjusted her sight and noticed the malicious energy connected to Merlin’s mind and heart.

“It isn’t real, young dragonlord. This is the product of a spell.”

“ _I want to talk to you. Alone._ ”   

It was strange, he couldn’t think clearly, he just wanted to do as he was told by her, so he roared a command, not even giving any thought that he was abusing his dragonlord’s power:

“LEAVE!!!!”

Being compelled to obey, Sybarys fought her hardest to remain by his side, calling his name, but was beaten up by the bonds that forced her to submit, setting flight shortly after.

“ _I came here to offer you a chance of redemption, Emrys. Only by doing this you can make amends for this._ ” She touched the bloodstain on her dress and added “ _For spilling the blood of our children._ ”    

 

* * *

 

**At Camelot**

**Dusk**

 

Sybarys had landed a few minutes ago, telling Morgana, Arthur, Ruadan, Leon, Percival and Elyan about Merlin’s enchantment.

“He isn’t listening, he gave me a command to not interfere. I can’t stop him!” The purple dragon elaborated.

“Then I’ll go.” Arthur said and added: “If there’s someone that can stop that idiot, it’s me.”

“No, it’s too dangerous. We don’t know how this illusion has affected Merlin. He might use his magic against you. Also, he never listens to you anyway.” Morgana countered.

“But we have to do something!” Arthur retorted.

 “This has magical origins. It’s highly probable that only you trying to convince him with words won’t do. The spell must be broken.” Sybarys spoke.

“Hmmm … are you suggesting …” The seer raised her eyebrows, inquiring the great creature, but not exactly finishing her own thought.

“That you must go after him. Your bond is strong enough to sever the spell’s influence.”

“ _It’s either stop the chanters or break it by an act of true love_ ” Sybarys spoke into Morgana’s mind after talking to all of them.     

“Do you think it’s wise, Morgana? By what Sybarys told us, **you** were **the** illusion in his mind.” Her brother asked.

“Which grants me even more reliability in the matter. I’ll be directly confronting his minds’ lies.” She answered, pondering Sybarys’ words. She knew the ways to break the enchantment and to one of them she wasn’t particularly fond of.

“But this spell is also one that the casters must keep chanting, so finding who has cast it is crucial to end it.” The seer added and then commanded:

“Ruadan, go with Arthur and the others to the Order. The casters can’t be far. Search the crystals for them and once you’ve determined their locations, take a group with you and stop them.”

“Wait, you’re thinking of going alone to find Merlin?” The King inquired.

“Yes, Arthur. A joint effort with two different approaches has way more chance to succeed than if we all chase like madmen after him, don’t you think?”

“You’ve got a point, but I’m worried about you. The two of you haven’t been on the best terms lately.”

“Don’t worry, Arthur. I won’t hurt your precious manservant – much.” She replied, smirking and added:

“We don’t have much time. I’ll go and you all must find the sorcerers.”

Then Morgana’s eyes glowed golden and she disappeared shortly after.

 

* * *

 

**At the woods**

**Evening**

“Merlin!” Morgana called after him, noticing he was stumbling onwards, his back turned to her.

He tilted his head when she called and raised his hand while his eyes glowed with a golden hue. Suddenly, a tree branch caught her by the ankles, entangling in between her leg and pulling Morgana upwards. She hit her head against the tree’s trunk during the abrupt movement, being knocked out.

In the meantime, Merlin sprinted towards his final destination.    

...

She didn’t know how much time had gone by since she lost consciousness, but one thing she knew for sure, she was pissed for being caught in such a silly trick. Morgana roared in frustration, using her magic to get back on the ground, and started running, following Merlin’s tracks.

 

* * *

**In front of a cliff**

 

“I don’t know about this, Morgana. What about our destiny? What about uniting Albion?”

The woman cupped his cheeks, caressing his face with her thumbs, and answered:

“ _If you don’t do this, with me, I’ll never forgive you. No one is irreplaceable, Emrys. Albion will come to pass either we’re here or not._ ”

“Morgana …”

She touched their foreheads and spoke:

“ _This is the only way. We can only be a whole family … complete … if we go after them, Merlin. That’s the only way I can forgive you_.”

He crumbled to his knees, holding her hips and nestling his head against her stomach, and murmured:

“I know. I know.”

She stroked his hair, gently, and he sobbed softly and said:

“I’m so sorry.”

“ _Shhhh, it’s ok. You’re going to fix it, then everything will be alright. It won’t hurt anymore, I promise you._ ”

“Merlin!!!!” Morgana yelled, out of breath as she rushed to where he was, facing him on his knees, clutching the air.

“ _They are here again, to stop us!_ ” The woman in his arms spoke.

 “I won’t let them.” He muttered, raising his hand to throw the intruder away.

This time, the seer effectively shielded herself with her magic, even though if was quite hard to do it, and cried out:

“Merlin! Stop! This is an illusion that you’re seeing! It’s not real!”

“ _This one is lying, Emrys. They just want to distract us, to enslave us to their foretold destinies._ ”

“You’re lying!” He yelled to the figure that deflected his magic.

“No, I’m not! Listen to me, you have to come back. Arthur and everybody else is worried sick about you.”

“ _Maybe because they’ll lose their favorite slave. Don’t do this again, Emrys. You promised that you would never again put me in last place in your life. You promised._ ”. The woman pleaded to him and he lifted his head to look deep into her entrancing green eyes.

“I’ll keep my promise, I swear.” He said and tilted his head to the trespasser, speaking:

“Leave, I won’t go back. I’ll do what is right and damn the consequences.”

“Are you using my words against me, Merlin?”

“No, those are Morgana’s words and you can’t be her. She’s by my side right now.”

“What? There’s no one physically by your side! I am Morgana!”

She stepped closer to him, trying to get more illuminated by the pale moonlight that wasn’t completely engulfed by the trees’ shadows. From where he stood she had a clear view of him and she guessed that the opposite wasn’t true, so she created an orb of light next to her, to make him see her.

“ _That person isn’t me. Whoever this is it’s just an impostor trying to deceive you, Emrys. Don’t listen to her, she wants to distract you!_ ”

He rose from his kneeling position with a sad smile plastered on his face. His rational mind was frantically cracking the scenery constructed by the spell’s illusion, pointing the contradictions like the fact that it was impossible for the blood in the woman’s dress be of their children, or that one day she’d ever agree to waste her life on the likes of him. Yet, it was as if his heart demanded him to go on with it, this was the only possible solution to be exactly where he wanted to be. He gazed into the nearest woman’s eyes before turning to the second Morgana and saying:

“It doesn’t matter, not at all.”

“What do you mea –”

“By doing this I choose my own destiny, I’ll be reunited with those that I love and have lost. By doing this I’m truly free and that’s what I wish.”

“Don’t be absurd! That’s what you’re going to do? Jump off this cliff and kill yourself won’t make everything disappear –”

“No, but it’ll make me and my pain go away.” He said with resolution.

“This is not what you truly believe in! You’re under a spell, Merlin! Those aren’t your words, those aren’t your wishes!”

“ _She is trying to distract you!_ ”

“I know, I know.” He spoke to both in a resigned tone and added: “Right now I can’t fight it, this desire … it seems so right … it feels so right … this is the only way I can atone for my sins and find peace.” He said in a broken voice, unshed tears filling his eyes, and finished: “There’s no other way.”

“I won’t let you stop me. I’ve already shielded myself, so you can’t force me with your magic.” The warlock said in a calm tone and moved his feet, getting closer to the edge.

“Wait!” Morgana extended her hand to him, pleading. Her mind was running wild, he knew it was a spell and didn’t even try to fight against it. She was getting desperate, it was clear that the others hadn’t found and stopped the casters yet, so there was only one thing to do, it didn’t matter that she had swallow her pride to do it, because he was more important than that.

He watched her expectantly, stray tears leaving his eyes as he did what he was told. She took a deep breath, also assembling the courage to tell him and damn it all, and spoke, vulnerability clear in her tone:

“Don’t go somewhere I cannot follow.” She breathed deeply again, adding: “Don’t abandon me here with a hollow space instead of a heart.”

She intently took a step closer to him and seeing that he didn’t fuss about it, she continued speaking, trying to get closer:

“When you came to my room and asked me to have a family with you … and then I asked what you felt about me … I got mad because I wanted more than to fulfill a great prophecy with you … even after everything that we went through … I wanted … I want you to love me for who I am … not to be forced into it or as a duty … or even truly try and not be able to …”

She got closer still, without an abrupt reaction from him, so she continued:

“Because it would kill me slowly … having you by my side, but not having you wholly … not having your heart … while to me … I feel … I feel … that there’s this … ache … that is only soothed when you’re around … and it isn’t even that you need to do something … you just have to be there to be enough … but when this first need is sated … and then another takes its place … I want to be able to touch you … feel the heat of your skin under my fingertips … and be allowed to show my affections … hoping that you … hoping that you would grace me with one of your brilliant smiles … one that makes me forget that there was ever any wrongness in the world … and I have this want to know, without any words said, that you feel the same way that I do.”

Approaching him even more, Morgana continued to speak, getting closer to have him at arm’s reach. What she was saying was affecting them both, she could hear his small sobs as her owns tears cascaded down her eyes, and she kept going:     

“This emotion is like a maelstrom  … I’m dragged to it … and I’m helpless … there’s no other thing for me to do but to love you with every fiber of my being … with my entire soul … because I’ve tried, I’ve tried so hard to let this feeling go … to bury it deep into the ground … but it seems that every time I think I have gained enough distance … seeing you … what you do that it’s slightly gentle or good to me in any sort of way… it drags me back to it … and I … I can’t help but to be utterly in love with you.”                 

“ _There’s no room in my heart for this kind of love. You have to make things right first, you have to do justice, and only then I can begin to love again_.” The woman beside him said, the spell trying to keep hold of him, but at some point – that he couldn’t precisely tell what – he had been freed from its influence. Even though he experienced an incommensurable amount of sadness just a few moments ago, he was feeling giddy with a sudden and unexpected glee for listening to her, he felt his chest getting warmer by each passing second in her presence. Merlin didn’t know how to answer, words deserted him, the only thing he could do was call her name:  

“Morgana … ”

And by then she had used those moments of distraction in her favor and was close enough to pull him to her and she did, holding him desperately while quickly saying the spell to teleport them to safety.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: “Tell him your true feelings or I’ll kill him!!!” *Holds Merlin and points a pen to his neck*
> 
> Morgana: “NO!!!”
> 
> Me: “DO IT!!!!!”
> 
> Morgana: “NO!!! I’ll use logic instead!!!”
> 
> Me: “It won’t work! I’m the one writing this!!!! Do as I say or he dies!!!!!”
> 
>  
> 
> Hey, folks, it only took 37 chapters and 122,559 words (I’m not counting the A/Ns in chapters in FFnet) to reach this point, yet there wasn’t even a kiss!!!! Anyway, it was an extensive monologue-confession with hints of accepting it, so I guess you’ll have to wait for the next chapter, don’t quit now!
> 
> Also, I must say that I’ve had planned on taking even more time getting there, like have Morgana rule alone for a year and such, but then got tired of it and made them come back sooner and the Mergana happen before planned too (imagine if it hadn’t). I guess that changing my updating pace did make it longer.
> 
> I’m assuming most of you readers are Mergana and Arwen shippers, when did you first start shipping your OTP? I thought they were cute together on episode 1x08, ended watching the first season and some of the initial episodes of season 2 (and I must say that episode 2x03 put the nail in the coffin), quit the series I don’t know exactly why and later on began rewatching it and the other seasons due to youtube videos and fanfiction. I knew the pairing would be tragic and I totally acted like Homer Simpson never learning that fire burns, hahahahahahaha. In truth, the drama in Mergana is really alluring. I have a soft spot for misguided/misunderstood characters and all the wasted potential and angst that comes from having that character paired with one of the main characters/heroes in the story.
> 
> Also I prefer Arwen over Gwencelot (is that it?) because in general Gwen makes Arthur be a better person (I don’t know if it was the common effort paying off or something else, but he was less pratish in later seasons). 
> 
> P.S.: as a side note, I’d indicate “The words” by Christina Perri as a theme to this chapter (for the Mergana moment, of course)


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin, the 2008 TV series, belongs to BBC.
> 
> Thanks for all the favorites, follows and reviewers. And just as a quick reminder, reviews are always appreciated, = D
> 
> Warning: There’s Mergana smut. This chapter is solely Mergana, I guess.

**Morgana’s Chambers**

**Night**

 

She had held him desperately, not to give him a chance to rebut her advances, and now she continued to cling to him, listening to his erratic heartbeat just to make sure he was actually there, with her.

Without giving it a deeper thought, she teleported them to her chambers. In the silence of the room she could hear his small sobs and feel his arms around her, his fists enclosed, taking a handful of her dress’ fabric.

Apparently it had worked, the spell had been broken and after the words she had spoken, there was no denying anymore how she felt about him – and as his reactions had hinted – and how he felt towards her.

There was only one way to find out, she lifted her head, tentatively, looking him directly in the eyes for permission. He nodded, releasing his grip on her dress, moving his hands to her hips. She tilted her head, put her right hand over his heart while her left cupped his cheek and he brushed his face against her palm, closing his eyelids, delighting himself on her touch. He opened his eyes shortly after that, his eyes darting between her pale green orbs and her lips. She mirrored his action, moving her face upwards, to trace his lips with her own while he inclined to meet her advances.

When their mouths finally touched, the kiss was hungry and desperate, as if at any moment everything could disappear and they’d only be two miserable forever hopeful lovers, always waiting and wanting for something unachievable while knowing deep down that this kind of happiness wasn’t meant for them.

But at each passing second that the other didn’t disappear; that they simply hadn’t woken up of their sleep; that the heat of another warm body so close to them remained there, just there; it seemed more and more real, well, it started to become **true** somehow. It was finally ok to simply expect the very best of it instead of drag all the heartache and misery that came out of their relationship before.

The past could never be changed, their mistakes would always be there, a reminder of bad choices made along the way, but it could stop dictating the rest of their lives, the happiness and worthiness that they were entitled to in the present and in the other years to come. It was only a matter of letting down all the armors around their hearts and choosing to trust and giving themselves freely to one another. Surely it was easier said than done, but like in a gamble, the higher the prizes so are the stakes, and right now the price felt every bit fair.  

“I’m so sorry.” He muttered, gazing into her eyes after breaking the kiss.

“I know. And now I understand just how much … not that I thought you were unaffected before, it’s just that –”

“I love you.” He interrupted her, finally saying the words after it had become quite obvious.

Her smile was small at first, probably due to her own attempt of containing it, but soon her lips spread wide. She distanced their head a little. A single tear left her right eye and she nodded, gleaming with joy. He grinned, cupping her face with his hands, leaning in to touch their foreheads, his thumbs grazing her cheeks as he closed his eyes and inhaled her flowery scent. She smelled of lavenders and wet earth (probably because he had thrown her on the forest grounds a little bit earlier).

They kissed again in a sweet, slow building rhythm, taking their time to explore the contours, form and also the sensations evoked by the other’s mouth. She placed her right hand above his heart, wanting to have even more certainty that it was real, and was not disappointed as his heart was racing much like her own (that she was quite sure that could jump out of her chest judging by its frenetic pulse).

“I love you too.” She said with eyes still closed, after they broke apart from the kiss.

He admired her features, relishing in the sight of her, only there, looking absolutely too perfect to be true. Then she opened her eyelids, showing her pale green orbs and looked into his eyes, while he felt that as they were now she could as well be looking directly into his soul.

What she found there was his bliss by being at her side, his love for her that was now as clear as daylight (bright, strong), his magic pulsating in his entire being, calling for hers to be finally be united once and for all, simply because it was where they belonged, together, fusing in a splendid dance of emotions, minds and souls. But there was also the tinge of uncertainty, the guilt and regret for the wrong choices he had made (something she understood more than anyone else), and the doubt that he was worthy of having this happiness for himself too, after everything.

In her eyes, he saw an understanding, like her gaze was telling him that she knew those doubts too and yet she was there, with him hoping for the best because that’s exactly the kind of reaction he evoked on her. More so, in her eyes he could sense a strong love that was enough to leave him breathless at the extent of the promise of it in her eyes.

“For as long as you’ll have me, I’m yours.”  He said.

“As I’m yours, though I fear that even if you no longer want me, even if our bodies and minds grow apart in an irreparable manner, I’ll remain loving you – as I have before. I know for sure that part of me will always love you, no matter what happens, and this love will probably transcend this existence for I love you with my entire soul, even if I can still hurt you.”

“We should go to sleep. You must be tired.” Morgana spoke, holding his hands and leading him towards the bed.

“Is it ok for me to sleep here? I mean, with you?”

“Don’t you want to?” She inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“No, it isn’t like that. Me, not wanting to sleep with you? Never! Wait, what I meant to say is that I want to sleep with you, if it’s everyday it’ll be like I’m dreaming, please don’t think that me using ‘never’ could by any means be interpreted as me not wanting to, you know, sleep with you, but I’m also worried –”

“About whose reputation, mine or yours?” She asked and grinned at him, teasingly.

“What? Yours of course.”

“Merlin, there’s now a known prophecy that we’ll have many children. I guess that one more night won’t make much damage to my already frail reputation. Also I’m a witch after all, there isn’t much more that can be said against me for most of Albion’s population.”

“Don’t say that, don’t use that word.”

“Why? It’s the truth. I’m a woman born with magic and I’m proud of it. Those who have used the word ‘witch’ as an injury did it to undermine our worthy as people and as beings of magic. By accepting it and assuming it to designate women like me I’m turning the tables, because no matter what they might say, I feel it represents me and my kind, instead of being a stigma, something to be ashamed of.”

“Do you really feel like that?” He inquired in wonder that she was able to use something with such stigmatization in such ease.

“Restoring the word’s original significance – to designate women born with magic – is the greatest blow I can give to those who defiled it, because it means that they haven’t won the war, they haven’t managed to make us ashamed of who we are of what we are.”

“I never thought about this in that way. I just thought it was a bad word.”

“While warlock, the male version of the word, wasn’t?”

“Well, it didn’t carry that semantic burden.”

“Probably because it isn’t a word used to designate women, so no one thought it was something corrupt, bad to the bone, wicked.”

“Hey, hey, hey easy now. We can discuss things like that later.” He grinned at her and added: “Well, we’ll have plenty at time for that, but right now I’m more interested in the part I get to sleep with you.”

She smirked and kissed him again, sweetly, and said:

“Right after we take the dirt off.” And she waved her hand, using her magic to clean them both.

He laughed, feeling gleeful for her free use of magic (that was not aimed at shoving him off) and it dawned on Merlin that this would be an ordinary event on his daily life – using his magic in front of others, seeing others use magic too, it would just take a little bit of time for him to get used to it.

He sat at the edge of the bed and took his boots off while she magically changed her dress for a nightgown, looking distantly for a moment (which he guesses was because she was using mind speech to tell the others she was with him). She frowned, looking disturbed and he asked:

“What’s the matter?”

“Arthur and the others found the casters and captured them.”

“That is good, isn’t it?”

“They are children. Their eyes have been ripped and their mouths stitched.”

“No …” He whispered.

“I … I have to do something.” She murmured.

“Morgana, please don’t go. I’m sure the others can handle this for a night. Our problems will continue to exits tomorrow and we deal with them, together. I need you here, by my side tonight, even if it’s selfish of me. Please, stay.” He pleaded, his eyes wetting and she realized that even with his brave façade he was in a frail state, having been emotionally battered enormously by recently discovered the truth and also for having to withstand the weight of so many losses – that he obviously blamed himself for, for every time being the most powerful sorcerer in the world meant as little as nothing, like in every single time he couldn’t save those he loved, for the times he had to do things he didn’t want to for his so called destiny. Ever since he came to Camelot he had been placing his own desires and happiness to the bottom of his priorities list and it hurt him in more ways that he’d ever admit.

“For you I’ll stay. We should get some sleep.”

He nodded, took his tunic off while she laid on the opposite side of the bed, pushing down the covers.   

He laid in his side, staring at her, unsure of what to do next. She patted a little bit above her breasts, signaling him to rest his head on her bosom.

The warlock took the hint and nestled his head in her soft breasts gently, holding her, relinquishing on her and all the sensations evoked by her.

She stroked his hair and he sighed in contentment. These small moments of intimacy were new to him and as much as he desired her in a more physical way (well, ever since he saw her), after the events of the day he was sort of relieved that she only meant sleep when she invited him to her bed. He had experienced such an excruciating and consuming guilt that he was prepared to take his own life mostly to get rid of it once and for all. Well, he was not a stranger to a guilty conscience, yet he had always find the strength to move on, to believe in something bigger (and in a way his destiny had always gave him an unshaken faith that has allowed him to overcome any obstacle). But right here and now, in her arms, it was as if everything could be just fine, great destinies apart, for in this moment he was just exactly where he belonged, numb to the rest of the world as he was enveloped in her warmth, falling sleep was easy as it hasn’t been in a long time for him.

 

* * *

 

In that night he dreamed about another night and the first time she told him she loved him. He woke up flushed, his hard member pressing against her tight. He shot up a glance at her and noticed she was already awake, watching him and grinning.

“I see you’re quite alert this morning, Merlin.”

“Wha–” He looked down at his hard on and tried to explain: “I had a dream, you were in it and we … we made love.”

“I know.” She replied, smiling deviously.

“You know?” He inquired, confused

“I had the same dream. Only that it wasn’t a dream, it was a memory.” She stated.

“What? Memory? Of the night you and I –?” He asked, pointing at him and her, when she finished his sentence:

“Made love? Yes.”   

 “Oh … oh! ”

She giggled at his reaction and he laughed too, cupping her face and kissing her lips. The kiss suddenly grew hotter as their tongues interlaced in a breathtaking dance for dominance. Merlin dragged his body upwards, to have better leverage to kiss her, while Morgana lifted her hips to meet his. They moaned into the others mouth and broke the kiss.

“I’ve been too dumb for not noticing before. All I can do now is try to fix my mistake. I’ve been loving you this whole time, Morgana. I didn’t understand it before, but it has been love, it is love, stronger than any feelings I might have had for anyone else. You were always on my mind, even when I thought of you as my enemy and I pushed it away, disregarding it as mere lust. Deep down I knew that my options were you or loneliness, for in my chest there has been a hollow that only you could ever fill.”

She smiled at him and nodded, her eyes glistening with tears. Her eyes glowed golden and her nightgown magically disappeared as she said:

“So let’s make up for the wasted time.” Her lips met his and she rolled them over, straddling him as their mouths parted.  

“As my queen desires.” He replied, pulling down his trousers, freeing his glistening cock and running his hands on her tights.

“Oh, I do desire.” She bent down to trace his lips with her mouth and he returned her kiss fiercely, entwining his fingers on the back of her hair. Merlin’s other hand descended and he touched her inner lips, being thrilled that she was already so wet there, ready for him.

Morgana held his member at her entrance and he moaned into her mouth.

Suddenly she lifted her head, using his chest as leverage as her hand pressed him flat on the bed, straddling again. She spoke, eyes locked on his:

“Today I’ll ride you so hard that you’ll never be able to forget that you love me.”

“Morgana!” He groaned her name as she sunk down on his length, grabbed her ass and gaped as she enveloped his cock entirely.

She gasped and gave him a smug smile, self-satisfied with his reaction.

She tentatively move her hips in a circular motion, her hands pressed against his chest while she was trying to adjust to the intrusion and find the best angle to ride him merciless. Merlin noticed her eyes glow gold again, but he didn’t care much about what kind of magic she performed, too focused on the moment to think straight.

Morgana continued to move slowly and he had half a mind to jerk his hips onwards, meeting her halfway, but he didn’t, instead hold into her promise.

Then she grins mischievously and lifted her hips only to descend back, hard, their flesh making a sound where it met.

She continued, up and down, to the front and back, her breasts bouncing and her hair wild with her exertion, flying everywhere. Merlin, for the most time gapped and moaned at the sensations and her sight, eventually squeezing one of her breasts, toying with her nipple, while his other hand searched for her nub. He found it and was overjoyed with her moans in response to his ministrations. At that moment he wanted to kiss her, badly, but when he tried to raise his torso she stopped him with her hands.

“I … haven’t … finished … my … ride …” She said, every word punctuated with a sinking of her hips.

“I want to taste … your lips … ahhh … Morgana”.

“Later.” She retorted and fastened her rhythm. He moved his hips with hers, still flicking her nub – which grew harder as she rode him with abandon.

The pressure on the pit of his stomach was rising and he was sure he wouldn’t last much longer. He chanted her name like a prayer, his eyes fixated on her, eventually finding hers between the black curtains of her hair.

Morgana screamed his name in a high-pitched voice and Merlin saw stars as his own orgasm reached him with its full strength. Her inner walls clenched around his cock, milking his semen.

He pumped into her as his penis sprayed his seed in her sex, riding the last waves of his orgasm as she stood still, eyes closed, collapsing on top of him, breathlessly.

Merlin stroke her cheek and she looked at him. Only them he took her lips with his own, using his tongue to chase after hers in a hot, searing kiss, squeezing one of her buttocks while his other arm closed around her head, keeping her close to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, not only of eye-sex does their eye speech consists, hahahahahahahahahahaha. But surely it did grow to an entire other level – maybe it’s magic, ; )
> 
> Sorry guys for only uploading 2 days later and for the shorter chapter, life got in the way and also some distractions too.


	39. Author's Note - This story is on Hiatus

**I hate this, but I guess it’s better to be honest here. This isn’t a new chapter, more of an explanation.  I didn’t have the time to write an update till December 26 th, I was travelling a lot at the end of the year and later on at the beginning of this one. Now I’m  kind of suffering a chronic case of writer’s block, so I’ll be putting this story on hiatus until my muse returns. ** **I’m sorry to you all that follow this story and waited two months for a new chapter that never came.**


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